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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Knowing when to break up

Do you feel like you’ve given your relationship your all, but it's not working? Or you grew apart? Then it’s probably time to consider ending the relationship.

Breaking up with your partner is never easy, but sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes we stay in unhappy relationships because ending it is such a tough decision, and can cause a lot of emotional stress and practical problems. If you're putting it off, even though you feel it's the right thing to do, you're not the only one.

When is it time to break up?

It’s tough to know if it's really time to break up with your partner. Here are a few signs that it’s time to break up and move on:​​​

  • One of you cheated on the other and you both realise it's over.
  • You've lost interest in spending time with your partner.
  • Your relationship has changed a lot since you first started being together, and you don't like the way things are going.
  • You fight a lot with your partner. These fights keep happening even though you’ve tried talking out the underlying problems properly.
  • You find it hard to be yourself in the relationship.
  • You've started keeping secrets from your partner or have discovered that your partner is keeping secrets from you.
  • You and your partner find yourselves having to say 'sorry' too often.
  • It's been a long time since you said 'I love you' to each other.
  • You haven’t had sex in a long time.
  • You lack the energy, drive, or motivation to make up to your partner.

These are just a few indicators. The strongest of them all is feeling there’s something wrong with your relationship.

Relationships always have their ups and downs. It can be worth working hard with your partner to try to improve the situation. Sometimes the problems aren’t really about you and your partner, but about outside circumstances that are putting a strain on your relationship – things like money worries, trouble at work, a lost job, or arguments with family.

Yes, you can come out of the other side of a bad patch feeling closer than ever. But that doesn’t mean that you and/or your partner should spend years of your lives feeling unhappy all the time. So sometimes a break-up is the best option.

Did you learn something new?

Hi Jenny, If you feel that you want to end a relationship you need to begin by making sure your reasons are clear. Then find a good time to talk to your partner about these especu=ially if you feel the reasons that have led you to this decisioncannot be rsolved. It is important you do it in person since you have been together with this person for a while. Expect that he wmay not accept this decision and so you need to be clear, firm but not really cruel. Lastly, think before hand about how your relationship will change and prepare for that change. Check out the following article for more tips on how to break up;-

Hi Cynthia, thank you so much for your question. To be honest, any issue that cannot be resolved can indeed lead to a break-up. However, parties in the relationship need to understand that compromise is key in making relationships work.

Communication is essential for any relationship to stay alive and even grow. You cannot resolve the problems you have if you are not talking to each other. If you are not able to talk to each other it maybe time to consider a break up. Have you tried to reach out to your partner to resolve the issues? What led to this state of the relationship?
my boyfriend cheated me with her mothers househelp that tym I felt so bad bt after sometime I jxt forgot he wants me back should I accept him???
Hi Caro, Have you forgiven him? Have you resolved the trust issues that were brought about by the cheating? You need to think about whether you are capable of trusting him like you did before. Think about whether you want to give him another chance. This is a decision only you can make. Check out this article;-
Hi, my man has been keeping to himself lately due to the fact that he's financially down. I've tried all my means of communicating with him but he still shut me out... What can I do in order not to lose my relationship
Hi Bella, this experience is obviously tough for your partner. All you can do is to give him time and reassure him of your support to him. You want to communicate your support to him without pestering as this may have affected hi self esteem. You cam also try and keep your conversations away from the financial challenges as much as possible. we wish you well.
Hey Liza, You seem to both agree that the relationship is not what it should be or was. This however doesn't mean that your relationship has failed, if you believe there is still a chance then you both need to talk, find out what has let to this and then find a way forward. We wish you well. Check out this article;-
my boyfriend keeps on promising me promises bt he failed for what he promised me. When i asked him why u do so he keeps saying don't worry abt it whats the problem with him and i really love him
Hi Nancy, I couldn't possibly tell what the problem is with him. You may however want to let him know that this is disappointing to you and that it is important for him to keep his word when he make a promise to you so that he doesn't negatively affect your trust in him. Wish you well.

Hey Shade, are you still dating or you broke up? If he has said he no longer wants to marry you, do you want to be in a relationship that will not lead to marriage? You need to take sometime and think about what you want in a relationship and determine whether you can get what you are looking for in this relationship. If you want a relationship that will lead to marriage and he doesn't want to get married it maybe time to break up. Take sometime and think about what you want and then make an informed decision. Check out the following article for additional information;-

I meet this guy on face book we dated almost six month, the thing is he insisted I move with him and start a family and all he wants is sharing everything like paying the house and buying food .the first time we meet we use to go out and eat but nowadays he doesn't he is saying is looking money for shifting and now I'm a wife I'm so confused.
Hi Jill, you need to talk with your husband about the things that are bringing about the with your husband. It maybe important to talk about what your expectations were before and what they are right now, in him as your partner and the marriage. Also, let him tell you what his expectations are so together you can both agree on the way forward.
My boyfriend treats his friends more special than he does to me... He is never willing to have us on social media...I feel like quiting..should I?
Hi Tina, Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? It may help to get to know what his reasons are for not wanting to go public about your relationship. Think about what but more importantly which kind of person you want to be with and then make a decision on how to proceed with your current partner.
I have the same issue he prefers treating my friend who is a girl special more than me there was a time I borrowed him some money he said he doesn't have but the girl asked him for money and he gave her he didn't even consult me and get has become violent we are engaged but funny thing is that he bought a ring but he didn't even say will u marry me he just gave me the ring I am the one who put it in the finger not him he treats me like I don't exist I buy him stuffs he doesn't even appreciate it for my side don't even remember the last time he bought me a gift he says he wants us to wed but he doesn't even call or text to check on me during the day u see him on Facebook but he doesn't even text back plz help me should u continue with this relationship? Am not close to him any more I don't open up to him anymore

Hey Andor, is the kind of partner and relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life? Have you talked with him about these? You need to take sometime and think about what you want in a partner and a relationship. It appears your partner doesn't care for you or even respect you. If he is unwilling to change to better your relationship, it maybe to break up and move on. Have a look at the following article for more information;-

Hello Fay, So sorry about this. Have you talked to your husband about this? You may want to talk to him about this to really see what could be going on. Do talk about it and if he is remorseful think about whether you are willing to forgive and trust again. We do wish you well. Check out this article;-
We've be married for 16 years but at times it on n off there violence involved,unfaithfulnes,n bad mouthing, n when ever I walk away he trys to make me feel it was my fault, we have children n it has reach a point where my children don't want us to stay together coz they have seen him abuse me what should I do
Hey Terry, Sorry about this. I|t seems the issues in your relationship have gone to far to the point your children feel the need to protect you. If it is not possible for your relationship to go back to what things used to be before, it maybe time to break up. Remember exposing the children to such violence does affect them and may affect their own relationships in the future.
I had this man for six months.I love him so much but all we keep doing is fight.he cheats on me but forgive him but I now decided to move on but I totally can't I get so stressed I just can't forget him but when am with him is just fights what should I do??
Hi Betty, Is this the relationship you want? If he is unwilling to change particularly on the cheating it maybe to breakup. Fights are also a sign of deep seated dissatisfaction in the relationship. You both need to have an honest communication about what is happening in your relationship and agree on how to proceed.
My gal friend wants us to get married, am also broke she always says, u are broke but I love u, men with wealth are many wants me ..... I patience pays
Wed, 11/22/2017 - 04:37 pm
I have a boyfriend that I really love and he also claim to love me back, but when he does something wrong to me and I confront him about it he ends up getting ungry and blaming me for his actions. Sometimes I really feel bad and ungry and even think of calling the relationship quit what should I do
Hi Kimberly, All relationships will have problems from time to time. Partners will disagree but how they choose to resolve the issues is what makes the difference. It is important to maintain open and honest communication between partner. This communication ensures you can address any issues without having to hurt each other or the relationship. You need to talk with your partner, talk about how you have both handled differences in the past and agree on how to do it better in future. Check out this article;-
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