Two hands on the verge of separation
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

How to break up

If you’re the one who wants to break up with your partner, delivering the message can be tough.

But when your relationship has sunk to unhealthy depths, there might be no option but to call it quits.

Here are some tips to help you:

Do your homework.

Know the reasons why you’re breaking up, because if your partner isn’t expecting this piece of bad news from you, you’ll end up doing a lot of explaining. So it’s good to go well-prepared. It also gives you an opportunity to reflect on your thoughts and see if a break up is what you really, really want.

Do it in person.

Do not break up over email, SMS, or telephone, unless the situation demands it. Meeting someone for the last time before the relationship ends can offer a good way of closure, which is psychologically important to move on.

Do it in a place that’s comfortable for your partner.

A crowded restaurant with a lot of strangers around might be intimidating. Pick a place that makes them feel safe enough to express their emotions.

Be honest.

Don’t lie to your partner when you’re about to end the relationship. Tell them exactly what you felt was wrong in the relationship. This might be harsh on them but equally important for them to learn. At least they’d know where it all went wrong.

Don’t be cruel.

Break ups are terrible any way. So don’t go out of your way to make it more hurtful. Remember that you were once in love with this person. Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be vindictive and cruel. Try to deliver your truthful words in a nice package.

Don’t be ambiguous.

Don’t leave your partner in doubt. If you don’t mean it, don’t tell them something like, 'it’s not working out now, but it might work out another time.' That would wrongly make them hopeful.

Be prepared for the worst reaction.

Being dumped is perhaps one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. So don’t be surprised if your partner starts shouting or cries or argues or just storms out on you. Be calm.

Don’t waver.

Once you’ve made up your mind about breaking up, don’t change it. Your partner might convince you to give it 'one last chance' but unless there’s any real reason why you should buy that argument, don’t fall for it. Stick to your guns.

You will find more tips under Breaking up: do's and don'ts.

Comments
Hi James, Breaking up can be tough depending on the reasons for breaking up or the duration you have been together but at times a relationship may not be working or there might be no hope to save it and the only option is to break up however tough.
It's quite nice, but sometimes people are crazy about love, even now days I got a new lady who deceives me that is single but is a two married mother, what can I do to her, I told her that I no longer need you but refused to understand
Hey Deus, You need to be clear and firm with her, she needs to know you are breaking up since she lied from the beginning. This is not about what she wants now that she lied about her relationship status. Be clear, be firm but not cruel.
Damacline
Sat, 09/30/2017 - 23:48
very true,what abt if you ave been in a relationship with your partner for 2yrs end dhen u realise later that he has another relationship but insisting being with u,utafanyaje??
Hey Damacline, First, he cheated on you and you need to find out if he is done with he other person/relationship and whether he is now choosing to commit to you. More importantly are you willing to forgive him and trust him again... Think about it and make an informed choice.
Hi, I jus broke up with my guy cause he doesn't treat me better than the other woman he lives with.. Whenever they are in bad terms thats when he knows I exist buh when they are in good terms thats when he doesn't know of my existence.. I got fed up nd dumped him.. I can't play second option anymore
I've been married to my husband for 8years and it hasn't been easy to spend all this time besides him since he told me repeatedly that he doesn't love me... He showed that in action too... I have tried all means to keep my family but it's not we now that I am no longer in love with my husband .i plz help me coz I really feel insecure in this marriage n I really want to break up
Fridah, we are sorry that your relationship has to this. The unfortunate reality about relationships is that not all of them will last a lifetime. You both no longer love each other and while it maybe challenging after being together for such a longer time to even think about breaking up, it is time for you both to think about what is best which means breaking up. We wish you well. Check out the following articles;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up
Hey, Partners can grow apart especially when there has not been communication or when partners are not spending quality time together. IF you feel there is still hope for your relationship, think about what could have led to this and then talk to your partner about how you can both avoid this in future. Often, communication goes along way in avoiding this. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems
Hi Moses, Have you talked to her about this and expressed your frustration to her? This maybe a good place to start before you make the final decision. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up
Hi James my boyfriend uses bhang and drinks alcohol I have told I hate bhang but instead he says I have to choose between being with him knowing he takes bhang or just being his past
Hi Zeta, You may not be able to change him and this is why you need to choose like he has asked you to. Think about what you want in a partner and then make a decision. We wish you well. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up
Thanks for the advice pls help me i fell in love with a Guy a year ago and Just found out He Is separated with two kids pls help me coz i want to call it quit
Hi Dallaz, Not sure you mean what you mean by expressing your love story but you can consider writing it. This will give you a chance to go over it and change what needs changing.
Hi Judy, So sorry about this. If you feel that you are unable to continue with this relationship based on what you know now, be honest and let him know. Be honest and clear but try not to be cruel toward him. Let him know you are unable to continue with the relationship. Have a look at the article above for more tips.
Hi,I av a partner who av been treating me very well, and we cove each other well but wen I was not getting a good money she started cheating me while my eye is seeing but I love her so much what do I do, she always say I should help her financially but am down, but now am outside the country what do I do plus, should I break up with her but it pains me alot

Hi Dee, relationships are built on trust. Have you talked to her about these issues? It is important that you take sometime and think about what you want and whether a long distant relationship can work between the two of you. Make an informed choice that you are happy with. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

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