Two people, things are about to get hot and steamy
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Foreplay: turning up the heat

Foreplay is everything that gets you in the mood for sexual intercourse… Kissing is foreplay. Flirting and intimate conversations are foreplay.

So is oral sex. Touching, hugging, playing games – almost everything that's sexual, except for penetrative sex, can be described as foreplay.

In fact, the word 'foreplay' is misleading, because it suggests that sexual intercourse is the main dish on the menu and the build-up is just the starter.

Not true! Foreplay is sex. You can enjoy it on its own, and it doesn't have to lead to intercourse. Foreplay is equally important as intercourse, and sometimes even more so. Women don't usually enjoy sexual intercourse without some foreplay first. It also makes it much more enjoyable for men.

Almost anything you do with your partner that feels sexy is a kind of foreplay, but here are some of the most common ones.

Talking sexy

Flirting can be very sexy, and it doesn't have to lead to anything. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't still flirt with your partner, and take it further by talking while you're kissing and touching each other. Tell them what you like, what you want them to do, what you'd like to do to them. Use your imagination! Language can build intimacy as much as touch.


Don't be in a hurry to get naked. Undressing in front of your partner can be a big turn-on for both of you – the slower the better. Or enjoy taking your partner's clothes off and showing them how much you love their body.

Touching and caressing

You can enjoy the feeling of your partner's body, whether or not you've got your clothes on. Take it slowly and make it playful.

Finding the sensitive spots

Explore your partner's body, and not just the obvious places. Everyone's different, so you can enjoy finding out what works for your partner as you touch and kiss your way around their body. Some people have very sensitive ears; others love it when you kiss their neck or their toes.

Kissing all over

Kissing on the mouth isn't the only kind of kissing. Try kissing your partner all over their body, and even nibbling them gently.

Playing games

There are all sorts of games you can play to turn up the heat in the bedroom. These games can start much earlier, as you tease your partner with the anticipation of what's coming later. Or try exchanging some sexy texts during the day. You could try blindfolding your partner and taking control – or the other way around. Or think of a card game you could play, and make a rule that the loser has to take off an item of clothing.


Making love is not the same as cuddling. When you cuddle someone, it doesn't have to be about sex. Everyone needs a cuddle sometimes to feel happy.

Cuddling is about warmth and affection. Making love is about sexual arousal and pleasure. A relationship should have space for both sex and cuddles.

Did you learn something new?

Hello Vero, a good place to start is to find out what will give you satisfaction especially because people are different, what one person enjoys may not be what another enjoys. After you know what feels good for you, tell your partner or show them what you want and what you feel will get you satisfied. Sex is better when partners talk about it. Talk about sex before, during and even after sex. Check out the following articles for more tips;-

Hello Kibe, foreplay is really not just about time but it is an important part of sex, women like sex better when they have had foreplay and men enjoy sex more when their has been foreplay.Foreplay prepares both the man and the woman for intercourse, it is important that the focus is not how much time but preparing and more importantly enjoying each other. To know whether your partner is ready, communicate to see if your partner is ready to move to the next level. There is really no amount of time that is perfect for foreplay, some days one may want more than other days. Check out this article;- 

How can one control his erection.Coz sometime one erects and reaches climax even before penetrative sex and this is embarrassing and disgusting..

Hey Mike, this can be frustrating to both partners. What you are experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. What you then need to have better control on is your ejaculation since, it is after you ejaculate that one looses their ejaculation. There are a few things one can do to have better control of their ejaculation, it takes time and practice but eventually one is able to control their ejaculation;-

I like this a lot. My partner always wants to jump into sex after a very brief session of foreplay and I end up not enjoying sex. How can I get him to spend more time doing foreplay without killing the mood for him?

Hey Cate, taking about sex will hep to improve the experience for both yourself and your partner. It is important you find a good time and talk with your partner about what you like and what you want during sex, and also give him a chance to tell you want he likes and enjoys. Together you can then find a balance that will work for you both. Check out this article for more tips on talking about sex;-

Hey Eunie, getting an erection means your partner is aroused and this is a normal reaction. This, however, doesn't me that you should have intercourse immediately, you can still spend more time in foreplay before getting into intercourse. Take some and talk to your about this, let him know that you would to spend more time in foreplay and this will help ensure you both enjoy sex. Check out this article;- 

Hey Shana, sex is better when partners talk about it. You need to help your partner see why foreplay is important for the entire sex experience. He needs to see it as part of the experience and also enjoy it. You also need to talk about what foreplay means to both of you and how you both can enjoy it. Check out the followings for more tips;-

Add new comment


  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>