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Better communication = better relationships

By Chris Hart June 8, 06:00 am
How can I boost communications in my relationship? Because sometimes, silence emerges. Please help!

Good communication skills will improve your relationship

It’s a very good idea to work on boosting communication skills in a relationship! Even if they are doing okay. But to be honest, ‘silence’ is a sign that things may not be right in yours. Because withdrawing from an argument and going silent, or playing passive-aggressive games like long sulks, are just two of the things that couples do when communication problems lead to unresolved arguments. The others are criticising, showing contempt for one another, and becoming defensive. Rather than working positively together to fix whatever is wrong.

Figure out how you like to communicate

Start improving things by talking about how you communicate and agree to stop all forms of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and silences. You really can decide to do that, though you’ll need to support one another whenever someone slips back into old habits.

So whenever one of you says something critical, for example, don’t instantly get angry, or go off in a huff. Instead, say calmly ‘I’m feeling criticised by your last remark, please re-phrase it so we can work together on the problem.’ Do that with a smile, and pretty soon you’ll feel really good. You might even start laughing together.

Be open and honest

Agree that you’re both going to be completely open and honest with one another. That means also never giving each other a hard time during a conversation. Even if you’re upset about what you’re hearing. Because making things difficult for one another means you’ll soon start editing your conversations. And even lying to avoid tricky subjects.

Disagreements are normal

Don’t shy away from conflict. Disagreements are inevitable. And help you learn the problem-solving skills you’ll need when something really difficult happens. Like the loss of a job. But when you do need to bring up a difficult subject, avoid ambushing your partner – sooner or later people either get angry or go silent if you do – and instead agree a time and place to start the discussion, just like a meeting at work. So that you both come to the discussion well prepared.

It’s also worth setting a little time aside – say 30 minutes or so – just before bedtime each day. For you and your partner to be alone together. No kids, phones or TV. Use that time to say lots of nice things to one another, to plan holidays, parties, and even your whole future! Do that every day, and your emotional intimacy will greatly increase – as will your sex life!


Do you have tips for talking to your partner? Share them in the comments below or on Facebook.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
My husband chooses to keep quiet when the conversation is uncomfortable for him we end up not solving the issue. How can I deal with person who doesn't want to talk about issues?

Hi Joy, I can imagine that this is frustrating to you. The only way to effective resolve issues in a relationship is by having open and honest communication. It is important for you to find a good time and even a good place for you to have this conversation with your partner. Take time and address the lack of communication or the communication break down in your relationship before you even address the actual issues in the relationship. Talk about what your expectations are and have him tell you what his expectations is so you can agree on how to keep the communication lines open to enable you to solves issues when they come without hurting each other. Remember, there will always be issues in a relationship but communication helps partners to address the issues. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

derricks
Wed, 12/16/2020 - 10:19 am
its hard to deal with silence especially from partners who would rather be defensive just to make sure there is no conversation.with my partner i have tried all sorts of communication and things end up worse than before because she chooses silence..how do i dela with such a partner.nothing seem to work and she cant say what she wants..its frustrating me alot..she is always finding misstakes on me and uses them as liverage.whats best can i be advised

Hi Derricks, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time.
Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.
This article has some pointers that could help you learn how to better communicate.
https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/better-communication-better-relationships

Cornelius Kosgei
Thu, 05/20/2021 - 02:55 pm
Hi Love Matters Kenya. My woman is 4 months pregnant. Shockingly, she sent me a terrible text of late that left me wondering what was happening. She told me that she does not need me anymore and doesn't need any of my support. She even told me not to text or call her.Is this really normal?? I feel I should just leave her alone but again feel like I should be close to her at this time like no other. Kindly help me..

Hi Cornelius, 

So sorry for what you are going through. One big reason for this could be pregnancy mood swings which are brought about by rapidly changing hormones. It could also be that your relationship has gone through issues and and that the pregnancy could have coincided with a time in her life when she was fed up. The best thing is to talk to her and find out what the issue is and see how you can resolve it. Sending you good luck!

 

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