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Is your partner cheating?

By Sarah Moses June 23, 06:00 am
How can you tell if your partner is cheating on you? Yep: just ask a friend. People are pretty good judges when it comes to detecting infidelity, research shows.

Being cheated on sucks – no need for science to tell you that. And yet, scientists who study relationships can tell you precisely why cheating is downright awful. Research has shown it’s one of the most harmful things that can happen to a couple, and it’s the leading cause of divorce. When someone is cheated on, anxiety, anger, and self-doubt are all to be expected. And both the cheater and the betrayed partner are likely to become depressed.

Naturally, if you’ve ever thought your partner was cheating, you’ve wanted to confirm – or hopefully, reject – your suspicions; who knows, your worries might all be in your head, right?

Intuition

No need to hire a private detective. Lucky for you, scientists have come up with a method to tell if your partner is cheating: your friends. People tend to be good judges of others’ behaviour, research has shown. Often all it takes is watching someone for a short amount of time to accurately intuit what that person is about.

So what about cheating? Can people detect a cheater just by looking at them? A team of US researchers took it upon themselves to find out. In two studies, they tracked down almost one hundred university students in relationships.

Spot the cheater

First of all, each student confidentially revealed to the researchers whether they’d cheated on their partner, emotionally or physically. Then the researchers brought the students and their partners into the lab and had each couple hang out and do a drawing activity that lasted three to five minutes that was filmed.

Next came the interesting bit: five outside observers watched the short videos to see if they could detect the cheaters. It turned out they could tell which students had cheated on their partners. And all it took was watching a short video clip of the couple hanging out.

Not to be trusted

What gave the cheaters away?

Something about their behaviour and how they interacted with their partners told the observers that cheating students were not trustworthy folk and that they weren’t committed to their partners.

So if you suspect your partner is cheating on you, asking what your friends think might not be a bad idea. If they’re suspicious of your partner, chances are good you have every reason to be too.

 

Reference: Lambert, N.M., Mulder, S. & Fincham, F. (2014). Thin slices of infidelity: Determining whether observers can pick out cheaters from a video clip interaction and what tips them off. Personal Relationships. (2014) 21:612-9.

 

Worried your partner could be cheating, and need someone to talk to? Why not start with our forum, Let’s Talk. Our moderators can help you with all your questions.

 

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Judith
Tue, 10/17/2017 - 11:51 pm
I don't trust my boyfriend because of how he s acting for the past one week anaweka profile pic ya dem kwa whatsup yake na write MY LUPE when I ask her he just say that he likes fun pliz help I like the guy so much I can't live without him am dieing inside my heart what can I do
Hi Judith, So sorry about this. Have you told him how this is making you feel? There is no way to tell if for sure your partner is cheating on you but if you have concerns the right thing to do is to share with him your concerns alongside with your fears. Even if this is just fun for him he needs to know that this hurts you. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/signs-of-a-cheating-boyfriend
Anonymous
Mon, 10/30/2017 - 01:00 pm
I have a boyfriend but she is married when we have sex he told me that jichunge husipate mimba do you think if I can gate pregnant by mistake will this man help me or he will run away plz advice
Hi, I don't know if he will be there for you or run. But now that he shared with you that he is not ready, you may need to take steps to prevent pregnancy. Consider using birth control. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control/types-of-birth-control
Precious
Fri, 11/22/2019 - 01:06 am
I have a feeling that my fiancee is cheating on me, but when I asked him about it he told me he wasn't.. That he's just a flirt.. our introduction is next month but I'm having serious doubts..I don't know what to do

Hello Precious,there is no way to know for sure if someone is cheating on you. The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. Be honest with them about your suspicions and your feelings along with your fears. I know this can be scary to bring it up but try to just tell them why you suspect something is wrong and not just accuse them a cheater. Generally if we hold on to our thoughts you might take things the wrong way believe something without knowing if it is real or not. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/how-can-i-know-my-partner-is-cheating-on-me 

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