Banana entering a papaya, symbolising intercourse
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Sex: the ins and outs of intercourse

Sex or intercourse – to put it bluntly, fucking or screwing – is when a man puts his erect penis inside a woman’s vagina.

Most young people make love in other ways first, so don’t think you have to have intercourse straight away.

How to have sex with a woman

Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse right at the beginning. Build up slowly, and make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.

First stroke her belly, her breasts, and the inside of her thighs. Try touching her mons pubis, between her legs. Touch her labia briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.

Clitoris
Stimulate the clitoris with your fingers or tongue. You can do this before, during, and after intercourse. Most women come when their clitoris is stimulated, not because of intercourse. This is because the clitoris isn’t inside of the vagina, but outside and in front of it.

G-spot
Some women have a G-spot. This is an area the size of a coin, on the front wall of the vagina a few centimetres inside. For some women, it doesn’t give any special feeling, but for others, it’s particularly sensitive.

Pain during intercourse

Only have intercourse when the woman’s vagina is nice and moist, otherwise, it’s painful for her. Some women experience pain during intercourse.

What causes this?

  • The first time can hurt her because the hymen is stretched.
  • It can hurt if the vagina isn’t moist enough. Take plenty of time to build up slowly before having intercourse, and be careful and gentle. Only start having intercourse when her vagina is really wet. Use lubricant if you need to.
  • If she finds intercourse painful, it could be because she’s tense. This means her pelvic floor muscles aren’t relaxing enough. Take time for her to relax and get aroused. Don’t rush to have intercourse. Ask her how it feels.
  • If it hurts every time you have intercourse, see a health professional – sex shouldn’t be painful.

Will it go in?

Do you ever wonder if a penis would actually fit inside your vagina? You’re not the only one. As long as a woman is aroused – relaxed and wet – a penis will easily fit inside her vagina. After all, it’s stretchy enough for a baby to come out of!

What if it won’t go in easily?

  • Try lubrication. Saliva (spit) and clean water are natural lubricants. You can also buy water-, silicone-, or glycerine-based lubricants in a shop.
  • Examples of these are:
  • Water-based lubricant: Astroglide or KY Jelly
  • Silicone-based lubricant: Wet Platinum, Eros Bodyglide
  • Glycerin-based lubricant: flavoured lubricants are always glycerine-based.

If you get a lot of yeast infections, avoid glycerine-based lubricants. Glycerine contains sugars that yeast feeds on, and can cause more yeast infections.

Avoid lubricants made out of petroleum jelly (Vaseline), lotions, cold creams, butter or margarine, because they can damage latex and cause condoms to tear.

Sometimes a vagina is on a slight angle or sometimes a penis is curved, which makes it harder for the penis to enter the vagina.
It can help to try different positions, for example:

  • ‘Missionary’: the man lies on top and the woman lies on her back
  • Woman on top: the other way around
  • From behind: the woman kneels on all fours and the man enters from behind

If none of these suggestions work, see your doctor or another health care professional – they can advise you of other options.

How to have sex with a man

Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse. Build up slowly, and make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.

First stroke his belly, the inside of his thighs, his balls and his buttocks before you move to his penis. Try touching his penis briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.

Tense your vagina during intercourse. You do this the same way you would if you were holding in urine. The vagina gets tighter and this can feel nice for the man.

You can touch his anus during intercourse. It’s easy to reach if he’s lying on top of you. You can gently stroke the anus, press on it more firmly with a finger, or put the tip of your finger inside. Build this up slowly.

Try different positions.

Did you learn something new?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (216)

  1. Can I get one sugermummt to…
    Can I get one sugermummt to watsup me in

    1. (No subject)
      Hi Prince,

      Unfortunately we are not a dating service and so we are not able to get you a sugar mummy.

        1. Hey Mercy, what’s not love?

          Hey Mercy, what’s not love?

          1. Hi Stalon, what is what?

            Hi Stalon, what is what?

      1. Hi Edith, What can we do for…
        Hi Edith, What can we do for you?

      2. That is. true lv. Malizia…
        That is. true lv. Malizia iyo namba walai

    2. How you have sex on top on…
      How you have sex on top on girl

      1. Cheers Breston Preyz! Hope…

        Cheers Breston Preyz! Hope you are having a wonderful Easter weekend! Stay safe!

      1. We are glad you agree…

        We are glad you agree briston! Thank you 🙂

      1. Cheers Joe! Sending love…

        Cheers Joe! Sending love right back at you! 

      1. Hello Denis Mbae, sorry to…

        Hello Denis Mbae, sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself.

        Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up.

        Best of luck.

        <3 The Love Matters Team 

      1. Hi happy Ephraim, thank you…

        Hi happy Ephraim, thank you so much for your feedback.

      1. Hi Shaz, so how does this…

        Hi Shaz, so how does this affect your sex life?

      1. Hi Isaac, thank you so much…

        Hi Isaac, thank you so much for your feedback and we are glad you like it. Please feel free to go through more of our content and let us know what you think and have a wonderful weekend ahead! Stay Safe!

      1. Always pleased to help Roni…

        Always pleased to help Roni and we appreciate the feedback!

    3. i will be glad to have some
      i will be glad to have some

      1. Hi Kim, what would you like…

        Hi Kim, what would you like some of?

      1. Hi Peter, 

        We love sex too…

        Hi Peter, 

        We love sex too. As long as it is safe, then go for it! Don’t be afraid to experiment! 

  2. Its killing me I say!!!!!
    Its killing me I say!!!!!

  3. How long does it take 4 a…
    How long does it take 4 a woman to conceive after removing family planning

  4. What brings early…
    What brings early ejjaculation

    1. (No subject)
      Premature ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including a lack of experience in sex particularly in young men. In older man it could be caused by psychological issues such as fear, stress or anxiety. With experience one gain better control of their ejaculation. It is also important to work on relaxing during sex which one can achieve by taking short breaks during intercourse and deep breaths.

      One can also consider including exercise in their regular routine and eating well which means reducing the intake of processed foods. Check out the following article for tips on how to overcome premature ejaculation;-

      https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

    1. (No subject)
      We are glad you found the information useful Daniel.

    2. I would like to experience…
      I would like to experience sex I’m 18

      1. Hello Ale, sorry to say we…

        Hello Ale, sorry to say we are not a dating or escort service and cannot help you in this regard.

  5. When you take contraceptives…
    When you take contraceptives can they make you not to bear a child

    1. Hi Tjfutaz, Contraceptives…
      Hi Tjfutaz, Contraceptives will prevent pregnancy for the duration you are using them. After you get off them you should get pregnant soon after.

      1. OMG i thought its once, like…
        OMG i thought its once, like immediately after sex
        So u mean if i take a contraceptive pill today and didn’t tomorrow i can still get pregnant?

        1. Hello Gwen, it really…

          Hello Gwen, it really depends on the kind of contraception you are using. Please see a medical practitioner to advise on the best options for you.

  6. Hi,…
    Hi,

    Does masturbation leads to erectile dysfunction

        1. Hi Felictus, 

          Yes, its the…

          Hi Felictus, 

          Yes, its the truth and nothing but the truth

  7. please help me,am unable to…
    please help me,am unable to disvirgin my girl,help me on how I can do it without her feeling a lot of pain.

  8. How can l make a man enjoy…
    How can l make a man enjoy sex

    1. Hi Noel, Since everyone is…
      Hi Noel, Since everyone is different it maybe helpful to talk to your man and get to know what he prefers or likes, this way you will not be trying but you know exactly what he enjoys.

    1. Sex is good because is makes…
      Sex is good because is makes me and you 2 inforas in Kenya,,,,,xo sex zifanywe wazee,,,xo, is very good in love matter,,,

      1. Thank you for your…

        Thank you for your contribution Peter, have a wonderful week ahead, and stay safe!

    1. Thank you Ben for the…
      Thank you Ben for the feedback.

    1. Thank you Purie, we are glad.
      Thank you Purie, we are glad.

  9. This is really educating
    This is really educating

    1. We are glad that you learnt…
      We are glad that you learnt from this article, Vivian.

  10. Your site is quite educative…
    Your site is quite educative.May I know, can one become pregnant after having unprotected sex seven days after menses?

  11. After having sex I have pain…
    After having sex I have pain when am urinating please help

    1. You mean after having sex…
      Hi Lena,
      One of the major causes of pain during sex and even after is when you have dry sex or at the time of penetration the vagina is not well lubricated. Usually spending more time in foreplay will help address this including the use of artificial lubrication like KY Jelly.
      Do you experience pain during sex?
      The other reason may be the presence of an infection inside the vagina causing the pain days after sex. This will need treatment. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up

  12. Both of us are virginz and…
    Both of us are virginz and how can i start sex with my girlfriend?

    Please help!av seen u av helped many

    1. Hi Ken, the decision to have…
      Hi Ken, the decision to have sex is an important decision and it is a good thing you are taking time to learn as much as you can before you go on to have it. One of the key things is to remember to use a birth control method to prevent unplanned pregnancy. Condoms when used correctly and all the time will prevent both unplanned pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Check out the following article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-what-to-expect

  13. How many condorms should one…
    How many condorms should one wear?for how long should one use?can it tear up &wat can cause it to tear up?

    1. Ken, What condom is enough…
      Ken, What condom is enough to protect to protect. Also only one person can put on a condom. A male condom can only be used once, meaning after ejaculation one should remove it and if they wish to have sex again put on another. The female condom can however be used more than once by the same partners. Lastly, yes it can be torn and the reasons include wearing more than one condom, using an expired condom or putting it on the wrong way. Check out the following articles;- https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom
      https://lovematters.co.ke/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom

  14. Am 24 she’s 34,,, jealous of…
    Am 24 she’s 34,,, jealous of seeing me move away from her en talk to a friend… Just coz am good to her in bed. Any problem.??

  15. My partner is denying me sex…
    My partner is denying me sex for 3 months now what should I do?

    1. Hi Kimiyo, has she said why…

      Hi Kimiyo, has she said why it is she is denying you sex? It is important that you find a good time and talk about what is going on in your relationship. Find out what her reasons are for such action and together you can agree on how to address the identified issues. Try make this a conversation as opposed to a time of blaming each other. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

  16. What can I do to avoid…
    What can I do to avoid ejaculation too fast?

    1. Hey Yose, Premature…

      Hey Yose, Premature Ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts

  17. It’s now 1&a half years…
    It’s now 1&a half years since i had sex,is there any problem to have taken so long without having sex? I need your help.

    1. Hey Richard, there is no…

      Hey Richard, there is no problem associated with abstaining from sex for extended periods. It is infact the safest way to protect oneself from the risk of getting Infected with Sexually Transmitted Infections. You do not have to be under any pressure of having sex, the decision of when and with whom to have sex is your own decision. Only do it, if you feel you are ready, you are with the right person and you feel it is the right time. 

  18. am pregnant 4 my 3rd born n…
    am pregnant 4 my 3rd born n I crave for sex very much unlike the last 2 I couldn’t like t at all,my surprise is my husband leaves far bt when he’s around he really does sex wt me n also I don’t reach orgasim,during my last two pregnancies he could rough me cos I never liked it,am disappointed wt that since he says that hell harm the child, I love him so much bt he doesn’t listen to my opinions, plz help me

    1. Hi Lorna, every pregnancy is…

      Hi Lorna, every pregnancy is different as you may have known now. Wanting to have more sex during pregnancy is completely normal, it is however important to talk with your partner and let them know what is going on especially because sex is not only good for you but also safe and healthy. All you need to consider as the pregnancy progresses, is the position. Use positions that don’t put pressure on the tummy. Talking about sex, makes the experience better for both partners, so find a good time and talk to your partner, let him know what will get you to orgasm. Check out this articles and also share ithem with your partner;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/sex-during-pregnancy-top-five-facts&nbsp;

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

  19. Hey, my partner doesnt like…
    Hey, my partner doesnt like having sex, I try to tough her all over to get her in the mood but until now she say she doesn’t like it. Is it normal can relationship continue without sex?

    1. Hey Lawrence, have you tried…

      Hey Lawrence, have you tried talking to your partner to get to know why she does not like having sex? This will help you to get to know the reason and you can then try and find a solution for this together. Talking about sex helps to improve the experience for both partners. Lastly, partners can agree not to have sex for a period of time and for various reason including personal principle or religious beliefs. This means, with partners agreeing a relationship can still work even if partners are not having sex. Check out this article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  20. How many times should I have…
    How many times should I have sex with my boyfriend for him to be satisfied? My boyfriend wants it five times.

    1. Hi Sera, sexual satisfaction…

      Hi Sera, sexual satisfaction depends on a person since everyone is different and everyone enjoys different things. Also, satisfaction is not just about the number of times (quantity) but also what will get your partner satisfied which is quality of sex. Lastly, it is important that both partners are satisfied and not just one of the partners. For this reason it is important you talk about sex with your partner and get to know what they enjoy as you share with them what you enjoy and want. This will help to ensure the satisfaction in mutual and that both partners are happy. Find a good time to talk about this. Check out this article for tips on talking about sex;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  21. How long do you have to wait…
    How long do you have to wait before erecting again afetr ejaculation?

    1. Hey there, it’s completely…

      Hey there, it’s completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue. 

  22. I am a 22 year old lady in…
    I am a 22 year old lady in college, i just dont like sex. I push men away who try to approach me for a relationship. Is this normal my friends think I am too strict I need to loosen up. Help…

    1. Hi Carol, perhaps you need…

      Hi Carol, perhaps you need to think about what exactly don’t you like about sex. Just because someone approached you does not mean you have to accept their proposal. Also, there is nothing wrong with being strict about what you want or not. Start by thinking about what exactly you don’t like about sex, what is your priority right now – school or a relationship – and lastly, what do you look for in a partner so that the next time someone approaches you it will be clear to you whether to accept or reject their request. 

  23. I cum very fast sometimes…
    I cum very fast sometimes before I can even enter my partner. I have tried different supplements nothing has worked so far what can I do now?

    1. Hello, what you are…

      Hello, what you are experiencing is called Premature Ejaculation. A good place to start is by finding out what could be causing this to get an appropriate solution. Premature Ejaculation, is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out the following article with what you can do to better control ejaculation;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  24. is it posible for a
    woman…

    is it posible for a
    woman to conceive when in her safe days

    1. Dear Mifo, safe days are one…

      Dear Mifo, safe days are one of the most unreliable ways to prevent pregnancy, and we really don’t recommend it at all. When your safe days are really depends on the length of your cycle. Technically speaking, the first seven days before and after your period, as well as the time of your period, are relatively safe. But, if you have a shorter cycle (shorter than 28 days), or an irregular one, this will vary. Also keep in mind that sperm can survive for up to five days and longer inside the body – so even if you have sex on a ‘safe’ day, you can still get pregnant, because the sperm survived until your ovulation date. So you see, it’s a very inaccurate. And lastly, of course this won’t protect you from STDs. Only condoms will. So we really recommend a more reliable method.   

  25. Is it good to a have sex…
    Is it good to a have sex with a woman,immediately after her monthly period?

    1. Hey Elli, there is no…

      Hey Elli, there is no problem with having sex after periods, infact if both partners are comfortable they can also have sex during periods. This time is also relatively safe which means the chance of getting pregnant is very low. It is however important to protect from Sexually Transmitted Infection using a condom. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/sex-during-your-period-top-five-facts

  26. Which position can I use to…
    Which position can I use to make sure my gal is satisfied?

    1. Hey Juma, satisfaction is…

      Hey Juma, satisfaction is more about understanding your partner and their needs and not just about a position. A position can help you get there but understanding your partners needs goes along way toward helping this. Take time and talk to your partner so you can get to know what she likes and what she wants during sex. You also need to share with her what you like and what you want. Sex is better when partners talk about it before, during and even after. Check out the following articles for more tips;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  27. My husband is unable to get…
    My husband is unable to get an erection. We have not had sex in weeks and he also doesn’t want to talk about it or go see a medic. What is making this happen?

    1. Hey Hellen, it is possible…

      Hey Hellen, it is possible your partner is experiencing erectile dysfunction. Having erectile dysfunction means being unable to get or maintain an erection. It can also refer to the quality of an erection: that the erection is not hard enough to enter the vagina. Erectile dysfunction gets more common as men get older, but it can affect men of all ages. Conditions such as high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes make it more likely for a man to get erectile dysfunction. But also stress at home or at work and fear of being unable to perform in bed can cause problems. This is also a difficult subject to have with ones partner, try find a good time to talk about this. Your partner needs to know that you are not judging but rather talking about it so that you can find a solution. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/difficulties-with-sex-men

  28. Which position is the best…
    Which position is the best for maximum enjoyment?

  29. when using those lubrication…
    when using those lubrication sold at supermarket can they affect a woman in her vagina?

    1. Hi There, lubricants are…

      Hi There, lubricants are generally safe but since they are absorbed into the body during vaginal and even anal sex, one should therefore read the label carefully and watch out for harmful ingredients such as Propylene glycol, Glycerin, and glucose, Phenoxyethanol, Parabens, Petroleum or petroleum-derived ingredients and Chlorhexidine. Check out the following article for mmore information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/lubricant-top-five-facts

  30. How many shots should a…
    How many shots should a healthy man go for?

  31. My fiance want us to have…
    My fiance want us to have sex after we get married but how can we know if we are sexually compatible before we officially get married?

    1. Hey Hezron, first your…

      Hey Hezron, first your fiance wants to have sex after you get married and it is important you respect that choice. While intimacy is important, when it is not working, you need to find a middle ground or what you both enjoy. Talking openly and honestly about sex makes the experience better for both partners. You may find at the early stages of your marriage, you want totally different things but as you keep going and talking you will find a balance between your differing expectations. We wish you well. Check these out;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sexual-compatibility-can-you-live-without-it

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  32. My girlfriend like to lick…
    My girlfriend like to lick my erect penis till I ejaculate in her mouth is it health?

  33. My gal is not active in bed…
    My gal is not active in bed what can I do to make to be more active or I am the problem,?

    1. Hey Pete, sex becomes better…

      Hey Pete, sex becomes better when partners talk about it. You just may find that your partner thinks this is how you want it. Find a good time and talk about sex, talk about you like and want and also have her share with you what she likes and wants. Remember, communication should not only happen before sex but also during and after. All the best. Check this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  34. How many shots are enough…
    How many shots are enough for people to be satisfied?

  35. My partner ejaculates too…
    My partner ejaculates too soon into intercourse! What can be done to last longer?

    1. Hello Sarah, What your…

      Hello Sarah, What your partner is experiencing is known as Premature Ejaculation which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and as one gains experience in sex they also gain better control on their ejaculation. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  36. I take long befor having sex…
    I take long befor having sex with anyone but when I have sex I ejaculate too soon after starting the act. Am I ok or not having sex is making this?

    1. Hi Solo, this just means you…

      Hi Solo, this just means you get sexually too soon into sex which is leading you to experience Premature Ejaculation, this has nothing to do with the number of times or how long it takes before having sex. It is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and as one gains experience in sex they also gain better control on their ejaculation. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  37. What can I use to satisfy a…
    What can I use to satisfy a girl?

    1. Hey Lawrence, sex is better…

      Hey Lawrence, sex is better when partners talk about it. Talking about sex helps you to get to know what your partner likes or wants during sex and you also have an opportunity to share with her what like or want during sex. Find a good time and talk about what you both want and what will get you both satisfied. Check out the following articles for more tips;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/sex-the-ins-and-outs-of-intercourse

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  38. My wife is very wet down…
    My wife is very wet down there during sex that I don’t enjoy sex, we have one child together. What can we to reduce it?

    1. Hello Dan, first being wet…

      Hello Dan, first being wet is a good thing, it means you get your wife aroused during sex which I turn makes sex pleasurable for you both. If you however feel she is so wet that you cannot enjoy any friction during sex, then try using textured condoms. Ribbed or spotted ones should increase the friction for you both. You could also keep a towel handy to dry you both off periodically during sex. If your partner lies on her stomach and close her legs once you enter then you will both feel more friction. Check out the following article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/the-myth-of-the-wet-vagina

  39. Is there food I can take to…
    Is there food I can take to last longer in bed and t0 increase sex power?

    1. Hi, it is important to keep…

      Hi, it is important to keep a healthy lifestyle which includes eating healthy, avoiding processed foods and exercising regularly. Aphrodisiac, which are foods believed to improve sexual desire may work or not. You may have to try different things to see what works for you and your partner. Have a look at this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/aphrodisiacs-top-five-facts &nbsp;

  40. If you are married how many…
    If you are married how many times should you have sex with your husband to make sure he does not cheat you?

    1. Hey Dina, to get to know how…

      Hey Dina, to get to know how many times you need to have sex with your husband for them to be happy is a question that can only be sufficiently answered by your husband. Also, as you think about quantity of sex think about quality, talk with your partner to get know what they like and want during sex. Having said that, people cheat for various reasons even when they have a healthy sex life. It is important to have an open and honest communication with your partner to ensure when there are problems in the relationship you and your husband can talk and address them. Check out the following articles for additional information;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

  41. My ex she told me I am a bad…
    My ex she told me I am a bad kisser…

    1. Hi Kelly, there’s no such…

      Hi Kelly, there’s no such thing as kissing lessons, one learns it themselves as they practice. With practice, you find what works for you and your partner. It is possible your partner was comparing the experience they had with you with a past experience. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/how-to-kiss

  42. Which position guarantees…
    Which position guarantees your girlfriend will be satisfied?

  43. Can a woman and man have…
    Can a woman and man have anal sex? What are the dangers of having anal sex for a woman?

  44. My fiance likes being on top…
    My fiance likes being on top during sex as in I lie on my back and then she comes on top. Does this mean she is a control freak? Since she doesn’t like to have sex any other way?

    1. Hi Eli, it appears your…

      Hi Eli, it appears your partner likes sex a certain way and there is nothing wrong with that. Other than the sex, is there anything else that makes you feel she is controlling? If you are concerned about her actions and you feel that this is affecting your relationship, it is important you talk with her about it. Lastly, sex is about both partners and not just one of them. It is for this reason important for partners to talk about sex to improve the experience for both partners. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/happy-relationships/tips-for-talking-to-your-partner

  45. I have been masturbating…
    I have been masturbating since my high school days. Now I ejaculate when still romancing my chick. It is very embarrassing what can I do to reverse this?

  46. If you feel pain in your…
    If you feel pain in your dick when you have an erection and when you have sex what is the problem?

  47. Sex have become bring for me…
    Sex have become bring for me and my wife. I dont know what to do, she no longer wants to try new things it really frustrating because I dont want to cheat on her what should I do?

    1. Hi Newton, have you talked…

      Hi Newton, have you talked about this with your wife? A good place to start is to talk with your partner about what is going on and how this is affecting you and the relationship. Sex is different particularly after a couple gets a child or children. Talking about it will help you get to know what is going on and also agree on how to proceed considering the changes that might be going on. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

       

  48. Foods like eggs can they…
    Foods like eggs can they reduce your sex power? What food can you eat to increase your sex power?

  49. My fiance has become very…
    My fiance has become very boring in bed I don’t know what to do. I have tried to introduce new things but he accused me of cheating. Do think this will will change after we get married?

    1. Hi Brendah, I can’t really…

      Hi Brendah, I can’t really tell if this will change after you get married, however, it is important that you talk about sex. Sex is better when partners talk about it. It is important that you think carefully think about the right time to talk about sex and how to talk about it. It is important your partner doesn’t feel attacked in terms of his performance but that you talk about sex toward improving the experience for you and your fiance. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  50. My fiance has never had a…
    My fiance has never had a climax any time we have sex. Am I the problem?

    1. Hi Leon, sex is better when…

      Hi Leon, sex is better when partners talk about it. Most girls will not have an orgasm or climax during intercourse since this doesn’t give attention to one of the most sensitive sexual parts, the clitoris. Sex needs to give attention to the clitoris to increase the chances of having an orgasm. Have a look at this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

  51. My girlfriend has never cum…
    My girlfriend has never cum when we have sex and sometime she feel pain during sex. What can I do to make enjoy more?

    1. Hi Jesse, to have an orgasm…

      Hi Jesse, to have an orgasm one needs to know what would get them there. Intercourse or vaginal sex only is likely not to achieve this since it doesn’t give sufficient attention to one of the most sensitive parts, the clitoris. The following article provides some tips to help your partner get an orgasm;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms  

      On the issue of pain, there are a number of reasons that can cause pain including, having dry sex where intercourse takes place before the vagina is sufficiently lubricated, the presence of an infection, the position during sex or the size of the penis. Getting to know what is causing the pain is the first step toward addressing it. Check out the following;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up

  52. For married people how can…
    For married people how can you make sex interesting if you have been married for many years?

    1. Hi, talking about sex is a…

      Hi, talking about sex is a good place to start. Partners who talk about sex end up improving the sex experience for both of them. When partners talk they express their needs including experimenting with different things to see what they like or don’t. Start by creating and environment that allows you both to talk freely about your sex needs toward improving the sex experience. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  53. Why can’t I have more than…
    Why can’t I have more than one shot per night?

    1. Hey there, it is completely…

      Hey there, it is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue. 

  54. Please recommend a vigina…
    Please recommend a vigina tightening cream. Thanks.

  55. My boyfriend likes big…
    My boyfriend likes big breast but mine are small. What should I don’t make them bigger, no surgery please.

    1. Hello Celest, the size of…

      Hello Celest, the size of your breast has to do with your genes, meaning you don’t have control over the size of your breast. To increase your breast size you will need to have a surgery done. Having said that, you should only change any part of you if this is what you want and not because of what another person may want. It should first make you happy. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/breasts-top-five-facts

  56. Recently I tried having sex…
    Recently I tried having sex with my girlfriend but my penis could noylt stand. She tried everything to get me aroused but nothing I don’t what happened to me. What is the problem?

  57. But you didn’t tell us which…
    But you didn’t tell us which style gals like best, tell us.

    1. Hey Jeffrey, different…

      Hey Jeffrey, different people enjoy different things for this reason talking to ones partner will greatly aid in improving the sex experience for both. Find out what your partner likes and enjoys during sex and then share what you like and enjoy. Often partners need to tell, show each other what they like to improve their sex life. Have a look at the following article for additional tips;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  58. I never dry after a few…
    I never dry after a few minutes of sex. This makes sex uncomfortable. Is there anything I should do to prevent this from happening?

  59. when am having sex it pain…
    when am having sex it pain me and after having it

    1. Hey Ife, sorry about this,…

      Hey Ife, sorry about this, sex should be pleasurable and not painful. Pain can be caused by a number of reasons including having an infection, the position during sex, the size of the penis which causes pain in the vagina and a lack of sufficient lubrication during intercourse. Getting to know what is causing the pain is the first step toward addressing the pain. Have a look at the following article for more information;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up

  60. I get erections and…
    I get erections and sometimes I don’t want to. What is surprising is that I see some colorless fluid coming out or I find it in my underwear. Is it normal or why is it happening?

    1. Hi Teddy, penises sometimes…

      Hi Teddy, penises sometimes get minds of their own meaning you can get an erection even when you didn’t want to have one. Try to think about non sexual things and soon enough it will go away. The colorless you see is called pre-ejaculate comes out of the end of your penis when one is aroused. This is completely normal. Have a look at the following articles;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/ejaculation

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/erection-top-five-facts

  61. Am afraid to have sex since…
    Am afraid to have sex since its always so painful

    1. Hi there, it is not normal…

      Hi there, it is not normal to always feel pain during sex. It is important to get to know what is causing the pain to address it. Painful sex can be caused by having dry sex where intercourse happens before the vagina is well lubricated. Spending more time on foreplay will help ensure the vagina is sufficiently lubricated before penetration. It can also happen if one is not relaxed during sex making penetrating painful. Another reason maybe the size of the penis and lastly the presence of an infection in the vagina. Have a look at the following article for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/when-sex-hurts

  62. hw can u disvirgin without…
    hw can u disvirgin without pain

  63. I ad my last mp on date 2 to…
    I ad my last mp on date 2 to 5jan ed i do unprotected sex 17jan,can i he pregnancy

    1. Hello JJ, thank you for your…

      Hello JJ, thank you for your question. The answer to your question depends on how long your cycle is. Your cycle lasts from the first day of your period to the first day of your next period. To know how long it is, you are advised to observe your cycles for several months to determine if it is regular or not.

      To answer your question, if you have a 28-day cycle then your fertile days were between the 12th and 16th of January so you were safe on the 17th

  64. Hi.. What are the major…
    Hi.. What are the major causes of premature ejaculation?

    1. Hi Temi, Premature…

      Hi Temi, Premature Ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation.

      The following articles provide more information;-

      https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/male-body/premature-ejaculation-top-five-facts
      https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  65. Can one get pregnat a day…
    Can one get pregnat a day after mesis

    1. Hello Alice, yes they can…

      Hello Alice, yes they can especially if they have a short or irregular cycle.

  66. Am a virgin,i don’t have…
    Am a virgin,i don’t have boyfriend and i hate sex what should i do?

    1. Hi Jennybest thank you for…

      Hi Jennybest thank you for reaching out to us. It is perfectly fine to be a virgin. Do not feel pressured to get a boyfriend or have sex. When the time is right, everything will fall in place.

    2. Try to have boyfriend…
      Try to have boyfriend because no how u will have unless u want to become mary in catholic church so my dear try to get one

      1. Thank you for your…

        Thank you for your contribution princess oluwajehnrayor. 

  67. I don’t like hv sex idont…
    I don’t like hv sex idont know why bt whe i read book about sex i feel i want sex all when i see porn

  68. Hello Christine, thank you…

    Hello Christine, thank you for reaching out to us. If you will allow us to ask, have you have sex outside reading or watching it? Keep in mind that witnessing eternal sources of sexual fantasies can drastically magnify sexual experiences that are not realistic to your expectations, and if you haven’t had it in reality or the sexual encounters that you have been a part of have been less than satisfactory to your imagination, it may because of the commercial value that sex puts on selling a good story are not realistic, even in pornography. In order to experience a true sexual experience, we would recommend letting go of these external definitions and discovering yourself and what it means and feels for you to be immersed in connecting mentally, physically and emotionally with someone you truly feel connected with. 

  69. I don’t make up to five(5)…
    I don’t make up to five(5) minutes without releasing during sex,what could that be

    1. This is a very good question…

      This is a very good question and a very common one as well. So, do not worry, you are not alone. There are some remedies that could help you last a little longer. However, if you have premature ejaculation, you should go see  doctor.
      One option is the stop-start method used to treat premature ejaculation but can also help a person last longer. This technique calls for the man to have sex or masturbate until you almost cum and then stop. When you’re about to climax, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure on the tube running underneath your penis. This will push blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, calming your ejaculatory response.This should be repeated many times.
      Another remedy is to engage in sex styles that do not stimulate the underside of the penis like spooning and reverse cowgirl. You could also masturbate before having sex.
       

  70. Hello. Your article says, …
    Hello. Your article says, “Tense your vagina during intercourse. You do this the same way you would if you were holding in urine. The vagina gets tighter and this can feel nice for the man.” How about for the woman? You say this benefits the man, but you make no mention of any similar benefit for the woman. I am wondering because it seems logical that there would be increased friction for both partners, not only the man. Thank you.

    1. Hello Rousseau, thank you…

      Hello Rousseau, thank you for asking a great question. Indeed the woman will also feel an increased sensation of pleasure but only if she is wet or if the vagina is well lubricated. As you said, tightening the vagina causes a lot more friction and if her vagina is not well lubricated or she is not aroused, it can hurt her but generally, sufficient foreplay should make the experience much more pleasurable for both partners. 

  71. Having sex with a virgin…
    Having sex with a virgin using a condom, does it dis virgin her.

  72. Hi Joseph, thank you so much…

    Hi Joseph, thank you so much for getting in touch and asking a great question. If you insert your penis into her vagina, even with a condom, you will definitely break her virginity. 

  73. Mazee sex iko tamu why can a…
    Mazee sex iko tamu why can a girl prevent pregnancy

  74. Hi Jose, thank you for…

    Hi Jose, thank you for getting in touch and asking a great question. Although sex is a great feeling, there are a variety of reasons why a girl would want to prevent pregnancy. Some of these reasons include not wanting to have children because she wants to focus on building her future first i.e. finishing school, pursuing her career. Other reasons may include not being able to afford the lifestyle that comes with taking care of a child just yet or not yet having found the right partner to settle down with. Lastly, some may have the time and money to settle down and want children but biologically are unable to due to high infertility or pregnancy complications that may arise during fetal development that may put the mother and child’s health at risk. 

  75. I like your teachings so…
    I like your teachings so much and atleast i’ve learnt something,,,thank you,,,. my quations is,,,i cought a girl then deside to mary her,,,it’s now 2yrs together we’ve not cought a child,,,funny is she don’t menstrate yet she has a kid,,,so i asked her if she’s using family planing and she told me that it’s about two and half years since she stoped using,,, so am wondering how,,, is there the posibilities that family planning can couse a woman not to bear kids 4rever? This girl cries everyday please what can i do?

    1. Hi Bramwel, thank you for…

      Hi Bramwel, thank you for getting in touch and we are so sorry you are going through a hard time. 

      If your wife has used birth control before, she may be able to get pregnant within 1-3 months of stopping a combination pill — meaning those that have estrogen and progestin. But most women can get pregnant within a year. One study even found that women who took the pill for more than 4 or 5 years were more fertile than those who used it for 2 years or less.

      If she has been using the progestin-only pill, called the “minipill,” it’s possible to get pregnant days or weeks after she quit. That’s because the minipill doesn’t consistently stop ovulation the way pills with estrogen do. Instead, it thins the lining of her uterus. The lining starts to thicken again as soon as she stops taking the minipill, making it possible for her to get pregnant.

      If her period has stopped and she’s not pregnant, she might be experiencing Amenorrhea, which is the absence of menstrual periods. It does not always signify a serious problem. It may be caused by natural hormonal changes such as menopause or something as common as stress. It would be good for her to go to a doctor and get a proper diagnosis to identify exactly what the root cause may be and what the best form of treatment is. 

  76. Hi lovematters!
    How can I…

    Hi lovematters!
    How can I last longer in bed?

    1. This is a very good question…

      This is a very good question and a very common one as well. So, do not worry, you are not alone. There are some remedies that could help you last a little longer. However, if you have premature ejaculation, you should go see  doctor.
      One option is the stop-start method used to treat premature ejaculation but can also help a person last longer. This technique calls for the man to have sex or masturbate until you almost cum and then stop. When you’re about to climax, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure on the tube running underneath your penis. This will push blood out of the penis and momentarily decreases sexual tension, calming your ejaculatory response.This should be repeated many times.
      Another remedy is to engage in sex styles that do not stimulate the underside of the penis like spooning and reverse cowgirl. You could also masturbate before having sex.
       

  77. Am sick and tired of trying…
    Am sick and tired of trying to have sex with my virgin girlfriend…
    I attempted to have sex more than several times but I couldn’t get into her Virgina

    1. Hi Sam, thank you for…

      Hi Sam, thank you for reaching out to us and we are sorry you are going through a hard time. In this day and age, you’d think that everyone knows what consent is, but from the multiple assault cases reported daily, that’s definitely not the case. Click here to find out more on the concept of consent:

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/consent-all-the-facts

      Please feel free to go through more of our awesome content. Doing so will help you make more informed decisions on love, sex and relationships within your life and help you become your most loving, positive self.

      Do not hesitate to reach out in case you have any questions, feedback or criticisms.

      Have a wonderful week and stay safe!

  78. Thankyou for the information.
    Thankyou for the information.

    1. Hi Lyn, 

      You’re welcome!…

      Hi Lyn, 

      You’re welcome! Keep it here for more educative content. 

    1. Hi Felistus, 

      Sure. We are…

      Hi Felistus, 

      Sure. We are happy to share accurate information anytime. Keep it here for more informative content. 

  79. How can I tell my partner to…
    How can I tell my partner to use other sex style.

    1. Hi Annet, 

      There are…

      Hi Annet, 

      There are several ways to go about this:

      First, you can have an honest conversation about it and tell her that you would like to get a bit more experimental with sex positions. Do this when you are both in a great mood. Ensure that you don’t make it seem that you are bored or that you don’t find your current sex experiences pleasurable. 

      The second is to play a fun game where you share your sex position bucket list (Or those positions that you have always wanted to try) and ask her to share hers. This can be a fun way of encouraging her to open up and also be open about trying new things. 

      Third, if she is okay with it, you can watch some porn or Kamasutra and then request whether you can try some of the positions in the video just watched. 

      Remember, ensure that the positions you suggest are comfortable for both you and your partner and they can keep the mood for sex going. Do not try gymnastics that will end in in a hospital emergency room. 

  80. Is the gspot up, down or at…
    Is the gspot up, down or at the side of the vaginal wall?

LOVE MATTERS

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships