Moving from being a couple to being alone
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Coping with a break up

Healing after a broken relationship is difficult. If you were in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex, and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings – accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Related: Falling Out Of Love

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

Did you learn something new?


always pleased to help kelechi1 we are always glad to help and feel free to reach out to us if you need any more information1 have a wonderful weekend and stay safe :)

Dear Oyinlewa, we a re so sorry if this has been your experience. Love doesn't have to hurt, when it does it is important to stop and address the issues that are leading to the hurt. Check out the following article that provides some tips on how to address common problems in a relationship;-

Hey Jennifer, we are so sorry to hear this! Whatever that has led you to this decision will pass and your heart will heal. Take your time and take time off to work on yourself and have time for your heart to heal.

Joshua Opiyo
Sun, 10/12/2014 - 09:59 pm
In other instances, after the break up with your girlfriend, your best friend comes in and starts grooving with him or her, what usualky went wrong in such relationship?
Hi Joshua, other than this being completely insensitive from both your ex and your best friend, there is no way of knowing what was the problem in this relationship.
I think you will Hurt ur self d more tryin to figure out d problem. One of d best tin to do is to be urself nd work on bettering who u realy are . You definetly wil find someone who loves u d more nd also u stand a better chance domintin in the relationship.
Sun, 06/30/2019 - 04:17 pm

In reply to by Love Matters

Me and my girlfriend are still together, I cheated on her so many times, she’s a gentle type, she still forgives but scared if I love other girls the way I do to her but I don’t really date them maybe once in a while the other girls knows very well I have a gf but I changed because I don’t wanna hurt her for long not knowing it’s late . She changed suddenly, it takes her days to reply me what was going on. She said she lost interest but I begged her, not that easy but later after days she considers me and we’ Together now. The question is that : can she still trust me even if we’re far away from each other. I still love her and never want to lose her.. I’m still bothered.

Hi Ayomide, I can't tell you if she can trust you when you are far apart. It maybe useful to talk with her about your concerns to see what she thinks. Making a long distance relationship work can be challenging especially when there are trust issues. Find a good time and talk with your girlfriend about your concerns including how your relationship will change when you are physically apart and how to make it work. Here are afew tips;-

Fri, 11/14/2014 - 03:02 pm
hi ae av a problem whereby ae am in luv with achic who is mae friend wenever am with her ae fil gud bt ae dnt knw how to tel her am afraid ae can loose her wen she wil hear how ae fil abt her plz help mi bcoz ae av told her to meet at mae place
Sat, 11/15/2014 - 08:44 am
denno.... I broke up with my galfie n ha bro is my friend and I hav to kip on visiting him and he also visits me....everytym I see her am not happy anymore for tht dei..should I also break our friendshp wid his bro,?
Hi Denni, that's tricky. Have you talked with your friend about this? Maybe he understands, and for a while you can meet without seeing her?
Sun, 11/23/2014 - 01:12 am
Hi There is a girl i love but she says she in a relationship.But when i want to leave her alone though i loved,she refused claiming that will hurt her and instead we continued comunicating as i give her time make final i heading anywhere really???
Love Matters
Tue, 11/25/2014 - 09:34 pm

In reply to by Philmon

Philmon, it sounds like she is using you, sorry... Turn it on her: tell her she needs to make a decision, and give her an ultimatum.
Sat, 11/29/2014 - 09:10 pm
my husband keeps chattin with his ex n everytym i ask him why hes still talkin to her he alway xay she is just a friend,?,wat can i doo coz am confused
Wed, 12/24/2014 - 08:23 am
it took us almost a year and half to heal after breaking up with my boy. we are now good friend. the problem is that of late my ex has been requesting that i go to his place for a sleep over. i am not ready for it and this is eagering him so much. he called and told me that if im not ready we be enemies forever. what do i do?
Fridah, are you telling us he is trying to pressure you by threatening you in order to have sex with him? It's up to you to decide what you want to do, but it doesn't sound like he respects or cares for you...
i still love my ex but im happily married. i want to keep him as a friend but we share romance kiss n sex online. we have not seen each other since we seperated we found ourselves online n have settled our problems. d problem here is dat we both r married but we are still so much in love wot do we do.
we got separated cox she felt she kant satisfy me sexualy,,and even dared to up ha game,,nw shex going away and she wantx me to hav sex wd ha,,hw kan a handle thix
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