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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Talking about sex

Whether your relationship is casual or serious, it can always be difficult to bring up the topic of making love, especially when it comes to the when and the how.

There are also many myths around sex and sexuality – for example, that men only want women for sex, or that men want sex all the time. Everyone’s different. Some people have sex once a week, others have it twice a day. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s all about finding what works for you and your partner.

Even in a relationship, you don’t have to have sex with your partner whenever and wherever they ask. It’s your body and you’re allowed to do what you want with it. If your partner asks for sex and you aren’t feeling in the mood, you are allowed to say no.

But remember: NO ALWAYS MEANS NO.

Before having sex with a new partner

Are you thinking about having sex with your new partner but you aren’t sure how they feel about it?
If you want to turn up the heat in your relationship, start thinking of a good time to talk about it when it’s just the two of you – maybe after dinner or a film. Try not to be drunk, because drinking can impair your judgment for such an important conversation.

Be light-hearted and positive while reassuring your partner you want to be with them because you love and respect them:

‘You’re so beautiful/handsome… I can’t wait to make love to you.’

‘As we have such good sexual chemistry, I think we’d be great in bed together…’

Then see if they also feel ready to start making love, or if they need more time.

Finding compromises

Once you know when and how your partner likes to make love, the next step is coming to a compromise. First of all, never use sex as a weapon or a reward, since it will only create mistrust and anger. Most couples have sex more often at the beginning of their relationship – that’s just normal. However, if your partner wants sex a lot and you aren’t so keen, say something positive about them and then suggest another time.

‘You’re so great in bed that you’ve worn me out this week! Let’s have a night off so it’s even better tomorrow.’

Boundaries

Be open from the beginning. If you’ve never made love before, tell them! It’s also good to set some boundaries and explain them clearly to your partner.
Here’s a good way to do it. Start by saying something positive, then explain the boundary, then end with something positive again.

Like this, for example:
‘I really like being with you. I would never consider an open relationship or involving someone else. I like having you all to myself!’

Once in the bedroom, you should always be able to say ‘no’ and stop whatever you are not ready for.
‘I’m not feeling up for it tonight. How about we wait until tomorrow. Then it’ll be great!’

Don’t force your partner into doing something they’re unhappy or unsure about. Take each stage of your relationship slowly and show your partner respect at all times.

Talking about sex

Good lovers talk about sex. Being a good lover means talking about what you want. Sometimes this also means saying no when you’re not in the mood, tired, or don’t feel comfortable about having sex with this person.
Being able to say no makes it more meaningful when you say yes – because then it really is your choice.

Talk about what you want

Your partner might be able to guess what you like, but they can’t be sure unless you tell them. So talk about what you want, and ask what they want. You can do it before or after you have sex, but also during your lovemaking.
You might find it difficult or embarrassing to talk, but be brave! It prevents a lot of trouble and makes sex a lot better.

Here are a few tips:
First, think about what you like about your partner. Are they great kissers? Are they natural talents when it comes to oral sex? Begin by emphasizing what they do well before making a suggestion to take things to the next level.

For example:
‘I really like it when you kiss me. Maybe you can also try some of that action on my neck?’

‘You’re so good at going down on me, but tonight I was thinking it would be fun to…’

Take your time. Don’t fire all your ideas or complaints at your partner at once. Feed them little by little. That way you can try them out together and see which ones work best for both of you. Plus, you never know what new and exciting frontiers the two of you may discover in the process.

When it comes to being more adventurous, take it step-by-step. You could suggest tickling your partner with a feather, and then if you both enjoy that, maybe suggest a blindfold next time. Always check that your partner is happy with what’s going on.

When talking to your partner about changes in the bedroom, think about how you would like your partner to suggest such changes. What would be the best way to speak to you without you feeling hurt or confused?
Suggest areas you could work on together. For example, start a conversation with ‘I was thinking that together we could try…’

Be their guide

Your partner cannot read minds and so won’t know exactly what turns you on. So help them by really showing them. For example, guide their hands and mouths to those extra special spots. And give them the opportunity to do the same.

‘I really like it when you touch me here. It would be even better if you did it softer/harder/slower.’

If you really feel like making love to your partner, try to get your partner’s mood in sync with yours. You could send flirty texts during the day with ideas on what you would like to try. Then you can both get excited. Continue the flirting at home.

‘You’re so beautiful, I can’t wait to make love to you tonight.’

If it’s a special occasion or anniversary, you could give them flowers or a homemade card. Or just spontaneously, for no special reason! See what their response is and maybe suggest a massage to get you both in the mood before moving towards all those fun things you texted about.

What does your partner want?

Do you know what your partner likes? Sometimes you can tell – you can feel it or see it. But sometimes you can’t. If you’re not sure, ask. The more you find out, the more you’ll enjoy sex together.

If your partner wants to talk to you about changing up the routine or doing something new, learn to listen.
Laughing at them or passing judgment after they’ve told you an intimate desire or story is unkind. Keep an open mind. Everyone is different, with their own experiences, likes, and dislikes.

Find out if your partner is happy with what you are doing and give them the space to suggest new things.
Ask questions!

For example:
‘What do you enjoy the most when we’re having sex?’

‘Would you like it if I….?’

‘Do you have any ideas for things we can do differently?’

Make a game of it

It can be a real turn-on to tell each other what you like. If talking about it feels hard at first, try playing a game: first, write down a few things you’d like to do with your partner on pieces of paper, and ask them to do the same. Then take it in turns to pull out a piece of paper and follow the instructions.

Show them how to please you

It’s fine to guide your partner’s hands during sex and show them how you like to be touched. If your partner does the same for you, don’t feel like it’s a criticism of what you’re already doing.
Try showing your partner what you’d like them to do by touching yourself – try not to be shy, it can be really sexy to watch!

If your partner shows you what they’d like you to do, never laugh, as this may upset your partner and stop them from sharing further. Just feel lucky that they trust you enough to show you what they enjoy.

Watch what they do, and try to practise with them. Add the action in next time you make love and ask if you can do anything to make it better:

‘Does this feel good for you? Or would you like me to go faster, softer or harder?’

Many women don’t have orgasms just from intercourse. Your penis feels great, but in most positions, it probably won’t be touching her clitoris. That’s her most sensitive spot – it’s like the head of the penis. To have an orgasm, most women need to be stroked on or around the clitoris. Ask her to show you what she likes, so that you can copy it and make her climax.
‘I would love to make you come, can you show me what you like?’

Remember you don’t need penetrative sex to get turned on. Touching, caressing, and kissing can be great ways of getting to know one another before committing to making love.

Also: practice makes perfect! So don’t worry if you don’t get it right the first time. Sex is all about trying things together and communicating what works and what doesn’t.

If it doesn’t feel good

Kissing, caressing, having sex… whatever you do, your first check is: does it feel good? Do you like it? Does it turn you on? Do you feel happy about it? Then carry on. As long as it feels good and you’re happy about it, it’s okay.
And if you don’t like what’s happening or the way your partner’s touching you? There’s only one solution – say so, however awkward you might find it. If you don’t say anything, nothing will change. So just try.

If you definitely don’t want to try their suggestion, explain why not and try to suggest a fun alternative:

‘I really don’t want to have anal sex because it could be painful. But I’d like it if you stroked and caressed me back there!’

In short, the more you and your partner talk about the ins and outs of making love, the more you’ll both enjoy it.

No means no

Some men still think there are women who mean yes when they say no. They’re wrong. No simply means no. And every woman or man has the right to say no at any time, whether you’ve still got your clothes on or you’re completely naked.

If you do something that a woman doesn’t want, it’s never because ‘she was asking for it’. A good lover only does what both partners feel happy about and enjoy.

A sex partner who doesn’t respect your wishes if you say ‘no’ isn’t worthy of you.

When you make love, or have sex, you caress each other, get sexually aroused, and perhaps have an orgasm. There are many ways to make love – with or without your clothes on.

Making love isn’t just sexual intercourse. Lying together and talking intimately is a way to make love too. You can kiss and caress each other, you can rub your bodies together, or stroke your partner’s genitals. You can try oral or anal sex.

You can also have sex on your own – that’s what masturbation is. Lots of people in a relationship also masturbate.

And of course, men can have sex with men, and women can have sex with women.

Are you ready for it?

Only have sex if you want to – in other words, if you feel ready for it. But is the other person also ready? And how long does it take before you both are? It’s different for everyone.

Sometimes you can both sense it in each other and you both want the same thing, but sometimes it doesn’t work out that way. This can lead to unpleasant misunderstandings. So be clear about what you want. You can do this with words, but also without them.

So start the conversation. Even small changes can result in huge pleasures.

First, think about what you like about your partner. Are they great kissers? Are they natural talents when it comes to oral sex? Begin by emphasizing what they do well before making a suggestion to take things to the next level.
For example:
‘I really like it when you kiss me. Maybe you can also try some of that action on my neck?’
‘You’re so good at going down on me, but tonight I was thinking it would be fun to…’

Take your time

Don’t fire all your ideas or complaints at your partner at once. Feed them little by little. That way you can try them out together and see which ones work best for both of you. Plus, you never know what new and exciting frontiers the two of you may discover in the process.

When it comes to being more adventurous, take it step-by-step. You could suggest tickling your partner with a feather, and then if you both enjoy that, maybe suggest a blindfold next time. Always check that your partner is happy with what’s going on.

When talking to your partner about changes in the bedroom, think about how you would like your partner to suggest such changes. What would be the best way to speak to you without you feeling hurt or confused?

Suggest areas you could work on together. For example, start a conversation with ‘I was thinking that together we could try…’

Find out if your partner is happy with what you are doing and give them the space to suggest new things.
For example:
‘What do you enjoy the most when we’re having sex?’

‘Would you like it if I….’

‘Do you have any ideas for things we can do differently?’

Be their guide
Your partner cannot read minds and so won’t know exactly what turns you on. So help them by really showing them. For example, guide their hands and mouths to those extra special spots. And give them the opportunity to do the same.

‘I really like it when you touch me. It would be even better if you did it softer/harder/slower.’

What to do if your partner suggests trying something you don’t like

If your partner wants to talk to you about changing up the routine or doing something new, learn to listen. Laughing at them or passing judgment after they’ve told you an intimate desire or story, will do little to strengthen the relationship. Keep an open mind. Everyone is different, with different experiences, likes, and dislikes…

If you definitely don’t want to try their suggestion, explain why you wouldn’t like it and then try to suggest a fun alternative.

‘I really don’t want to have anal sex as it could be painful. But I’d like it if you stroked and caressed me back there!’

In short, the more you and your partner talk about the ins and outs of making love, the more you’ll both enjoy it.

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Recent Comments (102)

    1. Thank you for the feedback.
      Thank you for the feedback.

    2. Its great reading from your…
      Its great reading from your piece. I have learnt a lot and im going to practice it wife my sweetheart.

      I have being having challenges with erection. sometime when my spouse is ready I cannot erect, sometimes I do erect but within 3 minutes I ejaculate and she is not satisfied. It is difficult for me to have erection again. Sometimes it will have to be 12 hours after. I need help

      1. Hi Solomon, thank you so…

        Hi Solomon, thank you so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like you might have erectile dysfunction but also some of the symptoms present like premature ejaculation. This sounds like a medical issue and it is advisable that you see a medical practitioner for a proper diagnosis

  1. I had sex 7days after…
    I had sex 7days after periods can I get pregnant, my cycle is just 21days

    1. Hi Faith,is it a regular…
      Hi Faith,is it a regular cycle? If it is then the process of ovulation- when the egg is released from the ovaries to fallopian tubes will occur mid cycle that is the 11th day. Therefore four days before and four days ovulation are most fertile. How long were your menses? You can do the calculations and find out if you were within the fertile days. check out this article for more: https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/female-body/menstruation. If you choose to be sexually active, it is important that you consider using contraceptives.

  2. My partner does’t talk abt…
    My partner does’t talk abt sex at al wat can i do

    1. Hey, Have you tried to…
      Hey, Have you tried to initiate the conversation about sex? The intention should be about making the experience even better for the both of you. Think also about the timing of bringing this conversation up.

  3. Do u have a watsup group or…
    Do u have a watsup group or telecom growp u add me in

    1. Hi Henry, We do not have a…
      Hi Henry, We do not have a WhatsApp group to add you but you can interact with us here or on our Facebook page Love Matters Africa.

    2. No I don’t have any
      No I don’t have any

      1. Hey Jay, what don’t you have?

        Hey Jay, what don’t you have?

    1. Kelly, Your question seems…
      Kelly, Your question seems incomplete.

  4. Hello! I just have a…
    Hello! I just have a question, how does masturbation affect a male person?

    1. I tink masturbation can be…
      I tink masturbation can be bad sometimes, maybe when its becoming too much as it may affect one’s libido(sexual urge)

  5. how do i stop premature…
    how do i stop premature ejaculation?

  6. hey my gal really takes long…
    hey my gal really takes long to cum

    1. Hey Josef, sex is usually…

      Hey Josef, sex is usually better when partners talk about it. Talk with your partner about what you enjoy and also have her share with you what she likes and what is likely to get her to orgasm. While getting to orgasm is good, if partners can achieve this, it is also important to enjoy the entire sex experience whether or not partners will orgasm. Have a look at the following articles;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

      https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  7. My boyfriend is a really bad…
    My boyfriend is a really bad kisser wat can i do

    1. Hey Lisa, you could teach…

      Hey Lisa, you could teach him what you like. People really learn how to kiss as they do it. Partners will then find what they like or enjoy. Sex and the entire experience is better when partners talk about it. Do find a good time and talk with your partner about this. Remember the intention is to make the experience better and not merely to criticize. Check out the following articles;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/how-to-kiss

       

  8. Very good ideas… Thank you…
    Very good ideas… Thank you love matters

    1. You are welcome Missi.

      You are welcome Missi.

  9. There are things I want my…
    There are things I want my partner to do with me. I guess I will have to the ideas here. Thank.

    1. Hey Cynthia, timing is…

      Hey Cynthia, timing is everything here. Do find a good time to bring this up. Remember the intention is to improve the experience for you both and not to merely criticize. All the best.

  10. I am getting married next…
    I am getting married next month I have never had sex. Must sex be painful the first time like I have been told? The more I look for information the more confused I am getting. What if I disappoint him? Please help me prepare to be a good wife. Thank you. Confused wife to-be.

    1. Hi there, first…

      Hi there, first congratulations as yo get ready for your marriage. Sex does not have to be painful the first time. It is important that you and your partner take times in foreplay which will get you aroused. When aroused the vagina will self lubricate which makes penetration easier and enjoyable for both partners. It is important that you communicate with your partner during sex which will also ensure that penetration happens when you are ready and relaxed. This will help reduce the discomfort or pain. Secondly, the first time sex may not be as great but as you get to know what you like and talk about it it will get better. Try not to stress about one night, you have your whole lives to live, to explore and enjoy each other. Check out the following articles for additional information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/marriage/married-life/wedding-night-sex-dos-and-donts

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  11. We decided to talk about sex…
    We decided to talk about sex and how to keep things interesting and my boyfriend said he wants a threesome ati we have another chick involved in our love making!!! I am confused???

    1. Hey Aggy, I can imagine how…

      Hey Aggy, I can imagine how confusing this is for you. It is a good thing that you are talking about sex, if you are not ready to have a threesome let your partner know that this is not something you wish to do. If you however choose to do this, be set some guidelines and communicate. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/threesome-dos-and-donts

  12. what can you do if your…
    what can you do if your partner is shy and she is not able to express herself?

    1. Hi Ken, this is normal at…

      Hi Ken, this is normal at early stages of the relationship. As you both get to know each other you will also find that you will get more comfortable with talking about the different issues that concern your relationship. Give you partner time and also allow your relationship to grow, eventually this will become easier for you both. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  13. Thnks I have learn alot
    Thnks I have learn alot

    1. You are welcome Essy.

      You are welcome Essy.

  14. Is there a book young…
    Is there a book young couples can use to learn about sex where can I get one?

    1. Hi there, learning about sex…

      Hi there, learning about sex is an important part toward improving your sex life as a couple. There are lots of books out there you can choose depending on what your preference is, however, this website is great resource for balanced information about sex. As you look out for a book that suits you, look through through this website for useful resources. You can start here;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/sex-the-ins-and-outs-of-intercourse

  15. ??,,#Thanks LOVE?? matters…
    ??,,#Thanks LOVE?? matters for the useful information.

    1. We are glad, you are welcome.

      We are glad, you are welcome.

  16. My husband always want to…
    My husband always want to have sex everyday but I am not want everyday. He become very angry when I refuse. What can I do to always be in mood for sex?

    1. Hey Joice, it is completely…

      Hey Joice, it is completely normal to not feel like having sex some of the time. It is however a concern when one doesn’t feel like having sex all or most of the time especially since can be difficult for their partner. It is important to start by considering what could have led to this. Low sex drive or low libido is often caused by psychological factors, such as not feeling good about yourself, relationship problems or fears associated with making love. Stress or depression could also be contributors. Check out the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-women

  17. Can a woman who was…
    Can a woman who was circumcised when she was young enjoy sex?

  18. My boyfriend wants to have…
    My boyfriend wants to have sex but am not ready. I only want to have sex after marriage we agreed on this before but now he says if we don’t have sex our relationship will not work. Do you think he will break up if I refuse or should I agree to his request?

    1. Hi Merline, I can’t tell…

      Hi Merline, I can’t tell whether he will break up with you or not but it appears your partner is manipulating you into having sex by the threats that he will break up with you. What he is doing is not requesting but manipulation. You should only have sex when you feel ready, when you feel you are with the right person and when it is the right time for you. Now that you had already talked about this, remind him of that conversation and if he does care for you he will respect your choice and wait until it is the right time for both of you. If he insists on sex, you will have a decision to make, to either give in to his demands or break up. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/how-soon-is-too-soon

  19. My penis is very small it…
    My penis is very small it cannot satisfy a girl. How can I make it bigger?

    1. Hello Keith, having a bigger…

      Hello Keith, having a bigger penis doesn’t make one a better lover. Also, you will find that your partner appreciates an extended period of foreplay. Penises come in different sizes and shapes and there is little one can do to increase their penis size. The advertised creams and gadgets don’t really work. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/big-penis-is-that-what-women-want

  20. Is there a way to know if…
    Is there a way to know if your partner is satisfied after sex?

    1. Hi Angel, you could as your…

      Hi Angel, you could as your partner whether they are satisfied as opposed to guessing. Talk about sex before, get to know what your partner likes and wants during sex as you also share what you like and want. This way the experience will be better for you and your partner. Also, do talk about it during sex and after. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  21. My fiance loves to have sex…
    My fiance loves to have sex only his way. He turns me different style some that I don’t like. I want us to also try different things but I don’t know how to bring this up…

    1. Hey Luu, sex should be…

      Hey Luu, sex should be pleasurable for both partners. What will make this happen is talking about sex. It is important that you find a good time and talk about what you like and what you want. Also, give him a chance to share with you what he likes. This will greatly enhance your experience and you are likely to both better enjoy sex. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  22. this things i need a real…
    this things i need a real theraphy

    1. Hey Gwen what makes you feel…

      Hey Gwen what makes you feel you need therapy?

  23. She says I have big Penis…
    She says I have big Penis and she feels pain when we make love together. Is it true?

  24. My girlfriend is too shy to…
    My girlfriend is too shy to talk about sex what can I do to make her comfortable?

    1. Hey, it is normal to be shy…

      Hey, it is normal to be shy about talking about sex especially at the beginning of a relationship. Partners can work together to make it easier to talk about it including talking about what is comfortable, talking on text or through calling whichever makes it easier. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  25. I want to introduce sex toys…
    I want to introduce sex toys in our love making but my boyfriend is skeptical. Can sex toys hurt a relationship?

    1. Hi Kimberly, this really…

      Hi Kimberly, this really depends on the partners involved. Sex toys can help enhance your love making but  you and your partner need to be on board with this. It is important to address your partner’s reservations and then agree on which toys to introduce. Take it slow to help your partner to be more accepting. Have a look at the following articles for more tips;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/using-sex-toys-dos-and-donts

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

    1. Hi Marvelous, it is…

      Hi Marvelous, it is important to talk about sex in a relation because even to arrive at the decision not to have sex you need to talk about it. The above article provides some tips on how to.

  26. Been married for the last 5…
    Been married for the last 5 years we don’t talk matters sex, the last time I tried to introduce something new hata tu kuongea with my husband to try something different I was accussed of cheating so ninang’ang’ana tu na hali yangu!!!

    1. Hey Stellah, talking about…

      Hey Stellah, talking about sex helps to improve the sex experience for both partners. Perhaps, your partner needs to know this, that you are not just looking at doing things different for you but that you will also allow your husband to share what he likes and wants during sex. Find a good time to have this conversation and also think about how to have the talk so that your partner is more open to not just talk but also do. We wish you all the best. https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/talking-about-sex-dos-and-donts

  27. Doing my sex time I can’t…
    Doing my sex time I can’t used more than 5min before I get tired

    1. Hi Agnes, it is normal to…

      Hi Agnes, it is normal to have a low sex drive sometimes. This can be caused by a number of issues including stress, physical exhaustion, using a birth control method among other reasons. Getting to know what could be causing the low sex drive is the first step toward addressing it. Talking about what is going on with your partner can help address the issues and improve you sex experience. Be sure to also share the things you enjoy and like during sex. Have a look at this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/female-sexual-desire-ebbs-and-flows

  28. My current is a terrible…
    My current is a terrible kisser, infact his kissing is just a turn off for me. how do you teach someone how to kiss…

    1. Unfortunately there are no…

      Unfortunately there are no kissing lessons people or partners leans as they practice, Partners get to what is comfortable, what they enjoy by practice. While you may not talk about it during, you can talk about before and after. 

  29. Most of the time when I want…
    Most of the time when I want to have sex my wife says she is not in the mood. The number 2 excuse is that she is tired. This becoming very frustrating I feel like cheating because of sex hunger.

    1. Hi Jose, it is normal to…

      Hi Jose, it is normal to have a different levels of sex drive between partners. It is for this reason important for partners to talk about sex and find what works or will work for them to balance their different levels of desire. Even with different levels of desire, you and your wife can find a middle ground that will leave you both happy. Have a look at the following articles for additional information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/libido-differences-matching-sex-drives

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  30. Talking about sex is very…
    Talking about sex is very had. My bf and I we are very shy.

    1. Hi there, it is normal to…

      Hi there, it is normal to feel this way especially early on in the relationship. When you get used to each you will also become more comfortable about talking about sex. Remember, talking about sex will make the experience better for both partners. 

  31. We are too shy to talk about…
    We are too shy to talk about sex,,,,

    1. Hi Favor, it is normal to…

      Hi Favor, it is normal to feel shy especially early in a relationship. You can consider texting or speaking on the phone if you are too shy to talk face to face. Eventually  you will become comfortable to talk about it or express what you like or want. 

  32. I love sex but my wife does…
    I love sex but my wife does not like it. I get frustrated when I want and she refuse. I want her to love it also. How can I do it?

    1. Hey Hussein, have you talked…

      Hey Hussein, have you talked to your wife about what makes her not to love sex? This is a good place to begin. Getting to know why she doesn’t like it is the first step toward find a solution together. Find a good time to talk about this and get to know what issues are and then agree together on how you can both enjoy sex. Remember, talking about sex regularly helps to improve the experience for both partners. Check out the following articles for additional information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/help-me-make-my-gf-love-sex

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  33. Talking about sex takes the…
    Talking about sex takes the pressure off each other and people are able to enjoy every moment whether they get an orgasm or. We talk about sex openly in my relationship and this has made sex exciting each time. We play games, try out different things which has made it excting for my partner and I. Try it.

    1. Thank you for sharing your…

      Thank you for sharing your experience the Duchess.

  34. why is sex in marriage…
    why is sex in marriage boring?

    1. HI Eze, I may not be able to…

      HI Eze, I may not be able to tell why sex is boring in your marriage, however, sex can become boring in a long term relationship but partners can help make the experience better by talking about sex regularly. This will also help partners try new and different things and this can help keep things interesting. So, start by talking about sex and then be open to exploring different things, some you may like some you may not and that’s okay. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/what-you-need-to-know-about-sex-in-long-term-relationships

  35. Why girlfriend does not cum…
    Why girlfriend does not cum during sex, she confessed recently that she fakes it. I don’t know shat to do to get her there. Please inform me.

    1. Hello Derren, while having…

      Hello Derren, while having an orgasm during sex is good, partners can still enjoy sex even when there is no orgasm. The first step to achieving this is to talk about what you both like and enjoy during sex. Have your partner tell you, show you and even teach you what they like and want during sex as you also share with her. Have a look at the following article for more tips on how to get your partner to orgasm;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

  36. My wife don’t like to do…
    My wife don’t like to do different things during sex. How can I make her to like sex?

    1. Hi Caleb, talking about sex…

      Hi Caleb, talking about sex and your needs is the best place to begin. Do talk with your partner and let her know what you want to try out during sex and also giver her a chance to suggest what she may want. Also, try and build up slowly, instead of try out several different things at the same time, start with just one thing that you both are comfortable with. If she is comfortable she maybe more willing to try it out. Lastly, do respect her choice if at any point she changes her mind about doing something different. All the best. 

  37. Every time my girlfriend…
    Every time my girlfriend says she feels pain inside when we are having sex. I want to know what makes it to happen all the time? She is not a virgin.

    1. Hi Ben, pain during sex is…

      Hi Ben, pain during sex is not normal. There are a few things that can cause pain during sex including, having dry sex where penetration happens before the vagina is sufficiently lubricated-spending time in foreplay can help address this, the position during sex, if a girl is not ready and relaxed during sex and in some cases the size of the penis. Knowing the cause pain is an important step toward addressing the pain. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/sex-hurts-help

  38. This is a hard conversation…
    This is a hard conversation to have. Men especially fkdontvqanf to talk about sex.

    1. Hey Carren, yes this can be…

      Hey Carren, yes this can be a challenging conversation to bring up. It helps to find a good time to bring it up and also consider how to bring it up. It is important that you bring up the conversation with the intention of making the experience better for both partners as opposed to criticizing what they do. A good place to start may be to ask them what they want or like before sharing what you like or want. Check out the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/talking-about-sex-dos-and-donts

  39. My girl wants to have sex…
    My girl wants to have sex after marriage. I am a virgin but I get horny and I want to have sex with only her coz I love her but I can’t wait till marriage. What should I do?

    1. Hello Sammy, thank you for…

      Hello Sammy, thank you for your message. We understand the frustration you may be feeling around this situation. Sex before marriage is perfectly fine and acceptable. However, consent is also important. You could sit down with her and try and reach a compromise. Take time and have a conversation about what you would like, but also try and listen to her side and try and understand her emotions and where she is coming from.

  40. Can girls date virgin boys ?
    Can girls date virgin boys ?

    1. Yes they can, there is…

      Yes they can, there is nothing stopping them 🙂

  41. Hey i used masturbation for…
    Hey i used masturbation for a long time and it resulted to me cumming even before sex….so what can be the siolution???

    1. Hi Oscar, 

      It seems that…

      Hi Oscar, 

      It seems that you are experiencing some erectile issues. Note that masturbation is not known to cause erectile problems. Visit your doctor for tests and treatment. 

  42. My bf have to in sex ,with…
    My bf have to in sex ,with me but I’m not getting feeling what I need to do Nd is there any solution for it pls tell me that solution he getting angryon me ,and also he asking me to talk sexy words that words I really don’t know please help me if your able to help me,how would be sexy talks and how would I react with him in room please say to me

    1. Hi Srujana, 

      It could be…

      Hi Srujana, 

      It could be that your boyfriend does not know your sensitive spots thus he is not able to arouse or stimulate you before and during sex. The best thing to do is for you to tell your boyfriend what you like as foreplay and if you are not sure, you can try different things together so that you can discover what works for you. In terms of sexy talk, you and your boyfriend can come up with your own way of expressing pleasure. In the end, what works for you may not work for everyone else. Work on being in the same mood and energy and your sex life will improve. Remember! Don’t be afraid to tell your boyfriend what you like, it could be the solution to your disconnection during sex. Have fun exploring!

      On the other hand, do not do anything that you are not comfortable doing. 

  43. Is it normal for a lady who is 21 yrs to have a low libido and have very limited sex with the partner?

    1. That’s totally okay. Some people are not interested, what we can asexual (read more about asexual here: Asexuality). On the other hand, it could be that she is with someone that she is not attracted to or the foreplay is not good enough to make her want have sex. If she’s your partner, talk to her to find out the exact reason why she is not interested?

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