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Cheating and infidelity

Cheating means breaking the rules you have agreed on in a committed relationship. Usually cheating refers to sexual infidelity or adultery.

If you're making out or having sex with someone outside of your committed relationship, it means you’re cheating on your partner.

Cheating doesn’t always have to be sexual. Sometimes cheating is on an emotional level. When someone shares intimate thoughts with a person who’s not their partner, it’s called emotional cheating.

Cheating of any form can cause a lot of sorrow in relationships and can even lead to break-up or divorce.

Find out more about cheating in our Cheating: top five facts.

Why do people cheat?

There are many reasons why people cheat on their partners. You might cheat if you don’t love your partner any more, if sex isn’t satisfying, if your partner has cheated on you in the past, or if you feel neglected or under-appreciated.

Lying to your partner about your affairs can be a stop-gap arrangement, but it’s very likely that sooner or later your partner will discover the truth. If you feel guilty about having cheated and don't want to end your relationship, confessing might be an option. You could also keep quiet about what happened, although the lack of honesty could put a strain on your relationship.

If you've cheated and decided you want to end it with your partner, there are two options – to confess your behaviour and say goodbye or to hide your infidelity and say you want to break up for other reasons.

Is your partner cheating on you?

If you know your partner well and have had a close, long-term relationship, you can often tell when something’s not right. You might notice that they’ve begun spending a lot more time at work, they have less time for you and your family, start taking calls in private, and seem less committed to doing things with you. Maybe they're paying attention to their looks, and they appear confused and detached. When you ask them if anything's wrong, they shrug off your question.

Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damage the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation, or divorce. You might spend days, weeks, or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened.

But don't blame yourself – take some time to calm down and think about your relationship.

Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship?

The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take.

Did you learn something new?

hi, i got this lady whom ive 3 children with, i love her really much though she takes ma love 4 granted....dat she can even make appointments with guys in ma presence on phone asking her who the person was she tells u collegemate...she times me once am away at work...goes out there n comes back be4 me....looking thru her phone ...its just terrible...wondering what i should do...i think of breaking up but then how about the kids...making matters worse....sex is terrible...she totally doesnt want it with me at all..im only 29yrs and she is always talking of seperating beds ...some advise pls
Wed, 05/03/2017 - 05:28 pm

In reply to by tony

Hi Tony, Have you talked to her about these concerns? If you feel she is cheating on you the best way to to raise this with her to get to know what could be going on. What seems to have happened in your relationship is a breakdown in communication which has led to you both growing apart as partly reflected in your sex life. While you are thinking about the children, it is important that you both talk about the state of your relationship and agree on how to proceed. Check out the following articles for more information. https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up
Sat, 05/06/2017 - 11:30 am

In reply to by tony

you better move out reason u married her while she is having kids and yet she is dating others.don't fight, move out and other things.she has known how weak you are as well she has no love with you.you are like a photo in the house.

Hello there, it is important that you both try and protect your children when a relationship falls apart considering that your actions will affect the children negatively or positively. Talk and agree on how to co-parent your children even if you are not together.

Sometimes u maybe cheated on with the actual father to your so called daughter....first put the concern forward to her n if no response then sure its yo daughter... Boss there a many serious women out there waiting for u... Bless u bro
Mon, 06/05/2017 - 09:09 am

In reply to by tony

Am sorry to say dis but yo stupid wat a u still doing with her just separate take yo children to yo mother she will take care of her grandchildren instead of getting aids
Am married and my husband is still cheating on me,he even had the guts to blame me for it,I really felt bad my self esteem was so down,I even changed for him but he still cheats n pick his mistress phone when we r together,am really trying to hold on just for my son,sometimes I even think of revanging but I cant

Hey Lavender, it is never easy to deal with a cheating partner, it can lead to feeling angry, hurt, worthless, and helpless. It is worsened by the fact that he does it without remorse. Consider giving yourself some time and space to think things over. Reflect on your relationship and try to understand that besides cheating, what other issues are at play. Don’t take any major decisions immediately. Think them over carefully and be very sure of whatever you decide. Check out this article for more information: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/cheating-top-five-facts

Thu, 06/29/2017 - 04:03 pm

In reply to by tony

Hi Tony, If you feel your partner could be cheating on you, the best thing to do is talk with her about your suspicion. Let her know what you have observed. Give her a chance to tell you what could be going on. After which you can make a decision on how to proceed with this relationship. Check out the following article for more information:- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up
Wed, 08/30/2017 - 09:30 am

In reply to by tony

Its evident your partner has fallen out of live with you n is trying her best to have you break up with her.Sometimes,staying in a loveless relationship for the"sake of the kids"does more harm to them than you can imagine. Take a break from her,maybe move out n give yourselves space,let her re evaluate your value in her life.Sometimes too much love only destroys. Learn to love yourself as much as you love her. Again if there's no sex at all,she is getting it elsewhere.Save yourself some depression n probably a disease.

Dear Wuraola, have you talked with him about the fact that you feel he doesn't give you attention? It is important that you talk about what is going on in your relationship, this will help inform your partner and help you find a way forward together. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

Hi Bleasing, so sorry to hear that! The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. Be honest with them about your suspicions and your feelings along with your fears. I know this can be scary to bring it up but try to just tell them why you suspect something is wrong and not just accuse them a cheater. Generally if we hold on to our thoughts you might take things the wrong way believe something without knowing if it is real or not.

Fri, 10/20/2017 - 03:55 am

In reply to by tony

I think you should ask her what she wants and confront her about the other relationships. You should ask her about yo way forward and about the kids. Discuss it coz there is nothing worse than forcing yourself to spend eternity with someone who does not love you the way you love them.

Hey Katty, it is important to talk about this and then decide on how to proceed. The person that cheated should be willing to apologize, change and commit to the relationship. On the other hand you need to be willing to forgive and work together with your husband to rebuild trust in your relationship if this is what you both want. If you no longer feel that your relationship can work, that you can trust your partner again, it maybe time to break up. In this case, you will also have to agree on how to parent your children when separate. We wish you all the best, have a look at this articles for more tips;- 



Fri, 04/27/2018 - 03:43 pm

In reply to by tony

If that's the case, don't wait any more.You are harming yourself. just separate, and if possible in a court of law. If the kids are yours, just stay and care for them. she has already confirmed one of the causes of devorce i.e,(adultery).
Susan akale
Mon, 12/21/2020 - 07:02 am

In reply to by tony

same here my husband always cheats on me and not with on girl it's about ten now, doesn't have time for me and my daughter he lies that he has gone to work bt spends 2 weeks with another women he never cared what were eating......if I decide to leave him he always make drama and since we met in 2017 I've never cheated on him bt he always am confused now I need some advices and help please

Hi Susan, thank you for reaching out to us and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. When it comes to love and marriage, I am sure that you are already aware that it takes a lot of faith, trust and commitment to build a happy family. If one or both partners are not able to commit or trust one another, then it can be quite destructive for any relationship as you have realized when it comes to the relationship you are currently in. If you are aware that he is consciously taking advantage of your trust, commitment and faith in your relationship and you feel that it is not sustainable for you or your daughters future, then it is up to you to come to terms with what is happening and consider whether it is worth it for you, your daughter and both of your futures. Click on this link to find out more about cheating and we hope it helps: 


Please let us know how it goes and have a wonderful week ahead!

What of a lady who jus enjoy cheating and do sleep with different men,is that relationship worth being into?Though she also enjoy sex with the boyfriend but stil has urge for other men.
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