Distressed young man in front of a blurred grey background
Shutterstock

Premature ejaculation: I come too soon

By Nehaa Singh Khamboj Monday, December 29, 2014 - 15:45
A few disappointing sexual encounters and unsatisfied women later, Thomas is very embarrassed about ejaculating prematurely.

'I was twenty when I first had sex with my then-girlfriend, Natalie. It had just been a minute and I came. We both laughed it off, saying that the excitement of doing it for the first time must have been too much. But I came equally soon when we had sex for the second time that night.
However, since both of us were inexperienced, we didn’t realise it was a problem. We were a couple for two years until I decided to break up with her.

'Natalie was predictably upset and we had a heated argument during which she said, "At least I can now find a real man who will satisfy me!” When I asked her what she meant by that she scornfully said, "My girlfriends have a good laugh every time I tell them you’re the true definition of a quickie. You come before we even get started! I stayed with you only because I felt sorry for you. Good luck finding a woman and keeping her!'"

Angry, depressed, and embarrassed

'Despite being aware that a lot of what Natalie said came from a place of anger, I also knew, deep down, she wasn’t far from the truth. The few times we had had sex (we did it like once a month because it was hard to find a place or she was travelling for work frequently), I would come in a matter of seconds after penetration.

'After breaking up with her, I went on a quite a few dates and some of them ended with sex.

Unfortunately, each time I came too soon and once I even came before I could manage to penetrate. None of those women called me ever again!

'I was depressed, angry, and so embarrassed that I just stopped dating. I didn’t want to face rejection and humiliation. I couldn’t stand being made fun of. My social life was me sitting in front of the television every night either drinking or eating myself to sleep. To make matters worse, all of my friends were in relationships or going out on dates.'

A common problem

'Thanks to some internet research I figured out my problem is called premature ejaculation (PE) but I was too much of “man” to go to a doctor. Eventually, better sense prevailed and I went to a doctor to discuss my PE problem. I was so self-conscious and terrified of speaking about something so personal.

'Luckily the doctor sensed I was uncomfortable and put me at ease. Once I started talking I couldn’t stop. To my relief, he said PE was a problem he deals with often and different types of treatment work for different people. We started with counselling and techniques I could use while having sex as well as certain medications I could try if nothing else worked.

'It took me months to get to a point where I felt confident about my skills in the bedroom. However, I wisely worked on other ways to pleasure my sexual partners such as foreplay and oral sex. And now I have a wonderful and most understanding girlfriend and we are enjoying the sex as well as our journey together!'


Have you ever suffered from premature ejaculation? Would you like to share your experiences?  For questions, please head to our discussion board; our moderators are here to help you. 

Comments
Hi Tommy, it seems that longer penises could give women better vaginal orgasms- but vaginal orgasms are just one kind of orgasm! http://lovematters.co.ke/news/long-penis-gives-women-vaginal-orgasms In general, it is much more important to know about the clitoris, and how to deal with it than what size the penis is!
How to Deal with Premature Ejaculation ByRuth K. WestheimerandPierre A. Lehu 7 of 8 in Series: The Essentials of Sexual Orgasms Prematureejaculationis a common but stressful concern, and not just among young men. A premature ejaculator can’t keep himself from ejaculating (or “coming”) before he wants to. The cause is not physical, but mental. In other words, it’s not the man’s penis that is “malfunctioning,” but his brain. The upside is that a man can learn how to control hisorgasmsand avoid premature ejaculation with time and discipline. As with many sexual dysfunctions, different degrees of premature ejaculation exist. Some men are so severely afflicted that they can’t last long enough to penetrate a woman for intercourse. But even a man who can last 15 minutes may fall under the umbrella of premature ejaculator if he wants to last 5 extra minutes and can’t do so. The time frame depends on the man. The penis of a man who hasn’t beencircumcisedis often more sensitive than a circumcised man’s. That said, no scientific study has shown that circumcision makes a significant difference. Most certainly a man who isn’t circumcised can learn how to prolong his climax just as effectively as a man who is. Home remedies Home remedies are generally not recommended. (Why not try to discover how to take control of the situation altogether so you can fully enjoy and engage in intercourse?) That said, people have all sorts of ideas about what he can do to make himself last longer before seeking professional help. As you may expect, the results are mixed. *. The baseball technique:Think of something that isn’t sexy. This technique can work to some degree, but it’s not a good way of making love. Your partner may sense that wall you put between you and the act and think that you want to distance yourself from her. *. Condoms:Condoms cut down on the sensations that a man has. If one condom doesn’t work, then put on two or more. Although using two condoms may decrease a man's sensation, it also decreases condom effectiveness — so unless your partner is using another method ofbirthcontroland you're bothSTD-free, don't try this technique. *. Over-the-counter products:Some products supposedly lessen the sensations in the penis so the man can last longer. *. Masturbation:Some young men masturbate before going out on a date that may lead to sex. The object here is to decrease the intensity of their desire for sex in the hopes of gaining some control. *. Different positions:Themissionaryposition(when the man is on top) is probably the one in which men have the most problems, but not always. The real cure: Recognizing thepremonitorysensation The real cure for premature ejaculation is for you to be able to recognize thepremonitory sensation —the feeling a man gets just before he reaches the point of no return, also called the moment of inevitability. Right before he reaches that point, if he so desires, he can cool the fires and not ejaculate. And if he wants to abandon his status as premature ejaculator, he must learn to identify this sensation. The idea, then, is to learn how to slow down the process before you get too close to the edge. You can do this with a cooperative partner or, although it takes more effort and self-control, by yourself. The technique itself is very simple, but it involves some discipline, and that discipline’s not always so simple. The start-stop technique Learn how to recognize the premonitory sensation and stop before you get to the point of inevitability. You do this by slowly increasing your level of arousal, stopping, allowing yourself to calm down, and then heading back upward again. Some people advise assigning numbers to the levels, from 1 to 10, with 10 being the point of no return. If that numbering system helps you, fine. If it distracts you, then just concentrate on the sensations. For a couple, the woman should use her hand to arouse the man and stops the motion when he signals her to. Slowly, he begins to exercise more and more control. Depending on the man, this whole process can take a few weeks or a few months, but the process is almost always successful if done with discipline and without engaging in actual intercourse until full control is achieved. Some men get impatient upon initial early success. They decide to engage in full intercourse before they’ve cemented their control. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. When the technique doesn’t work, they’re disappointed, and some men even give up entirely. The Masters and Johnson squeeze technique Rather than merely stopping stimulation to the penis, the man’s partner gently squeezes thefrenumof the penis (the strip of skin connecting theglansto the shaft on the underside of the penis) until the man loses his urge to ejaculate. Because the start-stop technique is usually effective, the squeeze technique isn’t as commonly used. Another usefulaidin controlling premature ejaculation can be the pubococcygeus (PC)muscle, which, when squeezed, has a similar effect to the woman squeezing the base of the penis. The first thing you have to do is find this muscle. Put a finger behind yourtesticles. Pretend that you’re going to urinate and then stop yourself. You’ll feel a muscle tighten, and that’s your PC muscle. If you exercise this muscle regularly, by squeezing it in sets of ten, it will get stronger, and you can then use it to help control your ejaculations.
anonymous
Tue, 10/21/2014 - 13:49
I thing always rise in a second of sexual touch and I come during a few seconds of foreplay....pls I need some help
DAMASEN M MUGISHA
Tue, 10/21/2014 - 14:11
I dated my girlfriend for five month, we loved each other soo much to the extent of promising marriage to each other. We often go outings and one day I begged her to visit me and she promised to make a suprise for me one day. As time went on, one day I begged her to come and we enjoy sex but what shocked me is that this girl hated me for two weeks and she couldn't pick my calls one day I tried to talk to her so that I can appologise but she couldn't give me a chance. So for that matter I need your advise. What can I do to approach her because I love her so much. Thanks.
Add new comment

Comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>