Moving from being a couple to being alone
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Coping with a break up

Healing after a broken relationship is difficult. If you were in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex, and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don’t obsess over it. Don’t fight your feelings – accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it’s time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it’s perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Related: Falling Out Of Love

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

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Recent Comments (333)

    1. Being friends with an ex? Has
      Being friends with an ex? Has it ever caused you any trouble?

      1. Being friend with an ex has…
        Being friend with an ex has brought me alot of trouble.

        1. Hi Michael, sorry about this…
          Hi Michael, sorry about this but we hope you have made better choices moving forward.

          1. always pleased to help…

            always pleased to help kelechi1 we are always glad to help and feel free to reach out to us if you need any more information1 have a wonderful weekend and stay safe 🙂

          2. I love it stories
            I love it stories

      2. I’d really want to know the…
        I’d really want to know the answer to this too

        1. Hi Valentine kindly let us…

          Hi Valentine kindly let us know what you would like to know the answer to.

    2. Love iz the most killing drug
      Love iz the most killing drug

      1. Love is a bad thing,and I…
        Love is a bad thing,and I don’t think I will fall in love again..

        1. Hey Jennifer, we are so…

          Hey Jennifer, we are so sorry to hear this! Whatever that has led you to this decision will pass and your heart will heal. Take your time and take time off to work on yourself and have time for your heart to heal.

    3. Thanks,,,, it really helped
      Thanks,,,, it really helped

      1. Hi I6A, 

        I am glad you…

        Hi I6A, 

        I am glad you found this article useful! Keep visiting Love Matters for more informative content. 

      1. Thank you, Mike! Glad you…

        Thank you, Mike! Glad you liked it!

  1. In other instances, after the
    In other instances, after the break up with your girlfriend, your best friend comes in and starts grooving with him or her, what usualky went wrong in such relationship?

    1. Hi Joshua,

      Hi Joshua,
      other than this being completely insensitive from both your ex and your best friend, there is no way of knowing what was the problem in this relationship.

      1. I think you will Hurt ur…
        I think you will Hurt ur self d more tryin to figure out d problem. One of d best tin to do is to be urself nd work on bettering who u realy are . You definetly wil find someone who loves u d more nd also u stand a better chance domintin in the relationship.

      2. Love should go to hell ,
        Love should go to hell ,

        1. Hi Beauty, we are so sorry…

          Hi Beauty, we are so sorry you feel this way. It seems like you went through a terrible relationship in the past that left you feeling this way. Want to talk about it? 

  2. hi can somebody date frnd of
    hi can somebody date frnd of your ex ?plz advice am affect so much.

    1. Hi Frank,

      Hi Frank,
      if all people involved are comfortable with it, nothing speaks against it.

    2. Hi its not good to date your…
      Hi its not good to date your ex friend I think that proper thanks

  3. being a friend 2 my ex made
    being a friend 2 my ex made us bak again which its nt gud at all. if it ended let it end bt being friends no.

    1. Hi Nosh,

      Hi Nosh,
      thanks for sharing your story!

  4. it will de situation
    it will de situation muliachana wth ur ex

      1. Me and my girlfriend are…
        Me and my girlfriend are still together, I cheated on her so many times, she’s a gentle type, she still forgives but scared if I love other girls the way I do to her but I don’t really date them maybe once in a while the other girls knows very well I have a gf but I changed because I don’t wanna hurt her for long not knowing it’s late . She changed suddenly, it takes her days to reply me what was going on. She said she lost interest but I begged her, not that easy but later after days she considers me and we’ Together now. The question is that : can she still trust me even if we’re far away from each other. I still love her and never want to lose her.. I’m still bothered.

        1. Hi Ayomide, I can’t tell you…

          Hi Ayomide, I can’t tell you if she can trust you when you are far apart. It maybe useful to talk with her about your concerns to see what she thinks. Making a long distance relationship work can be challenging especially when there are trust issues. Find a good time and talk with your girlfriend about your concerns including how your relationship will change when you are physically apart and how to make it work. Here are afew tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/long-distance-love-keep-it-hot-with-this-proven-technique

        2. As long as u admitted your…
          As long as u admitted your mistakes and u are ready to changes and move she will regain your trust agian only time is needed to heal a wound

          1. Hello King, 

            Thank you for…

            Hello King, 

            Thank you for your contribution. Yes, regaining lost trust requires time and patience. One has to also commit to changing. The most important thing is to remember that she needs time to heal and she should not be rushed into trusting again. 

  5. hi ae av a problem whereby ae
    hi ae av a problem whereby ae am in luv with achic who is mae friend wenever am with her ae fil gud bt ae dnt knw how to tel her am afraid ae can loose her wen she wil hear how ae fil abt her plz help mi bcoz ae av told her to meet at mae place

    1. Hi Vincent,

      Hi Vincent,
      love is scary. And it can be very scary to tell someone you love them. But it’s also painful not to tell them. So be strong, and tell her!

  6. denno….

    denno….
    I broke up with my galfie n ha bro is my friend and I hav to kip on visiting him and he also visits me….everytym I see her am not happy anymore for tht dei..should I also break our friendshp wid his bro,?

    1. Hi Denni,

      Hi Denni,
      that’s tricky. Have you talked with your friend about this? Maybe he understands, and for a while you can meet without seeing her?

  7. dats xo crazy being fwds wid
    dats xo crazy being fwds wid ma x nowei after hurting me no!!!

    1. Ha, you are better off
      Ha, you are better off without him then, Phylis!

  8. Hi

    Hi
    There is a girl i love but she says she in a relationship.But when i want to leave her alone though i loved,she refused claiming that will hurt her and instead we continued comunicating as i give her time make final decision…..am i heading anywhere really???

    1. Philmon,

      Philmon,
      it sounds like she is using you, sorry…
      Turn it on her: tell her she needs to make a decision, and give her an ultimatum.

  9. my husband keeps chattin with
    my husband keeps chattin with his ex n everytym i ask him why hes still talkin to her he alway xay she is just a friend,?,wat can i doo coz am confused

    1. Hi Moureen,

      Hi Moureen,
      have you talked to him about this at all?

  10. it took us almost a year and
    it took us almost a year and half to heal after breaking up with my boy. we are now good friend. the problem is that of late my ex has been requesting that i go to his place for a sleep over. i am not ready for it and this is eagering him so much. he called and told me that if im not ready we be enemies forever. what do i do?

    1. Fridah,

      Fridah,
      are you telling us he is trying to pressure you by threatening you in order to have sex with him?
      It’s up to you to decide what you want to do, but it doesn’t sound like he respects or cares for you…

  11. i still love my ex but im
    i still love my ex but im happily married. i want to keep him as a friend but we share romance kiss n sex online. we have not seen each other since we seperated we found ourselves online n have settled our problems. d problem here is dat we both r married but we are still so much in love wot do we do.

    1. Joy,

      Joy,
      it’s up to both of you to decide.
      Keep in mind that both of you would be cheating on your partners.

  12. we got separated cox she felt
    we got separated cox she felt she kant satisfy me sexualy,,and even dared to up ha game,,nw shex going away and she wantx me to hav sex wd ha,,hw kan a handle thix

    1. Jeff,

      Jeff,
      sex with an ex is always tricky. It’s up to you to decide if you can handle it as ‘just friends’. But honestly, if you didn’t enjoy sex with her, do you really want to consider that again?

  13. How can someone seduce a girl
    How can someone seduce a girl

    1. Fwesh,

      Fwesh,
      seduce to do what- have sex?

    2. I had misunderstanding with…
      I had misunderstanding with my man, and I have begging him since two days ago but he refused, what will I do.

      1. Hi Elizabeth, we are so…

        Hi Elizabeth, we are so sorry to hear that you are going through a hard time. Sometimes people need a little more time to get over things. Give him a little more time and space and then try to get in touch again.

  14. hi,I leave with my partner
    hi,I leave with my partner though we are not married, but I have a feeling that he’s seeing someone else coz he has changed alot, n now we are having a straining relationship we don’t talk anymore n I love him so much still I feel lyk leaving him what can I do?

    1. Lizzy,

      Lizzy,
      have you tried talking to him about what is happening?
      Sit down together and have an honest conversation about what’s going on. clear the air and take it from there!
      Good luck

  15. we broke up with my exe for 4
    we broke up with my exe for 4 four month but recently when he saw me in a weeding ceremony he called me and insisted that we should meet and talk i still love him coz he was my first lover.please help

    1. Christine,

      Christine,
      meet him, see how you feel about it. Don’t commit to anything until you are sure of what you want. But there is no harm in meeting him for a cup of chai some time, to see if you really want to get back together.

    2. You have to meet him but not…
      You have to meet him but not in a private place and hear what he’s about to tell you

      1. Hey Chidiebere, thank you…

        Hey Chidiebere, thank you for your contribution and advice. 

    3. The one who wears the shoe…
      The one who wears the shoe knows where it pinches most.personally i could advice not,,this son’s of Jezebel are not to be trusted

      1. Hello Mary Tei, thank you…

        Hello Mary Tei, thank you for your input we appreciate it. However, don’t you feel you have made unfair generalisations?

  16. After parting with my guy he
    After parting with my guy he starts seducing my best friend to visit him in his house alon

    1. Ouch! That’s not very nice of
      Ouch! That’s not very nice of him!

  17. just let him go for your
    just let him go for your friend it seems that his love was not made for you

    1. Thanks for your input, Betty!
      Thanks for your input, Betty!

  18. here comes ma ex who later
    here comes ma ex who later got married..bt whenever we meet he starts t cry claming i left her ad dhat made him to marry…..i also feel at him…should i sex with him wen he reguest?????

    1. Mary,

      Mary,
      in the end, it’s up to you to decide that, but it sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty in order to get what he wants from you. And that’s not good. And, do remember that he would be cheating on his family.

  19. hw do I start a true lov? I
    hw do I start a true lov? I always mis da gal I lov most!

    1. Denal,

      Denal,
      take your time before starting a relationship. Get to know the ladies you are interested in and see if you get along!

  20. My galfrnd of long time r/shp
    My galfrnd of long time r/shp brok up wid me just coz i uploded a pic of sam1 who inspired me alot,now she has blokd my calls &txtz and ignoring my explanation claiming dat she has decided call off th r/shp..wat shld i do coz she is in Nrb and am in Ksm?

    1. Sam,

      Sam,
      give her some time to cool off and then talk to her. Explain what happened and try to make her understand.
      Good luck!

        1. Hi there, 

          How can I help?…

          Hi there, 

          How can I help? Feel free to post your question here and I will answer it.

  21. I broke up with my boyfriend
    I broke up with my boyfriend and I no longer love him..but he keeps destroying my relationships…whereby he keeps calling mi all the time and mostly when am with my new boyfriend and also sending mi texts with sweet names claiming he still loves mi…i dont know what to do bcoz any guy who i move with in a relationship gets annoyed with me esp.when the guy calls or sends a text to me…plz help

    1. Hi you can make a decision to
      Hi you can make a decision to block him from calling you on your phone so that he can not reach you. You also need to talk to your boyfriend and inform him whats happening and how you feel about it. Another thing that could work is ignoring him completely and don’t respond to any of his texts or calls.

  22. Even if I parted ways wth my
    Even if I parted ways wth my dude 3yrs ago, we do feel attracted to each other . when we communicate, He is always sorry for what he did n wants us to meet. Buh deep inside me i feel insecure, “what if he’ll repeat same mistake “doubtfull

    1. Branny, its normal to still
      Branny, its normal to still be attracted to your ex-boyfriend, its good that he is remorseful and has apologized for what he did. You need to take time to think and make a decision if you want to go back to the relationship or not because only you have the power to make that decision. All the best

      1. i found out my GF has been…
        i found out my GF has been cheating me on facebook after i logged in her account but she denies she is cheating me since she has no idea i have logged in her account…we live in the same village so her chats are ever clean but for now she has vissited her aunt far from home so she doesn’t clean up her chats untill she come back. I av been taking screenshots in her chats so as to use it as evidence when am confronting her during our break up…for now she has no idea i have access in her chats so she denies still and i act normal until we meet face to face

        1. Hi immanuel, thank you for…

          Hi immanuel, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. Have you decided on when and how you will confront her?

  23. I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY
    I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY LOVER,THAT WE HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP FOR THREE YEARS IN A PEACEFUL WAY THAT I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT CHANGE COULD OCCUR,IN THIS TERM OF OUR SEMISTER, WE NEVER CONVERSED AS WE COULD DO BEFORE, ITS ME WHO COULD CALL TO KNOW ABOUT HIS LIFE,AND HE COULD RESPOND AS IF HE NEVER WANTED, WHEN I RELEASED IT,I ASKED HIM WHAT IS HAPPENING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,HE ANSWERED ME THAT NOTHING IS WRONG,BUT FOR SURE HE HAS REAL CHANGED I DON’T KNOW WHY,WHAT CAN I DO FOR SURE I AM REALLY STRESSED UP BECAUSE OF OVERTHINKING.

    1. HI Melisa, Have you pointed
      HI Melisa, Have you pointed out this changes to him and expressed how it makes you feel? Its normal for people to change in relationships but it should not be drastic.Sometimes pointing it out to your partner goes a long way in helping them realize how they are hurting you, and if they are genuine about the relationship they will try to change it.

    2. I’ve also been in a…
      I’ve also been in a situation somewhat similar to yours its just hard to decide something like moving on aftersomeone already stole your heart..u loved n had fun shared a lot but now he cares no more about how u feel..u can try give him a Lil break then give him time,nsee if he can come back to his senses..if he comes back he loved u if he doesn’t he dint belong to u ,let go, grow more beautiful n move on

      1. Thank you Moh for sharing…

        Thank you Moh for sharing your experience and the advice.

  24. hi, am confused, my ex asked
    hi, am confused, my ex asked me back yesterday. At first I refused because I was scared to try again. He got so angry and didn’t text again. I sent several texts apologising because despite everything I love him. I didn’t get any reply. I tried call calling but he kept on rejecting my calls. I couldn’t take it anymore. I then sent him a text accepting him back as my boyfriend. Despite all that I said, he didn’t reply. I love him so much I want him back. Was I too late? Did he love me as much as he said he did? Should I accept he doesn’t want me and I move on? his silence is making me restless…some advice please

    1. Hi Amanda, sorry that you are
      Hi Amanda, sorry that you are in this confusing position.

      When it comes to exes it can be tricky since we are emotionally tied to them.

      It sound as if he is playing mind games with you.

      If he was the one who wanted you back then he would fight for the relationship and not the other way round.

      You need to take time and think if he is the type of person you want to be with for the rest of your life.

      Think about the reasons why you broke up in the first place and if you think the issues can be resolved.

      It can be difficult to make that kind of decision but you can do it.

  25. Hi admin isit a gud thing to
    Hi admin isit a gud thing to still b friends with ur ex?my ex just pop’d in @my flat n said he came to visit.I ws shockd I ddnt xpct him.no tym nt communicating with him does it mean he mic me?

    1. Hey Beyonce, there’s no clear
      Hey Beyonce, there’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts. If you feel that that friendship won’t work then you should point that out immediately.

  26. My girlfriend whom I have a
    My girlfriend whom I have a kid with have a distance relationship. One year ago she cheated on me. The thing still hurts me. Our relationship is on and off. I lover but I feel to quit but I find myself talking to her. Please help

    1. Hi Gedion, what do you need
      Hi Gedion, what do you need help with. Do you want help to leave her or how to mend your relationship?

  27. i left my him becuz of many
    i left my him becuz of many reasons, he never trusted me, he doubted me so much, and when he cheated on me, i had considered forgiving him but then little did i know that he was lying to me. He was still with the other gal so i called it quit. the circumstances of the breakup matters alot. Mine was horrible and now i regret every bit of it.its hard moving on but I can not be friends with him at all or look back.

    1. Sorry for what you had to go
      Sorry for what you had to go throuhg and thanks for sharing your story.

  28. he is so cute but not good in
    he is so cute but not good in bed….should I leave him

    1. Hi Mildred, have you
      Hi Mildred, have you considered teaching him what you like in bed?

  29. I am confused. I paid him a
    I am confused. I paid him a visit over easter holiday and all went well.We havnt been together for long,though I had banked on him for my future hubby and was secure abt that.On coming back all was fine for a while and he suddenly changed.No calling me nor picking my calls,and sometimes even rejecting them,no responding to my texts,and finally going quiet with no communication at all.The last word I heard from him through a text is “I will communicate my position in due course” and it has never happened. I only need to know if the relationship is still on or if it ended silently.Its a long distance one,He is in central Kenya and am in Western Kenya.please advice.

    1. Hi Lorna sorry for your
      Hi Lorna sorry for your current state of uncertainty. This might be difficult to hear but you don’t need to wait for him to make a decision about your future. You need to take time and think if he is the kind of person you would like to be with. Then decide on what you want for yourself.

  30. How can I have along term
    How can I have along term relationship coz I usually lose da interest afta 5-6month yet I start wz much love

  31. We’ve been in a relationship
    We’ve been in a relationship with a gal for 3 years but she fears having sex wit me yet she says she love me
    Am confuse

    1. Hi Collins have you tried to
      Hi Collins have you tried to find ot what the fear is about? Talking about it some more might help you understand each other.

  32. hi, i was in a r/ship wit a
    hi, i was in a r/ship wit a gyal, i loved her very much n we dd all manner of things but suddenly she changed n told me that she has been with another guy 4 that long but funny thing and it made me get confused is she didn’t visit him that often. pliz help coz we broke up n she is the one who suggested it but didn’t want to listen what i felt for her.

  33. I love my best friend and he
    I love my best friend and he claims to love me but he has a girlfriend… I love him so much what do I do..he still sleeping with his girlfriend

    1. Hi Mitchel i often easy to
      Hi Mitchel i often easy to fall in love with your best friend, but that does not mean that the current relationship he is in is wrong. Put yourself in her Shoes. Would you want your boyfriend to break up with you for someone else even though things were working in your relationship? You might want to think about taking time of from each other until you are both able to sort out your feelings for each other.

  34. j have misunderstandings with
    j have misunderstandings with my girlfriend,she works in rwanda but recently came unfortunate spent one month without any meeting with me,yesterday she told me ,on way back ,now am confused should i move on or wait and what hurts me mostly whenever i ask her about it she always say “you meant for me”

    1. Isaac , you need to take some
      Isaac , you need to take some time off to decide what you want for yourself. If you feel the relationship is not working for you then you have some tough decisions to make.

  35. big up #lovematters for your
    big up #lovematters for your pieces of advice

    1. Thank you Bazil for your
      Thank you Bazil for your feedback we appreciate.

  36. he only lovee me for ma baby
    he only lovee me for ma baby cz he z d only son he hz bt loves me not

    1. Sorry to hear that Flower.
      Sorry to hear that Flower. You will get someone who loves you back do not despair.

  37. my gf n I av dated 4 3yrz now
    my gf n I av dated 4 3yrz now, she don’t allow me 2 kiss or sex her, my pic is not even in her fone , yet she claimz she luv me….#amConfused
    plz help

  38. I have a friend who told how
    I have a friend who told how she entered into her first relationship and how she lost her virginity and how she break up but she later told me she loves me. Later she told me she had a new guy. I’m confused pls help me

    1. Hi Kofi,

      Hi Kofi,

      You simply need to take time and think if she is the one you want to be in a relationship in if she can not give you a chance to do so.

  39. Av been dating her for 7 good
    Av been dating her for 7 good yrs but then she used to accuse me that am a whore coz it was a long distance rltp.I decided to get another girl but I saw it unfair n broke up the current rltp n ask for forgiveness to my 7yr chic but she says she has forgiven me but we can’t get back together.what can I do to get her back?

    1. Hi Jared,

      Hi Jared,

      there is no easy answer to your question. You can only get back with your ex if she is willing to be back together with you.

      If she moved on it will be difficult for that to happen and you need to consider that possibility.

      Take time to think about it and make a decision.

  40. Yap i had a friend. He z ma
    Yap i had a friend. He z ma best friend but what surprises me z dat he has neva told me dat he luvs me en wen i used to chat with other boys he used to get annoyed with me so wen i left dat place de guy started speaking ill things so am confused

    1. Hi Triza, sorry that you are
      Hi Triza, sorry that you are going through that.

      Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel about him?

  41. Very helpful insight.one
    Very helpful insight.one needs to make dough choices afrtr listening to your heart. And what is more important is what is best for you rather than focusing on the other person.at the end of the day its your life.

    1. Thank you for the input Sussy
      Thank you for the input Sussy.

  42. I broke up with my boyfriend
    I broke up with my boyfriend because he is a player but I still love him so much and its hard to move on. Should I get back with him and try to change him? Make him love me??

  43. I had a boyfriend and we
    I had a boyfriend and we stayed in a relationship for five years. When I finished college he wanted me to get pregnant for him but to me it was still to early… We broke up and I decided to leave my motherland for a moment later I got in to another relationship and the guy was so serious about it I got pregnant and now i have his daughter I know the father of my child loves me I try my best to love him as much as he loves me but I can’t I still have feelings for my ex. We hv met accidentally and what he tells me is he still love me.

    1. Hi Clara,

      Hi Clara,

      Thank you for sharing your story with us. You need to learn how to get over your past relationship if your current one is to have any chance of working out.

      Just because you have broken up with someone it does not mean your feelings for him end. It takes time and patience to be able to deal with your feelings and move on.

  44. I have been in along distance
    I have been in along distance relationship for sometime ..we have been good and the communication was all well but it was until my guy landed on my old Facebook account and he suspected me of cheating on him using that Facebook account and he ended the r/ship from then. He even blocked me that he doesn’t want to talk to me but I really love him so much.

  45. i have a bf who says he loves
    i have a bf who says he loves me but he realy calls me yet he spends 2 months without visitng me.When i told him that i was pregnant he told me go to back home and i wait for him to send me money for abortion.Its now 3 months he has never communicated to me.What can i do?does he really love me?

    1. Hi Ronah,

      Hi Ronah,

      This may be difficult to hear but it sounds like he does not care about you. Someone who has your best interest at heart would always make sure you are ding fine and would want to take care of you.

      You need to take time and think about that relationship then decide on the way forward.

  46. how can i know that she is
    how can i know that she is the right partner for the future?

  47. i had been in a relation for
    i had been in a relation for 2 years with my boyfriend,recently i he was to go to his home land,but he started feel sick and told me his brothers wife will go instead of him,i check the name written in the bus ticket and searched it in fb and found some comments which shows he was cheating me,the girl they had a relationship with, i decided to ask him,but he told me ,she was her ex but they dont communicate,after a week he told me he want to discuss something with me,he revealed to me that he had pregnanted a girl while finishing high school and the girls family wants him to take care of the kid,he told me he only loves me he does not want the other girl coz he is not sure that kid is his cos the was another man also dating this girl,i asked him why he did not told me when we started relationship but he told me i was to leave him and he loves me,i was angry and its two weeks now i dont pick his phone nor replying his sms and everyday he keeps sms me to find out how am i,help,should i leave him for good on forgive him

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,

      That is the big question. The truth is no one has the answer to it except you. You are the only one qualified to decide what to do since you are the only one who knows what you want.

      Take time to think about it and deliberate on the pros and cons of each decision. Do some soul searching on what you feel you can be able to handle and what you cannot, then make up your mind.

      All the best to you.

  48. Hi,i hve ma gf ever since we
    Hi,i hve ma gf ever since we left skul thngs a nt da sme coz we a far and whn u text her she dasnt pik o whn she piks she tels mi she s busi mbu da maid left dea a dng everi thng bt its too muci and b4 i noticd she semed nt to bi faithful to mi whn h asked her abaut da other gai she tels mi da gai s her secret admire pliz do u thk dea a dea

    1. Hi,

      Hi,

      Sorry that you are going through this. Check out this article then make up you mind about what you ant to do about it.

  49. Hi,I stayed with my boyfriend
    Hi,I stayed with my boyfriend for 5 years now,en we now have a baby but he z dating another lady at the same time tell me he still needs Mi but he can’t leave the other lady too Hw can I get over him

  50. I broke up with my ex coz he
    I broke up with my ex coz he cheated on me… but when we met again he wanted to win me again I think I still love him but I was currently in a relationship which ended with a painful break up …I don’t know if I should go back to my ex or should I first let my heart get over my previous heart break please help

    1. Hi Taylor, it would be wise
      Hi Taylor, it would be wise to trust your instincts and let your heart heal first before you can commit to anything again.

  51. I have been in a relationship
    I have been in a relationship for 2 years and I went bad ,he broke my heart saying he don’t love me ,I love him but its over.After 2 months my boyfriend want we be back ,does he love me ..

    1. Hi faith,

      Hi faith,

      This is one of those questions that do not have a straight answer. Whether its good or bad depends with an individual own opinion.

      Getting back with your ex depends on a few things like, do you both still want the same thing? Do you feel you can be able to resolve the issues that le to the break up in the first place?

      After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex and how the relationship ended.

      But be picky, too. If you know that the differences between you while dating were too big, the same might happen in the new relationship. It’s not worth getting hurt twice!

      Its always important to take care and your feelings first before you make a step towards mending the relationship. Having a sober mind while making such a decision is very important.

  52. I was introduced to my guy by
    I was introduced to my guy by his dad …at first I asked if he had someone in his life and as usual I got a no for an answer…we have dated for less than a year and I found out he had someone else and have dated for 3 years.we have been in an off and on relationship ever since I asked him about it.we decided to break up and stick to friendship zone but every time we meet he speaks of what he feels for me and he wanted me to fight for us…we sometimes decide never to talk to each other but before the week ends we find ourselves talking again…he is still his 3year old gf and for my side am trying to move on…how can I move on and just forget him and make him do the same?

  53. I have been in a relation for
    I have been in a relation for 3yrz.we have akid.i realised dat he was married wen i was already pregnant. he takes care ov mi some times bat he z a womanizer .and he refused 2 marry mi.wen ever I talk about it he tellz mi 2 wait and I love him.so wat kan I do

    1. HI Uni,

      HI Uni,

      The truth is marriage is a serious commitment and cannot be forced on anyone who does not want to. Another reason could be because he is already married.
      Take time to think if you would like to be in a relationship with a womanizer.

  54. I Really Enjoy D Reading I
    I Really Enjoy D Reading I Too Wil Ask U Some Question

    1. Thank you. You are welcome to
      Thank you. You are welcome to ask anytime you are ready.

  55. hi,am deep in lov with my gf
    hi,am deep in lov with my gf buh i dnt trust her wat should i do?

    1. Hi Sudais,

      Hi Sudais,

      Why do you feel you don’t trust her?

  56. Make mistakes as many times…
    Make mistakes as many times as you can so that when you are asked what you want to be, you will be sure of the right answer to give.

    1. (No subject)
      Thank you for your contribution Lillian.

  57. Its like 3days wen I…
    Its like 3days wen I realised that my bf was dating my best friend bt za pain is too mc.
    Yet we work in za same place. Some advise plse

    1. We are so sorry Rachael that…
      We are so sorry Rachael that you are having to deal with this. Have you made a decision decision about the relationship? Your boyfriend broke rules and while does hurt you will move on. This was not your fault, since this was his choice to make. It may take time but it gets better with time. We wish you well. Check out the following article.
      https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up
      https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  58. My wife just walked away on…
    My wife just walked away on grounds that she cannot give me children,it hurts me a lot being that I have been with her for 5,yrs now,I want her back but she insists I look for someone else n move on.am unable to settle n move on,plis advice

    1. Hi Eric. This is indeed…
      Hi Eric. This is indeed heart breaking considering you have been together that long. While five years is a long time, had you both visited a specialist for advice before this conclusion and decision?
      She seems to think that you may not be happy in the relationship without children. Perhaps you need to assure her with her in your life you will be happy even if you never get the chance to have children. If she convinced she may consider coming back. Also there are other options as it relates to children. You can agree to adopt a child and raise the child. If she is unwilling you will have to respect her choice and begin you journey of moving on. We do wish you well.

  59. i have been in rshp with a…
    i have been in rshp with a guy for 15 year know i admitt i lov him till know but i know he has so many sid gals i have a baby know ad he has one one with the gay some year back plz help

    1. Hi, Do you mean you have…
      Hi, Do you mean you have been in a relationship for 15 years… Perhaps you need to talk to your partner about the other girls in his life especially now that you have a child together. Your partner needs to decide whether he is going to be with you or the others. You also need to talk about how you will both be involved in the raising of your child. We wish you well.

  60. My boyfriend wants live sex,…
    My boyfriend wants live sex, yet I feel unprotected whenever we do it ad I told him abt it ad he said that he can’t use acondom to someone he Loves.

    1. Do you feel unsafe with…
      Do you feel unsafe with regard to unplanned pregnancies or Sexually Transmitted Infections? You could begin by getting tested for HIV together and then consider other options for birth control. Your partner needs to know however that you can only enjoy sex if you are not anxious or feeling unsafe during intercourse and he has a role to play in this which includes putting on a condom. Check out the following article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  61. Am interested because my…
    Am interested because my husband dumped with two kids n went for an older waman, it hurts me so much coz I don’t have a job n my first born was in school n for now i can’t afford to cater for the kids bt my husband doesn’t even surpot us n I think am getting depression

    1. Hello, We are so sorry about…
      Hello, We are so sorry about this. Break up are never easy, you may need to consider seeking support from the children’s office which can compel him to pay child support. Take time and visit the children’s office nearest to and they will be able to provide you with support.

  62. Wow that is great i love that
    Wow that is great i love that

    1. We appreciate your feedback…
      We appreciate your feedback Evets.

  63. Ihave my boyfriend says he…
    Ihave my boyfriend says he love me and at the same time says he love my best friend

    1. Hi Liz, He can be with both…
      Hi Liz, He can be with both of you at the same time. He needs to decide who he wants to be with. You need to let him know this, it is just a matter of time one of you will be hurt. Have him make that decision. You also need to think about whether this is what you want and also make a decision.

  64. Am in love with this one man…
    Am in love with this one man I love him so much but our relationship is always having up and down when we sit and talk nothing changes I feel av tried enough now and tired and I want to walk away and be alone but I love him soo much av tried my best to forget about him but its so hard for me .. Plz help

    1. Hi, So sorry about this. You…
      Hi, So sorry about this. You need to think about the kind of person you want for a partner now and in the future. Then think about whether your current partner represents what you want. If he is not willing to change and the things you wish for him to change are important to the relationship then you may have to consider a break up. Lastly, you really can’t forget him, not now atleast but if you decide the right thing to do is to break up the article above can help as you take steps to move on. We wish you well.

  65. in a relationship whereby a…
    in a relationship whereby a lady tells you lies and when you realized she can’t apologized eg she Text somebody you don’t trust and you found and cheats that he is not him what do you do?

  66. Hi Erick, there is no way to…
    Hi Erick, there is no way to know for sure if your partner is cheating on you. The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. Be honest with them about you have observed, your suspicions and your feelings along with your fears. I know this can be an uncomfortable conversation to bring up but be honest tell them why you suspect something is wrong and not just accuse them a cheater. Generally if we hold on to our thoughts you might take things the wrong way believe something without knowing if it is real or not.

  67. If you wronged him, look for…
    If you wronged him, look for him and apologize face to face…. But if you didn’t relax and move on… That’s self respect

    1. Hey Hyldah, thank you for…
      Hey Hyldah, thank you for your contribution.

  68. What can I do ?I,have,aa…
    What can I do ?I,have,aa girlfriend whom we have a child with but she continues to cheat on me ,when I decide to leave the relationship to mo e on she entice me and we het back together ,what can I do to het over her coz I think she is just wasting my time

    1. Hey Oscar, so sorry about…

      Hey Oscar, so sorry about this. At times a relationship won’t work and it’s important to recognize when this is happening. It appears your partner could be unwilling to change and if this is the case it maybe time to break up and move on. You need to be clear about what you have observed in the relationship. Let her know that for these reasons, you are choosing to break up with her. Be honest but also be firm and clear. You however don’t have to be cruel. If this is decision you have made stand by it so that you don’t send the wrong message. Check out the following article for ore tips;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-break-up

  69. How do I know I am ready for…
    How do I know I am ready for a new relationship after a tough breakup?

    1. Hey Zey, break ups are tough…

      Hey Zey, break ups are tough and often it takes time before one is ready to get into a new relationship. One way to tell you are ready is when you can think about the break up or even your ex without having negative feelings. It is important to take time and allow yourself to heal, getting into a new relationship too soon may end up hurting you and the other person. Allow yourself time to heal before you get out there to try and meet someone new. We do wish you well.

  70. I broke up with my boyfriend…
    I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 months ago and I am still getting over him. But I just met someone else who seems interested in interested in me. Is it too soon to want ti get into another relationship now?

    1. Hey, the more important…

      Hey, the more important question is whether you feel ready to get into a new relationship. Break ups can be tough depending on how the break up happened, the reasons for the break up and whether one still has feelings for their ex. These reasons may lead to an extended healing time. It is important you take sometime and think about whether you have moved on from this relationship. Can you think about your ex without having negative feelings? Moving into a new relationship before healing may lead you to carrying issues from the past into the new relationship which may make your new relationship to have problems. 

  71. Is it possible to get your…
    Is it possible to get your ex back after breaking up for 6 months?

    1. Hey Gerald, people who broke…

      Hey Gerald, people who broke up can get back together if they both want to get back together and if none of them has moved on into another new relationship. It maybe important to first begin by addressing the reason that led you to break up in the first place. However, you also need to be open to the fact that getting back together may not be the right thing to do. Have an honest and open conversation and together make an informed choice as to whether to get back together or not. Wish you well.

  72. Thank you Love matters,…
    Thank you Love matters, these tips have helped me go through my break up.

    1. Hey Joan, so sorry. We a re…

      Hey Joan, so sorry. We a re glad however that you found this useful during your break up. We wish you well.

  73. I broke up with my partner…
    I broke up with my partner about three months ago. I have been following your advice and trying to move on but I am unable to move on without him. What can I do to get him back?

    1. Hi Edith, break ups are…

      Hi Edith, break ups are tough especially when one is still inlove. It’s however important to remember the reason you broke up in the first place. Before you think about getting back together, have you addressed the reasons that made you break up? Take sometime and think about whether getting back with your ex is a good choice. If you do choose to get back with him, reach to see if he is interested. Remember, he may not be interested or he may have already moved on. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  74. we meet with this guy at a…
    we meet with this guy at a work place where we exchanged no and we started interacting we become good friends and before waating time she asked me for a date out there he proposed that he wanted me to be his girlfried and it went all good we have been dating like for three months now bt resently he has just changed its seems like he dont want anything to do with me coz wherever i call he hangup please help

    1. Hey Merline, sorry about…

      Hey Merline, sorry about this. It is challenging to tell what could have led to this since he is not talking to you. While dating a colleague at the work place is completely normal, it can be challenging to make the relationship work. All you maybe able to do now is to give him some space before trying to reach out again. If he completely ignores your calls, you will have to also move on as you cannot force him to talk to you if he is unwilling to do this. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/dating-a-colleague-dos-and-donts

  75. Hi Dr Love Matters is it a…
    Hi Dr Love Matters is it a recommended to be friends with your ex? My ex keeps texting me and saying we dont have to enemies just because we broke up He wants us to be friends???

    1. Hey Kate, you need to think…

      Hey Kate, you need to think about what the intention of being friends is. This is important because you may slip back into a romantic relationship and this may make it challenging for you to move on especially if you already know you don’t want to be together in a relationship. Take you time before getting back to being friends, if you are uncomfortable with this let him know. Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  76. My fiance got another girl…
    My fiance got another girl pregnant and here I was thinking we were saving ourselves for marriage. I don’t know how to start with all this!!!

    1. Hey Maria, so sorry about…

      Hey Maria, so sorry about this. Your fiancé broke your relationship rules and you now have to think about how you wish to proceed. Have you talked with him about this and how he wants to proceed? This is a decision that is entirely your own, take time and think about what you want moving forward, remember this is something that you may have to accept will be part of your relationship should you choose to keep the relationship and if he also wants to. Give yourself sometime to think and make a decision that will make you happy.

  77. I broke up with my gf and…
    I broke up with my gf and she Is so affected till now two months ago she has never removed me from her blacklist and I fail to understand if she has moved on… why then keep me in blacklist yet I I never bothe r disturbing

    1. Hey Nemwel, everybody has…

      Hey Nemwel, everybody has their own process of moving on including how much time it takes them. There are a few reasons that can make moving on difficult including the reasons for the break up, if a person was still in-love at the time they were breaking among others. After breaking up some do not wish to keep in communication with their ex. Is there a reason you need to communicate with her at this point? You will need to respect her choice if she doesn’t want to talk to you. https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  78. Hi,I have been dating for…
    Hi,I have been dating for 4yrs and 6months within those years he cheated,then I forgave him because of the love I have for him.3yrs gone he is still cheating on me wit a different girl.I asked him but he denied getting to the 4years and 6months his attitude changed entirely found out that he is cheating pls wat should I do,he isn’t aware DAT I know,should I tell him or just break up.

  79. My ex got married but still…
    My ex got married but still loves me and wants us to still be friends but it hard for me to

    1. Hi Collins, it is important…

      Hi Collins, it is important to carefully think about the relationship you want to have with your ex and whether indeed it is necessary. This is because it is easy to slip back into a romantic relationship which will in turn make it difficult for you to move on and to get into a fulfilling relationship. If you don’t wish to be friends with her, let her know. Be sure to be clear and firm. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

    1. You are welcome Dancun.

      You are welcome Dancun.

  80. I have just learnt my…
    I have just learnt my boyfriend for the last 8 months is engaged and he planing a wedding. I feel so used by this man

    1. So sorry about this Carrie…

      So sorry about this Carrie. It appears he has chosen someone else and all you can do now is to move on as well.This can be challenging especially if you are still inlove with him but if he is planning a wedding with another person it means he has moved on or he is moving on. Take sometime to heal from this, time is a healer. Eventually you will feel better you may even be ready to get into a new relationship. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  81. I actually meet a guy quite…
    I actually meet a guy quite mature but single from a failed marriage so we hooked up and starting talking he wants me to move in with him but I wasn’t ready for the move..
    we had issues from that, quarreled and made up.. finally we broke and right now I miss me like I wanna go back but he is quite pridefully and would actually use it against me.. I wanna move on but I still think about him.. need advice

    1. Hi Sharon, it is normal to…

      Hi Sharon, it is normal to feel this way after a break up. You however need to decide what you want moving forward. You need to think about whether the reasons that made you break up can be resolved. If the issues can be resolved, you still love him and want to be with him, you can consider reaching out to him to see if he is interested in getting back with you. It is important to know that he may not be interested in getting back together with you and if this is the case you will have to respect his choice. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  82. My ex wants me back what can…
    My ex wants me back what can I do

    1. Dear Grace, do you want to…

      Dear Grace, do you want to get back with your ex? This is the important question, think about what led to the break up in the first place, whether the issues have been resolves or can be resolved. Think about these things and then make a decision on whether to get back together with your partner or not. Have a look at the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  83. My girlfriend wants to break…
    My girlfriend wants to break up with me,but still wants to come to my house

    1. Hey Joseph, is this what you…

      Hey Joseph, is this what you want? You need to be clear about the break and what your relationship will be moving forward. How you relate after a break can determine if one is able to move on and if they will be able to get into another relationship. You need to decide how you want to relate with her moving forward and then communicate this to her. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  84. Hi… am having a hard time…
    Hi… am having a hard time thinking about my ex. We still talk but to him it seems like he already moved on but as for me am finding it to be hard. I still love him. Please help

    1. Hi Kate, it is normal to…

      Hi Kate, it is normal to feel this way after a break up depending on the reasons for the break up, how you broke and if you still have feelings for each other. It is important to come to terms with the fact that you broke up and more importantly that your partner already moved on. All you can do now is to accept this and move on as well. This may take time but eventually you will be able to move on and even get into a new fulfilling relationship. Have a look at the following article for tips on coping with a break up;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  85. Hello my bf saw condom with…
    Hello my bf saw condom with me,he ask me wat am using it for I explained to him that I use it for my face,he said no problem but since then he never call me again,I tried my possible best he his breakin my hrt seriously wat shuld I do cos I love him so much

  86. i am currently going through…
    i am currently going through a breakup. we disagreed with my girl friend over religion matters. Over the past few months ive been trying to get myself interested but she thinks i haven’t done enough yet. i asked her to stay with me and let each other have their space and respect over the issue she refused. i told her that i’m willing to accommodate her views on religion and asked her to accommodate mine, she refused and broke up with me. i feel terrible right now coz i know i did my best to keep her but still lost her. ADVICE?

    1. Hey Pheneas, we are so sorry…

      Hey Pheneas, we are so sorry about this. Religious beliefs are deep seated issues that at times when one is unwilling to compromise in case where there are differences in a relationship, it causes a strain in a relationship. It appears that you did all you could to try and find a middle ground but it didn’t work. All you can do now it to allow yourself to move on even though this is tough. It takes time to heal over a break but but with time you will feel better and perhaps even get into a new relationship that will be fulfilling for you. We wish you all the best, have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up 

  87. Hey this umi,we hard an…
    Hey this umi,we hard an issues he was always talking to his ex ,she is always sending him videos pictures I do feel bad ,but he do say there is nothing between them. One night I spoke to him badly we was angry and broke up with me so I told him I couldn’t move on I was in tears he said he has forgiven he won’t leave me but he has changed now after that incidence so I feel broken I don’t think he still loves me like before
    I justfeel like I just move on forget him cause am hurtin and it’s hard for me

  88. How do I know a real man, a…
    How do I know a real man, a serious man not a player

    1. Hi Blessing, it is difficult…

      Hi Blessing, it is difficult to know if a man is cheating on you or will cheat on you. A good place to start is to think about the kind of person you want to be with and then talk about your expectations early in the relationship this way it is clear from the beginning what you want and what to expect. All the best. Have a look at the following article;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/signs-of-a-cheating-boyfriend

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/marriage/thinking-about-marriage/the-big-decision-how-do-i-know 

  89. I can’t sleep at night with…
    I can’t sleep at night with out alcohol

    1. Dear Juliet, it appears you…

      Dear Juliet, it appears you are depended on alcohol. Do you remember when this started and what led to this? The good news is that you can get out of this with some professional help. Consider calling the following hotline free from you Safaricom line, 1190 and you will be assisted. Additionally, have a look at the following article for more information from where you can get help;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/get-help/helpline-and-counseling

  90. Please how can I my lady…
    Please how can I my lady from her emotional wound suffering from her past relationships?

    1. Hi Joseph, healing from a…

      Hi Joseph, healing from a heart break can take time. Your partner needs to first come to terms with the fact that her relationship ended and that all she can do now it to move on. It will take her being deliberate about moving on and taking practical steps toward moving since this is the only way she can enjoy your current relationship. Here are some tips you can share with her;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  91. Hi admin
    I met a lady some…

    Hi admin
    I met a lady some times ago and we have been very good friends and we are now in love with each other, but the problem is about her past hurt which keeps affecting her love for me because she at times do think I can be like the other guys. Please help me on what to do to heal her emotional wound. I love her so much and she do too.

    1. Hi Joseph, healing from a…

      Hi Joseph, healing from a heart break can take time. Your partner needs to first come to terms with the fact that her relationship ended, it may not have been her fault and that all she can do now it to move on. She will need to be deliberate about moving on including taking practical steps toward moving on since this is the only way she can get to enjoy the current relationship you have with her. You cam as well support her in this process by reassuring her you are not her ex and the importance of her not comparing her past lover with you or her past relationship and what you have. We wish you well. Here are some other tips you can share with her;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  92. I met this new guy after my…
    I met this new guy after my man had a slight conflict with me for about months and now my man realized himself coming back to me and told me his reason and I could see they are genyibe. I still felt the love I have for him and now I had this new who already had a wife and I wanted to break ? up with this new guy… How do I make it

    1. Hi Eknor, first, you need to…

      Hi Eknor, first, you need to decide what you want and whom you want to be with. Additionally, you need to think about the conflicts that made you break up in the first place and whether you have resolved them before choosing to get back with your ex. Also, if the new guy already has a wife it means he is cheating on his wife with. Is this what you want? Do take sometime and think about what you want and whom you want to be with to make an informed decision. Should you choose either, you will need to break up with the other. Have a look at the following article;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  93. She broke up with me for no…
    She broke up with me for no reason maybe for money but I see her everyday and it hurt like hell….she works at my mom’s restaurant,n I always go there also everyday day….seeing her make me hurt n more when someone toasting her am hurt really deep

    1. Dear David, so sorry about…

      Dear David, so sorry about this. Coping with a break up can be challenging especially when you have to keep seeing your ex daily whom you still love but can’t be with. Unfortunately, relationships do end and when they do, all one can do is to try and move on. Have you considered not visiting your mom’s restaurant daily or atleast spacing your visits? You could also consider visiting times when you are likely not to meet with her? More importantly, you only have control over yourself, you may not be able to control your ex including where she is found. Take time and focus on yourself. This was not your fault and healing can take time but eventually you will heal and move on. We wish you all the best, have a look at the following article for tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  94. I am going through a break…
    I am going through a break up but I am attracted to my exs friend. He is also interested but I am confused about whether to go ahead or stop dating for awhile. Any advice?

    1. Hi Pauline, first, if you…

      Hi Pauline, first, if you are still dealing with a break up, maybe you need to take sometime and deal with the break up before choosing to date someone else. Also, dating a friend of your ex can complicate his relationship with your ex and this can to some extend affect your relationship. Think about whether you are ready for a new relationship before deciding to start a new one. Check out this article;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/dating-your-exs-friend

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  95. Love is not some things DAT…
    Love is not some things DAT u start today and it’s tomorrow we need to understand love

  96. I can withstand it anymore
    I can withstand it anymore

  97. My boyfriend just broke up…
    My boyfriend just broke up with me
    The funniest part of it is that he gave his new girlfriend his phone to be texting and insulting me on whatsapp
    He even gave her my number to be insulting me
    I wonder what i have done wrong to deserve all this
    I’m so broken inside

    1. Dear Fola, so sorry about…

      Dear Fola, so sorry about this. You have no control over the choices he makes especially now that you are not together. You can consider restricting their communication to you which may include blocking their numbers or even changing your number. Break ups are tough, but with time you will feel better. Time is a healer, give yourself sometime and eventually you get over the hurt. Have a look at the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  98. Thanks for dis
    I just…

    Thanks for dis
    I just brokeup with my girl.

    1. Hello Hasbat, we hope that…

      Hello Hasbat, we hope that you found this article useful after the break up. We wish you all the best. 

  99. Why is it that the girl you…
    Why is it that the girl you love most always fuvk up?

    1. Hey Oluwatosin, this doesn’t…

      Hey Oluwatosin, this doesn’t happen always. However, the sad reality about relationships is that not all of them will last forever. You may love someone deeply and even do your best always but this will not guarantee that your relationship will last a lifetime. All you can do is to allow yourself to move even though this can be challenging. It may take time, but eventually you will be able to get over the hurt and move on. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  100. My boyfriend has broken up…
    My boyfriend has broken up with me. it hard for me to move on. I truly loved. I feel this is the end of me, I don’t know what to do. I had already introduced him to my family and friends. what do I do? I cant move on with life again. please help.

    1. Hi Liz, so sorry about this…

      Hi Liz, so sorry about this. This is the end of a relationship, the unfortunate truth about relationships is that not all of them will last a life time. You can do everything right but still a relationship may not work since you have no control over the choices of the other person. All you can do now is to allow yourself to move, it may not feel that it is possible but time is a healer. It may take time but eventually you will get over this hurt and probably get into a new fulfilling relationship. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

    1. hope springs eternal in the…

      hope springs eternal in the human breast 🙂

  101. I love my ex I hurt her but…
    I love my ex I hurt her but I feel like I won’t do it agent even my conscience can’t even allow me to move on she too doesn’t want to hear a word I sat pls help

    1. Hello Chris , thank you for…

      Hello Chris , thank you for reaching out to us. It is great that you are thinking of making an apology. A sincere apology is much more than a simple sorry. First, express the desire to apologise and ask for permission to do so. Never assume that a person is willing or ready to listen to an apology. Second. Express remorse, and admit responsibility. Try and avoid making excuses or shifting blame. Third, let them know how you intend to make amends and make it right. Lastly, let them know that you do not intend to do it again, and mean it.

  102. For me,i know i was the one…
    For me,i know i was the one at fault cz i led him on till to a point he thought we now dating for good
    Then all over a sudden i just thought about it and i was like i cannot with this guy anymore.I decided to end things up.But i tend to miss him alot and its not even days after we broke up.
    Plz help me get stable

    1. Hi Anonymous, so sorry to…

      Hi Anonymous, so sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. It is great to hear that you acknowledge that you are at fault and that you may want to make amends. You could think of making an apology and asking for forgiveness. However while you do this remember that you cannot force a person to accept your apology and you will have to accept that.

  103. Hi Love Matters,
    I have this…

    Hi Love Matters,
    I have this girl that I love. We have been together for 5 months, each time I ask her if she loves me she say no. This week she said I give her time to reflect on herself to know whether she has been living a lie with me or she is not ready for a relationship. Pliz advise on what to do.

    Thanks.

    1. Hello Chris, so sorry to…

      Hello Chris, so sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. A relationship needs for all the people involved being on the same page. She has made it clear that she needs time and space to think about the relationship. The best thing would be to allow her the time to clarify things. You do not want to be in a relationship with someone who does not know if they want to be in it. Although it does not seem like it, this is a good thing. If you pull through this process you will build a strong and lasting relationship and if you do not, it will free you up to build that with someone else.

  104. I broke up with my boyfriend…
    I broke up with my boyfriend not because I don’t love him I do bt I was cheating n I couldn’t bring myself to tell him bt right now, he is all I think abt n I don’t want to go back. wat should I do

    1. Hello Crystal, thank you for…

      Hello Crystal, thank you for reaching out to us. So sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time. It is understandable that you would be hurting during this time and would want to go back. To help you think of what you should do, think about what you want for yourself and your future. Do you think that the issue for your break up could be resolved? Can you be honest about it?

  105. I kissed smone else wen I…
    I kissed smone else wen I thought my bf i nd wer over, he asked me 2 block him nd we didn’t talk 4 a month nd 2 wks, bt he came bck and said we didn’t brkup, I agreed 2 date him again since then he said I cheated on him nd he hurts me evryday wit his words, he said he loves me bt I dnt see it, he said am negative wen eva I say my opinion abt smtin, nw he said we shuld go on a brk, nd its two months,am hurt and broken, wat cn I do, cos I love him too much to let go bt I wnt to

  106. Hello Rose, thank you so…

    Hello Rose, thank you so much for reaching out to us and we are so sorry to hear what you are going through. Prior to your break up, had you both made it clear that it was an official break up or was it just a break for you both take some time? This could be the source of your conflict. Secondly, what caused the initial break in the first place? 

  107. Hi, I’m so confused, my…
    Hi, I’m so confused, my boyfriend, doesn’t give me quality attention, I feel like I love him more than he loves me, each time I tried to correct him, he does worse. I love him so much, and I don’t wanna loose him, I don’t know what to do anymore

    1. Hello Anonymous, thank you…

      Hello Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time and it is understandable that you would feel frustrated with the situation.
      Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

  108. I just broke up with my…
    I just broke up with my boyfriend..initially i thought my feelings for him were dying.i knew there were other ladies in the picture but my love for him was the most important thing.I Loved him like i was the only one he was dating but doubts kept coming and then i decided to end everything today but now am not really myself, i try not to think about him but his thoughts keep coming.Right now i think getting myself into another relationship is a bad idea..Do you think it would help me heal?

    1. Hi Victoria, thank you for…

      Hi Victoria, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry you have had such a rough time. Getting into another relationship to help you heal is not a good idea. Especially because you will not be giving the other person your authentic self. Try and use this time to process your feelings and work on getting over your ex. It is normal to have lingering feelings but time heals all wounds.

  109. Breaking up! She broke up…
    Breaking up! She broke up with cause of her religion according to her..we dated for 10years and I already talked to her parents but she ended it

    1. Hello Yemi, thank you so…

      Hello Yemi, thank you so much for reaching out to us and we are so sorry you had to go through such a rough time, especially after 10 years. How are you coping since and ho long has it been since the break-up? Talk to us, we are here for you.

  110. My ex has being sending mh…
    My ex has being sending mh test,asking for forgiveness buh I don’t want her anymore ,,what can i do?

    1. Hello Anonymous, thank you…

      Hello Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. If you feel that you do not want to get back with your ex, let her know.

  111. How will I forget about my…
    How will I forget about my ex
    Because he is always in my mind

    1. Hi Anonymous, thank you for…

      Hi Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. Time heals all wounds. Although it feels like you will never get over your ex, with time you will and you will feel so much better. Just stick to the guidelines outlined in this article and you will be fine.

  112. You are most welcome…

    You are most welcome Stephanie, we are always pleased to help. Please stay safe and have a wonderful week ahead. 

    1. It’s really helped me move…
      It’s really helped me move on from my past relationship. I’ve learnt pretty much everything I need to know about moving on so thanks.

      1. We are so glad to hear this…

        We are so glad to hear this Mia. We are always pleased to be of help.

  113. I was in a marriage for…
    I was in a marriage for almost two years but for the last two months my marriage has not been doing well, my hubby went ahead and looked for another house though he has been supporting us and when I requested him to get back to the house he opted to have two houses. Finally I have found him drinking with his ex girlfriend and sleeping in his house. Am mentally disturbed on how to move on kindly help

    1. Hello Anonymous, thank you…

      Hello Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. So sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time.
      Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.
      This article has some pointers that ccould help you learn how to better communicate.
      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/better-

  114. I noticed my girl had been…
    I noticed my girl had been cheating on me pretending that the other boy is just a feiend..when i ask her she insists its just a friend..her best friend knows that boy dates her..i decided to leave the relationship..am hurt though..but she’s not responded ever since

  115. I like the way you give such…
    I like the way you give such good advice

    1. Hi Mia, thank you so much…

      Hi Mia, thank you so much for your feedback. We appreciate it.

  116. Guys have read your comments…
    Guys have read your comments and quiz they reasonable issues to me also i really thank and aprreciate .

  117. Hi Parvel, thank you for…

    Hi Parvel, thank you for getting in touch and we are so glad that we are able to provide you content to help you make informed decisions. Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  118. my boyfriend is called…
    my boyfriend is called Patrick we use to love each soo much bt one day he started showing me he doesn’t love by showing me in wattsapp status other girls i feel crying I am soo heartbroken so what I do to forget him

    1. Hi Sophie, thank you for…

      Hi Sophie, thank you for getting in touch with us and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. The decision is really up to you. Take time to consider what the options mean for you. How would your decision affect you? What do you desire for yourself and your future?

  119. Hello I have a question…
    Hello I have a question actually from my personal story

    1. Hi Danny, please ask.

      Hi Danny, please ask.

      1. i have a question to ask
        i have a question to ask

        1. Hi immanuel, thank you for…

          Hi immanuel, thank you for getting in touch, how can we help you?

  120. I badly need help. My…
    I badly need help. My girlfriend left me unexpectedly and abruptly- I did not see it coming. We even had a baby together. I have so many unanswered questions. Can someone really heal and move on having in mind that this betrayal is from someone you have loved all of your life (since Primary school?)

    1. Hi Mike, so sorry to hear…

      Hi Mike, so sorry to hear you have been through such a hard time. The sad reality is that the ones we love have the power to hurt us the most. It may hurt a whole lot now but with time the pain becomes less. It may nog go completely but you will learn to live with it. Someone likened pain to a ball in a box with a button. When the box is large, it presses on the button constantly but with time it gets smaller and presses on the button occasionally. Everything will work out.

  121. Hi i love cooking thanks for…
    Hi i love cooking thanks for the advice it help mo alot?

    1. That is the spirit Lenny!…

      That is the spirit Lenny! Cook your heart out and let the world know just how amazing you are! We are glad to be here for you and know that if you ever need any more support, we are here for you! have a wonderful week and stay safe 🙂

  122. Hmmm i don’t think i…
    Hmmm i don’t think i will ever love again, cus the only one i trust fail me so there is no heart of love in me again

    1. Hi Anonymous, thank you for…

      Hi Anonymous, thank you for getting in touch and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Break-ups are hard; especially if you did everything you could in the relationship. This is doubly difficult for guys, who don’t know what to do with the negative emotion welling up inside. Is there a way past the pain? We are here to tell you yes! There is, click here to find out more: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/looking-past-the-pain

      Keep us posted and know that you will find a strong heart within yourself to love again okay? We are here for you!

  123. How will i get over …
    How will i get over my ex who drop me 3days ago i love her and all her pics is with me and i delete it

  124. How will i get over …
    How will i get over my Ex cus i really Love her and her pix is still in phone cus she throw me away

  125. Hi,
    I don’t know what’s…

    Hi,
    I don’t know what’s going on but it seems am loosing my gf, cuz normally wen I call her she’s happy and all, but now she answers like am just a normal friend oh hers even with her normal friends she answers very good
    And normally she calls me wen am not online on facebook , WhatsApp or any social media to know if am ok or to tell me I should come online , I don’t know if she’s having another with her or am the cuz ion know what’s the problem ?

  126. Hello Godbless, thank you…

    Hello Godbless, thank you for getting in touch and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. Communication is an important part of any relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive. Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well. This article has some pointers that could help you learn to communicate more effectively: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/better-communication-better-relationships 

  127. It ain’t easy moving on…
    It ain’t easy moving on though,but atleast i’ve learned something,,though as per now i’m drowning it hurts…

    1. Hello Mary, thank you so…

      Hello Mary, thank you so much for reaching out to us. So sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. Right now it may feel really horrible but with time things will get better.

  128. I have been in a relation…
    I have been in a relation for four good years since i joined campus,,the man got me still innocent to date of which we shared everything like any other lovers could…it happened i came to realise my man slept with my roommate..the closest friend of mine,,,i had no otherwise since the feeling ran deep in me..it is too much in me that i decided to stop the relationship because it a was different sought of betrayal..kindly assist i’m depressed,stressed this is too much for me..i love him still.

    1. Hi Mary, we are so sorry to…

      Hi Mary, we are so sorry to hear you have been through such a rough time and that this terrible thing happened to you. It is understandable that you may be feeling like you have been betrayed. The article speaks about coping with a break-up and we hope it has helped you with some pointers at the very least. We understand that at this time you may feel a little overwhelmed but with time it will get better. The pain may not dissipate completely but it will get easier to deal with it.

  129. My fiance seduces ladies on…
    My fiance seduces ladies on Facebook and I even find the same in SMS texts, I have been observing this for quite along time now. Could this be his true nature? He claims that he’s having fun.Though I cry severally begging him it doesn’t seem to bother him. It took me a year to decide and leave him. Though his insults are draining me emotionally and psychologically

  130. Hi  Rachael, thank you for…

    Hi  Rachael, thank you for getting in touch with us and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. No one deserves to be insulted or abused in any way. The fact that you are aware of his actions and have communicated with him and this is his reaction is quite toxic and though we never explicitly inform anyone to leave a partner, this is a rare situation in which we value you and your well-being. You deserve to be happy and if you are going to be married to someone for the rest of your life, we highly recommend that you do so with someone that you will be happy with and can build a future with.

  131. Love someone is just a waste…
    Love someone is just a waste of time

    1. Hi Joy, we are so sorry to…

      Hi Joy, we are so sorry to hear you feel this way especially if you have just gone through a breakup. As the saying goes, time heals all wounds and with time things feel better.

  132. How can i forget the past…
    How can i forget the past breakup

    1. Hi Joy, thank you for…

      Hi Joy, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. Getting over a breakup can be quite difficult but as the article states it takes time. Give yourself time and try and follow the points given in the article. You will be fine.

  133. is it possible to know if a…
    is it possible to know if a lady loves you or your money

    1. Hi Len, 

      Yes, if she is…

      Hi Len, 

      Yes, if she is only interested in money, she will not stay with you if you do not give her money or gifts. Someone who’s only interested in your money will be less interested in you and the relationship if they are not getting the money. There’s nothing wrong with taking care of your partner, but if you suspect they are only with you for the material wealth while you want a relationship based on love and affection, this may be a problem. 

  134. I was in love with my gf but…
    I was in love with my gf but she has left me and she has a new partner i want to move on and forget her but my heart is aching its hard what can o do..please help am in a depression that can kill…she has gone enjoying she doesn’t want me back me too i want to move on but my heart…its too heavy to accept..nifanye nini jamani?

    1. Hi Ahmed, 

      So sorry for…

      Hi Ahmed, 

      So sorry for what you are going through. Breakups can be painful and may leave you confused and not sure about how to move on without your partner. However, it is important that you accept that the relationship has ended. This way you will begin to heal. Here is an article that can help you learn hot to deal with a breakup. Coping with a breakup. If you would like to talk to a professional, call 1190 toll free (i.e. for free). 

  135. Why most lady go on cheeting
    Why most lady go on cheeting

    1. Hi Lister, 

      Women, and men…

      Hi Lister, 

      Women, and men cheat, for different reasons. Some of them include revenge, boredom in current relationship, the excitement of new sexual experiences, sexual addiction, looking for someone to fill a void, etc. Read this article to learn more: Why Do People Cheat?

  136. I am really hurt,my partner…
    I am really hurt,my partner dump me for another

    1. Hi Abraham, 

      I am so sorry…

      Hi Abraham, 

      I am so sorry for what you are going through. Accepting and healing after a breakup is difficult but it can be done. It is important that you accept that the breakup happened so that you can start healing. Know that the fact that your partner left you does not mean that you cannot find lasting love, you are still deserving of love and you will find it at the right time. For now, focus on your healing. 

  137. My wife hav been cheating on…
    My wife hav been cheating on me yr in yr out and later coming back wat can i do

    1. Hi Enock, 

      I am so sorry to…

      Hi Enock, 

      I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Dealing with a  breakup is one of the most painful things in a relationship. It is a very bad form of betrayal. The first thing is to have an honest conversation with your wife and tell her about the hurt she has caused through her cheating. Ensure that you give her an ultimatum that if she wants to be with you, she should be faithful. Be honest, with yourself about whether she can change, it could be that she is not ready to change thus you have to decide whether you should leave or stay. Read this article for tips on how to heal: Tips To Recover After Cheating

  138. Silence made us part way s…
    Silence made us part way s but I can’t stop thinking about her,what do I do

    1. Hi Tonnie, 

      Break the…

      Hi Tonnie, 

      Break the silence! You seem to have grown apart because you lost touch thus the first step would be to get in touch with her. Since you have not been talking, perhaps you can start by finding out what she is up to as a way to start a conversation. If she is not dating anyone, you should express your feelings towards her and see how it works. Read this article to learn more: 9 helpful tips for talking to someone you like. Good luck!

  139. Right now am going through…
    Right now am going through hell, dealing with heartbreak is not a joke, it is 3rd month now and its even worse, am cutting wait daily ,

    1. Hi there, 

      So sorry…

      Hi there, 

      So sorry. Breakups can be really hard and it may take a while to move on. It is definitely okay to go through the emotions of breaking up, however, be careful not to get to a point where your mental and physical health is affected. It is clear that your health has been affected by this breakup and this is not a good thing. It is important to talk to someone you trust or a professional about what you are going through. If you need to talk to a counsellor, call 1190 for free and he or she will listen to you and give you advice on how you can handle the situation in a way that doesn’t leave you unwell. Wishing you all the best. 

  140. Love a killing machine,i…
    Love a killing machine,i have a girlfriend but i feel like she is playing with my feel plzzz help should i leave her..or not..

    1. Hi Ralphapet, 

      What is …

      Hi Ralphapet, 

      What is ‘love a killing machine?’ I hope you are not planning to kill anyone. If you have such thoughts, call 1190 and talk to a professional for advice. They will listen to you and give you important advice. 

      What signs have to see that make you believe that she’s playing you? Either way, the decision to stay or leave a relationship depends on you, if you feel that she is not returning your feelings and you are unhappy, by all means, leave the relationship. On the other hand, talk to her and express how you feel, it is always important to have an open and honest conversation with a partner. You may be making wrong conclusions and this means that you will make a big decision with the wrong information. All the best in whatever you decided

  141. Hi i have been dating this…
    Hi i have been dating this girl for a while now and recently shes been acting all moody andwhen i told her abt it she said that she isnt ending things untill she has to but she is just thinking whether she wants to be with me or not

    1. Hi Arthurmburu, 

      Well, it…

      Hi Arthurmburu, 

      Well, it seems that she is not sure whether she wants to be with you yet. That’s fair because it could be that she takes time before making the important decision. However, if you have been dating her for several months, it is only fair that she tell you whether she wants to be with you or not. Do not allow her to waste your time and emotions if she keeps saying that she is not sure about how she feels about you. If she will not make up her mind soon, it is wise for you to pack and go. 

  142. I found love messages in my…
    I found love messages in my boyfriend’s phone , when I asked him he said that the girl was just a friend I decided to take the girl’s number from his phone to enquire if what the boy was saying was true,,,
    When the girl told him about me asking the man decided to end our relationship ?? what should I do?

    1. Hi Verah, 

      So sorry! To be…

      Hi Verah, 

      So sorry! To be honest, that man does not love you and didn’t want to be in the relationship. Someone who loves you would not choose another person over you. He allowed another woman to come between you two. Accept that the breakup has happened and start working towards your healing. Here’s an article that can help you cope with a breakup: How to cope with a breakup.

      As a tip for next time, avoid calling other people that you may feel that your partner is with since this may make the situation worse. Always deal with the person you are in a relationship with and not other people. 

      Wishing you well!

  143. I broke up with my man…
    I broke up with my man because he wanted me to abort his child and and I found out he was cheating on me

    1. Hi Sheryl, 

      I am so sorry…

      Hi Sheryl, 

      I am so sorry about what you are going through. First, congratulations on being firm on what you want to do with your body. Your body, your choice. You are an empowered woman. On the cheating issue, it was his decision to do so and nothing to do with you. You are not to blame. It is him showing his true colors. In case you need to talk to someone, you can call 1190 for free counseling services. 

  144. I think am sinking into…
    I think am sinking into depression,I need help

  145. Hi Essie, 

    First, I would…

    Hi Essie, 

    First, I would like to commend you for taking the step to acknowledge that you are not doing alright mentally. If you would prefer to talk to someone over the phone, call 1190 for free or 1199. Should you prefer to chat, we can talk here or visit the Love Matters Facebook page inbox if you need to speak privately. Here’s the link: Love Matters Facebook Page

  146. This really help cus am heart broken tonight,,my boyfriend breakup with me this evening.

    But when i read this i feel calm and gt it that my end goal is to move on

    1. Glad to hear that! One step at a time.

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