Two people in bed with a ringing phone ('wife') next to them — Shutterstock

Is my partner cheating on me?

Whether you are in a long term relationship or a new one, how can you know that your partner is cheating on you?

That is a million shilling question, isn’t it? Unfortunately, there is no device that can show the telltale signs that your significant other is having an affair.

But before we dwell on that let me make it clear that what I will say next will only work if you know your better half very well. If you have only been dating for a little while, you might not be able to catch all the signs. Otherwise, if you know where he/she lives, works and plays, who they hang out with and how they behave around the opposite sex, then this advice is for you.

Changes in routine or behavior
The biggest clue is change of behavior without explanation. If your partner has a predictable routine and that routine noticeable changes, then there is reason to be concerned, especially if it’s something you have been doing together. Behavior change could be another indicator. If they start using language they didn’t use before and dressing and acting in a way that is different.
Secrecy
All of a sudden, your partner becomes very secretive. Their mobile phone suddenly has a password and they never pick calls in your presence. Your partner may even have a second line that you don’t know about. If this is the case, you may need to start asking questions.
Too busy
They become too busy and you know for sure they don’t have new responsibilities or commitments. They might be spending more time on an activity that held little interest for them previously.
Spending quality time
They don’t spend time with you as usual, and date nights become less and less. The one-on-one time you had before reduces significantly if they are spending time with others.
Social media
Sudden changes in social media, like removal of your pictures, creating new profiles, or blocking, or putting you on limited access, and then claiming their account has been hacked could be indication of other side activities they don’t want you to find out.
Sex
New sex moves or sudden interest in a new fetish that is not explained should trigger concern. It could be that they got it from the media, porn or someone else. Have a chat with them to eliminate any suspicions you might have.
Gaslighting
When your partner tries to manipulate your thoughts, feelings, and actions by twisting the truth as you know it to make you sound crazy. An unfaithful partner will blame his significant other for having an affair. This is a form of psychological abuse.

These are just but a few tips, but the most important one is your intuition.

When you ask questions and your partner brushes you aside and won’t be forthcoming and honest, that’s another red flag.

In an honest, open, and loving relationship, a partner will make their significant other feel safe and secure. In a relationship where one is cheating however, the tendency is to make the partner feel insecure and doubtful of their own thoughts and feelings.

The fact that you have asked this question shows that you have issues that need addressing. So please remember all great relationships are based on trust, which is built on a solid foundation of communication.

Have you ever been cheated on? How did you find out? Tell us on our discussion board, Facebook, or write to us below.