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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Being in a relationship

The two of you flirted. You started dating. And then things got more serious: you agreed to be in a relationship.

What does this mean?

Being in a relationship can mean different things to different couples. It’s up to the two of you to decide which rules you are going to stick to. This is important because the honeymoon phase will eventually end, and all relationships will face issues at some point.

But even if things get difficult, remember that relationships are about love. And love is all about acceptance. Do keep this in mind whenever your relationship isn’t going so well: the reason you are with this person is love.

What’s important is to have a talk about your expectations. Because only if your partner understands what you expect from a relationship can your needs be met.


Even though you might not even give it much thought, communication is the number one thing when it comes to relationships.

We think we know how to communicate. But in relationships, especially when it comes to intimate issues, things can get very difficult very quickly.

In the beginning, you might even avoid voicing your thoughts for the fear of not being accepted. But such an approach will eventually backlash on you. Be yourself: if the other person doesn’t like you like this, you can’t fix it by pretending to be someone you’re not.

So establish how you would like to communicate early on; it will make things a lot easier in the long run.

Being faithful

To most people, being in a relationship means that you are ‘exclusive’ and faithful to each other.  

That can mean very different things to different couples. You will need to discuss what this means for you. For example, does it mean you can’t hang out with people you might be attracted to? Can’t you hug others anymore? Or is flirting okay – why eat chicken outside when you can have steak at home?

There are no firm rules. What’s important is that whatever you decide upon works for both of you – and that you’re being honest.

Trust and honesty

If you’re in a relationship, you should have a certain level of trust for each other. If you don’t think your partner is being honest with you, or you are not being honest with your partner, you need to decide whether you really want to be in a relationship.
A lack of trust will only lead to nagging and arguments. Which might eventually mean an end to your relationship.

Bring up any concerns you have as soon as they arise – the earlier you can resolve them, the better for your relationship.


Relationships are all about give-and-take. Or, in other words: compromise. No relationship is ever without conflict or irritants. And if those arise, you need to talk to your partner and find a way that works for both of you.

Compromising can be difficult, or even painful. But if you want things to work out, sometimes giving in and being patient is the best thing to do.

Talking about the future

At some point in your relationship, you’ll need to discuss your views of the future. Do you see yourself getting married and having children? Perhaps your partner doesn’t. To avoid getting hurt and feeling like you’ve wasted your time, make sure you have this conversation.

Once again, being in a happy, satisfying and equal relationship all comes down to good communication. The more honest you are with each other, the better your chances of having a great relationship.

So let’s talk…


Hey Rahma, You could ask him how he feels about you. Also, how does he treat you when you spend time together? Does he show genuine concern toward you? If you feel his actions are confusing, find a good time and talk to your boyfriend. Share with him the concerns you may have so he can clarify what's not clear to you.
Hi Denis, Love is an intense feeling of deep affection towards another person. Love is warm, it is kind and patient. Love is forgiving. Love is a feel of a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone. Check this article for more information on what love is including how to tell if you are in-love;-
Hi Banks, If you are into the person, when you have not said to them you love them for a long time, when you are constantly arguing and fighting, when you no longer have sex and the relationship just doesn't give that feeling it gave you before. Check out the following article with more information on when you should consider a break up. 17 i worry about dating because i thnk am young am a dayscolar bt a well bhaved gal i've got some admirers bt am only friends with them bt it obvious at our age there are those lovematters do u thnk it right for me to be in a relationship????
Hi Vikki, It is important for you to prioritize what you want to do in life. Relationships can be a challenge to manage especially when you also have school to think about. Take time and think about what is important for you now and focus your energies there. All the best.
am in a relationship. the guy always tells me how much he loves me . but only calls me once in awhile .pliz help is this man true. ..?iwish to gve up
Hey Irene, Communication is important for any relationship and especially when you are just starting out since this is when you are getting to know each other. Have you talked to him about this? It is important you express your expectations in the relationship an also allow him to express his own expectation in the relationship so that you are on the same page. Also, communication is two way, have you tried to initiate communication when you felt he was not... Find a good time and talk about this so that you ca agree on how to proceed. We wish you well. Check out the following article for more tips on communication.
Hi Khadija, People meet in all sorts of spaces, fall in love and go on to have great relationships. This may however not work for everyone, some people may still prefer a face to face from the on set. Check out the following article for more information:-
Pls my boyfriend is still in touch with his ex galfrnds as in chatting wid them, they calling him and he also calling them which I hate to see him doing dat .what shd I do. Pls help me out.
Hi Precious, It is important you talk to your boyfriend about this and how it makes you feel. If a relationship with an ex is not well managed it can interfere with ones current relationship. It is even possible to slip back into an intimate relationship with an ex. Talk to your partner about this so you can both decide how to proceed.
Am in a relationship n we are planning to marry,my boyfriend is always busy during the day,wat scare mi is he do cal mi afta some couple of days, sometyms he is online bt he can't text mi,.am very worried pliz advice.thanks
Hi Joyce, Have you raised this concern with him? Let him know how this makes you feel, share with him know your fears. A lack of communication may lead you to growing apart in the relationship. Check out this article;-
Collince vit
Fri, 09/29/2017 - 09:52
My girlfriend likes sex very much and everytime she insists of visiting me but wen I refused she don't wanna tok to me anymore and I fear she might do it with anyone else incase I refuse!
Hi Collince, Is there a reason why you refuse to have sex with her when she visits or calls to visit? There is no way to tell but yes she may choose to be with someone else. Perhaps before that happens you need to talk about this and find a way forward that will work well for the both of you. Check out this article;-
Hey Alonyo, Think about the kind of person you want for a partner and then get into situations that you will be likely to meet this person. These may include social events. Check out the following article;-
My friend wants take my gal friend he told he destroyed my name to name And nw she nt picking my 4ne call wen she picks just ask wat do u want wen i tell her that i wana talk to she switch the 4ne n i call again she fails to pick
Hey Edcom, So sorry about this. It is difficult to talk to a person who won't talk to you or listen to you. There is little you can do if she has chosen to listen other people and not you. You have to let her go and move if she is unwilling to give you a chance to explain what she may have been told. Check out this article for tips on coping with a breakup;-
here am Steve in kilifi county .malindi working with umoja rubber company ..Mombasa .I was in a date with agirl.called in Bungoma right now she's in Nairobi ...our friend was came unexpectedly. we met through Facebook. 3months later now.we talk ..texing ..through inbox..after afew time Debra decided to come Mombasa to our MIT's.isend money to this girl 1300sh "ticket"after 2days she texting me that she now ready to come it was 6th Feb...7:45am.I decide to wait her ..BT right something unhappy to me from that time she doesn't pic ma call..even rply ma text ..12days now ..and her phn is still ringing iwll do.??
Hi Steven, So sorry about this. It is clear that she will not be visiting you Malindi. There is no way to tell what could have changed or if she was even interested in the relationship. Online dating can be challenging and sending money to the other person may not be a good idea. It is important to take things slow as you get to know each other. Check out this article;-
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