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Alphonce Omondi

Scared of anal sex

By Valentine Njoroge June 16, 06:09 am
Bae wants to have anal sex. But I am very scared because I've never done it. Besides lots of lubrication, what can we do to help make it less painful?

A very tiny penis can certainly make the process less painful! ;-)

Do you really want to do it?

Seriously, something in your words suggests that you do not want to do this but you are going to endure it for your partner. I completely understand: I also have a personal fear and aversion to anal intercourse.

Don't rush into making a decision.

After you figure out if you really want to do this, then yes, you need to be prepared.


If you are a woman, you and your partner must make sure that you use a condom and that he does not go from your anus into your vagina. The germs that live in your anus will certainly infect your vagina and we do not want that. Your vagina is a carefully balanced environment with fungus and bacteria living at the perfect pH (acidity) level. The introduction of bacteria and/or fungus from your anus will disturb that and give you an infection. So don’t do it!


During the act, it is paramount that you remain relaxed. A flexed anal sphincter will be hard for your partner to push through and this will cause you pain. Maintain open communication with your partner and share with them what feels good and what hurts. Remember you are in control of your own body and things should happen at your pace.

Try to breathe. It sounds simple but often in new situations we hold our breath and that will not help your body relax!

Use lots of lube to help make things slide and feel more natural. Ask to go very slowly and not start thrusting until you are used to the sensation of him being in there.

Take it slowly

Also, do not feel pressured to go all the way in one night. Maybe start with him putting a finger back there, then the next night he uses two. You can take all the build-up time if you need it. This also allows you two to get more comfortable with each other.

Again, I urge you to think about this some more. Performing sex acts that we are not entirely comfortable with can leave us feeling ashamed. You may even start to view your partner as this person who made you do things you were scared or unwilling to do. This could lead to resentment and it will seep into other areas of your relationship.

You have a lifetime of exploring sexual expression with your partner, so do not feel pressure to do it all now.

Do you have any additional advice? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on our Facebook pages, Love Matters Kenya and Naija.

Did you learn something new?

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