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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Difficulties with sex: men

Sexual difficulties are very common for men of all ages. Common guy problems include premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation – either coming much sooner or much later than you’d like.

Difficulties in bed are quite common, and most people will face them at some point in their lives. Some difficulties are temporary; others require professional attention. Most are easily treated. Usually, the biggest challenge is to admit to having a problem.

You don’t need to be embarrassed when you experience sexual difficulties. Many men think they would be considered by others to be less masculine. But having your issues seen to and treated is the best thing you can do for your sexual health and your relationships.

Some sexual difficulties are related to unhealthy lifestyle choices and can be prevented by leading a healthy life: eating a balanced diet, exercising, not smoking and minimizing alcohol consumption. Basically, anything that is good for your overall health is generally good for your sexual health. But of course living a healthy life does not mean you will be immune to having issues in bed – but it might reduce the risk.

When seeing a healthcare provider for issues, the doctor will likely ask you a lot of questions about your sexual, physical and emotional health. The diagnosis will be made a lot easier if you answer these questions as honestly and in-depth as you can – even though it might feel awkward. The doctor will also likely examine you. Don’t be ashamed or afraid. Remember: it’s very common to have problems and you are doing the right thing by getting treatment.

What you will have to do to resolve the problem depends on the sexual difficulty. Below we cover the most common conditions, their causes and their treatments.

Sexual difficulties affect both partners

There’s no doubt about it: sexual difficulties are bad news for your sex life. If a man is always worried about getting an erection or ejaculating too soon, it’s going to be difficult for him to relax and fully enjoy the experience.
But his partner will also be left unsatisfied, especially if the man is so focused on his fears that he ignores his partner’s sexual needs. As a result, both parties are left wanting. If this continues long enough the couple may begin to avoid lovemaking and even intimacy in general.
So it’s good to address any issues as soon as they arise.

Premature ejaculation

One of the most common problems for men, premature ejaculation is when a man orgasms uncontrollably, either before or shortly after sexual stimulation begins. Sometimes it can even occur with little or no physical contact.

With premature ejaculation, the orgasm becomes unwanted, spoiling the sexual experience and leaving both partners unsatisfied. Premature ejaculation affects nearly every man at some point in his life.

It may result from both physical and psychological problems, though it is usually difficult to find the exact cause.

Other psychological factors that can cause premature ejaculation include a religious background in which sex is stigmatised, stress and anxiety, guilt, depression or past sexual trauma. Physical causes may include an oversensitive glans (the top part of the penis), hormonal problems, past injuries, drug side-effects or neurological disease. In some cases, it is simply caused by disinterest or lack of attraction for a sexual partner.

In many cases, it declines as a man gains sexual experience and learns to control his ejaculation. The best way to gain mastery over ejaculation is by identifying the sensations that signal an approaching orgasm and communicating with your partner to temporarily tone down stimulation.

Using a condom or numbing creams and gels, which reduce sensation, can be other options. You could also experiment with different positions, or speak to your doctor about medications that may help treat premature ejaculation. Masturbation, and understanding what excites you, can also help you learn how to control your arousal.

Delayed ejaculation and anorgasmia

The opposite of premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation means ejaculating way later than desired – or even not at all. Not having an orgasm is also called anorgasmia. The two conditions are not the same, but are often grouped together as ‘disordered orgasms’.

Disordered orgasms mostly affect older men.

They can also be caused by psychological factors. This could be fear of sex, having been abused, or thinking that sex isn’t good (that it’s, for example, dirty or a sin).

When you see a doctor about this, they will ask you questions about what could be causing the problem and treat you accordingly. This may mean seeing a psychologist to discuss any issues you may have.

Erectile dysfunction

Having erectile dysfunction means being unable to get or maintain an erection. It can also refer to the quality of an erection: that the erection is not hard enough to enter the vagina.

Erectile dysfunction gets more common as men get older, but it can affect men of all ages.
Conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes make it more likely for a man to get erectile dysfunction. But also stress and fear of being unable to perform in bed can cause problems.

When looking for the cause of erectile dysfunction, doctors distinguish between three different types of erections: the ones men get in their sleep, the ones they get through mental stimulation (e.g. fantasising) and the ones brought on by touch.

To treat erectile dysfunction, it’s very important to understand what causes it and then address that factor. This might involve lifestyle changes, such as a healthier diet or stopping smoking. Sometimes, it’s possible to treat erectile dysfunction with medication such as Viagra – but it’s best to also get to the root cause of the problem. Also, not all varieties of erectile dysfunctions can be treated with medication. Sometimes, surgery or injections may be required.

It’s important to discuss all options with your doctor.

Low libido

Having low libido means that you have no or almost no sexual desire.

Low libido is often caused by psychological factors or by the body not producing enough of the hormone testosterone.

Low libido is more common in older men, or in men who drink a lot of alcohol and who are malnourished. Smoking and drugs can also play a role, as well as some medications used to treat conditions such as prostate cancer.

Stress, depression and relationship problems can also play a factor when it comes to low desire.

Men with low desire will often shy away from initiating any kind of sexual contact, and avoid the topic of sex with their partner. If they try to have sex, they might be having trouble getting or keeping an erection.

In order to treat low libido, a healthcare provider will first need to figure out what causes the problem before developing a treatment plan.This can involve psychological care or a change in medication.

Pain, bleeding, burning

Pain, bleeding, and burning are usually signs that something is wrong. It could be painful to get an erection, penetrate or ejaculate. You may notice blood around your penis, testicles or in your ejaculate. Burning most often happens after sex, when there has been too much friction.

The cause could be an STI or another infection, or a sign that you are allergic to something, such as lube or the condom. Burning can also be caused by a partner who was too dry or anal sex without sufficient lubrication.

If you experience any discomfort regularly, please have a healthcare professional rule out any serious problems. Find the cause of your problem and treat it.

Peyronie’s disease

Peyronie’s disease means that your penis is bent at an odd angle, making it painful to get an erection.

It can be the result of a previous injury. It is more common in men with certain medical conditions and seems to be hereditary.

Often, the condition goes away on its own after a couple of months to a few years without treatment. But sometimes injections, or even surgery, are required to take care of the symptoms.

Read more about Peyronie’s disease here.

Retrograde ejaculation  

This means that, after a man ejaculates, the fluid will run into the bladder rather than leaving the penis.

This often affects men who have nerve damage due to diabetes. Sometimes, it’s also caused by certain operations around the stomach.

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Recent Comments (187)

  1. How many minutes should a…
    How many minutes should a first round sex takes normal

    1. Hey Winford,…
      Hey Winford,

      It is difficult to say how long it should last since everyone is different. Most of the time the first round is considerably shorter perhaps because the man get too exited too quickly. It maybe important to focus more on quality as opposed to how long it will take. You will find that most women prefer an intense foreplay. Talk with your partner to see what they like. Also sex does not have to come to an end because the man ejaculated, one can take this time to focus on their partner as well. Check out this article for more tips:-
      https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

        1. What specific information…

          What specific information would you like to have?

      1. Hey Winny, thank you for…

        Hey Winny, thank you for sharing.

    2. I have low libido,but where…
      I have low libido,but where can I get a doctor?. Living in Kenya, Eldoret

      1. I used to get premature…
        I used to get premature ejaculation untill I learned ways to control my ejaculation and I can last upto one hour but a times I prefer letting it at 20- 30 min because of my partner but when she is in high mood I can go upto 1 hour for the 1 St round,so it’s all about self training

        1. Hi Joseph, this is such…

          Hi Joseph, this is such great new! Congratulations to you!

        2. Joseph Ngige, how did you…
          Joseph Ngige, how did you train yourself to last long. Am stuck somewhere between satisfying her when she is in very good and only satisfying her on normal occasion. Help a guy.

        3. Please help a brother out…
          Please help a brother out ?what did you use

          1. Hi Roy, this is a great…

            Hi Roy, this is a great question.

        4. Then how will you controol…
          Then how will you controol that ejaculation to come late ?

          1. Hi Gorgeous, thank you for…

            Hi Gorgeous, thank you for getting in touch and asking a great question. 

            There are a few things you one can do to improve control and last longer. In the short term, you can take short breaks during intercourse, you can also apply firm pressure underneath the penis during intercourse to push blood out of the penis hence decreasing sexual tension, distract yourself to think about other non sexual things or use penis desensitizers. Penis desensitizers come in the form of sprays and creams that can be applied on the penis minutes before intercourse and they help to delay ejaculation. Sometimes a condom can help reduce the sensitivity on the penis. 

            In the long term one can ensure they eat healthy and avoid lots of processed foods, begin to exercise which improves blood flow in the body, reduce or eliminate the use of alcohol including smoking and more importantly reduce stress during intercourse. Foreplay will also play a critical role in preparing your partner and getting them closer to an orgasm.

            The following articles provide more information;-

            https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts
            https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation
             

        5. How, kindly share with me.
          How, kindly share with me.

          1. Hi Von, thank you for…

            Hi Von, thank you for reaching out to us, what exactly would you like us to share with you? Please let us know how we can help!

        6. How can you control the…
          How can you control the ejaculation

          1. Hi Francis, This is a very…

            Hi Francis, This is a very good question and a very common one as well. So, do not worry, you are not alone. There are some remedies that could help you last a little longer. However, if you have premature ejaculation, you should go see  doctor.
            One option is the stop-start method used to treat premature ejaculation but can also help a person last longer. This technique calls for the man to have sex or masturbate until you almost cum and then stop. When you’re about to climax, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure on the tube running underneath your penis. This will push blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, calming your ejaculatory response.This should be repeated many times.
            Another remedy is to engage in sex styles that do not stimulate the underside of the penis like spooning and reverse cowgirl. You could also masturbate before having sex.
             

        7. Teach me the skills u used…
          Teach me the skills u used coz am a victim to that

          1. Hi Paul, 

            Kindly share more…

            Hi Paul, 

            Kindly share more information. What problem are you experiencing? We are happy to answer your question. 

    1. Thank you for the feedback.
      Thank you for the feedback.

    1. What specific difficulty are…
      What specific difficulty are you experiencing Stephen so we can support you appropriately?

  2. I experience delayed…
    I experience delayed ejaculation

    1. Hi Steve, Delayed…
      Hi Steve, Delayed ejaculation is when it takes more than 30 minutes to ejculate during sex. Some of the causes can include underlying health issues or treatment one could be taking. Other times it may just be psychological issues such as stress or anxiety. If this is something that is happening to you on a regular basis you may consider seeking medical advice.

  3. Sometimes I experience hard…
    Sometimes I experience hard erections and have no problems with ejaculations either. However some other time I find it difficult to get an erection or if I get it, it’s very soft for the action. What could the problem Be? During such instances I’ve used Viagra and it worked pretty well.

  4. Wen ever am having sex with…
    Wen ever am having sex with my partner I normally come out within 1 minute of action

  5. Many we’re to get better
    Many we’re to get better

    1. Yes, with experience you get…
      Yes, with experience you get better.

  6. Sometimes i use to ejaculate…
    Sometimes i use to ejaculate faster before even put the penis inside that vagina this means what? Am I sick?

  7. I have premature ejaculation…
    I have premature ejaculation.any help

  8. Is having a curved penis a…
    Is having a curved penis a big problem during sex if it is what might be the cure

  9. PE comes as a result of long…
    PE comes as a result of long romance

  10. i erect frequently what is…
    i erect frequently what is the problem

    1. Hi Patrick, Penises…
      Hi Patrick, Penises sometimes have minds of their own meaning one can get an erection even when they don’t want to have one. This can be embarrassing especially when it happens public. Best thing to do, is to try and relax, take deep breaths and soon you will loose the erection. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/male-body/erection-top-five-facts

  11. I ejaculate within one min…
    I ejaculate within one min and it takes long time to erect again.

    1. Hi Vincent, you are…

      Hi Vincent, you are experiencing premature ejaculation which means you get sexually excited too quickly leading to ejaculation. There are a few exercises you can preactice to help you gain better control and perhaps last aliitle longer. Some of the things you can do, in the short term, you can try take short breaks during intercourse, you can also apply firm pressure underneath the penis during intercourse to push blood out of the penis hence decreasing sexual tension, distract yourself by thinking about other non-sexual things or use penis desensitizers which come in the form of sprays and creams and can be applied on the penis minutes before intercourse. They help to delay ejaculation. Sometimes a condom can help reduce the sensitivity on the penis.

      Onto the second part of your question, it’s completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard right after ejaculation. Your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your own body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue. 

      The following articles provide more information;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  12. having one testes can cause…
    having one testes can cause pe

    1. Hi Fred, it appears your…

      Hi Fred, it appears your question is incomplete. Do comple it so we can respond to you.

  13. i can say sex should only be…
    i can say sex should only be done privately without showing to people your private parts

    1. Thank you Kevine, we agree…

      Thank you Kevine, we agree and appreciate your contribution.

  14. 5-15 mins but depends on…
    5-15 mins but depends on last time you had if long time it will take short time.

    1. Hey Evens, thank you for…

      Hey Evens, thank you for your contribution.

  15. How can I make my man last…
    How can I make my man last longer in bed? Please ad ice.

    1. Hi Sara, what your partner…

      Hi Sara, what your partner is experiencing is known as Premature ejaculation, when a partner ejaculates sooner than he or his partner wishes. There are a few things your partner can do to last longer which include trying to relax during intercourse by taking short breaks and deep breaths. He can also try distract himself during intercourse to reduce the sexual excitement which help last longer. He can also consider using penis desensitizers which come in the form of sprays or creams that are applied on the penis moments before sex. It is however important that you talk with your partner about sex and present these suggestions in a way he will be willing to try them out. Remember the intention is not to focus on what he does not do but rather what can be better to improve the experience for you both. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  16. Hey Love Doctors, my guy has…
    Hey Love Doctors, my guy has never given me an orgasm. What is the problem me or him?

    1. Hey Syl, most of the time…

      Hey Syl, most of the time understanding how ones body responds to sex and sharing this information with your partner goes along way in getting to orgasm. This is because what works with one person may not work with another. Most women will not get to orgasm from vaginal sex only, this is because the most sensitive part-the clitoris-doesn’t receive sufficient attention during vaginal sex. Your partner would have to stroke it by either a finger or even by their tongue. It is important to talk to your partner let them know what feels good for you and what will get you to orgasm. Talking about sex with your partner will greatly you to orgasm. Find a good time and talk to your partner. Check out the following articles for more tips;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex 

  17. Hi Love Matters. My…
    Hi Love Matters. My boyfriend has never satisfied me during sex is the problem with him or me? Now that he isn’t satisfying me can I get pregnant?

    1. Hi Lil Siz, talking about…

      Hi Lil Siz, talking about sex with your partner will go along way to make the experience better for both you and your partner. When talking about sex, you get a chance to let your partner know what you like and what and they also get the chance to let you know what they want or like. It is important you talk about this because what your partner thinks is what you like may not be what you actually want. Find a good time to talk about this, you may even have to show your partner what you want so he know exactly what it is you want. On your second concern, even if you are not satisfied you can still get pregnant if you have unprotected sex including getting infected with a Sexually Transmitted Infection (STIs), as long as your reproductive organs are healthy. Using condoms consistently and correctly will help prevent both unplanned pregnancies and STIs. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/safe-sex/sti-prevention/staying-safe

  18. Very good information here…
    Very good information here. Thank you.

  19. I wish to expriense sex but…
    I wish to expriense sex but I cant find someone wiling to have sex with me. Help me

    1. Hey Tony, first we are not a…

      Hey Tony, first we are not a dating service for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone. On the other hand, looking for someone who only wants to have sex maybe a challenge. Perhaps you may want to look at starting a relationship and perhaps after, when you both are ready you can talk about having sex and then have sex. You have to keep looking and once you meet someone you like, let them know and hopefully they will be willing to get into a relationship with you. If not, then you move on and meet someone new. Check the following article for more information;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date

  20. My partner cant have another…
    My partner cant have another erection after ejaculation. What might be the problem?

    1. It is completely normal for…

      It is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue. 

  21. I usually have sex only once…
    I usually have sex only once after I ejaculate no matter how much I try I can’t get another erection. Please how can I solve this problem of low libido in me?

    1. Hi Peter, It is completely…

      Hi Peter, It is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where the penis cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue.

  22. Are natural ways of dealing…
    Are natural ways of dealing with low libido like foods I can take to increase my libido?

    1. Hey Kiora, there lots of…

      Hey Kiora, there lots of myths around what foods can actually help improve the sexual desire of a person. Not all foods work for everyone, what works for one may not work for another. In other cases, the effect is more psychological than scientific. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/aphrodisiacs-top-five-facts

  23. I am very happy I found this…
    I am very happy I found this website, it has answered all my questions around these men sexual problems. Thank you very much. I will be coming back for more and more.

    1. We are glad to hear this…

      We are glad to hear this. Keep exploring the site for more information on Love, Sex, and Relationships.

  24. how can I make penis bigger…
    how can I make penis bigger to impress my gal

    1. Hey Otile, unfortunately…

      Hey Otile, unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make your penis bigger. The products in the market do not give permanent results. The only possible chance is getting surgery which also comes with the risk of complications thereafter. Lastly, talk to your partner to get to know what they are looking for in a partner and relationship, you just may find that a bigger penis is not in her list. Check out this article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/six-myths-about-increasing-penis-size

  25. My man gets tired very fast…
    My man gets tired very fast wen having sex.. He can’t even finish 2min.. Wat is the problem wid him.. Help plz

    1. Hey Carren, What your…

      Hey Carren, What your partner may be experiencing is know as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Sex is better when partners talk about it, find a good time and talk with your partner about what you want and like during sex and also have him tell you what he likes and wants so that together you can agree on how to proceed. Check out the following articles;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  26. My boyfriend doesn’t know…
    My boyfriend doesn’t know how to service me I never get satisfied during sex what can I do?

    1. Hey Kelly, have you talked…

      Hey Kelly, have you talked to your partner about this? Sex is usually better when partners talk about it and share what they enjoy and like. Find a good time to talk about this with your partner, let them know what you like and enjoy during sex, also have him tell you what he likes and enjoys. This will help improve the experience for you both. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex 

  27. How long should I have sex…
    How long should I have sex with my partner for her to be satisfied?

  28. I feel pain when I ejaculate…
    I feel pain when I ejaculate and when I urinate what is the problem? What medical can I buy to treat?

  29. Are foods a male can eat to…
    Are foods a male can eat to increase libido? I have heard about ground nuts please tell me more.

  30. What can I do to make my gal…
    What can I do to make my gal friend ejaculate coz am about to loose her???

    1. Hi Collins, your partner is…

      Hi Collins, your partner is likely to orgasm during sex if you deliberately make one of the most sensitive part, the clitoris, a part of your love making. You could stroke the clitoris or even lick it, this is because vaginal intercourse only does not give sufficient attention to the clitoris. Last, communicating with your partner during sex helps improve the experience for both partners. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

  31. I experience short…
    I experience short ejaculation,what can be the problem

    1. Hi Brayo, Do you mean you…

      Hi Brayo, Do you mean you ejaculate sooner than you wish? This is known as Premature Ejaculation which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts

  32. Hae,am Stephen need your…
    Hae,am Stephen need your help..am 24yrs I mastibated like four years ago,and I stopped two years ago ..my worry is that when I try to have sex with my partner I just cum even before I insert or I cum once after I enter. I don’t last in the acts even a minute. How to improve my performance please..

    1. Hi Steph,  what you are…

      Hi Steph,  what you are experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience which also means one gets too sexually excited too soon. As the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling their ejaculation. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  33. I think my partner is…
    I think my partner is addicted to sex. We never do anything else when we meet apart from sex. I want to know about him more but all he wants is sex from. Does this relationship have a future or when he gets bored he will go for someone else?

    1. Hey Susie, I am not able to…

      Hey Susie, I am not able to tell you what may or may not happen in future but you need to talk to your partner about your concern. Let him know what you expect from the relationship, you could even plan your next meeting at an outdoor space. Talk about what you like and what you want from the relationship. Check out the following article;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

  34. How long does it take for…
    How long does it take for woman to release her organism approximately

    1. Hi Mash, it is not about…

      Hi Mash, it is not about time but about the right technique, knowing what will get your partner to orgasm and then doing just that. Going with time may not work since everybody is different and responds to sex in different ways, all you need to know Is what will get her to orgasm. Have a look at the following article for more tips on female orgasm;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

  35. After going for round one i…
    After going for round one i am unable to erect hat might be the problem

    1. Hey Kahiu, it is completely…

      Hey Kahiu, it is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue. 

  36. Knowledge acquired..! Thanks
    Knowledge acquired..! Thanks

    1. Glad that the information…

      Glad that the information was useful, keep reading our articles. 

  37. My difficulty is that I have…
    My difficulty is that I have a small panis. I want to make it bigger to satisfy my girlfriend. I have heard of penis pumps, doea it work or should I choose the pills?

  38. How about men who have wired…
    How about men who have wired fetishes… I got to know my boyfriend of one year has a thing women underwear and has a collection of a bunch of panties from his past. I am in shock, I have no idea how to move past this considering he doesn’t seem to want to abandon it…

    1. Hey Clara, you now have to…

      Hey Clara, you now have to make a decision on whether you are willing to accept this or not. Often, these fetishes do not affect the relationship, you however need to be honest with yourself and your partner about your concerns including whether you are willing to accept it or not. Have a look at the following article on more information on fetishes;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/fetishes-top-five-facts

  39. What is the benefit of…
    What is the benefit of Circumcision to a grown man?

  40. Hi Love Matters, my husband…
    Hi Love Matters, my husband only has one shot when we have sex together. After that his dick falls and no matter what I do it cannot stand again. What is the problem?

    1. Hi Jenniffer, it is…

      Hi Jenniffer, it is completely normal for men to have what is known as the refractory period. A time when their penis can not get hard after ejaculation. At this time the body just needs some time, there is no real way to reduce this time and everybody is different and so it is important for everyone to work with their own body. If you wish to have sex, allow your partner sometime to recover, pressure to get an erection might the very thing that makes it had to have one. Give it time, and soon enough he will be hard again and you can have sex. 

  41. Please help me about my…
    Please help me about my boyfriend doesn’t come after sex at all.what may be the problem

    1. Hello Resty, your boyfriend…

      Hello Resty, your boyfriend is experiencing delayed ejaculation which means ejaculating way later than desired – or even not at all. This is caused by psychological factors. This could include, fear of sex, having been abused, or thinking that sex isn’t good (that it’s, for example, dirty or a sin). Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-men

  42. How effective is the penis…
    How effective is the penis pump when it come to making the Penis bigger?

  43. How can I make my Penis…
    How can I make my Penis bigger and thicker?

    1. The likely effective way to…

      The likely effective way to enlarge your penis is through surgery and this also comes with different complications. The products in the market do not deliver what they promise. Having said that, having a bigger penis doesn’t make one a better lover. Communication however, with ones partner and getting to know what ones partner likes or wants during sex goes along way toward improving the sex experience for both partners. Find a good time and talk with your partner about what you both like and want to improve your experience. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/six-myths-about-increasing-penis-size

  44. I got hit in my balls…
    I got hit in my balls growing up and I was very hurt. Can it affect my fertility or performance now?

  45. Sometimes I feel pain in my…
    Sometimes I feel pain in my balls and penis after sex why is this?

    1. Hey Job, pain usually means…

      Hey Job, pain usually means there is something wrong. If this is something you are experiencing frequently consider seeking medical advice. 

  46. Does eating alot of eggs…
    Does eating alot of eggs affect your sex drive negatively?

  47. I usually feel pain in my…
    I usually feel pain in my penis only after I ejaculate during sex for a few minutes then it disappeares?

    1. Hi Jo, when you have an…

      Hi Jo, when you have an erection there is an increase of blood into the penis which causes the veins to expand and this may lead to some discomfort after ejaculation where blood exits the penis which causes one to loose their erection. Like you have mentioned, the discomfort is usually temporal.  

  48. Does doing masturbation alot…
    Does doing masturbation alot make it difficult for men to control ejaculation?

  49. I want to make my penis…
    I want to make my penis bigger, what safe product should use?

  50. What if you have a small…
    What if you have a small dick what can you to make it bigger?

  51. my erection was not not…
    my erection was not not strong enough to break my girlfriends virginity what can I do next time bcz i dont want to fail again?

    1. Hey Francis, first, it doesn…

      Hey Francis, first, it doesn’t take a lot of force during first time sex to break ones virginity. It is important for your partner to be relaxed during intercourse and to also ensure the vagina is well lubricated before penetration. If your partner is aroused her vagina will self lubricate which makes penetration easier and pleasurable for both you and your partner. Remember if one is not well prepared and relaxed first time sex can be painful specifically to the girl. Have a look at the following articles for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-to-expect

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/busting-the-hymen-myth

  52. Most of the time my husband…
    Most of the time my husband complains that he is not in the mood for sex yet before he never complained. Does it mean that he might be cheating on me?

    1. Hello Stacy, I am not able…

      Hello Stacy, I am not able to tell if he could be cheating but have raised this concern with him? There are a number of reasons that can cause one to have a low sex drive including stress from work or home, physical exhaustion, anxiety among other reasons. It is however important to talk with your partner to get to know what could be going on and to also find a solution together. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/libido-differences-matching-sex-drives

  53. How many times should a guy…
    How many times should a guy have sex to satisfied and also how many times should a round last?

    1. Hey Aggie, this depends on…

      Hey Aggie, this depends on person to person as well as the partners involved. Some people, particurlaly girls will enjoy an extended session of foreplay, some men will last longer in intercourse. Some girls may not like an extended session of intercourse. It helps to talk with ones partner to get to know what they like and enjoy and then find a balance that both partners will be happy with. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/his-orgasms

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/how-long-does-sex-normally-last

  54. I had unprotected sex with a…
    I had unprotected sex with a girl I am dating and from that I am not myself. I feel my joints are weak and sometimes I feel cold at night this not normal. I have a flu which I didn’t have before. What do the signs mean?

    1. Hi there, it is difficult to…

      Hi there, it is difficult to determine what could be going on. I suggest you visit a medical centre for a check up and appropriate treatment. Lastly, it is important always use protection when having sex especially when you are with a person you are not certain about their status. Using condom consistently and correctly all the time will ensure you prevent both Sexually Transmitted Infections and unplanned pregnancies. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom

  55. Hi. Can a virgin girl get…
    Hi. Can a virgin girl get pregnant?

  56. What makes me too loose…
    What makes me too loose erection during foreplay? It has happened to me more than 3 times.

    1. Hi Collins, this can be…

      Hi Collins, this can be frustrating to both partners. This could be a case of erectile dysfunction which is when a man is unable to get or maintain an erection. It can caused by medical issues including medicines one could be taking or psychological issues like stress. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/erectile-dysfunction-top-five-facts

  57. I have only one testicle,…
    I have only one testicle, can this issue be corrected? Can I make a girl pregnant?

    1. Hey Bonnie, first, this is…

      Hey Bonnie, first, this is known as Monorchism which means having only one testicle. This is often because the missing testicle is hiding inside the body, and hasn’t or didn’t drop down into the scrotum. Having one testicle may or may not affect ones fertility, in some cases one can still get a woman pregnant while in some cases it may be challenging. Check out this article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/monorchism-top-facts-about-the-missing-ball

  58. My manhood is smaller than…
    My manhood is smaller than my age, and I du cum in less than a minute whenever I try to make love, n it fails to rise again, pls me out

    1. Hi Wale, the penis will have…

      Hi Wale, the penis will have reached its full size by the time most boys get to the age of 15 years, which means it doesn’t grow with age after that. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/puberty-in-boys-what-to-expect

      If you ejaculate under one minute, it means you are experiencing premature ejaculation which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

      Lastly, it is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue.  

  59. My problem is that I have a…
    My problem is that I have a small penis how do I solve that?

    1. Hi Henry, first, having a…

      Hi Henry, first, having a bigger penis doesn’t make one a better love. On the other hand, the only way to successfully and permanently enlarge your penis is to have a major surgery done. It is talking about sex that helps to improve the sex experience for partners. Find a good time and talk with your partner and get to know what they like to make your experience better. Have a look at the following articles for more tips;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/six-myths-about-increasing-penis-size

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  60. What can you do to deal with…
    What can you do to deal with PE?

    1. Hey Charlie, a good place to…

      Hey Charlie, a good place to start is to determine what is causing the PE. Premature Ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. There are a few things he can do to overcome this;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  61. Can one increase the size of…
    Can one increase the size of the pennis

  62. i masturbated for more dan…
    i masturbated for more dan ten yrs though have stoped as a result of very low libido wen tryin to meet wit a woman.
    Please which drug or suppliment can help in reviving libido withing 1 or 2 weeks?

    1. Hi Eme, masturbation does…

      Hi Eme, masturbation does not cause low libido. Low libido or low sex drive can be caused by a number of reasons which my include physical issues that may include low testosterone, prescription medicines one could be taking, too little or too much exercise, and alcohol and drug use. On the other hand psychological issues can include depression, stress, and problems in your relationship. It is important t first get to know what is causing the low libido before determining the right treatment. Do consider speaking to your health care provider for further advice. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-men

  63. I loose erections very fast…
    I loose erections very fast even just before i put it in and i struggle to get it up,what might be the problem please advise???

    1. This is a very good question…

      This is a very good question and a very common one as well. So, do not worry, you are not alone. There are some remedies that could help you last a little longer. However, if you have premature ejaculation, you should go see  doctor.
      One option is the stop-start method used to treat premature ejaculation but can also help a person last longer. This technique calls for the man to have sex or masturbate until you almost cum and then stop. When you’re about to climax, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure on the tube running underneath your penis. This will push blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, calming your ejaculatory response.This should be repeated many times.
      Another remedy is to engage in sex styles that do not stimulate the underside of the penis like spooning and reverse cowgirl. You could also masturbate before having sex.
       

  64. I can last 20min in second…
    I can last 20min in second round.ithink am normal.. though first round it takes 3 to 5 min

    1. Hello Joachim, this is…

      Hello Joachim, this is perfectly normal.

  65. Am having this issue, if l…
    Am having this issue, if l want have sex with my partner ten seconds my pines will fall

    1. Hi Emma, thank you for…

      Hi Emma, thank you for reaching out to us and we are sorry to hear about what you are going through. What you have described is known as Erectile Dysfunction. To treat erectile dysfunction, it’s very important to understand what causes it and then address that factor. This might involve lifestyle changes, such as a healthier diet or stopping smoking. Sometimes, it’s possible to treat erectile dysfunction with medication such as Viagra – but it’s best to also get to the root cause of the problem. Also, not all varieties of erectile dysfunctions can be treated with medication. Sometimes, surgery or injections may be required.

      It’s important to discuss all options with your doctor.

  66. morning,Nowadays i have been…
    morning,Nowadays i have been.finding it diffult have erection talkes of making love with my partner .what can i do about it. secondly even if i do i can only go 1 round and my refractory period takes 1 day and it wasn’t like that before,

    1. Hello Bj, thank you for…

      Hello Bj, thank you for reaching out to us. If you are older than thirty the this is perfectly normal. After the age of thirty, a man loses a bit of testosterone every year which could impact their sex life. However, if this is a recent and sudden change then we strongly advise that you see a medical practitioner for a diagnosis and advice on the way forward

  67. I think I have ED
    my dick…

    I think I have ED
    my dick gets hard for a few minutes but later on it stops and can’t get into the Vagina.
    How do I solve this problem..

  68. Hello Ridge,  Thank you so…

    Hello Ridge,  Thank you so much for reaching out and opening up to us.  ED is common but do not worry though, occasional ED isn’t uncommon. Many men experience it during times of stress. Frequent ED, however, can be a sign of health problems. It can also be a sign of emotional or relationship difficulties that may need to be addressed by a medical or psychological professional depending on what you beleive might be the root cause. Please check out the link to this article for more information:
    https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/erectile-dysfunction-what-to-do

     

    Have a wonderful weekend and stay safe buddy, you got this!!

  69. Kindly assist with any…
    Kindly assist with any contacts of a sexologist in kenya …Nairobi or Mombasa preferably

    1. Hello John, thank you for…

      Hello John, thank you for reaching out and asking a great question. A simple google search should be able to assist you with your question. Have a wonderful weekend ahead and stay safe. 

  70. I can’t last 1mnt during sex…
    I can’t last 1mnt during sex intercause

  71. Is there treatment for P.E
    Is there treatment for P.E

  72. Hello Felix, thank you for…

    Hello Felix, thank you for reaching out to us and asking a wonderful question. Premature Ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety, or even stress. The anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men, it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation.

    There are a few things you can do to improve control and last longer. In the short term, you can take short breaks during intercourse, you can also apply firm pressure underneath the penis during intercourse to push blood out of the penis hence decreasing sexual tension, distract yourself to think about other non sexual things or use penis desensitizers. Penis desensitizers come in the form of sprays and creams that can be applied on the penis minutes before intercourse and they help to delay ejaculation. Sometimes a condom can help reduce the sensitivity of the penis. 

    In the long term, one can ensure they eat healthily and avoid lots of processed foods, begin to exercise which improves blood flow in the body, reduce or eliminate the use of alcohol including smoking and more importantly reduce stress during intercourse. Foreplay will also play a critical role in preparing your partner and getting them closer to an orgasm.

    The following articles provide more information;-

    https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts
    https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

    Love Matters Team.

  73. Can you make a lady cum…
    Can you make a lady cum after you have already cum as a man,especially when you cum when you are still inside her vagina can you be hard again inside there and make her cum

    1. Hi Kevin, this indeed can…

      Hi Kevin, this indeed can happen especially because most of the time men do not go soft immediately.

  74. Is sweating during sex…
    Is sweating during sex abnormal

    1. Hi Wycliffe, it is perfectly…

      Hi Wycliffe, it is perfectly normal and expected since this is a physical activity

  75. My love akways complaini…
    My love akways complaini usually reach organism before her ,,,plizz help am feeling have failed her

    1. Hi Maxwell, thank you so…

      Hi Maxwell, thank you so much for reaching out to us. It sounds like you just need advice on how to last longer. This is a really common question, so you are not alone.

       There are some remedies that could help you last a little longer. However, if you have premature ejaculation, you should go see a doctor.
      One option is the stop-start method used to treat premature ejaculation but can also help a person last longer. This technique calls for the man to have sex or masturbate until you almost cum and then stop. When you’re about to climax, stop, and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure on the tube running underneath your penis. This will push blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, calming your ejaculatory response. This should be repeated many times.
      Another remedy is to engage in sex styles that do not stimulate the underside of the penis like spooning and reverse cowgirl. You could also masturbate before having sex.
       

  76. i usurelly erect bt when am…
    i usurelly erect bt when am on the process to get into the vigina i injerculate when am in the door. what could be the problem plz

    1. Hi Kelvin, 

      What you are…

      Hi Kelvin, 

      What you are experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. The anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men, it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation.

      There are a few things you one can do to improve control and last longer. In the short term, you can take short breaks during intercourse, you can also apply firm pressure underneath the penis during intercourse to push blood out of the penis hence decreasing sexual tension, distract yourself to think about other non-sexual things or use penis desensitizers. Penis desensitizers come in the form of sprays and creams that can be applied on the penis minutes before intercourse and they help to delay ejaculation. Sometimes a condom can help reduce the sensitivity on the penis. 

      In the long term, one can ensure they eat healthily and avoid lots of processed foods, begin to exercise which improves blood flow in the body, reduce or eliminate the use of alcohol including smoking and more importantly reduce stress during intercourse. Foreplay will also play a critical role in preparing your partner and getting them closer to an orgasm.

      The following articles provide more information;-

      https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts
      https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

      Love Matters Team.

  77. As married couples how many…
    As married couples how many days should you take before having sex to enjoy it

  78. Hi Esther, thank you so much…

    Hi Esther, thank you so much for getting in touch with us. Congratulations on taking the big step to marriage, we are happy and hope you both are too! Are you a virgin? If you are and have had sex for the first couple of times, it may hurt you. There are a couple of things you can do to help the process. Have you ever heard of foreplay? Foreplay is everything that gets you in the mood for sexual intercourse… Kissing is foreplay. Flirting and intimate conversations are foreplay. Click here to find out more: https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/foreplay-turning-up-the-heat

    If you are not a virgin and are not enjoying it, are there any physical, mental or emotional stress you are going through that may be resulting in you not enjoying it? Please let us know and have a wonderful week ahead! Stay safe!

  79. What makes some girls to…
    What makes some girls to become dry

  80. Ooh does using drugs like…
    Ooh does using drugs like Viagra makes one last longer??

    1. Hello Peter, thank you for…

      Hello Peter, thank you for getting in touch and we are glad you asked a great question. Viagra helps a man to achieve and maintain an erection, and thus hopefully enhances his sexual performance. For a man to get an erection, the blood vessels in his penis have to fill up with blood. As men age, this process becomes slower and the erections last a shorter time. Viagra was designed to open blood vessels up so that blood could flow easily through them, and thus decreasing blood pressure in people with hypertension. Enhanced erections were a welcome side-effect, and what the drug has become famous for. There are risks that do come with taking this drug and that is why it should only be taken when prescribed by a medical professional. Twenty percent of healthy young men have used Viagra or a similar drug, a recent study found. And not because of erection problems, but to boost sexual performance – despite the serious health risks. Click here to find out more: https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/viagra-for-kicks-the-myths-and-risks

      Let us know what you think and we hope this information helps! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe! Happy 2021!

  81. Hey, I’ve been having…
    Hey, I’ve been having difficulty in penetrating vagina,but my foreplay is great, what could be the problem and sometimes my erection isn’t that hard..I need help

    1. Hi there, 

      This happens. In…

      Hi there, 

      This happens. In some cases, the penis becomes partly erect but not hard enough to have sex properly. This may be a sign of erectile problems. Visit a doctor for tests and treatment. 

  82. I have a little of foreplay…
    I have a little of foreplay with my girl and she strokes my D.I get aroused but I take a while before ejaculating what is the problem?or do I have a problem?is it normal?

    1. Hi Brayo, 

      Well depends on…

      Hi Brayo, 

      Well depends on what ‘take a while’ means? How much time are we talking about? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 20? 30? . It could be that what you’re experiencing is normal or not. Kindly provide more details, we are happy to answer your question. 

      Also, it could be that your partner is not stimulating you (or getting you excited) well enough for you to ejaculate sooner? 

  83. what is the long lasting…
    what is the long lasting solution for poor erectile

    1. Hi Vincent, 

      The best thing…

      Hi Vincent, 

      The best thing to do is to visit a doctor so that it can be determined what is causing the erectile problem. Your doctor should be able to give the best treatment option. 

  84. Where can I get penile…
    Where can I get penile desenitiser

    1. Hi Jonah, 

      Check the…

      Hi Jonah, 

      Check the nearest pharmacy! You can also check their availability on various e-commerce sites. 

LOVE MATTERS

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships