Cybersex: sex online
Apart from looking at pictures of sex on the internet, you can also have sex online.
Well, not actually with the other person, but you can have erotic conversations, look at each other on a webcam, or masturbate.
Is it a good idea? What are the risks? If you choose to do it, how can you keep it safe and enjoyable?
You usually have internet sex with your partner. Perhaps you already kiss and make love, and the webcam adds an extra dimension.
Some people also find it exciting to do it with strangers. They take off their clothes on the webcam or exchange fantasies.
Are you ready for it?
Only do it if you really want to! Never let someone talk you into it. If you’re not sure, wait until you’re really certain, so you know you won’t regret it. Online sex can be very risky.
Safety tips for online sex
- Agree beforehand whether you are prepared to allow the other person to record webcam video or stills.
- If you allow the other person to record video or stills, agree that you will never share them with other people. You will therefore never upload them onto the internet.
- Make sure your face is never visible in the picture. Then you will not be recognisable if the pictures do end up on the internet.
- Be aware you can never know whether someone is recording the images from your webcam or not. And you can never know what will happen to the recording. You could easily find a video of you has been uploaded to a porn site. Pictures or video of you can end up floating around on the internet for years, being viewed by thousands of people.
Keep in mind: people to watch out for online
Fakers: people who use fake photos or videos. These people pretend to be someone else. When they put on the webcam, you see a video of someone else, and the faker pretends it’s him or her. The faker could be an old man, pretending to be someone of your age.
Fake model scouts: people who pretend to be model scouts who try to tempt you with false promises. They flatter you and tell you that you would be perfect as a model, but first, they need you to take your clothes off for the webcam.
Stalkers: people who follow you, hassle you, pester you for sex or threaten you. If you reveal too much about yourself on the internet – perhaps your surname or where you live – they know where to find you and then won’t leave you alone.
Players: people who pretend to take you seriously but are actually only interested in sex. Online they just want to gain your trust to try and get you to take your clothes off. During the chat, they pay you a lot of attention and listen carefully to you, and give you a lot of compliments. Once you’ve taken your clothes off, they don’t react anymore. They aren’t interested in you anymore, and you feel used.
Pimps: pimps can use the internet to try and recruit people into prostitution. They can try to get you in their power by making you fall in love with them. You think they care about you, but actually, they just want to force you into prostitution and take the money you earn. At first, they seem caring, but then they turn nasty or violent and force you to have sex with others for money. Pimps use the internet to try and track down victims.
FAQs around online flirting and sex
My boyfriend wants me to masturbate in front of the webcam. I don’t want to, but what if he breaks up with me?
Don’t do it if you don’t feel happy about it. You decide what you do in front of the webcam. It’s never good if you’re forced to do something in a relationship. Talk about it to your boyfriend and explain why you don’t want to do it. If it still matters so much to him, then he might not respect you.
When we chat online, my girlfriend promises things she won’t go through with in reality. It makes me angry. What should I do?
Many people feel much freer when they chat on the internet. They say things they wouldn’t say face to face. Tell your girlfriend you feel disappointed if she doesn’t keep the promises she makes online. Give her time to find out what she is really prepared to do. There’s no point getting angry – it will only scare her off.
I’ve been flirting with a man online, but now he won’t stop talking to me. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’ve had enough. What should I do?
Tell him the bad news. No one likes to be rejected, but the good news is that everyone gets over it. Say it in a friendly way. If he takes it well, you might become friends. If he keeps on hassling you, block him.
I took my clothes off for my boyfriend on the webcam, but now I regret it. What should I do?
Tell him you won’t do it again. Say you didn’t like it, and you’d rather do something else. If he cares about you, he’ll respect your wishes, even if he thinks it’s a shame. If he breaks up with you, he obviously isn’t really interested in you as a person.
There’s a photo of me naked on the internet. I’m so embarrassed I don’t dare to tell anyone about it. What can I do?
Try and have the photo removed. Send a request to the makers of the website. If you’re under 18, the picture is child pornography and it’s illegal for it to be on the internet.
Depending on where you live, if you feel secure about it, you could report it to the police. Again depending on the country you live in, they might help you have it removed, even if you don’t want to press charges.