'I was twenty when I first had sex with my then-girlfriend, Natalie. It had just been a minute and I came. We both laughed it off, saying that the excitement of doing it for the first time must have been too much. But I came equally soon when we had sex for the second time that night.
However, since both of us were inexperienced, we didn’t realise it was a problem. We were a couple for two years until I decided to break up with her.
'Natalie was predictably upset and we had a heated argument during which she said, "At least I can now find a real man who will satisfy me!” When I asked her what she meant by that she scornfully said, "My girlfriends have a good laugh every time I tell them you’re the true definition of a quickie. You come before we even get started! I stayed with you only because I felt sorry for you. Good luck finding a woman and keeping her!'"
Angry, depressed, and embarrassed
'Despite being aware that a lot of what Natalie said came from a place of anger, I also knew, deep down, she wasn’t far from the truth. The few times we had had sex (we did it like once a month because it was hard to find a place or she was travelling for work frequently), I would come in a matter of seconds after penetration.
'After breaking up with her, I went on a quite a few dates and some of them ended with sex.
Unfortunately, each time I came too soon and once I even came before I could manage to penetrate. None of those women called me ever again!
'I was depressed, angry, and so embarrassed that I just stopped dating. I didn’t want to face rejection and humiliation. I couldn’t stand being made fun of. My social life was me sitting in front of the television every night either drinking or eating myself to sleep. To make matters worse, all of my friends were in relationships or going out on dates.'
A common problem
'Thanks to some internet research I figured out my problem is called premature ejaculation (PE) but I was too much of “man” to go to a doctor. Eventually, better sense prevailed and I went to a doctor to discuss my PE problem. I was so self-conscious and terrified of speaking about something so personal.
'Luckily the doctor sensed I was uncomfortable and put me at ease. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. To my relief, he said PE was a problem he deals with often and different types of treatment work for different people. We started with counselling and techniques I could use while having sex as well as certain medications I could try if nothing else worked.
'It took me months to get to a point where I felt confident about my skills in the bedroom. However, I wisely worked on other ways to pleasure my sexual partners such as foreplay and oral sex. And now I have a wonderful and most understanding girlfriend and we are enjoying the sex as well as our journey together!'
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