I wanted to see my ex suffer!
After Njugush and I broke up, I wished something horrible would happen to him – like one of his balls falling off. Or that jiggers would infest his butt.
Njugush and I dated for three years. Fine Dude. A full package! When he walked into a room, his presence was felt. He exuded confidence and assertiveness. He was a kind, polite, and considerate guy. Rough around the edges yes but overall, he scored high in the good guy category.
23/07/2018 was the day I broke up with him. This was our third year of dating. I could tell that he was no longer invested in the relationship like I was. To me, the love had faded. No excitement. No passion. Nothing.
To be fair, the relationship has not been all rosy since by the second year of dating, the relationship was not as exciting for him. I could tell. The boat was sinking, it had gaping holes!
When I suggested a breakup, I had hoped he’d beg me to stay: To promise me that we can save the relationship and that he was willing to play his part.
Heh, the shock!
I wanted to see him hurt, lose his job, envy me, and always remember what he lost with regret it!
He moved on swiftly!
Ever seen how boys in the village slide into the mud?
Welp, his life seemed to move on swiftly. He continued to do much better in his career and social life. I was consumed by anger so much that I thought about ruining his life.
The truth is that all this time, I suffered even more as I waited to see him suffer. I totally neglected my own healing.
Now that am healed, I realize that I wasted a lot of time and emotions on wishful thinking
Your ex won’t suffer
Let’s be honest, it is natural human behavior to wish karma on people who hurt us or pray that god or the universe deals with them; but hear me out…
First, one of the bitter truths of life is that your ex will probably find someone better for him. He did. Accept that karma will not necessarily follow them and that the breakup may actually be the best thing to happen to them. Or for both of you.
Second, accept that you can find someone who loves you better. Accept that you also need to think about how you contributed to the breakup and work on yourself. Personally, I was too needy and this likely drew us apart.
Third, it’s totally fine to experience a harder time coping with a breakup. Healing is often messy. Speak to someone you trust or seek professional counselling.
Four, fellow humans, heal and move on. Wish your ex well and/or totally focus on your healing. Either way, ensure that you become a better version of yourself.