A couple in bed making love

Sex after thirty!

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next, you’re over thirty and your favourite sex position is sleep. How much better or worse does sex get after thirty?

Before we break out the old people jokes it may interest you to know that a research letter in JAMA Internal Medicine reports that older women who place greater importance on sex are more likely to stay sexually active as they age. In other words, if it’s important to you, you’ll keep on doing it.

In as much as age may influence the quality and quantity of sexual activity one has; it doesn’t define it because sex morphs over time to accommodate you at any age.

So, what are some of the ways sex in your 20s differs from sex in your 30s? A few thirty-somethings share their experiences thus far.

Everything Counts

When I was younger, I was not only always good to go but I was chomping at the bit. Foreplay was never a necessity in most situations, and it didn’t really matter how the sex happened, just as long as it did.

Now there are layers to getting me aroused. It starts from that initial connection with my sexual partner – a good morning text, a call to see how my day is going – all of that. All of the in-between and way before foreplay even begins, counts towards how pleasurable the experience will turn out.

I can confidently say I didn’t understand what seduction meant before my cumulative experience showed me how much all those little things add up.

Rose-June 31


The freedom is exhilarating! Over the years I’ve learned what my body can give, how it moves, and what it needs. In every sexual encounter, I feel comfortable in my skin and I own every inch of my sexuality which just makes the sex a million times better.

This wasn’t always the case because as a woman with a strict traditional and religious background, I grew up quite sexually suppressed. But the beauty of time is that it rids you of all the learned shame and barriers that keep you from achieving your sexual liberation. I must admit I’ve also been lucky enough to have partners that helped me learn to let my freak flag fly free.

Kanini 33

More is More

I don’t know if I can attribute it to age, but the wife has taken to lovingly referring to me as ‘Red Bull Bae’. You see, the older I got, the more I realized the importance of staying in shape and keeping my weight in check. Since I started living a more active lifestyle, my endurance is the best it’s ever been. Plus, I can manage more quickies within shorter periods without feeling depleted. I just keep going and going and…

Muchina 36

My libido is through the roof… It honestly takes me by surprise how much more I want sex now. They say sex drive and sexual satisfaction in women increases with age and I would have to strongly agree. Now sex compatibility has shot up in my list of priorities when looking for a partner; it’s not everything but my body will not allow me to downplay its importance.

Kelly, 32

Not just physical

What has changed is my emotional and intellectual approach to sex which has impacted my physical approach. When I was younger so much of what I thought and believed around sex was coloured by the patriarchal and misinformed society that moulded my approach – sex was solely for self-gratification with little thought for my partner’s pleasure.

I’ve slowly worked towards being more aware of my partner (emotionally and physically) and seen the effect that can have on increasing my own pleasure. I have also become aware of how much intimacy counts in building a fulfilling physical relationship. As for my libido, I have found it is highest when I am relaxed, feeling physically good about myself (so being active and getting sun) and in a good place mentally.

Mind, body, and spirit, just like they said.

James 34


Do you think your sex and sexual pleasure have changed with age?


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Recent Comments (4)

    1. Hi Joy, 

      Totally normal and…

      Hi Joy, 

      Totally normal and okay. Are you single by choice is it that you have not found the right person for you?

    2. Do women at the age of 60…
      Do women at the age of 60 really enjoy sec?

      1. Hi Gabriel, 

        Yes, some…

        Hi Gabriel, 

        Yes, some women enjoy sex at 60 and older! 

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