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Anal sex: the new frontier

Many people enjoy anal sex. Others are ashamed of it or think it’s dirty.

Anal sex is a taboo in some societies, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s completely normal and healthy, as long as you use a condom. The anus and the area around it are very sensitive, so explore what feels good.

If you would like to include anal sex in your love making, wash your anus with mild soap and water first. Some people also prefer to take an enema or laxative before having anal sex to clean out the bowels, so their partner doesn’t get stool on their penis or finger.

What feels good?

Some people enjoy having their anus stroked, or feeling a finger inside it. If you put your finger in your partner’s anus during sex, first moisten your finger with spit or lubricant. When you first touch it, the anus will squeeze tight – it’s a muscle reflex. Rest your finger on it and wait for a little before you go any further.

What you can also try:

  • Touch your anus when you masturbate.
  • Stroke or caress your partner’s anus during lovemaking.
  • Put something in the anus – a finger, a penis, a vibrator.
  • Lick the anus – this is sometimes called ‘rimming’.
  • Press or caress the skin between the balls and the anus (the perineum).

Touching the prostate

In men, a little way inside the anus you can feel the prostate. This is one of the most sensitive parts of a man’s body. It’s about five centimetres inside the anus on the stomach side. Some men find it arousing to have their prostate touched. You can do this by putting your finger in the anus and moving it in and out.

The anus is close to the sexual organs. It also contains a lot of nerve endings, and it contracts when you have an orgasm. This is why anal sex feels good.

Pain

Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. But if you’ve no experience with it, it can be painful. Use lubricant and relax during lovemaking, and the pain will go. If it’s painful when the penis enters the anus, pull it out carefully, because it can hurt even more if you do it quickly.

Many people like to include the anus in lovemaking. If you don’t, say so. You don’t have to like everything!

Tips for problem-free anal sex

  • Take your time. Start carefully and gently, and give each other time to relax.
  • Always use a water-based lubricant.
  • Always use a condom, because the inside of the anus can easily get infected. If you get little cuts or cracks in the skin, it puts you at risk of infection with HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. If your condom tears, you should go to a clinic or see a medical professional and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Worried about hygiene? Make sure you’ve emptied your bowels before you start. And you can always have a shower together first.
  • Use a new condom if you have vaginal sex after anal sex. And if you’ve done it without a condom, at least wash your penis. The same goes for dildos and vibrators.
  • If you put an object in the anus, make sure it’s the right shape. The tip should be rounded and the outside end should be wider than the rest, otherwise, it can get sucked inside the rectum and get stuck.
  • You can’t get pregnant through anal sex. But you can get pregnant if sperm runs forward into the vagina.

You don’t have to enjoy anal sex. If you don’t want to, or if doesn’t work out, just do something else you both enjoy.

Step by step

The first time you have anal sex it can be scary and even painful. This usually passes when you have more experience, use enough lubricant, and feel relaxed.​​​​​

1. First touch and caress the anus, to get used to the feeling. If it feels good to your partner, you can put your finger inside the anus a little way and move it slowly back and forth.

2. Would you like to go further? You can put a small dildo or butt plug (a special dildo designed for the anus) inside, to get used to something that’s a bit bigger than a finger, but still smaller than a penis.

3. Both still happy about it and want to go further still? You can gently put the end of the penis in – use a condom and plenty of lubricant! Do it slowly and carefully so you can both get used to it. If it’s painful, take the penis out slowly. If you do it quickly, it can hurt even more.

4. Does this still feel good for both of you? Then the man can slowly push his penis deeper into the anus and increase the speed.

Gay or straight?

Is anal sex only for homosexuals? Not at all! Straight or gay, man or woman, anal sex is something anyone can do. Some people like it, other people don’t. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

Did you learn something new?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (149)

  1. The First Time I Had Anal…
    The First Time I Had Anal Sex, It Was Painful But I Enjoyed Laiter Soo Kul

    1. (No subject)
      Thank you for sharing with us Becky.

    2. Iam 21 year old guy so now I…
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      1. Hey Ahmed, unfortunately we…

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      2. Ahmed am dispointed in u as…
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        1. Hello Sek, thank you for…

          Hello Sek, thank you for your input, we appreciate it. However, we are committed to providing a non-judgmental space for discussion and information that engages young adults about love, sex, and relationships. Allow for Ahmed to ask his questions and explore what he feels is best for him without being judgemental.

      1. Hi Japheth, thank you so…

        Hi Japheth, thank you so much for your feedback. We appreciate it.

      1. Hi John, welcome to Love…

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  2. I like Anal sex bt I haven’t…
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        1. Good for you Rey!  Sorry to…

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          Best of luck.

          <3 The Love Matters Team 

      4. It’s makes me come within…
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        1. Hi Jack, 

          Good to know!…

          Hi Jack, 

          Good to know! Enjoy! Thank you for sharing! 

    1. We hope you meet your type…
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    1. (No subject)
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  5. I av never tried anal sex…
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    1. What exactly do you fear…
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      See the tips above for problem free anal sex.

  6. I lovecit so much but my…
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    1. Hi Chris, Unfortunately we…
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  7. Ever since I started having…
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  8. My first time it was painful…
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    1. Thank you for sharing Naims.
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  9. hi am Chris’s my partner…
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  10. Hi Chris, Talking about sex…
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  11. I really do fear doing it…
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    1. Hello Nancy,  if you don’t…

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  12. My partner suggested it…
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  13. Anal sex makes the anus…
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  14. I would like to try it but I…
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    1. Hello Jane, sorry at Love…

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      1. Hello Ezra, thank you for…

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  15. Can a woman get pregnant…
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  16. Hey,i wud like to know in…
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    1. Hi, there are times during…

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  17. I love anal but I havent met…
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    1. Thank you for sharing Kylie,…

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      1. Hey Chris, We appreciate…

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  18. Does it make the anus loose…
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  19. my boyfriend is obsessed…
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    1. Hi Naomie, you do not have…

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  20. Is this for man and woman or…
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  21. I am a guy and I am very…
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  22. Can someone get pregnant if…
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    1. Hey Verah, one can’t get…

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  23. Can a gay man fall in love…
    Can a gay man fall in love with a girl? Can it make them change to not being gay anymore?

  24. Can anal sex make a person…
    Can anal sex make a person have difficulty holding stool??

  25. Can it affect bowel movement…
    Can it affect bowel movement in ladies?

  26. I use to think it was…
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    1. I like to fuck woman in the…
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      1. Hello Roberto, thank you for…

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    1. We hope you found the…

      We hope you found the information useful. 

  27. Am guy in nairobi.Any lady…
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    1. Hey Kylie, we are not a…

      Hey Kylie, we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone. 

  28. Is it true that some girls…
    Is it true that some girls have anal sex to remain virgins?

  29. Are there special condom for…
    Are there special condom for anal sex? What specific brand of water based lub will you recommend?

    1. Hey Bill, not really, there…

      Hey Bill, not really, there are no special condoms for anal sex. The regular male condoms can be used for anal sex. On the other hand, the female condom has also be sighted as an option and since it is made from a different material from that of male condoms (latex) one can use oil based lubricants. Remember, for male condom use only water based lubs. Do check with your local pharmacy or supermarket to see what’s available. Check the following articles;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom

  30. Hi can a girl get pregnant…
    Hi can a girl get pregnant if you only have anal sex?

    1. Hey Lawrence, one can’t get…

      Hey Lawrence, one can’t get pregnant through anal sex. But one can get pregnant if sperm runs forward into the vagina. It is therefore important to use protection like condoms, if one doesn’t want to get pregnant.

  31. This information is article…
    This information is article is confusing for me. Do you mean both men and women can do anal sex? Which woman in their right mind will want to do this?

  32. What’s the relationship…
    What’s the relationship between a al sex and pregnacy?

    1. Hi Willy, it appears your…

      Hi Willy, it appears your question is incomplete Do complete it so we can appropriately respond to you.

  33. I want to try anal sex but…
    I want to try anal sex but my girlfriend does not want it what can I do?

    1. Hi Kimya, if she doesn’t…

      Hi Kimya, if she doesn’t want to have anal sex you will have to respect this choice. Remember she must consent to it before you have it. Have you asked why she doesn’t wish to have it?

  34. i need a girl from mombasa
    i need a girl from mombasa

    1. Hi Eric, Sorry to say, we…

      Hi Eric, Sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself. Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up. Best of luck.

  35. Anal sex is it un Godly pliz…
    Anal sex is it un Godly pliz tell me so that i can understand

  36. Hi Caro, we are sorry you…

    Hi Caro, we are sorry you feel this way and respect your opinion. 

      1. We are so glad you agree…

        We are so glad you agree with us Ali! We are here for you if you need any information regarding sex, love, and relationships so feel free to reach out to us! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  37. Hi, i want to know how do sex
    Hi, i want to know how do sex

    1. Hello Mercy, thank you for…

      Hello Mercy, thank you for getting in touch. What specifically about sex would you like to know about?

  38. Any lady from Kenya Mombasa…
    Any lady from Kenya Mombasa would like to try it??

    1. Hello Ben, sorry to say Love…

      Hello Ben, sorry to say Love Matters Africa is not a dating site and we cannot help you in this regard.

  39. Its the best thng to try out…
    Its the best thng to try out,at first my gf was freakin’ scared,bt naw she dances to the tune.am lucky.

    1. Yes you are! Good for you! 🙂

      Yes you are! Good for you! 🙂

  40. This is bulshit, better to…
    This is bulshit, better to do normal things but not eating ass

    1. Hello Derrick, thank you for…

      Hello Derrick, thank you for your input. We understand that anal sex is not for you. However, there are a lot of people that do engage in anal sex and for them that is ‘normal.’

  41. u guys are trying to promote…
    u guys are trying to promote LGBT how could you start telling people that it’s ok it’s not at all anus was made for others purposes not sex whoever wrote this article ur wrong don’t promote useless things into people be straight sex is done in Virgina not anus

    1. Hello Sek, thank you for…

      Hello Sek, thank you for your input and feedback. Here at Love Matters Africa we are committed to providing a non-judgmental space for discussion and information that engages young adults about love, sex, and relationships. It is not just queer or gay couples that engage in anal sex, we are sexual beings and sexual satisfaction comes in various forms.

  42. Hello Kiplagat, we…

    Hello Kiplagat, we appreciate your attention! Let us know how you feel about our content and we hope it helps! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  43. I love to try anal sex but i…
    I love to try anal sex but i’m yet to meet a woman to make love to…am 28 and i would love to try some anal at one or two times….may be three

    1. Hi Jack, thank you for…

      Hi Jack, thank you for reaching out to us. Sorry to say this is not a dating site and we cannot help you in this regard.

  44. My Gf doesnt want us try…
    My Gf doesnt want us try anal. I really want to have anal sex. In as much as I respect her choice, I feel I need to explore this other area. Would it hurt if I find myself another lady who’s not conservative? I feel that perhaps I need someone who’s creative in bed and more open to exploration.

    1. Hi so Discreet, 

      Great to…

      Hi so Discreet, 

      Great to hear that you want to experiment! I am glad to hear that you respect your girlfriend’s wishes on anal sex. Perhaps you can talk to her about your idea of getting another woman and see how she responds. It could be that she won’t mind it or that she will. It is fair that you involve her in this since if you don’t you will be cheating on her. All the best!

    1. Hi Eugene, 

      Do you have a…

      Hi Eugene, 

      Do you have a question you’d like answered? If yes, feel free to post it here. This is a free space and we encourage people to ask and engage with us freely.

  45. I love anal sex so much.. It…
    I love anal sex so much.. It is very sweet and i cum so fast?

    1. Yay! Good to know Garry!…

      Yay! Good to know Garry! Keep exploring!

  46. Am newly married woman. I…
    Am newly married woman. I had anal sex several times in the past before getting married. I really love anal sex and I wish my husband enjoy my holes but he always talk bad about this so am afraid to tell him that I love anal,maybe he will hate me too. So i insert things there myself.

    1. Hi Dzidzi, 

      Well, try…

      Hi Dzidzi, 

      Well, try suggesting it and see what he says. You never know, he may actually be curious to try it and end up liking it. Your husband doesn’t need to know about your past, just tell him that it is something new you’d like to try. This will ensure that if he dislikes the idea, he will not be left thinking about your past. The secret is to tell him when he’s excited and both of you are in a good space. Good luck shooting your shot!

  47. I love doing anal sex with…
    I love doing anal sex with my partner, it sweet than pussy ?

    1. Hi Gabu, 

      Good to know, all…

      Hi Gabu, 

      Good to know, all the best!

    1. Hi there,
      Visit the nearest hospital for tests to establish what is causing it and the doctor will recommend the best treatment.

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