• Love & Relationships
• Breaking up

Heartbreak: it does get better

By Rose Odengo on

Heartbreak leaves us jaded, depressed, broken, unwilling to take on life again. But there are steps to get on the road to healing and trusting again.

Girl, I have been there. I know what it’s like. You are completely in shock!

He did what now? No way it’s over! (DENIAL.) I feel like my heart is broken, and I can never live or love again. I am going to die. (PAIN.) I hate him and I want him to hurt like I do. (ANGER.) I can’t face another day. What’s wrong with me? Is there anything I could have done better? I have no hope. (DEPRESSION.) But actually, I did need the space anyway. Things got a bit too stuffy for me. I need to discover myself again. (ACCEPTANCE.)

We go through all these five stages when we have had a breakup; denial, pain, anger, depression and acceptance. A relationship breaking off sends us grieving because it is a loss. But you know what? Whatever stage you are in, you will get past it and things do get better.

It takes two to build and break a relationship.

Here are some things that you can try out to help you get back on your feet and get your life and self-esteem back:

1.Take it one day at a time:

Or better yet, take it one moment at a time. Heartbreak is a wound. And that wound will only heal with time. Cry if you need to; scream if you have to. Acknowledge the pain you are feeling in the moment, but don’t let it consume you. Don’t fixate on the ‘what if’s’ – doubts only makes things worse.

2. Hang out with your friends:

Spend time with your friends to get your mind off of things. Go out and have some fun, outdoors preferably. Fresh air clears your head. And make sure that these are new places. Begin to create new memories with your friends as you heal from your past. If you happened to be living with your ex, pack your bags and move out and live with your close friends or family.

3. Engage yourself with some kind of sport or art:

Paint, write, take boxing lessons. These are great ways of channeling out the negative energy and anger you have. It also engages your mind with other things, giving you ample time to heal and restore yourself.

4. Write Letters:

Write letters to your ex, expressing how you feel. But don’t send them. I would suggest writing them on paper – it makes less likely that you will ‘accidentally’ send them as an email. The whole purpose of this is to help you see how you actually feel. When you write and then read it later, you may realise that some of your feelings could actually be unwarranted. That in fact, the breakup was overdue. You need to reflect and process your ex out of your system.

5. Stop blaming yourself:

This is the most important thing that you need to actively remind yourself. It is not just your fault; it was mutual; it takes two to build and break a relationship. Accept that it is over, forgive yourself by acknowledging you did wrong and so did your ex. Then steadily find a way to forgive him. But don’t confront your ex either – emotions are still raw and you need a break.

What has helped you get over a breakup? Share your experiences. Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.