Couple fighting, her holding her hand up to cover the lens of the camera
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Good fights versus bad fights

Almost every couple fights sometimes. While rows are normal in a relationship, it's a good idea to think about what might be causing them.

Arguments are a symptom of brewing discontent. If resolved at the right time, they can bring you closer together, but brushing them under the carpet could be harmful to your relationship.

We all have our own reasons for arguing. Sometimes we want more of a say in how the relationship works. Sometimes we want to prove we're right, or to show that the other person's wrong. Whatever your reasons, be aware of why you're picking a fight.

You could apply some rules to your arguments. Fights can get ugly if you raise your voices, swear at each other, or get physical. To avoid these situations, always treat the other person the way you would like to be treated yourself.

If you and your partner are fighting over the same issue again and again, it's a sign of a long-standing and unresolved dispute. There are different ways of approaching such a stalemate. You can step back and look at the fights from a distance – go beyond the petty issues and find out what's actually causing the discontent. Most agreements can be negotiated, but not everything. If you feel outside help would benefit your relationship, maybe you could go to a counsellor specialised in relationship conflicts.

Find out more in our Fighting: Do’s and Don’ts.

Did you learn something new?

Hi Maggie, Do you know why he does not trust you? Trust is key for a relationship to work. It maybe helpful to begin by finding out why he does not trust you so you can address this. We wish you well. Check out the following article for more information.
Thu, 09/25/2014 - 06:32 pm
What he has been unfaithful with the same woman? You quarrel he says it's over first and second time. Third time you catch him again. Does that mean your not worthy or what should you handle it?
Hi Michelle, it sounds like he just can't stop. After giving him two chances, he still hasn't learned. I find that worrying. So unless you think he really can change, I would say chances are slim... Sorry! You deserve much better than this!
my girl who we have dated 2 yrs divorced me last week,issue was she doubted that i cheats and she never even a single day got me,am faithful bt she ddnt want me xplain,..we quarreled for 2 months and eventually she came with divorce,..we have even aborted with her but once,.also i was her first lover,..will she come back cz stil i love her??
Hi Leone, I suggest you give her some time, and then try to talk to her again Something seems to have gone wrong, and maybe the two of you can find out together what happened, and how to make things right again. It won't be easy, but you can always give it a try. Good luck!
Sat, 02/28/2015 - 08:03 pm
My bf always compares m 2 his previous ladies,he once lived with his x under the same roof bt claimed nothin happened i blved him n we went on,later he found a love text in my 4n 4rm my x got angry n even beat m up since that incident he cals m a liar wenever i don't answer his cals/texts wen busy he even cals m a player am getting tired n feel like quittin but i love him,wat should i do????
Valera, a person who beats you doesn't respect you. He seems to have some serious issues and is taking this out on you. Please think about if this is the kind of relationship you want to be in.
Dolly, have you ever talked to him about this? Relationships need good communication to work, and if something bothers you, you need to say so.
he doesn't call or text even for three weeks and any time i complain, he claims that he loves me and therefore i should never complain.
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 10:02 pm
hi we have known each other since we were in primary,we dated for two yrs n evrthng was fine untill her cousin came,claimed that she liked me,hugged n kissed me bt never made love.that was while my gal was away.upon coming back she just said it was over untill now she cant give a second chance no matter hw hard i have tried to apologise.i love her.plz help.
hi nko na gf mwenye tumedate nae fo almost three years bt the problem is dat wen we talk thru phone hatuongeei poa lakini akiwa na mimi karibu tunaongea poa..shida i wapi
Sun, 08/16/2015 - 04:21 pm
If u alwz fight 4 de same problem cheating ,n u end up getting insults from de side he cheats wid,then he defends himself dat he ended n relationship,Now she wants 2 payback by spoilling his marriage.who 2 believe in dis story?
we do quarrel with my fiancé and every time we quarrel with him he refers me to her ex girlfriend and that issue irritates me even I doubt if he loves me
At first the communication was good but now the communication has deteriorated he never calls if i do he doesn't pick up if i text he doesn't i don't know what to do anymore pliz help
Hi Sofia, sorry that you are going through sounds as though your boyfriend does not care about the relationship. You need to take time and think about what you want and then make a decision.
Hi i hv a guy n i love him wid all ma hrt, n he claims to love mi bt each tym i receive a kol from any guy,hataniongelesha all day its too much i fill like quitting bt i love him,pliz help mi
My bf has bn cheating on mi emotionally n that hurts more thn even physically ave bn trying to forget but I can't it hurts more n more everyday
Sun, 05/29/2016 - 04:11 pm
My boyfriend confessed to me after 6months of dating that he has a child with his ex..... but loves to marry me, I wasn't happy about it but I love him too, want to know if I can go ahead and marry him and this would create a problem in my marriage in future
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