A broken heart crying and asking for help

Getting over your ex

By Steph Haase September 19, 12:35 pm
You’ve lost everything, your life is ruined and you’ll never be happy again – that's what break-ups feel like. Will you ever get over it? Don’t despair just yet.
… give yourself time

Break-ups are difficult. They hurt. And that's okay. Don't put on a fake smile and go on with your life as if nothing happened. It's best to deal with the pain while it's fresh instead of suppressing it and having it pop up twice as bad a few months down the line.

Don't start looking for a new relationship immediately after a break-up. Rebounds very rarely work out, and you run the risk of getting hurt again. Or hurting someone else.

Give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with what happened. Only once you feel good about yourself and aren't angry or sad about your past relationship anymore should you start considering a new relationship.

… take care of your body

When our hearts are in pain, we tend to treat our bodies badly, too. Some people stop eating. Others eat way too much. Others yet start drinking, smoking or taking all sorts of pain killers, legal or otherwise. All of this won't help you get over your break-up. So try to be nice to your body, it will help you in the long run.

Also, why not try some exercise? Getting some of the ‘happy hormones’ called endorphins flowing through your body isn't just good for your health, but will also make you feel better in general.

… distract yourself

As difficult as it will be, get out of the bed and out of the house. Meet friends and family, or start playing a sport you were always interested in, learn how to cook, join a club... The possibilities are endless, but the aim is the same. Meet new people, do something you enjoy and in the meantime get some much-needed breathing time.

… contact your ex

No calling, no emails, no messages, no texting, and please, no sexting! No constant checking on his or her Facebook profile, or any other form of e-stalking. And, no running into him or her, just 'coincidentally'. In order to give yourself the space you need to heal, you need to cut all contact with your ex for a while. The more carefully you are following this rule, the faster you will get over your ex. We promise.

On the same note, don't re-read old emails or messages. This will tear your heart apart faster than you can say break-up. Big no-no!

… become a hermit

Yes, we know that the only thing you want to do right now is to curl up on your bed, close the curtains and listen to sad love songs. Which is okay. But you really need to make sure that you have people you can talk to, whose shoulders you can cry on. Don't try to fight the pain all by yourself. It's important to talk about what's going on, especially with someone who cares about you. They will make sure you aren't beating yourself up over something that isn't your fault. And that's really important.

… start questioning your whole relationship

It didn't work out. That's bad and it hurts right now. But don't start questioning your entire relationship, or, even worse, start blaming yourself for things you couldn't change.

Don't ask yourself if you'd still be together if only you were a bit taller/prettier/smarter/funnier. As clichéd as it may sound, sometimes it just isn't meant to be. And sometimes it really is them, not you.

That said, we can all learn from break-ups, and some reflection can be helpful and help you grow as a person. And maybe even help you avoid repeating preventable mistakes in your next relationship.


What helped you most in getting over an ex? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

Did you learn something new?

Hey Jay, really good point! That's a tricky one, and people will have to decide what works best for them. But don't be afraid to unfriend someone- it's all your choice!
Chapter 2 in the book How to heal your heart was and is a HUGE help. Distraction is great too.... Stay busy. Realizing that no relationship is or was ever a waste of time, or energy. It was and is always a chance to learn from the whole experience. It's how we get opportunities to heal ourselves through these relationships. So look deep, for the lesson. Grieve your loss. Even something not good or right for you will feel like an empty hole when it's not there anymore. It's a loss all the same. Grieve your loss. Let it happen. Be kind to yourself but not self indulgent. Pray. Be thankful and be sure to thank God for all your blessings surrender your heart and situation to God and rest for awhile. Let Him take the wheel. You just rest and be still while you heal. No nasty self talk.... That's part of "be kind to yourself". Don't should all over yourself or them either. Really letting go means.."LET GO". Love yourself in spirit and actions. Don't add insult to injury that will only rip off the scabs and prevent healing. Lastly.... You got to feel it to heal it. So feel it, grieve it, learn from it and put it to rest once and for all.
Fri, 09/19/2014 - 07:27 pm
Cutting all ties nd focusing what was best for me at that time. I had to learn to live without him. De communicaion stoped even though I ddnt want 2 but it was for de best
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