If only I knew, then I would have spared myself so much heartache in my early twenties when the love of my life (at the time) was unfaithful to me. And I had no clue for an entire year.
This is one of those million dollar questions. The truth is: you cannot. We have all been cheated on and the reason we couldn’t tell is that someone who knew us well decided to deceive us.
There are some signs but the truth is you will only know for sure if you catch your man in the act. But by then, it’s too late and your heart will be shred into pieces. But regardless, here are some signs:
- He takes or makes phone calls in private – if this behaviour is new or has increased in frequency then something can be up.
- He deletes the text conversations on his phone.
- Missing money. Who is he spending it on?
- He avoids family, friends, and/or social events. A cheating man may be embarrassed and have a harder time facing people who love and respect you. He may avoid these functions altogether, or he may arrive late and leave early claiming some work project that needs his attention.
- He suddenly spends a lot of time with another person and keeps mentioning that person.
- He smells different and dresses differently
- He accuses you of cheating. Your partner’s accusation may be spawned by his own guilt and him thinking: ‘If I am getting away with this, then what is she up to?’
- He picks fights. Can I tell you what my cheating friends all have in common? They pick fights before dates with their side-dishes. It will be a stupid fight and he will overreact and then give you the silent treatment.
- Believe it or not, cheaters feel guilty about their actions and a lot of the time they do not want to hurt you. So a fight helps them justify their infidelity. Is he hoping for a fight then a disappearance? Don’t let it happen: be nice, affectionate and stick to him like glue.
- He criticises you. He is actually comparing you to his new beau and I am sorry but you will be failing.
- He's extremely angry or has other inexplicable changes in attitude. Are you suddenly the genesis of all that is wrong with his life? Do you embody all his failings?
Remember: signs can never tell the whole truth. But have you noticed any signs in an ex-partner who turned out to be cheating on you? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.