Man with a blissful look on his face
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

His orgasms

When a man gets really turned on, he can have an orgasm – in other words, he can come, or climax.

When you're aroused:

  • You get an erection – your penis goes hard and gets bigger
  • A clear fluid called pre-ejaculate comes out of the end of your penis
  • Your breathing speeds up and you may even make noises
  • Your pupils (the dark centre in your eyes) get bigger

Arousal often leads to an orgasm.

What happens when a man has an orgasm?

When a man gets really turned on, he can have an orgasm – in other words, he can come, or climax.

When you have an orgasm, your muscles contract and you ejaculate – a yellowish-white liquid comes out of your penis. Men often discover orgasms themselves when they start masturbating.

When a man comes while having intercourse, he usually stops moving back and forth. At this point, it’s usually too sensitive to move. After an orgasm, the head of the penis – the glans – becomes very sensitive. It can be very uncomfortable if you touch it.

Women, on the other hand, often enjoy it if the movement goes on for a little while after they’ve had an orgasm.

Sensitive spots

Your entire body is one big sensitive spot! But it feels particularly nice when certain parts of your body are touched – these are called erogenous zones. In men, it’s the penis and testicles, especially the head of the penis. But your neck, arms, chest, and buttocks are also sensitive.

Too fast?

Sometimes a man can reach orgasm too quickly during intercourse. This can be frustrating for you, and leave the woman feeling disappointed and unsatisfied. Both of you might feel that it was all over too soon.
Here are some tips to delay reaching a climax:

  • Take a short break
  • Switch your attention to other parts of your body
  • Think about something other than sex
  • Withdraw your penis from the vagina for a little while
  • Squeeze the base of your penis underneath with your fingers

Another orgasm?

A man can’t have another orgasm straight away. A woman can – around 10 to 15 seconds after an orgasm her clitoris returns to its normal state.

Keeping in step

Do you find that you come more quickly than she does? That’s perfectly normal. Most men reach orgasm more quickly and easily than women.
A couple of tips to help keep in step with each other:

  • Take time to build up your lovemaking. And ask your partner what she likes.
  • Put her at ease so she can just let go and enjoy you touching her without always caressing you too. Show her that you also find it really arousing to see her enjoying your caresses.

Simultaneous orgasms

Did you both have an orgasm at the same time? You’ve been lucky! Usually, it’s not so easy to have a simultaneous orgasm. When you come, you’re usually thinking about yourself and not your partner.
If you manage to come at the same time it’s nice, but it can also be exciting to come one after the other. Then you can pay more attention to your partner and enjoy seeing them have an orgasm.

Afterplay

It’s nice to enjoy cuddling, caressing, and talking after making love. Afterplay is often particularly important for women.

Comments
Hey Hamisi, Yes this is true, however it may not happen at the same time but women do also ejaculate when they orgasm. Check out the following article for more information on female orgasm. https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms
sandrascarlet14 @gmail.com
Fri, 08/25/2017 - 20:05
True,but here comes the problem,when he ejaculate for a long time he doesn't go more than 1shot and that same one shot takes 5mints only,how can you help
Hey Sandra, I believe you mean he takes a short time to ejaculate. 5 minutes is within what is the average time for sexual intercourse. Also your partner can have more than one shot but it will take about 20-30 minutes between shots him to get an erection. Sex is usually better when you talk about it, find a good time and talk about sex, let him know what you want. You can also teach him or show him what you want. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex
Premature ejaculation can be caused by a number of reasons including fear, performance anxiety, stress. In younger men it could be as a result of sexual experience; as one gains more experience they also gain better control of their ejaculation. The following are tips on how you can overcome premature ejaculation;- You could begin by regular exercises, eat healthy - avoid lots of processed foods, relax during sex by taking short breaks and deep breaths. You can also distract yourself by thinking about non sexual things. Always begin with foreplay, you will find that your does enjoy an extended foreplay session. Lastly, most women are likely not to orgasm from intercourse only or vaginal penetration since this does not give attention to what is one of the most sensitive parts-the clitoris. You may need to either stroke the clitoris with a finger or even lick it to get your partner orgasm. Talking about sex does make it better, so keep talking to improve the experience for you both. Check the articles;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation
Hey Anorld, Masturbation has no medical effect. Premature ejaculation maybe the result of a lack of sexual experience, fear, stress or even performance anxiety. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-your-burning-questions-answered
Hi, It is not expected that this will happen. There minor side effects that are expected with some methods like the Pill including mood swings but these should go away with time. It should actually have a positive effect because now there is no worry that one can get pregnant. Check out these articles;- https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control

Hello Sammie, the only way your partner will know what you need is by asking. Share your desire with her, if she is ready you can proceed. It is good that you talk about use of preventive measures such as condoms or PrEP (https://lovematters.co.ke/safe-sex/sti-prevention/pre-exposure-prophylaxis-top-facts) for prevention of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections including HIV. 

However if she is not ready, respect her decision until the time she will be ready. 

Hi Steve, What you are experiencing is known as premature ejaculation can be caused by a number of reasons including fear, performance anxiety, stress. In younger men it could be as a result of sexual experience; as one gains more experience they also gain better control of their ejaculation. The following are tips on how you can overcome premature ejaculation;- You could begin by regular exercises, eat healthy - avoid lots of processed foods, relax during sex by taking short breaks and deep breaths. You can also distract yourself by thinking about non sexual things. Always begin with foreplay, you will find that your does enjoy an extended foreplay session. Lastly, most women are likely not to orgasm from intercourse only or vaginal penetration since this does not give attention to what is one of the most sensitive parts-the clitoris. You may need to either stroke the clitoris with a finger or even lick it to get your partner orgasm. Talking about sex does make it better, so keep talking to improve the experience for you both. Check the articles;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

Immaculate
Thu, 06/14/2018 - 16:56
Hi Love Matters, my boyfriend always finishes too soon when I am just beginning to enjoy. What could be the problem? I want him to stay longer, what can I do?

Hi Immaculate, What your partner is experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. There are a few things he can do to overcome this;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation Overcoming this will take practice and time, and for this reason your partner will need your support and understanding.  

Hey Javan, while quantity or how long you last during sex is important, you will also find that the quality of sex is equally or more important. It helps to talk to your partner to get to know what they like or want during sex as you also share what it is you like or want. If you are lasting shorter than two minutes, you may need some tricks to try last alittle. Check out the following article for tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

I usually take about 1 hour to ejaculate during sex sometimes my partner is very tired I stop without finishing. My partner always complain that I am taking very long. Is this OK or normal?

Hello Kenn, what you are experiencing is known as Delayed Ejaculation which means ejaculating way later than desired – or even not at all. This can be caused by psychological factors. These could be fear of sex, having been abused, or thinking that sex isn't good (that it’s, for example, dirty or a sin).

When you see a doctor about this, they will ask you questions about what could be causing the problem and treat you accordingly. This may also mean seeing a psychologist to discuss any issues you may have. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-men

 

Hi James, sorry about this. To achieve better control of ones ejaculation take practice and time. You will need to repeat the exercises and tips over sometime and eventually you will master the control and be bale to last longer. I suggest you keep practicing, talking to your partner about this may also help. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

I am 31 years old and every time I have sex I don't release sperms. What might be the problem. I used but now. I don't. Help me get a solution.

Hello Mosoti, you are experiencing what is known as delayed ejaculation which means ejaculating way later than desired – or even not at all. This mostly affects older men. It can also be caused by psychological factors including fear of sex, having been abused, or thinking that sex isn't good (that it’s, for example, dirty or a sin). It is important to see a Doctor who will help determine what could be causing this and then advice on what you can do to change this. Check out this article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-men

Hi, to address this problem or premature ejaculation, one would need to find out what is causing it. The reasons range from psychological to physical issues. This will help to find the best possible solution since in some cases taking medication may not be necessary. It is important to only take such treatment with a prescription or following advice from a health care provider. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts

Anonymous
Fri, 07/20/2018 - 14:42
Why does my partner cum too soon sometimes he does not even insert his penis and he has already cum. Why does this happen, I am I the problem or it is him?

Hi, this means that your partner get too excited too quickly and he is unable to control his ejaculation. This is known as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article for more information on how your partner can try manage this;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation 

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