Couple fighting, her holding her hand up to cover the lens of the camera
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Good fights versus bad fights

Almost every couple fights sometimes. While rows are normal in a relationship, it’s a good idea to think about what might be causing them.

Arguments are a symptom of brewing discontent. If resolved at the right time, they can bring you closer together, but brushing them under the carpet could be harmful to your relationship.

We all have our own reasons for arguing. Sometimes we want more of a say in how the relationship works. Sometimes we want to prove we’re right, or to show that the other person’s wrong. Whatever your reasons, be aware of why you’re picking a fight.

You could apply some rules to your arguments. Fights can get ugly if you raise your voices, swear at each other, or get physical. To avoid these situations, always treat the other person the way you would like to be treated yourself.

If you and your partner are fighting over the same issue again and again, it’s a sign of a long-standing and unresolved dispute. There are different ways of approaching such a stalemate. You can step back and look at the fights from a distance – go beyond the petty issues and find out what’s actually causing the discontent. Most agreements can be negotiated, but not everything. If you feel outside help would benefit your relationship, maybe you could go to a counsellor specialised in relationship conflicts.

Find out more in our Fighting: Do’s and Don’ts.

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Recent Comments (133)

  1. What he has been unfaithful
    What he has been unfaithful with the same woman? You quarrel he says it’s over first and second time. Third time you catch him again. Does that mean your not worthy or what should you handle it?

    1. Hi Michelle,

      Hi Michelle,
      it sounds like he just can’t stop. After giving him two chances, he still hasn’t learned. I find that worrying. So unless you think he really can change, I would say chances are slim… Sorry! You deserve much better than this!

  2. my girl who we have dated 2
    my girl who we have dated 2 yrs divorced me last week,issue was she doubted that i cheats and she never even a single day got me,am faithful bt she ddnt want me xplain,..we quarreled for 2 months and eventually she came with divorce,..we have even aborted with her but once,.also i was her first lover,..will she come back cz stil i love her??

    1. Hi Leone,

      Hi Leone,
      I suggest you give her some time, and then try to talk to her again Something seems to have gone wrong, and maybe the two of you can find out together what happened, and how to make things right again. It won’t be easy, but you can always give it a try. Good luck!

    2. she got another one better…
      she got another one better.That is the reason she started baseless
      accusations.

  3. is it advisable to give a
    is it advisable to give a partner some when he’s angry and doesn’t want to talk? and for how long?

    1. Some what, nabozipho? Time?
      Some what, nabozipho? Time? Chocolate? Sex?

  4. My bf always compares m 2 his
    My bf always compares m 2 his previous ladies,he once lived with his x under the same roof bt claimed nothin happened i blved him n we went on,later he found a love text in my 4n 4rm my x got angry n even beat m up since that incident he cals m a liar wenever i don’t answer his cals/texts wen busy he even cals m a player am getting tired n feel like quittin but i love him,wat should i do????

    1. Valera,

      Valera,
      a person who beats you doesn’t respect you. He seems to have some serious issues and is taking this out on you.
      Please think about if this is the kind of relationship you want to be in.

    2. x is history why leave his…
      x is history why leave his messages in your phone,that shows you still have him in mind and you are proud of him than this one,i would do the some if i trusted you much.

      1. (No subject)
        Yes, keeping the text may mean something. It may help to talk to ones partner to get to know what the reason are.

  5. Wht about a man who always
    Wht about a man who always aurgue over small things n want to be treated lyk a lady?

    1. Dolly,

      Dolly,
      have you ever talked to him about this? Relationships need good communication to work, and if something bothers you, you need to say so.

  6. I luv dis passage so much it
    I luv dis passage so much it has rlly encouraged me,big up!!

  7. I lve him bt he doesn’t trst
    I lve him bt he doesn’t trst me he thinks am cheatn bt am nt what should I do

    1. (No subject)
      Hi Rozzy,

      Trust is essential for a good relationship. What reasons have made him feel this way?

  8. Rozzy,

    Rozzy,
    talk to him!
    Ask him why he doesn’t trust you and what both of you can do to build trust.

    1. Going thru da same he seems
      Going thru da same he seems not to trust me yet he says he loves me and i love him too so much.

      1. I luv him so much but I don…
        I luv him so much but I don’t have any trust for me he says I cheat but he is the one cheating

        1. Hi Increase, how do you know…

          Hi Increase, how do you know he is cheating?

  9. he doesn’t call or text even
    he doesn’t call or text even for three weeks and any time i complain, he claims that he loves me and therefore i should never complain.

    1. Dolyn,

      Dolyn,
      maybe complaining isn’t the way to go. Maybe you should try to explain calmly why you get upset.

      1. Thank you for sharing…
        Thank you for sharing Shenelle.

  10. We have a kid with him n i
    We have a kid with him n i love so much but he is cheating on me…have seen several sms

    1. Doreen,

      Doreen,
      have you ever talked to him about this?

  11. the reply for dolyn has
    the reply for dolyn has helped me alot

    1. That’s great to hear, Essy!
      That’s great to hear, Essy!

  12. hi we have known each other
    hi we have known each other since we were in primary,we dated for two yrs n evrthng was fine untill her cousin came,claimed that she liked me,hugged n kissed me bt never made love.that was while my gal was away.upon coming back she just said it was over untill now she cant give a second chance no matter hw hard i have tried to apologise.i love her.plz help.

    1. It would be best to have
      It would be best to have another talk to her and explain yourself and see if you can mend things again! Good luck!

  13. hi nko na gf mwenye tumedate
    hi nko na gf mwenye tumedate nae fo almost three years bt the problem is dat wen we talk thru phone hatuongeei poa lakini akiwa na mimi karibu tunaongea poa..shida i wapi

    1. Dave,

      Dave,
      have you ever discussed this with each other to find a solution?

  14. If u alwz fight 4 de same
    If u alwz fight 4 de same problem cheating ,n u end up getting insults from de side he cheats wid,then he defends himself dat he ended n relationship,Now she wants 2 payback by spoilling his marriage.who 2 believe in dis story?

    1. Bertie,

      Bertie,
      we are confused. Who did what?!

  15. we do quarrel with my fiancé
    we do quarrel with my fiancé and every time we quarrel with him he refers me to her ex girlfriend and that issue irritates me even I doubt if he loves me

    1. Viona,

      Viona,
      I suggest you bring this up with him in a moment when you are not quarreling. Tell him what happens to you when he says it.

  16. At first the communication
    At first the communication was good but now the communication has deteriorated he never calls if i do he doesn’t pick up if i text he doesn’t i don’t know what to do anymore pliz help

    1. Hi Sofia,

      Hi Sofia,
      sorry that you are going through this.it sounds as though your boyfriend does not care about the relationship. You need to take time and think about what you want and then make a decision.

      1. Thanks i will do that i
        Thanks i will do that i really appreciate

      2. Have been try to write or…
        Have been try to write or share my feelings in this group but I get no reply, Why

        1. Hi Viviana, we try to…

          Hi Viviana, we try to respond to all comments or questions share here’d here. You can also reach us through inboxing us on our Facebook page Love Matters Africa.

  17. Hi i hv a guy n i love him
    Hi i hv a guy n i love him wid all ma hrt, n he claims to love mi bt each tym i receive a kol from any guy,hataniongelesha all day its too much i fill like quitting bt i love him,pliz help mi

    1. Hi Shie, sounds like your
      Hi Shie, sounds like your boyfriend is jealous. You just need to talk about it and find out why he is so insecure or uncomfortable with it.

  18. My bf has bn cheating on mi
    My bf has bn cheating on mi emotionally n that hurts more thn even physically ave bn trying to forget but I can’t it hurts more n more everyday

    1. Sorry that you are going
      Sorry that you are going through this Liz . Hopefully you would be able to get over it and move on.

  19. My boyfriend confessed to me
    My boyfriend confessed to me after 6months of dating that he has a child with his ex….. but loves to marry me, I wasn’t happy about it but I love him too, want to know if I can go ahead and marry him and this would create a problem in my marriage in future

    1. Hi Francess, that it entirely
      Hi Francess, that it entirely your decision to make. He was honest with you and its up to you to decide if you want to marry him.

  20. I have a girl,i love too much
    I have a girl,i love too much but mine mother is stop me from marry that girl and i can go away with the girl.please should i forget about mine mother and marry the girl or what.please help and am seriously mad about the girl.

    1. Hi Ali Sorry that you are in
      Hi Ali Sorry that you are in that predicament. Parents love us and mostly want the best for us but that does not mean they are always right. When it comes to matters of the heart and love one needs to make their own decisions whether others feel its write or wrong. All the best to you.

  21. I love someone we recently
    I love someone we recently broke she says she loves me but we can’t be together when I express myself she finds a way of turning things and blaming me I love her but she doesn’t believe me what can I do

  22. Met this guy a yr ago , he
    Met this guy a yr ago , he told mi he loved mi but i told him i wasnt ready coz i had just broken up with my ex. He said he wd wwait , after some months of accept ing him he told mi he had a girlfriend but he loves mu. Wat do i do coz am confused.

    1. Hi Diana, sorry to tell you
      Hi Diana, sorry to tell you this but he is playing you. If he genuinely loved and cared about you he would be with you an not another person. You need to take time and think about your future and what you want.

  23. i had a guy mwana but i luvs
    i had a guy mwana but i luvs him so much naye am doubting him bz has afriend whom they share minds also he follows wat his friend do now wat can i do for himw ad i need to continue with him in ma lyfe

    1. Hi Shakirah, have tried
      Hi Shakirah, have tried talking to him about what he does and how it affects you?

  24. i had ab.f and i concieved in
    i had ab.f and i concieved in ma s.6 and just ran away 4rm sch. coz i was scared ov facing ma parents afta few months in exile ma b.f told me dat he had 4kidz 4rm diferent mumz it shocked me & i was abt 2 abort bt it was late coz i was remaining wiz only 2 months 2 deliever ma baby i decided 2 wait bt wen ma baby was 2mnths old i kald ma mother & askd 4 4givnes & she told me 2 go bac hom so dat i go bac 2 sch,i went hom bt after few months he visted ma parents claiming dat he luvs me& in de proces ma mum 4ced me 2 go bac saying dat after rol am already spoilt, i went bac & wiz in few months i concieved ma 2nd born bt de prob z de guy left me saying dat he has gon abroad,bt its almost 2yrs wiz out recieving a single coin 4rm him & my 1st born z suposed 2 be at sch. wat can i do coz wen ever i try 2 kal he tels dat hez gona send me moni bt he doesn’t 4 real am trying 2 move on bt its 2 difclt 4 me 2 4get ma past wat can i do coz am confusf
    o

    1. Hi Mercie, sorry for what you
      Hi Mercie, sorry for what you are going through.

      This could be difficult to hear but it seems he abandoned you. It is difficult to bring up a family more so single handedly and without support .

      You need to think about where you can get support while you work to support your children.

      Take time and identify a support structure like relatives and friends to help you navigate this difficult time.

      Check out this article on how to move on https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .

  25. My boyfriend is a Muslim n I
    My boyfriend is a Muslim n I love him so much.his dad said he should marry a lady who is willing to become a Muslim too,,,hmm am ready to marry a Muslim BT don’t want to convert to a Muslim,,,wat do I do pls,,,can’t live without him

    1. Hi Elorm. That is a very
      Hi Elorm. That is a very sensitive and difficult position to be in. You need to talk to him and find a way forward. What you need to know and understand is love is powerful and can help one overcome a lot of obstacles. Relationships are about sacrifice and compromise and if yours it to survive this then one or both of you would need to either sacrifice a belief or compromise.

      All the best.

  26. I have a bf we have being
    I have a bf we have being dating for nine months ,he says he loves me ,he has introduced me to his mom,BT we fight because his ex keeps calling him,he doesnt speak to them wen am around.I don’t know if he cheating with them,I don’t know what to think and do.

    1. Hi Helen, what makes you feel
      Hi Helen, what makes you feel that he is cheating on you.

      1. I too have that problem and I
        I too have that problem and I feel the same

  27. My boyfriend is so aggressive
    My boyfriend is so aggressive selfish now days nothing I do satisfies him now he told me he wants a break what do I do?

    1. Hi Pretty,

      Hi Pretty,

      Sorry that you are going through this.

      This sounds like a great opportunity for you to take a step back and reflect if this is the kind of relationship you would want to be in.

      Take time to think and reflect it will do you a lot of good. All the best.

  28. I have a bf whom i luv very
    I have a bf whom i luv very much but he does not trust me when i tell him anything but he believe what his friend tell him plz help me

    1. Hi Jane,

      Hi Jane,

      This sounds very frustrating. A relationship cannot work well without trust.

      You should try and find out what are the reasons for his mistrust and try to work out the issue from there.

      All the best.

  29. This page is really helping
    This page is really helping mi

    1. We are glad to hear that Rael
      We are glad to hear that Rael.

  30. hey. my boyfriend of 2 years
    hey. my boyfriend of 2 years has always been violent when we have arguements. he however keeps promising that it wont happen again. last week i found out that he had cheated on me and so i confronted him. He beat me mercilessly for going through his phone. i asked for a break. what to i do with the break? move on or wat?

    1. Hi Bobo,

      Hi Bobo,

      Sorry for what you went through. No person should go through any sort of abuse I a relationship. Its a really good thing that you asked for a break because it will be very helpful. Take that time to think about what you want for yourself and if that is the kind of relationship you would want.

      Here’s an article that will help you with the decision making https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/abusive-relationships .

      1. Hi,sorry for what you went
        Hi,sorry for what you went through but am here to advice you one thing,its not good at all to live in doubts in your relationship.Either you husband or wife respect each other and be free to share all your feelings to avoid mistrust in you otherwise no relationship if you continue following each other’s footsteps.

  31. I av a husband n three
    I av a husband n three.children I love him so much, bt he tld me he ave another woman what should I do am so stressed.

    1. Hi Muthoni,

      Hi Muthoni,

      Finding out your partner has been cheating on you can be very devastating.

      Cheating of any form can cause a lot of sorrow in relationships and can even lead to break-up or divorce. Find out more about cheating in our top five facts to get more insight https://lovematters.co.ke/news/cheating-top-five-facts .

      Hopefully with that information it will assist you with making a decision on the way forward.

  32. My boyfriend of two years is
    My boyfriend of two years is a porn addict.later he confessed he has a baby and has been with her before we met and whenever we have an argument ,he goes back to her ,they don’t live together bit this holidays he disappeared and went to see her in secret.When I asked his mother ,he told me to be patient with him as the baby mama tgreathens to not give him custody if he leaves her ,but the boyfriend is very emotional and he s constantly down due to work stress and that issue.What should I do ,its draining me ,yet I love him.

    1. Hi Dada,

      Hi Dada,

      It sounds like both of you need to have a talk about the whole situation and what you expect from each other. Its normal to have disagreements in a relationship. You need to understand each other about what you want.

      Check out This article on relationship problems.

      Does porn keep him from running his day o day functions? If not its because he’s not an addict. https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/relationship-problems .

  33. I hv two kids d frst born he
    I hv two kids d frst born he nt d mans child he is alwya displining him by biting him wen i talk he say wena uthule nd also naye he do hv a child outside which ia his frst born he is living wth us nd i feel lyk he is abusing my child plZ help

    1. Hi Tumi,

      Hi Tumi,

      Abuse of any kind should not be tolerated especially on kids. You should have a talk with him about the acceptable ways of instilling discipline to the child that are not harmful. Its you duty as a parent to protect your child even if it will cost you the relationship.

  34. Wat can I do wen I find out
    Wat can I do wen I find out Dat my guy is cheating on me?

    1. If you know your partner well
      If you know your partner well and have had a close, long-term relationship, you can often tell when something’s not right. You might notice that they’ve begun spending a lot more time at work, they have less time for you and your family, start taking calls in private, and seem less committed to doing things with you. Maybe they’re paying attention to their looks, and they appear confused and detached. When you ask them if anything’s wrong, they shrug off your question.

      Finding out that your partner’s been cheating on you can be a traumatic experience. It can seriously damange the trust between the two of you and could even lead to a break-up, separation or divorce. You might spend days, weeks or months wondering what you did wrong and why this happened.

      But don’t blame yourself – take some time to calm down and think about your relationship.

      Whether you want to stay with your partner depends on a number of things. Is your partner willing to go on? If they are, what will it take for them to regain your trust? Will your trust in them ever be restored? How can you start rebuilding your relationship? The answers may not be simple, but give these questions some thought and it might help you decide on the right path to take.

  35. Hi, my guy gives me less time
    Hi, my guy gives me less time mbu he is ever busy with work and it really hurt me alot when i talk to talk him he says i have to learn him

    1. Hi Harriet,

      Hi Harriet,

      How long have you dated and for how long has this been going on?

  36. My bf wants me to be close to
    My bf wants me to be close to his brothers but his brothers hate me and I am trying to make him understand that but he won’t listen and still wants me to be a friend to his brothers…what do I do?

    1. Hi Debbie,

      Hi Debbie,

      Dealing with the in-laws sometimes can be difficult.

      No one can force you to be in a relationship that you o not want or is not working. Its important for your partner t know this and understand that it might also affect your relationship with him if its not dealt with correctly.

  37. Hello every one, I want to…
    Hello every one, I want to know one thing, why only girl get support from people’s after love brackup all tolks with in her, while nobuddy support a boy. Every one say, it’s his mistake. Is it really ? All mistake from his side ….

  38. Hello every one, I want to…
    Hello every one, I want to know one thing, why only girl get support from people’s after love brackup all tolks with in her, while nobuddy support a boy. Every one say, it’s his mistake. Is it really ? All mistake from his side ….

    1. (No subject)
      Hi Rameshdeepa,

      Maybe because many times boys/men will not ask for support or even want to talk about the breakup while a girl/lady will ask for support and talk about the break. It is also not in the nature of most men to want to support since you just brokeup. Think about your relationships and those you can draw support from. Lastly, it is not always the boys’ fault if a relationship does not work, it could be either partners fault.

  39. Hlo I stay with my boy…
    Hlo I stay with my boy friend I love him a lot BT I don’t know whats wrong he stopped talking to me I Don.t know what s going on

    1. (No subject)
      Communication is important for any relationship. If there is no communication in a relationship you are likely to begin to grow apart which may lead to breakup. It is tough to live with a person who wont talk to you.

      You need to find a way to get to know what has led to this so you can find a solution and decide how to proceed in the relationship. If this continues it is just a matter of time it will be too frustrating to stay. Talk about what is going on and make a decision together. Check out the following article for more information.

      https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner
      https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

  40. Hi Love Matters,…
    Hi Love Matters,

    I’m glad that you are here to help, thank you.I’ve fallen in Love with a Young lady, I had met in college some years back. But the problem is that; she has a daughter, Seven years old (from another man), I like the daughter and I even support her, thro’ paying her school fees and so on.

    I’m doing this coz I believe to marry her mother soon and she will be my daughter. I’ve been meeting the lady in occasions and have no doubts she loves me. How can I be sure that she loves me, and is not using me to cover up her daughters necessities? and is this kind of marriage manageable?

    Please Advice!

    1. (No subject)
      Hi Antonnio,

      You just said you have no doubt that she loves you? Where are these doubts coming from? What makes you feel she only want to be with you for what you do for her child?

      If you have doubts you may need to talk to her to her about these doubts so she tells you how she feels about you. You also need to make clear your intentions, talk about what you hope the relationship will become infuture and see what she thinks about that.

      Indeed such a marriage can work if you are both committed to it and want it. It maybe important for you to involve the child so she is more accepting of the changing circumstances in her life. We wish you well.

  41. This page love matter is…
    This page love matter is very good Ave learned more about the issue of love. Thanks for your encouragement too

    1. Thank you Shaz for the…
      Thank you Shaz for the feedback. We are glad that the information here has been useful to you.

  42. For same time l have call my…
    For same time l have call my boyfriend whenever he pick me call he said l will call you let evening and the at night
    What should l do

    1. Hello there, if you feel…
      Hello there, if you feel that both you and your boyfriend are not communicating, you need to let him know the importance of communicating often and how it does affect your relationship with him.

  43. We are 10months in married…
    We are 10months in married my husband has never let go his x gal friends, he will always chat With them n its love text that irritates me,he even have to ask one if the pregnancy she has belongs to him,,what will I do??

  44. Wamwaminiayae mola…
    Wamwaminiayae mola watakopolewa alie tuumpa na anae nyesha mfua je waumini mpo

  45. I would like you to help me…
    I would like you to help me have been married for 12year n there is a time my hubby cheated on me several time n he used to beat me then we got separated for to years,then we got back together after two years he his changed his a new man he Respect’s me,he got a job out side the country for two year but he was view visiting after every two months or even one n half month he was dealing missing us we were so in love with each other but after two year got finished he said hi not going back to work now his in the house saying he will relax for some month then he will look for job but I don’t know what’s happening I am not enjoying having sex with him I don’t have anyone in my life n I love be him but I feel bored I just feel like our marriage is like a clothe line its boring plz help were not even commicating I just cook save him we eat n go sleep what is my problem is that I was so affected so much that time he was cheating on me or what’s the problems coz even now I don’t trust him he does not go out but evey time is with his fhone n when he goes out for jogging he lives his fhon off I don’t know him any more.plz help me.

  46. Hi Faith, You seem…
    Hi Faith, You seem uncomfortable with your partner being at home even though you attest that he changed. Perhaps you were happier with him working away and only visiting every few weeks. All relationships will have problems from time to time including growing apart largely caused by a lack of communication. You both need to spend quality time together and reconnect, get to know each other and rebuild the trust that was damaged by the cheating. If you have suspicions, talk to your partner let him know what you have observed as opposed to making conclusions. Sometimes, because of the previous experience, the slightest issue takes you back to the previous negative experience. Find a good time and talk about this as you work on reconnecting. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

  47. hae I have this girl I love…
    hae I have this girl I love her and she loves me too .but I don’t know its obsession or what she likes to spend all the time with me such that I don’t have my free time to do my own things and when I turn her down sometimes she gets mad

    1. Hi Victy, she is clearly in…
      Hi Victy, she is clearly in love with you and this maybe why she wants to spend lots of time with you. It is important that you talk about boundaries because even though you are in a relationship you are still individuals. Instead of turning her down, perhaps you can find a good time and share with her your need for your own time and then agree on how to go about it without negatively affecting the relationship. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

  48. My hubby cheated on mi wen i…
    My hubby cheated on mi wen i was pregnant i got annoyd and moved on i gav birth some wks bck he knew nd cald me he z now insisting mbu he wants to see the kid yet he said that he doesnt want to knw anything am confused help me

    1. Hey Nams, It is unfortunate…
      Hey Nams, It is unfortunate that this happened to your relationship. However, if he is the father to your child, he has a right to see the child and even participate in the raising of the child though you are not together. It maybe important for you talk about how to move forward and how he will participate in raising the child even if you choose to stay apart. We wish you well. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/tips-to-recover-from-cheating-in-marriage

  49. Good ready, very helpful.
    Good ready, very helpful.

  50. Good ideas here. My…
    Good ideas here. My girlfriend wants me to drop almost all my friends she thinks some of the guys are a bad influence and all the girls want to have a thing with me. I love her but she is asking me to drop guys that I grew up with because we are dating. I think it’s her I need to drop since I have come along way with these guys. What do you guys think?

    1. Hi Tosh, it appears these…

      Hi Tosh, it appears these relationships are important to you. It is important that you let your girlfriend know that these relationships are important to you. Think about what influence these relationships have on you and how they affect your relationship with your girlfriend. While you remain an individual even when in a relationship, being in a relationship may require certain compromises. Take time, think about what is important to you moving forward and then make an informed decision on how to proceed and which relationship or relationships you will need to let go. 

  51. I love him he tells me that…
    I love him he tells me that but he’s got another girl he checks on every now and then.what can I do free him?

    1. Hi Kleo, you could begin by…

      Hi Kleo, you could begin by talking to him about your concerns. Find a good time and let him know how this checking up frequently on this other girl makes you feel, let him also let you know what this means. You can then agree on how to proceed.

  52. I have a best friend we are…
    I have a best friend we are very close and we do have sex he promised me just me he will be having sex with but he still have other friends am concerned because I don’t know if he will still be having sex with them

    1. Hi Diamond, is this person…

      Hi Diamond, is this person your best friend with whom you have sex or you are in a relationship? If you only have sex as best friends, nothing stops him from having sex with other people and going against the promise he made. It is important you talk about your relationship status and get on the same page about the nature of your relationship and then agree how to proceed moving forward. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/types-of-relationships

  53. I love him and he loves me…
    I love him and he loves me too buh dis days our communication is poor and nt like bfr

    1. Hey Olayinka, open and…

      Hey Olayinka, open and honest communication is essential for a healthy relationship, without it partners are likely to grow apart. It is important that you find a good time and talk about the lack of communication to find out what might be the underlying cause of this, then find a solution to restore good communication between you and your partner. Check out the following articles for more information;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

  54. Fights and disagreements in…
    Fights and disagreements in my relationship have become about very petty issues. My wife gets annoyed at very silly things. Thinking of going home is always difficult these days and I can’t put a finger on what has made her like this. I have tried all I can to make her happy but she does not appreciate what I do. This is pushing me to a place I dont want to go. Any ideas on dealing wit this issue?

    1. Hi Tim, have you tried…

      Hi Tim, have you tried talking to her to get to know what the underlying issues are, what exactly is causing the fights? Couples to will have disagreements from time to time and this is normal. It is when the fights are too frequent that one should be concerned since they could indicate discontent in a relationship. Communication that’s open and honest is important in a relationship to address issues and problems when they come up. It is important that you find out a good time to talk with your partner to get to know what issues maybe leading to the frequent fights. This way you will have an opportunity to address those issues. Have a look at the following article;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/fighting-dos-and-donts

  55. My man he doesnt want tu…
    My man he doesnt want tu talk tu me and when I ask him he is just telling me that his fine

    1. Hi Jackline, the only way to…

      Hi Jackline, the only way to get to know what could be going on is if he talks to you. Sometimes a person may need sometime to process an issue before talking about it. What you can do is to give it sometime and if the situation does not change, try and find a good time to bring this up. Remember, it is important to not only find a good time to talk but also find the right way to bring up such an issue. The following article provides afew tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

  56. This is where my…
    This is where my relationship is right now we fight all the time about things that don’t make sense. She doesn’t appreciate anything I do blaming me for everything that is going wrong in our relationship. I’ve had it.

    1. Hey KC, there seems to be a…

      Hey KC, there seems to be a communication breakdown in your relationship. Your partner seems to have some issues that have not been resolved. It may be important, if you are still interested or feel your relationship still have a chance, to find a good time and talk about the fights so that you can get to the root of issues so that together you can address them. While fights are normal in a relationship, how partners choose to resolve them makes the greater difference. Check out the following articles for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/fighting-dos-and-donts

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

  57. am in relationship for 3…
    am in relationship for 3 years and av been violent to my wife even at her place my only alternative is suicide coz all ithink is her we fight coz of trust issues ineed urgent help kindly before its too late.

  58. Hello Ken, thank you for…

    Hello Ken, thank you for getting in touch. We are sorry you are going through a hard time. The first step to solving any problem is first recognising that you have one. We are so proud of you Ken for being able to notice your short-comings with your wife and are able to speak about it. The second step towards solving any problem is brainstorming on possible solutions which we believe is one of the reasons you reached out to us. We know that coming to terms with ones actions can sometimes be very difficult but nothing is more valuable than life itself, therefore considering suicide is not an option because THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE! Please call the 1195 helpline where you will receive proper advice on how to restore balance in your life. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!

  59. We are being having argument…
    We are being having argument in our relationships (Marriage) on January 2020 I noticed that she is having call and delete the number and we go out for birthday party and she went out after having a call during her time out I tried to call her she did not pick up her call but when she notices that I want to know about the calls she has been having she now bring in all the argument we have been having before and make it difficult for me to forget about the calls and I now begging her as if I have committed the crime that is unforgivable and we can’t meet as husband and wife. what can I do to Savage the situation or what really can I do?

    1. Hello Samuel, thank you for…

      Hello Samuel, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time. It is understandable that you would be frustrated with the situation.
      Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

  60. we fight alot i dnt get why
    we fight alot i dnt get why

    1. Hi Anonymous, thank you for…

      Hi Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. It really depends on what the fights are about. Are you listening to each other? Are you taking responsibility for your part in the argument? Are you trying to solve the issue or just criticising each other and shifting blame? Is any one of you assuming superiority in the argument? These are some of the things that can make it difficult to resolve issues which means they keep coming up.

    1. Hi Owor, 

      Nice digits! 

      Hi Owor, 

      Nice digits! 

  61. My boyfriend never tells me…
    My boyfriend never tells me he,I love you when am with him but writes it often am away what could be the problem

    1. Hi Anne, 

      It could be that…

      Hi Anne, 

      It could be that he is now very good at expressing himself romantically. Some men, especially African men, are not very good or comfortable at expressing themselves. This does not mean that he does not love you, it could be that he is not great at expressing love. You can talk to him and express that you would also like to hear him say ‘I love you’ sometimes. Just don’t be too hard on him. 

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