Illustration of sexpert Chris Hart — E. del Rosso

Help me make my gf love sex

How can I make my girlfriend love sex?

First of all, you need to find out whether she even wants to have sex. So talk to her.

Try to make talking about sex a completely ordinary conversation. The first couple of times, it will be awkward of course, but keep going. Choose a relaxed time, and make sure she understands that you’re genuinely interested in what SHE wants.

Get her to talk about how she feels about sex in general.

For example, some people are asexual, which means that they don’t feel desire. They may have sex out of a feeling that it’s expected, or because they want to have children, but they never really enjoy it. If you discover that your girlfriend is (to some degree) asexual, then you’ll have to decide whether you can cope with that. Because it can’t be changed.

Other people have hang-ups about sex from their upbringing.

If you sense that’s the case with your girlfriend – like somehow she feels sex is ‘wrong,’ or ‘shouldn’t be enjoyed,’ then talk with her about where those ideas came from.

Chances are, if you talk about them together, her attitudes will change eventually. If that proves difficult, see a counsellor together.

Is she really ready to have sex with you? There may be issues of trust. For example, she may worry about whether you two are really serious about one another – and monogamous.

She may be worrying about contraception, or the possibility of sexually transmitted disease. If you talk openly about those – and deal with them effectively – then she will enjoy sex more.

Are there any physical difficulties, for example, a lack of privacy, or she’s dry? Whatever is wrong, fix it! Get some lubricant, or find a new location…

Weave all this talk about sex into your wider conversations. Spend lots of time getting to really know one another. Talk about your previous relationships, and ask her how she likes to feel when you make love. The more she feels that you understand and respond to her needs, the more she’ll enjoy sex.

Don’t restrict your sex sessions to just penetration. Cuddle, kiss, laugh, and tease one another 24/7! Make out a little all the time you’re alone – with no intention of going all the way. Sleep naked and close, hold her as she falls asleep, wake her in the morning with a kiss. And sex will soon be completely wonderful.

Do you have issues with sex in your relationship? Shout out to our forum moderators for help today.