How can I get my ex back?
My ex and I broke up, but I really, really want them back. What should I do?
Let me start by saying that it won’t be easy, and your chance of success is low. There are always reasons for a break-up, and unless those are fixed, getting back together might not be a good idea. Before you get started on mission ‘getting my ex back’, take some time apart. This will help you both heal, and understand and cope with what happened.
Why did you break up?
Was the break-up due to bad habits? Or was it unfaithfulness? Did someone fall out of love, or worse yet, in love with someone else?
It’s also important to look at who broke up with whom. If your ex broke up with you, it may not be possible to fully understand what caused the break-up. It’s possible that they told you something to not hurt your feelings when the real reason was something else.
If you were the one who initiated the break-up, it’s easier to look into your decision and make some necessary changes.
Every break-up is different. You need to look deeply into what caused your break-up. From there, try to find a solution. For example, if it was your excessive drinking that caused the end of your relationship, are you willing to make a change?
You can only make a change if the relationship is more important than whatever habit you are trying to change. If it was your ex-partner’s habits that caused you two to part ways, then you need to consider accepting whatever they have been doing that annoys you. Because you can’t change someone else’s habits.
A lack of love
Things get even more difficult if love just faded away. If your ex-partner simply fell out of love, there is little you can do to convince them to fall back in love with you. You can try to remind them of the wonderful times you had together, and the important role you once played in their life, but chances are slim that that will convince them to start over. And if you broke up because you didn’t love them anymore, you may have hurt them to a point where they won’t trust you again.
If one of you fell in love with someone else, things are even more complicated. Are they still with the new person? Then it’s best to back off – they have chosen someone else. If you left because of someone else, it comes down to trust again: will they trust that they won’t leave them again?
No surprise here, but, once again, trust will be the issue. Regardless of who cheated on whom, can you trust each other to not do it again? It takes a lot to get over cheating.
And can you regain the trust you had before the incident happened?
Trust and love
I’m sure you see the crucial element by now: trust. And love. Whatever the reason for your break-up, you need you to regain and rebuild trust for each other. Only then can a relationship work again. And once trust has been rebuild, you have to work on loving each other again. It might be a different kind of love, and things may be different than they were before. You will have to accept this.
Of course, all of this is only possible if your ex-partner is interested in building bridges again.
It’s absolutely possible that they are no longer interested in being with you. You will have to accept that and back off.
In some cases, it may be possible to establish a friendship. In other cases, they may not ever want to have anything to do with you. That may hurt, a lot, but you will have to move on.
Do you need help getting over a break-up? Get in touch with our moderators on the discussion board.