ask shangazi caricature — Emanuele del Rosso

Does true love still exist?

‘These days it seems everyone is either cheating or getting divorced. I wonder what’s happening to this world. Is there still hope for true love?’

That’s a very thoughtful question. I’m sure everyone notices the change in the dynamics of relationships. But not too many care to bring it up. Yes, things have changed, but it is not all negative.

Just the other day, my friends and I (and yes, we’re all from an older generation) were discussing this very same thing. It’s definitely shocking how divorce, break-ups, extramarital affairs and deceit have taken over our lives. Most people I know seem to have one of these going on. And I wonder what has changed so drastically since our times and now.

Loveless marriage

More I think about it, I realise how patience levels have hit new lows. It is almost unbelievable how vulnerable most people are. Everyone is walking with their ego in their hands, as it were. And it hardly takes anything to hurt people.

Plus I think the societal pressures to maintain a relationship have also gone down. But that’s a good thing. People these days have the courage to end a bad relationship, something my generation couldn’t. My own sister remained in a loveless marriage for over 40 years, ruining not just her but her kids’ lives as well.

Small things make a difference

I agree things are bad, But one should never generalise. What one needs to do is look at the positives. There will be days when you’re feeling low and every relationship around you would seem to going haywire.

But think through and you’ll find out that exceptions are always there. We can’t say that everyone is like that. So even if there are a handful of them, they must be doing something right. One should always draw inspiration from the positive side. So it’s like looking at a glass either half full or half empty.

It’s the small things that make the huge difference. Never shy away from apologising when you know it is your fault. A small sorry will not make you small but will help you gain respect in the eyes of your partner. Be grateful to each other and not take the other person for granted. I know you already know all of this. But these days both boys and girls are becoming more and more self-obsessed. They forget how these small things can make a huge difference.

Space of our own

I was visiting my nephew and his wife who got married very recently. I loved their equation and dynamics of their marriage. Not like they didn’t have differences but the beauty was in the way they handled them. Even though they are married they continue to do things independent of each other. He loves to play tennis and she loves to go for run.

Of course doing things together is important. Otherwise you can drift apart into separate lives. But my nephew and his wife also value the things they enjoy separately. It is important to realise that we all need our own space. They both have very different tastes in TV shows and books. But it doesn’t mean that they don’t love each other.

Love is all around you

They even had a cute little rule to never sleep over an argument or a fight. They always try to identify the issue and figure out what works and what doesn’t. Even though patience levels have gone down, but if you respect each other you will be fine. Looking at my nephew and his wife, I was convinced that all is not lost yet.

Love is all around you and so the feeling grows. This was true in the 60s when this Troggs’ song first came out and it still is. Just that people’s approach has changed. Amongst other things they are being reckless even with their own relationships. But frankly what is the point? Most of them end up leading bitter lonely lives. So don’t let the bad affect you so much. Best of luck my son!

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