Two people, one turned away, one with his head hanging low
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Dealing with your ex

Are you going to be friends after you broke up? That can be difficult.

Being friends with your ex

There are many reasons why you’d choose not to be friends with your ex, for example:

  • You were in an abusive relationship and you want to cut all contact with your ex. You’re worried that you might fall into another cycle of abuse if they find you.
  • Your partner did something unforgivable. They might have lied to you about something very important, cheated on you, or breached your trust in a way that can’t be healed.
  • You’re still grieving for your relationship. You need some time, and can’t be friends with your ex until you’ve got rid of all your bad memories.
  • You’re afraid that you’ll rebound. You think that being friends might just lead to both of you getting back together. And you know that’s unhealthy for you.
  • You still have very strong feelings for your ex. You can’t contain them and being friends with your ex will just make you more miserable.

          You can read more about the do’s and don’ts of being friends with an ex here.

If you do decide to be friends with your ex, here are a few tips:

  • Give yourself time after the break up. Don’t rush into being friends with your ex. There might be negative feelings left over from your relationship which won’t be a good foundation for friendship. Only start seeing each other as friends if you’re sure there are no bad feelings left.
  • Don’t be pushy. If your ex is clear about not wanting a friendship, respect their space.
  • Know your motives. Why do you want to be friends with this person? Is it because you’re trying to woo them back into your life as a partner, or because you genuinely treasure them as a friend?
  • Take one step at a time. Fitting into your ex’s life as a friend after being in an intimate relationship is challenging. So start off gently. Start by calling each other on birthdays, sending emails, text messages etc. Call off meeting each other until you think the awkward phase has passed.
  • Don’t discuss sexual or romantic topics in the beginning. If you’re dating someone or have a crush, don’t discuss it with your ex. You can be honest with them about your love life, but spare them the details.
  • Share your new relationship status with a good friend. It’s always good to let a trusted friend in on how you’re dealing with a new friendship.
  • Avoid flirting or a physical relationship with your ex. This can be dangerous – before you know it, you might end up in a situation which leaves you both confused and unhappy. Remind yourself of all the reasons that led to the break up.

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (154)

    1. Hi Bibiance, What can we for…
      Hi Bibiance, What can we for you?

      1. My brother always iterfer to…
        My brother always iterfer to my relationshp is it bad

        1. Hi Philip moses, thank you…

          Hi Philip moses, thank you for reaching out to us. We are sorry you are going through such a hard time. Have an open and honest conversation with your brother. Explain how his actions are affecting you and your relationship and see how that goes? 🙂

      1. Hello Prince! Thank you so…

        Hello Prince! Thank you so much for reaching out to us, how can we help?

      1. Hi Vera, thank you so much…

        Hi Vera, thank you so much for your feedback. We are very pleased to help.

      2. I like the advise ??♥️
        I like the advise ??♥️

        1. You’re welcome Abdinasir!

          You’re welcome Abdinasir!

    2. we broke up wth my ex and we…
      we broke up wth my ex and we have a kid together..personally i dont wnt anything to do wth her..if only we cud be friends so that we can help the kid i think will be the best thing..ave nt recover from the pain..she dump me and of late shes been trying to talk to me i cut off comminication completely i dont want to endure the pain i went thr when she dump me…the baby is supose to start skul na sahii ndo anaona sense ya kuwa na mm but iyo time ingine hakuwa anashikika i even her tulia for the sake of this kid we will work things out lkn wapi me i left

      1. Hi there, 

        So sorry for…

        Hi there, 

        So sorry for what you have gone through. A breakup is painful especially if it is not a decision made by both partners. Your partner made the decision to break up the relationship and you clearly went through a painful process. While you don’t want anything to do with her, you two have a child together and it is only fair to the child that you set your differences aside and come together to raise the child. You do not have to get back together since you can co-parent while living separately. Do not let your pain and anger affect your child and let him/her grow up without a father. You brought him/her into this world and you have a responsibility towards him. It may not be easy but you should try to do right by your child. 

    3. Thanks for the great advices
      Thanks for the great advices

      1. You’re welcome, Jacob!

        You’re welcome, Jacob!

    1. We appreciate the feed back…
      We appreciate the feed back Vicent.

    1. We appreciate your feedback…
      We appreciate your feedback Tom.

  1. My husband still talk to her…
    My husband still talk to her ex even chat is it bad?

    1. Hi Joyce, There are two…
      Hi Joyce, There are two sides to this 1) What do they talk about and 2) Are you OK with him still keeping in contact with his ex? If you are not comfortable with this, then you need to talk to him about it and let him what and why it concerns you. Remember if a relationship with an ex is not well managed it can slip back to an intimate relationship.

    2. Try to keep him busy that is…
      Try to keep him busy that is the only way.

      1. Thank you for your…
        Thank you for your contribution.

    3. I think is bad wat are they…
      I think is bad wat are they discussing about if not about there pass.. Only if your husband has no intention on having an affair with his ex or he sees her as just a friend then ur on a safer side..

      1. Thank you for your…

        Thank you for your contribution Susan. 

  2. Ooh!!!wat an educative advic…
    Ooh!!!wat an educative advic….very happy

      1. My ex is coming back wat…
        My ex is coming back wat should I do…

    1. Hi, what can we do for you?
      Hi, what can we do for you?

    1. Hi Sharon, What can we do…
      Hi Sharon, What can we do for you?

    1. Hi Beatrice, It is possible…
      Hi Beatrice, It is possible to feel this toward your ex for various reasons. You have to however to think about whether you want to get back, sometimes it may just feelings of loneliness which you will overcome with time. Remember why you broke up in the first place, that may not have changed. Fill up your time with other fun activities or your hobbies so you can move on form the past. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

    2. Did your ex have someone…
      Did your ex have someone already..?

      1. We are your contribution…
        We are your contribution Hesbon.

  3. hi, how do you handle and x…
    hi, how do you handle and x who is always in your back to bien close to you and ever causing issues in your life?
    even bugging your own house to spy on you?

    1. Hi Sirgo, Perhaps you need…
      Hi Sirgo, Perhaps you need to begin by making it clear to them that you are no longer together and wish to keep things that way. You may have to take drastic measures including moving houses or changing locks to deny them access to you.

  4. My boyfriend keep on…
    My boyfriend keep on communicating with his ex.they discuss how they met and their likes and dislikes.he keeps on calling her and every time I ask him about it we end up disagreements.what should I do?????

  5. Hi,my exe can’t let me be.I…
    Hi,my exe can’t let me be.I’ve tried all methods of breaking up but he can’t mark you he cheats on me,he is a lie,flirting with every woman onintrenet.I really hat him.I even went as far as blocking him everywhere, his numbers,Fb,whatsup.etc but he stii gets a new lone just to contact me.Advice me please, how do I deal with such.I really hate him.

    1. Hi Jacky, sometimes an ex…
      Hi Jacky, sometimes an ex won’t move on after a break up. You may have to take drastic measures maybe even change your numbers if you are unable to completely avoid his calls or him contacting you.

  6. I broke up with my ex the…
    I broke up with my ex the years ear 2014, have been afraid to be in other relationship ever since. It’s my desire to have my family, but the issue of getting into a relationship is mountain to me. Pls advice.

  7. now a days a broked my…
    now a days a broked my Frndship with my gf. and i am really feeling bad. but she loving someone else.

  8. Having being in a…
    Having being in a relationship for three years my beloved told me one day that she has decided to love another guy…I for frustrated and found myself texting abusive words now I want her back but she doesn’t reply my messages please help

    1. Hello Enock, We are so sorry…
      Hello Enock, We are so sorry about this. It appears your partner moved on and it is clear this hurt you. Now that she moved on, you also need to, considering you can’t make her get back with you. We wish you well, have a look at this article for more tips on coping with a breakup;-https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  9. I brokrd wit ma ex but he…
    I brokrd wit ma ex but he still beg mi to be back what can I do I still love him but he decided to be in love wit another gal now he is saying he realized his mistakes

    1. Hi Mary, Do you want to get…

      Hi Mary, Do you want to get back with him? Take sometime and think about whether you want to get back with him and then make an informed decision. It is important for you to first resolve the issues the led to the break up before you decide to get back together. 

  10. Is one year now since we…
    Is one year now since we called it to an end bt she keeps on insulting me thr.. calls, texts and in social media to an extend that its affecting my new relationship

    1. Hey Kim, Perhaps you need to…

      Hey Kim, Perhaps you need to deny her access to you through the different platforms. Sometimes people find it difficult to move on depending on how long partners were together and the reasons that led to her break up. 

        1. Hello Bridget, thank you for…

          Hello Bridget, thank you for getting in touch, how can we help you?

  11. Thanks for your good advice…
    Thanks for your good advice.
    Can I start dating again? I separated with my wife of five years and we had two kids. That was last year. I’ve tried all my best to get her back but in vain. My in-laws dictate their daughter and she can’t listen to me.
    Whenever I get attracted to a lady, I fear disappointment and pull out. What do I do?

    1. Hello Niclas, Sorry about…

      Hello Niclas, Sorry about your marriage. You seem to have done your best to get her back and if it’s not working it is time to move on. You also have not moved on from the hurt and this may take sometime. This is why you still have trust issues with getting into a new relationship. Take time to heal from the break up and when you are ready and willing to trust another person get into a new relationship.  We wish you well. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  12. Pls help me my relationship…
    Pls help me my relationship is in mess

  13. Hello.
    Can you help me! I…

    Hello.
    Can you help me! I am in contact with a girl since six months… we we started just as a Friend. During this I started to love her..but she replied me taht she is in love with someone and I should look for someone else…iam so sad.how can I deal with this situation. It is hearting me

    1. Hi Ali, this was a likely…

      Hi Ali, this was a likely outcome, sometimes a person won’t feel the same way as you and all you can do when this happens is to move on even though this is tough. Give yourself time, it takes time get over a heart break but eventually you will get over this and even be ready to get into a new relationship. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

    1. Hello Steve, what can we do…

      Hello Steve, what can we do for you?

  14. Hi Love matters, We broke up…
    Hi Love matters, We broke up with my boyfriend 6 months ago because of cheating of which he confessed. I decided to break because it was not the first time, now he is back saying he has changed and begging me to go back to him. Is it possible for some to change if they have a habit of cheating? Please tell me what to do.

    1. Hi Favor, it is possible for…

      Hi Favor, it is possible for a person to change and make a complete turn around and commit to a relationship. However, there is no way to tell whether your ex has changed and whether he plans to stick to this change in days to come if you get back together. The important question therefore, is what do you want? Do you think you can trust him again after he has repeatedly cheated on you? If not, then you need to make this clear to him, that you don’t intent to get back together with him. Should you choose to go back, start by addressing the issues that led to the break up and express your expectations at the very begin. Take time and think about what you want and then make an informed decision. Check out the following articles;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/cheating-top-five-facts

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  15. My ex has been taunting me,…
    My ex has been taunting me, he wants us to get back together but I am done with I can’t go back.

  16. Someone I dated while in…
    Someone I dated while in college is back in my life and wants us to revive what we had. I am not sure what to do since I am in a shaky relationship with a person whom I am not sure about. Confused!!!

    1. Hey Jolly, have you talked…

      Hey Jolly, have you talked to your current partner about what you feel is going on in your relationship? You need to first think about the relationship you are in currently and decide whether to proceed with it or not. This is a decision only can make. Secondly, why did you break up in the first place? Have the issues that led to your break up been resolved? Does this person represent the kind of person you want to be with now? Take and think about what you want moving forward and then make an informed decision. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  17. I broke up with my ex months…
    I broke up with my ex months ago but we still meet for sex. I have tried to stop this but when he calls I run. He is even dating someone else but we still continue with this. How do I break this up?

    1. Hey Shalleen, It is…

      Hey Shalleen, It is important you come to terms with the fact that this relationship came to an end and that you need to make a decision to move forward.  All you are having is sex is this all you want from a relationship? Also, this person is dating another person which means you are the other woman and this is also stopping you from getting into another more fulfilling relationship. You may have to take drastic actions which may including cutting all communication with him and choosing to focus on other more important things. We wish you well. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  18. can you advice me to go back…
    can you advice me to go back to my ex?

    1. Hey Triza, this is a…

      Hey Triza, this is a decision only you can make and it also depends on whether your ex is interested. It is also important to think about whether you have addressed and resolved the issues that led to the break up in the first place. It is normal to still have feelings for your ex even after breaking up depending on the reason that led to you breaking up. Take time and think about whether you really want to go back to this relationship and then make an informed choice. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

    1. Thank you for the feedback.

      Thank you for the feedback.

  19. its seems like i am…
    its seems like i am developing depression seens we stoped talking to each other like a week ago now we dint fight or argue bt he just decided to be silent i am kind depressed and dont know how i can really deal with this out

    1. Hello Merline, so sorry…

      Hello Merline, so sorry about this. There is really no way to tell what the silence means, you may want to consider giving it some more time before trying to reach out again. If he is still unreachable or not picking your calls, you will have to take this as communication that he is no longer interested. This was not your fault because you have no control over the choices the other person makes. Give it some more time before making a final decision. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  20. I met my ex is clear we both…
    I met my ex is clear we both still have feelings for each other we even shared a passionate kiss. Problem is we are both seing other people, I am willing to breakup with my new boyfriend but I don’t know if he wants to do the same with his galfriend…for me. I don’t know whether to ask him to do it or not… I don’t want want to be disappointed.

    1. Hey Jessie, first it is…

      Hey Jessie, first it is normal to still have feeling for your ex after a break up. The feelings you have are largely depended on what led to the breakup and how you broke up. You both have moved on, considering the reason why you broke up in the first place, do you thinking getting back together is the right thing to do? There is no way to tell if he is willing to leave his girlfriend for you other than by asking him. Take time and think about whether this is what you really want, and whether you have addressed the issues that led to the break up. Have an honest conversation with your ex and then decide on how to proceed. Check out the following articles for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  21. Hi,plz help me my husband…
    Hi,plz help me my husband still always tall to his x bt wen i ask y,he just say am jealousy for nothing, bt its very difficult to me to stay away from him irealy love him so much

    1. Hey Pamella, have told your…

      Hey Pamella, have told your husband how this makes you feel and the possible effect it is having on your relationship? Keeping in contact with an ex can negatively affect a person’s relationship and such a relationship with an ex when not well managed can slip back into a romantic relationship. It is alright to be concerned, but you also need to make your partner aware of the negative effects it is having on you and your relationship. Find a good time and have this conversation with you husband for you to both agree on a way forward. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/dealing-with-your-ex

  22. My ex boyfriend want me back
    My ex boyfriend want me back

  23. When i see my ex nd is new…
    When i see my ex nd is new girlfriend i feel bad

    1. Hey Eli, it is normal to…

      Hey Eli, it is normal to have an array of feelings after a break up. It appears you have not gotten over the break up and it is important that you take steps to get over it. Your ex has moved on and so should you, to be able to have a chance to get into another fulfilling relationship. It may take sometime but eventually you will be okay with seeing them happy with someone else. Have a look at the following article for tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  24. I have a boyfriend whom I…
    I have a boyfriend whom I knew he loved me but by now he sometimes says he has been too busy until he forgets to call unlike our earlier days when he used to call me even ten times a day.I feel like dumping him but when I mention he start reminding me of how he has been helping me and feels that iam dumping him because I have found someone else…kindly advice me

    1. Hi Terry, something about…

      Hi Terry, something about your partner has definitely changed. Have you tried to talk about the changes you have observed with him? it may be important to about the issues before choosing to break up with him. Do find a good time and talk about this, find out what could be going on and then agree on how to proceed. You can also use this opportunity to talk about your expectation in the relationship and also have him share with you his expectations this way you both will know what you expect from each other and the relationship. Finally, do take sometime and think about what you want in a partner and in a relationship and whether you can get what you want from you current relationship. If not it maybe time to break up. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

  25. I broke up with my bf about…
    I broke up with my bf about 4 months ago. But I still have feelings for him, I still love him. Is it a good idea to try and gt him back? I know he still loves me.

    1. Hi Doreen, it is normal to…

      Hi Doreen, it is normal to feel this way after a break up depending on how and why you broke up. Partners can get back together after a break up, it is however important to think about whether this is what you want considering the reason that led to your breakup in the first place. If you wish to get back together with your ex, try reach out to him and see if he is willing to get back with you. If he is, start by addressing the issues that led to the break up. If he isn’t, you will have to respect this choice. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  26. she caught me cheating
    I…

    she caught me cheating
    I apologize for and she refused to accept me back
    what will be my next move
    I really need her back

    1. Hello Joseph, I can’t tell…

      Hello Joseph, I can’t tell you what your next move will be but if she is unwilling to get back with you, you will have to respect that choice. For you to get back with her, she first needs to be willing to forgive you and you need to be willing to change so that together you can rebuild trust in the your relationship. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  27. pls I need advice form…
    pls I need advice form someone here I have a serious issue with my guy

    1. Hi, do share the issue so we…

      Hi, do share the issue so we can support you. You can also inbox us on our Facebook Page Love Matters Kenya and we shall be more than glad to respond to your issues. 

  28. This post has changed my life
    This post has changed my life

    1. We are glad, Douglas. 

      We are glad, Douglas. 

  29. My guy has many exes and…
    My guy has many exes and still they call him all the time. How do I know if he is still some of them?

    1. Hi Joanne, there is no way…

      Hi Joanne, there is no way to know for sure if someone is cheating on you. The best thing you can do is try to communicate with your partner. Be honest with them about your suspicions and your feelings along with your fears. I know this can be scary to bring it up but try to just tell them why you suspect something is wrong and not just accuse them a cheater. Generally if we hold on to our thoughts you might take things the wrong way believe something without knowing if it is real or not. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/signs-of-a-cheating-boyfriend

  30. Me i feel lyk iam confussed…
    Me i feel lyk iam confussed she got married wen i still live her

    1. Hey Stevie, so sorry about…

      Hey Stevie, so sorry about this. If she got married it means she moved on, unfortunately, she had moved on. Not all relationships last a life time and when a relationship fails all one can do is to try and move on. This can be difficult but time is indeed a healer. It may take time, but eventually one is able to move on. Have a look at the following article for tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up

  31. Is just 3month I broke up…
    Is just 3month I broke up from my ex bcuz of what I findout dat de lady he said is de sister was nothing but de lover. please tell me what should I do

    1. Hello Ransom, so sorry about…

      Hello Ransom, so sorry about this. Since you already broke up with them, you now need to move on. It can be challenging moving on but eventually and with time one is able to move forward. Give yourself sometime, getting over a heart break takes time. Get rid of all negative feelings, remember this was not your fault. Get a new hobby and consider spending time with your friends to meaningfully occupy your leisure. You will get over this and even be ready to meet someone new. We wish you all the best. Check out this article for additional tips;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

    1. Hi Success, what can we do…

      Hi Success, what can we do for you?

  32. Please ..I love my ex so…
    Please ..I love my ex so much but .I want him back in my life even tho I broke up with him .he cheated on me and refuse seeing the wrong he did and apologize .I even blocked him on social media but I still love him and want him bk how do I go about it ..I want to get hez attention back

    1. Hey Miracle, have you tried…

      Hey Miracle, have you tried to reach out to him and tell him you want him back? If you want him back, try reach out to him to see if you can get back to get her. Remember, he may not be available to get back with you and if this is the case, you will need to respect this. Also, do you think he has changed? Have the issues that led to your break up been resolved? Check out the following article for information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/how-can-i-get-back-my-ex

  33. I break up with my partner…
    I break up with my partner he said he want us to be just friends after three days he started posting girls pictures in his status anytime I see it,it hot me but I don’t use to tell him anything please what should I do.

    1. Unfortunately, Judith there…

      Unfortunately, Judith there is little you can do about what he decides to do or post on his status. You can choose not to look which may include blocking. Sometimes to move on you have to take drastic actions especially if seeing this hurts you. Moving on after a break up can be challenging but it appears he has already or is doing it. I suggest, even though this is challenging, that you begin your journey and allow yourself to move on. Check out the following article for some tips on coping with a break up;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/coping-with-a-break-up

  34. I just broke up with my…
    I just broke up with my boyfriend but I still love him and I want to get rid of this feeling I don’t know what to do

    1. Hi Milena, so sorry about…

      Hi Milena, so sorry about this. It is normal to feel this way especially immediately after a break up. It takes time for this feeling to wear off. What you need to do is to focus on moving on and eventually this feelings will go away. Get a new hobby to fill up your leisure time including hanging out with your friends. Give yourself sometime, time will heal and eventually you will feel better and even be ready to meet and love someone new. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up

  35. I was in a relationship with…
    I was in a relationship with someone I love but unfortunately for me he called off the relationship between us because I didn’t agree that we should have sex on that early stages but I still love him so much..is been 5years now I have date someone else but I still love this very guy because we started from friendship before we develop love for each other and I don’t understand why he should just end it like that I missed him since then and can’t get him off my heart… what should I do

    1. Dear Akan, five years is a…

      Dear Akan, five years is a long time to still have feeling for your ex. Don’t you think he already moved on? If he broke up with you because you were unwilling to have sex, maybe he was in it just for sex. A person who cares about you will respect your choice even when they dont agree with you especially when that choice has to do with your body. Take sometime and come to terms with the fact that this relationship didn’t work and that you broke up and are no longer together. To move on from a failed relationship, one has to be deliberate and make this choice that maybe a difficult one. It may take time but eventually one is able to move on and get into a new  fulfilling relationship. Have a look at this article for additional tips toward moving on;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/getting-over-a-break-up

    1. Hi Anu, welcome to Love…

      Hi Anu, welcome to Love Matters Africa. Anything we can do for you?

  36. My ex told me she is about…
    My ex told me she is about to get engaged to her old boyfriend after a month she called that she miss me and she’s still telling me she know her man before me what should I do please

    1. Hi Salawu, how you asked her…

      Hi Salawu, how you asked her what she wants? If she is engaged to someone else it is time for you to move on as well. She choose to be with someone else which means you can’t be together anymore. You need to think about what you want moving forward, do you want to keep a relationship with someone who is already engaged to someone else?

  37. There is this lady I loved…
    There is this lady I loved so much, but unfortunately she called things off claiming she got a ‘better person’. It was really hard to forget her, but I told her to never contact me. It seems like she liked my personality because she kept pushing for the idea of us being friends, this I rejected. a few months ago I contacted her and we’re good friends. time came it could not hold it. I feel like like ending things once again. How do I do this for the second time without being embarrassed.

    1. Hello Kennedy, thank you for…

      Hello Kennedy, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Being friends with your ex can be difficult becuase it may rekindle old feelings. If you feel that this is the case this time, explain it to her and ask for some space and time. A true friend should understand the predicament and allow you the time you need.

      This article has great pointers on how to get over heartbreak.https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/heartbreak-it-does-get-better

  38. Am in relationship with…
    Am in relationship with someone, but my parent, friends, brothers, pastors, don’t like it because of what there said there saw, that have been locked up some where, we stay in same compound, and the family accepted me, is like all are in the relationship but for me am the only one, the last time one came visiting me, the spy on me even when bathing, so I got angry, I left the compound hoping to give distance in their family, but I was tempted to the tell the girl mum, what someone said about her, and she got angry and met the person also using my name.. So I got angry, that i don’t want the relationship again, I called friends and family of mine, all was happy and there started coming close again, but all of a surden I just felt this feelings that I can’t do without this girl, but I tried calling she was blaming me for the whole things that I should go away, after a while she will text again, when I reply she will end up hurting me, and with my dreams I had in that family, wasn’t good at all, but I can’t just stay without her, but some how I think I don’t need this relationship but am finding it difficult to quit what will I do pls?

    1. Hello Moses, thank you for…

      Hello Moses, thank you for reaching out to us. Relationships are not smooth sailing. There are bound to be ups and downs. However, if you find yourself in a situation where you feel you cannot go on anymore, then you should definitely try to do what is best for you.

  39. How can I make my ex happy
    How can I make my ex happy

    1. Hii Anonymous, why would you…

      Hii Anonymous, why would you want to make your ex happy?

  40. Because he can spoil ur new…
    Because he can spoil ur new relationship

  41. Thank you for your…

    Thank you for your contribution Blessing, that is indeed a fear that a lot of people share and is why, when moving on, they put their ex’s behind them. 

  42. My new boyfriend always talk…
    My new boyfriend always talk about sex when we are not even upto a month is it sign of a player

    1. Hello Mojisola, thank you…

      Hello Mojisola, thank you for reaching out to us. It is understandable that you would be frustrated with the situation. New relationships experience a lot of hitches, especially around communication. Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain how their actions are affecting you and the relationship. Try not to be confrontational because that would put them on the defensive and the resulting conversation would not be productive.  Be ready to listen to their fears and feelings and respond to them as well.

  43. Because it might affect ur…
    Because it might affect ur new relationship

    1. We completely agree with you…

      We completely agree with you Stephanie, it definitely could affect your new relationship if one is not careful. 

  44. Thanks so much…next month…
    Thanks so much…next month is his birthday can i call him or chat him to wish him well..tho i asked him not to chat me or call me again..

    1. Hello Stephanie, thank you…

      Hello Stephanie, thank you for reaching out and asking a great question. It depends, are you both on speaking terms since the break-up and do you think he would appreciate it? Would you appreciate it if your ex did that to you? 

  45. Hello Rickky, thank you for…

    Hello Rickky, thank you for getting in touch. 

    Welcome to Love Matters Africa. We provide honest information about Love, Sex and Relationships. Feel free to ask any question and we shall be more than glad to respond to you.

    Love Matters Team

  46. my husband traveled out of…
    my husband traveled out of the country , and I have already have two kids with him”, when I was six months pregnant, and after I delivered , he decided to have another woman over there and told me to move on and face my life and since then

    he blocked me on what app and even refuse to take my calls. what will I do

    1. Hi ueen, thank you for…

      Hi ueen, thank you for reaching out to us. We are so sorry that you have had such a hard time. If you are able to reach him through other channels please try to. Since you are married, try and reach out to him through his parents or a religious elder. Even if he wants to end the relationship, try and get closure and a proper explanation. 

  47. My ex wot to come back to me…
    My ex wot to come back to me I don’t no wot to do about that

    1. Hi Margaret, thank you for…

      Hi Margaret, thank you for reaching out to us. Why would you want your ex to come back? You might be ready for them to come back, yet they have already moved on.

  48. We broke up with my ex she…
    We broke up with my ex she got married just a few days after visiting home we had no fight .now we are friends but still have feeling for her what should I do.i can’t get into another rltnship .

    1. Hi Francis, sometimes it…

      Hi Francis, sometimes it takes a while to get over a relationship. You probably just need a little more time than she did and that is perfectly fine. Just take the time you need. Time heals all wounds.

    1. Hi Dominick kipkoech, we are…

      Hi Dominick kipkoech, we are pleased to help! Please feel free to look through the website to find other articles that you may find of help.

  49. I have my ex who keeps…
    I have my ex who keeps texting me and calls me bestie she invites me to visit her and requests me to bring her presents I’m confused what should I do

  50. Hi Marosts, thank you for…

    Hi Marosts, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. It seems like she may be in denial of the break-up and is trying to salvage a friendship after you both ended things. It honestly depends on how things ended and who ended things. If you were the one that ended things, then I am sure you had your reasons, in which case you need to be the one to determine whether you want to engage with her or not. If she is the one who ended things, yet is the one who is behaving this way, this may be a cause for concern in which case, you may want to reevaluate what it is you want out of that friendship and communicate with her as to why she is behaving this way. The following link is a guide to being friends with your ex and we hope it helps: https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/friends-with-an-ex-dos-and-donts

    We hope it helps and let us know what you think!

  51. I have been dating a lady…
    I have been dating a lady for some months now but I have come to realize she’s married and also alesbian but I love her so much am trying to get out of this relationship but once she texted or call me

    1. Hi Mike, 

      The best thing to…

      Hi Mike, 

      The best thing to do is to move on and find someone who is available and will return your feelings. She is already committed to someone else and this means that she may not love you or prioritize you the way you’d want. The fact that she was not even honest about her relationship status is proof that she is not honest with you yet this is a very important detail. Read this article to get tips on how to deal with a breakup: Coping with a breakup

  52. Me and my girlfriend broke…
    Me and my girlfriend broke up and it’s now 2 good years without hearing from her coz she blocked me everywhere. The breakup was a responsibility of both of us but she was pinning it on me. I really miss her coz she was my best friend. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, how can I get her back?.

    1. Hello Daniel, 

      So sorry to…

      Hello Daniel, 

      So sorry to hear that. Breakups are hard and painful. First, it is clear that you were in an unhealthy situation since she did not take responsibility for her part in the breakup. This is very unfair and it puts all the blame on you. This is a toxic trait and you may find yourself apologizing for things you did not do even as a friend. Second, she’s has blocked you from contacting her and this is a clear message that she is not yet at that place where she wants to connect with you. While you miss her as a friend, remember that she may or may not want to be your friend ever again. Work on your healing and if she ever comes back, you will have better clarity on whether you want her back in your life is not. Friendships and love cannot be forced. Wishing you all the best. 

  53. what if you broke up and…
    what if you broke up and still see each other when you meet??

    1. Hi JM, 

      That’s alright. The…

      Hi JM, 

      That’s alright. The most important thing is to do what is within your control, heal and get over the breakup. Since you cannot control when and where you will meet your ex, work on your healing such that if or when you meet her you will not be affected in any way. It may not be easy at first but with time you will meet her without feeling bad about the breakup. 

  54. Hi Is it normal to break up with someone Then whenever you meet with her You hearts beat rate increase what is the meaning of that

    1. Hi Daniel,
      That’s totally normal because healing or getting over a breakup often takes some time. It means that you still have feelings for that person which is totally normal since a breakup does not mean that you stop loving or caring for that person immediately. With time, you may realize that this feeling goes away. The feeling may not go away if you have not accepted the breakup and committed to healing. To learn more about dealing with a breakup, read this article: How to cope with a breakup

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