Young couple looking distant and upset in bed
Jeppe Schilder

Knowing when to break up

Do you feel like you’ve given your relationship your all, but it's not working? Or you grew apart? Then it’s probably time to consider ending the relationship.

Breaking up with your partner is never easy, but sometimes you have to do it. Sometimes we stay in unhappy relationships because ending it is such a tough decision, and can cause a lot of emotional stress and practical problems. If you're putting it off, even though you feel it's the right thing to do, you're not the only one.

When is it time to break up?

It’s tough to know if it's really time to break up with your partner. Here are a few signs that it’s time to break up and move on:​​​

  • One of you cheated on the other and you both realise it's over.
  • You've lost interest in spending time with your partner.
  • Your relationship has changed a lot since you first started being together, and you don't like the way things are going.
  • You fight a lot with your partner. These fights keep happening even though you’ve tried talking out the underlying problems properly.
  • You find it hard to be yourself in the relationship.
  • You've started keeping secrets from your partner or have discovered that your partner is keeping secrets from you.
  • You and your partner find yourselves having to say 'sorry' too often.
  • It's been a long time since you said 'I love you' to each other.
  • You haven’t had sex in a long time.
  • You lack the energy, drive, or motivation to make up to your partner.

These are just a few indicators. The strongest of them all is feeling there’s something wrong with your relationship.

Relationships always have their ups and downs. It can be worth working hard with your partner to try to improve the situation. Sometimes the problems aren’t really about you and your partner, but about outside circumstances that are putting a strain on your relationship – things like money worries, trouble at work, a lost job, or arguments with family.

Yes, you can come out of the other side of a bad patch feeling closer than ever. But that doesn’t mean that you and/or your partner should spend years of your lives feeling unhappy all the time. So sometimes a break-up is the best option.

Comments
Hi Jenny, If you feel that you want to end a relationship you need to begin by making sure your reasons are clear. Then find a good time to talk to your partner about these especu=ially if you feel the reasons that have led you to this decisioncannot be rsolved. It is important you do it in person since you have been together with this person for a while. Expect that he wmay not accept this decision and so you need to be clear, firm but not really cruel. Lastly, think before hand about how your relationship will change and prepare for that change. Check out the following article for more tips on how to break up;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up
Communication is essential for any relationship to stay alive and even grow. You cannot resolve the problems you have if you are not talking to each other. If you are not able to talk to each other it maybe time to consider a break up. Have you tried to reach out to your partner to resolve the issues? What led to this state of the relationship?
my boyfriend cheated me with her mothers househelp that tym I felt so bad bt after sometime I jxt forgot everything.....now he wants me back should I accept him???
Hi Caro, Have you forgiven him? Have you resolved the trust issues that were brought about by the cheating? You need to think about whether you are capable of trusting him like you did before. Think about whether you want to give him another chance. This is a decision only you can make. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/cheating-top-five-facts
Hi, my man has been keeping to himself lately due to the fact that he's financially down. I've tried all my means of communicating with him but he still shut me out... What can I do in order not to lose my relationship
Hi Bella, this experience is obviously tough for your partner. All you can do is to give him time and reassure him of your support to him. You want to communicate your support to him without pestering as this may have affected hi self esteem. You cam also try and keep your conversations away from the financial challenges as much as possible. we wish you well.
Hey Liza, You seem to both agree that the relationship is not what it should be or was. This however doesn't mean that your relationship has failed, if you believe there is still a chance then you both need to talk, find out what has let to this and then find a way forward. We wish you well. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems
my boyfriend keeps on promising me promises bt he failed for what he promised me. When i asked him why u do so he keeps saying don't worry abt it whats the problem with him and i really love him
Hi Nancy, I couldn't possibly tell what the problem is with him. You may however want to let him know that this is disappointing to you and that it is important for him to keep his word when he make a promise to you so that he doesn't negatively affect your trust in him. Wish you well.
I meet this guy on face book we dated almost six month, the thing is he insisted I move with him and start a family and all he wants is sharing everything like paying the house and buying food .the first time we meet we use to go out and eat but nowadays he doesn't he is saying is looking money for shifting and now I'm a wife I'm so confused.
Hi Jill, you need to talk with your husband about the things that are bringing about the with your husband. It maybe important to talk about what your expectations were before and what they are right now, in him as your partner and the marriage. Also, let him tell you what his expectations are so together you can both agree on the way forward.
My boyfriend treats his friends more special than he does to me... He is never willing to have us on social media...I feel like quiting..should I?
Hi Tina, Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? It may help to get to know what his reasons are for not wanting to go public about your relationship. Think about what but more importantly which kind of person you want to be with and then make a decision on how to proceed with your current partner.
Hello Fay, So sorry about this. Have you talked to your husband about this? You may want to talk to him about this to really see what could be going on. Do talk about it and if he is remorseful think about whether you are willing to forgive and trust again. We do wish you well. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/tips-to-recover-from-cheating-in-marriage
We've be married for 16 years but at times it on n off there violence involved,unfaithfulnes,n bad mouthing, n when ever I walk away he trys to make me feel it was my fault, we have children n it has reach a point where my children don't want us to stay together coz they have seen him abuse me what should I do
Hey Terry, Sorry about this. I|t seems the issues in your relationship have gone to far to the point your children feel the need to protect you. If it is not possible for your relationship to go back to what things used to be before, it maybe time to break up. Remember exposing the children to such violence does affect them and may affect their own relationships in the future.
I had this man for six months.I love him so much but all we keep doing is fight.he cheats on me but forgive him but I now decided to move on but I totally can't I get so stressed I just can't forget him but when am with him is just fights what should I do??
Hi Betty, Is this the relationship you want? If he is unwilling to change particularly on the cheating it maybe to breakup. Fights are also a sign of deep seated dissatisfaction in the relationship. You both need to have an honest communication about what is happening in your relationship and agree on how to proceed.
My gal friend wants us to get married, am also broke she always says, u are broke but I love u, men with wealth are many wants me ..... I patience pays
I have a boyfriend that I really love and he also claim to love me back, but when he does something wrong to me and I confront him about it he ends up getting ungry and blaming me for his actions. Sometimes I really feel bad and ungry and even think of calling the relationship quit what should I do
Hi Kimberly, All relationships will have problems from time to time. Partners will disagree but how they choose to resolve the issues is what makes the difference. It is important to maintain open and honest communication between partner. This communication ensures you can address any issues without having to hurt each other or the relationship. You need to talk with your partner, talk about how you have both handled differences in the past and agree on how to do it better in future. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/fighting-dos-and-donts
I have been I a relationship since in high school and now we have a daughter 6yrs BT the guy never responsible BT claims to love us... Till now he lives with his parents and he depends on me BT now am tired of him,should I quit plz
Hi... Have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and promised to marry me... But the relationship has been having ups and down even communication from him has been a problem he does say that he's not into phone that much last weekend we did not talk upon our meeting but yesterday he told me he is not interested in the affair anymore what should I do pls
Hi, am married for 3years but things have changed totally Simply because my hubby has been cheating on me severally with à number of girls. We have been Discussing the matter over and over again but denies that and vow he does not have any. This is really eating me up even after having à baby with another Lady out there hé denies hé is responsible.i have one Child and Sometimes ï feel ï Should leave him
Hi Emma, So sorry about this. Cheating causes a rift between partners especially when partners are unable to resolve the issues. If he refuses to change and commit to your relationship even after having another child with someone else, you now have to think about what you want and then make a decision.
I have a a boyfriend whom we've dated with for three months,, we've been using a condom but he changed abruptly, he wants us to have unprotected sex,when I'm in my safe days, I don't like the idea coz l fear I might become pregnant,, I've shared it to him but he don't want to listen,, should I quit
Hi Caren, Condoms are one option for preventing Pregnancy you can consider using. Safe days can be unreliable for preventing pregnancy. You can however consider other methods. It maybe important to begin by getting tested for HIV together if you haven't already since only condoms can prevent both Sexually Transmitted Infections and pregnancy. However, if you are not ready for this and you are unable to agree on how to proceed it may be time to break up. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control
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