Two people across from each other, broken bridge

How can I get my ex back?

By Love Matters July 4, 06:00 am
My ex and I broke up, but I really, really want them back. What should I do?

Let me start by saying that it won't be easy, and your chance of success is low. There are always reasons for a break-up, and unless those are fixed, getting back together might not be a good idea. Before you get started on mission 'getting my ex back', take some time apart. This will help you both heal, and understand and cope with what happened.

Why did you break up?

Was the break-up due to bad habits? Or was it unfaithfulness? Did someone fall out of love, or worse yet, in love with someone else? 

It's also important to look at who broke up with whom. If your ex broke up with you, it may not be possible to fully understand what caused the break-up. It's possible that they told you something to not hurt your feelings when the real reason was something else.

If you were the one who initiated the break-up, it's easier to look into your decision and make some necessary changes.

Bad habits

Every break-up is different. You need to look deeply into what caused your break-up. From there, try to find a solution. For example, if it was your excessive drinking that caused the end of your relationship, are you willing to make a change?

You can only make a change if the relationship is more important than whatever habit you are trying to change. If it was your ex-partner's habits that caused you two to part ways, then you need to consider accepting whatever they have been doing that annoys you. Because you can't change someone else's habits. 

A lack of love

Things get even more difficult if love just faded away. If your ex-partner simply fell out of love, there is little you can do to convince them to fall back in love with you. You can try to remind them of the wonderful times you had together, and the important role you once played in their life, but chances are slim that that will convince them to start over. And if you broke up because you didn't love them anymore, you may have hurt them to a point where they won't trust you again.

If one of you fell in love with someone else, things are even more complicated. Are they still with the new person? Then it's best to back off – they have chosen someone else. If you left because of someone else, it comes down to trust again: will they trust that they won't leave them again?


No surprise here, but, once again, trust will be the issue. Regardless of who cheated on whom, can you trust each other to not do it again? It takes a lot to get over cheating.
And can you regain the trust you had before the incident happened?

Trust and love

I'm sure you see the crucial element by now: trust. And love. Whatever the reason for your break-up, you need you to regain and rebuild trust for each other. Only then can a relationship work again. And once trust has been rebuild, you have to work on loving each other again. It might be a different kind of love, and things may be different than they were before. You will have to accept this. 

Of course, all of this is only possible if your ex-partner is interested in building bridges again.

It's absolutely possible that they are no longer interested in being with you. You will have to accept that and back off.

In some cases, it may be possible to establish a friendship. In other cases, they may not ever want to have anything to do with you. That may hurt, a lot, but you will have to move on.
Good luck!

Do you need help getting over a break-up? Get in touch with our moderators on the discussion board.

Did you learn something new?


Hey Triza, so sorry about this. Have you talked about this with your partner? Has he apologized for this? This may mean the end of your relationship, but it doesn't have to if you both wish to make it work. You can't take responsibility for the actions of your partner, but you now have to make a decision on how you are going to proceed. Think about what you want and then make an informed decision but also take time to heal from this. Check out the following articles;-

Hey Lizz, so sorry about this. If they choose someone else and also move on it means he has since moved on and yes all you can do now is back off. Hopefully after you do heal from this you will mean someone new. Check out this article;-

I caught my boyfriend cheating over 6months with this girl and I got so mad, but I forgave him and told him to give us time to heal and earn trust. But to my surprise I took 2weeks leave from work to come fix my relationship and I came and met the same girl In his house. Wah should I do??

Hi Perry, so sorry about this. It appears that your boyfriend is not as committed to the relationship as you are and this maybe why the cheating has continued. You have to now take sometime and think about what you want so you can make an informed decision. Do you want to give him another chance-this is if he has sought your forgiveness again-or do you want to break up with him? You have to think about whether you can trust him like you did before or not. Check out this article for additional information;- 

Tue, 07/17/2018 - 03:45 pm
She broke up with me saying that I don't control my temper when all I was trying to do was to make her see reason, yeah, I got upset because Wat she did wasn't good but I didn't hit her.

Hi Joslee, disagreements are common in a relationship, how partners choose to resolve the disagreements is what makes the difference. It appears in you case  that your partner was not happy with how issues were addressed or even discussed. While it is important to pass across your point, it is important that partners listen to each other. Communication that is open and honest, plays a key role in resolving issues when they come up without hurting each other or the relationship. Lastly, one can still have a temper even without things getting physical. It maybe a useful exercise for you to look at this event and think about whether you could have handled the situation differently. Check out this article;-

Thu, 07/19/2018 - 09:05 pm
I'm Emily my boyfriend force me to have sex when I was not willing and from there he just went mute on me should I fight for our relationship or let it go
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