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Sex: the ins and outs of intercourse

Sex or intercourse – to put it bluntly, fucking or screwing – is when a man puts his erect penis inside a woman’s vagina.

Most young people make love in other ways first, so don’t think you have to have intercourse straight away.

How to have sex with a woman

Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse right at the beginning. Build up slowly, and make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.

First stroke her belly, her breasts, and the inside of her thighs. Try touching her mons pubis, between her legs. Touch her labia briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.

Clitoris
Stimulate the clitoris with your fingers or tongue. You can do this before, during, and after intercourse. Most women come when their clitoris is stimulated, not because of intercourse. This is because the clitoris isn’t inside of the vagina, but outside and in front of it.

G-spot
Some women have a G-spot. This is an area the size of a coin, on the front wall of the vagina a few centimetres inside. For some women, it doesn’t give any special feeling, but for others, it’s particularly sensitive.

Pain during intercourse

Only have intercourse when the woman’s vagina is nice and moist, otherwise, it’s painful for her. Some women experience pain during intercourse.

What causes this?

  • The first time can hurt her because the hymen is stretched.
  • It can hurt if the vagina isn’t moist enough. Take plenty of time to build up slowly before having intercourse, and be careful and gentle. Only start having intercourse when her vagina is really wet. Use lubricant if you need to.
  • If she finds intercourse painful, it could be because she's tense. This means her pelvic floor muscles aren’t relaxing enough. Take time for her to relax and get aroused. Don't rush to have intercourse. Ask her how it feels.
  • If it hurts every time you have intercourse, see a health professional – sex shouldn’t be painful.

Will it go in?

Do you ever wonder if a penis would actually fit inside your vagina? You’re not the only one. As long as a woman is aroused – relaxed and wet – a penis will easily fit inside her vagina. After all, it’s stretchy enough for a baby to come out of!

What if it won’t go in easily?

  • Try lubrication. Saliva (spit) and clean water are natural lubricants. You can also buy water-, silicone-, or glycerine-based lubricants in a shop.
  • Examples of these are:
  • Water-based lubricant: Astroglide or KY Jelly
  • Silicone-based lubricant: Wet Platinum, Eros Bodyglide
  • Glycerin-based lubricant: flavoured lubricants are always glycerine-based.

If you get a lot of yeast infections, avoid glycerine-based lubricants. Glycerine contains sugars that yeast feeds on, and can cause more yeast infections.

Avoid lubricants made out of petroleum jelly (Vaseline), lotions, cold creams, butter or margarine, because they can damage latex and cause condoms to tear.

Sometimes a vagina is on a slight angle or sometimes a penis is curved, which makes it harder for the penis to enter the vagina.
It can help to try different positions, for example:

  • 'Missionary': the man lies on top and the woman lies on her back
  • Woman on top: the other way around
  • From behind: the woman kneels on all fours and the man enters from behind

If none of these suggestions work, see your doctor or another health care professional – they can advise you of other options.

How to have sex with a man

Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse. Build up slowly, and make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.

First stroke his belly, the inside of his thighs, his balls and his buttocks before you move to his penis. Try touching his penis briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.

Tense your vagina during intercourse. You do this the same way you would if you were holding in urine. The vagina gets tighter and this can feel nice for the man.

You can touch his anus during intercourse. It’s easy to reach if he’s lying on top of you. You can gently stroke the anus, press on it more firmly with a finger, or put the tip of your finger inside. Build this up slowly.

Try different positions.

Comments
Hi Peter, What method was your partner on? It really should not take so much time though it may take sometime before there is normalcy in your partner's cycle. Check out the following article for more information. https://lovematters.co.ke/pregnancy/before-pregnancy/fertility-and-infertility
Premature ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including a lack of experience in sex particularly in young men. In older man it could be caused by psychological issues such as fear, stress or anxiety. With experience one gain better control of their ejaculation. It is also important to work on relaxing during sex which one can achieve by taking short breaks during intercourse and deep breaths. One can also consider including exercise in their regular routine and eating well which means reducing the intake of processed foods. Check out the following article for tips on how to overcome premature ejaculation;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation
Hi, Does masturbation leads to erectile dysfunction
Hi Eddy, Masturbation does cause erectile dysfunction, this is just a myth. Check out the following article for more information on erectile dysfunction. https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/erectile-dysfunction-top-five-facts
Hi Douglas, You did not sat what has made it difficult. But you want to do this when you are both ready to have sex and you also need to consider prevention of unplanned pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infection. Check out the following articles for more tips. https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-to-expect https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/virginity/busting-the-hymen-myth
Hi Lena, One of the major causes of pain during sex and even after is when you have dry sex or at the time of penetration the vagina is not well lubricated. Usually spending more time in foreplay will help address this including the use of artificial lubrication like KY Jelly. Do you experience pain during sex? The other reason may be the presence of an infection inside the vagina causing the pain days after sex. This will need treatment. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up
Hi Ken, the decision to have sex is an important decision and it is a good thing you are taking time to learn as much as you can before you go on to have it. One of the key things is to remember to use a birth control method to prevent unplanned pregnancy. Condoms when used correctly and all the time will prevent both unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Check out the following article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-to-expect
Ken, What condom is enough to protect to protect. Also only one person can put on a condom. A male condom can only be used once, meaning after ejaculation one should remove it and if they wish to have sex again put on another. The female condom can however be used more than once by the same partners. Lastly, yes it can be torn and the reasons include wearing more than one condom, using an expired condom or putting it on the wrong way. Check out the following articles;- https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom
Hello Ferdinand,jealousy is not a healthy element in a relationship. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your partner, express your feelings and discuss way on how you can have a healthy and strong relationship. Check this article: https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/he-talks-to-other-women Age should not affect how you relate as long as you have both committed to be in this relationship.

Hi Kimiyo, has she said why it is she is denying you sex? It is important that you find a good time and talk about what is going on in your relationship. Find out what her reasons are for such action and together you can agree on how to address the identified issues. Try make this a conversation as opposed to a time of blaming each other. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

Hey Yose, Premature Ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts

Hey Richard, there is no problem associated with abstaining from sex for extended periods. It is infact the safest way to protect oneself from the risk of getting Infected with Sexually Transmitted Infections. You do not have to be under any pressure of having sex, the decision of when and with whom to have sex is your own decision. Only do it, if you feel you are ready, you are with the right person and you feel it is the right time. 

am pregnant 4 my 3rd born n I crave for sex very much unlike the last 2 I couldn't like t at all,my surprise is my husband leaves far bt when he's around he really does sex wt me n also I don't reach orgasim,during my last two pregnancies he could rough me cos I never liked it,am disappointed wt that since he says that hell harm the child, I love him so much bt he doesn't listen to my opinions, plz help me
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