couple in sexual foreplay together in their underwear

Foreplay: do's and don'ts

By Steph Haase September 27, 03:50 pm
Foreplay: the delicious lovemaking you do before you move on to intercourse. For some, it’s just a starter for the real deal.

​​​​​For others, it’s just as orgasmic as the real deal.
Foreplay is especially important for women to get their vaginas wet, slippery, and ready for sex.

Know the hotspots

Don't focus on the penis and the vagina only. Every person has different hotspots. And stroking, kissing, nibbling or licking those hotspots feels amazing and is a real turn on. Try nipples, the neck, ears, back, and buttocks. But everyone is different, so be creative when you explore your partner's body. Maybe your partner likes having the armpits stroked or feet played with.

And keep exploring – don't rely on the trusted hotspots. Surprise your partner by going to unexpected places. Now that's a turn on!

Check out all the hotspots: explore her body and explore his body.

Mix it up!

Nothing is more boring than doing the same routine every time. Deep kiss, hand on breast, some stroking of the penis, and that's it. Instead, be creative! Try different things! Tease your partner with your touch, your lips, your mouth. You can even use some props, like feathers or gloves. Use some lube for new sensation. Keep an eye at your partner's body language to find out if they like what you are doing. If they do: keep going. If they don't: try something different.

The key is not to make it boring and predictable. Keep surprising your partner, that's the key to amazing foreplay and great sex!

Spoil each other

Nothing feels nicer than to be spoiled by your partner. So take the time to do that. Cuddle, kiss and stroke without demanding anything in return. Get the massage oil out and give your partner a nice and relaxing shoulder rub. Sensual touch feels great and may get your partner in the mood, even if they weren't up to sex a few minutes ago.

But don't let your expectations get the better of you – sometimes, a nice cuddling session is just that, and won't lead to sex. Don't sulk, but instead look forward to next time!


Foreplay is especially important for women. Once men have an erection, they are pretty much ready to go. Women, on the other hand, need some time to get in the mood, both emotionally and physically. Their vaginas need to get wet so that it won't hurt when the penis slips inside. So rushing it is not a good idea if both of you want enjoyable, pain and cringe-free sex!

What’s more, many women don’t regularly have an orgasm during intercourse, which maybe means foreplay time is orgasm time! Especially if you have the kind of partner who tends to roll over and snore after his own climax rather than taking the time to pleasure you.

Having said all this, sometimes rushing can be great! Skipping the foreplay and having a 'quickie' can be a real turn-on for both partners.

Overdo it

OK, so foreplay is pleasurable, great and important. Does that mean you should keep going, and going, and going as long as you can? Well not if you want to have intercourse too. Which isn’t compulsory, we might add!

But especially if the man has some trouble with coming sooner than he'd like, having steamy foreplay for a long time could mean that he will ejaculate before you move on to intercourse, or come straight away when you do. Or on the other hand he could try to hold back but ejaculate just a little bit and then have trouble climaxing ‘properly’ later on.

There is no perfect amount of time for foreplay; everyone is different, and some days, you may feel like more foreplay than on other days.

Think that foreplay only happens in bed

Foreplay doesn't have to begin only once the two of you are horizontal. Foreplay can start much earlier. It can start with a deep, longing look into each other’s eyes, with a not-so-accidental touch or with a demanding kiss. Even flirting and teasing with words can be part of foreplay. And we don't just mean dirty talk. Letting someone know you are attracted to them and would like to make love to them can be very sexy and a huge turn on.

But just as with physical foreplay, watch your partner's reactions. If what you are doing and saying makes them uncomfortable, stop! And if they like it, keep going... and enjoy the foreplay!


Foreplay. What works for you? Leave a comment or join the discussion on Facebook.

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