People looking cheekily into each other's eyes
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Anal sex: the new frontier

Many people enjoy anal sex. Others are ashamed of it or think it’s dirty.

Anal sex is a taboo in some societies, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s completely normal and healthy, as long as you use a condom. The anus and the area around it are very sensitive, so explore what feels good.

If you would like to include anal sex in your love making, wash your anus with mild soap and water first. Some people also prefer to take an enema or laxative before having anal sex to clean out the bowels, so their partner doesn’t get stool on their penis or finger.

What feels good?

Some people enjoy having their anus stroked, or feeling a finger inside it. If you put your finger in your partner’s anus during sex, first moisten your finger with spit or lubricant. When you first touch it, the anus will squeeze tight – it’s a muscle reflex. Rest your finger on it and wait for a little before you go any further.

What you can also try:

  • Touch your anus when you masturbate.
  • Stroke or caress your partner’s anus during lovemaking.
  • Put something in the anus – a finger, a penis, a vibrator.
  • Lick the anus – this is sometimes called ‘rimming’.
  • Press or caress the skin between the balls and the anus (the perineum).

Touching the prostate

In men, a little way inside the anus you can feel the prostate. This is one of the most sensitive parts of a man’s body. It’s about five centimetres inside the anus on the stomach side. Some men find it arousing to have their prostate touched. You can do this by putting your finger in the anus and moving it in and out.

The anus is close to the sexual organs. It also contains a lot of nerve endings, and it contracts when you have an orgasm. This is why anal sex feels good.

Pain

Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. But if you’ve no experience with it, it can be painful. Use lubricant and relax during lovemaking, and the pain will go. If it’s painful when the penis enters the anus, pull it out carefully, because it can hurt even more if you do it quickly.

Many people like to include the anus in lovemaking. If you don’t, say so. You don’t have to like everything!

Tips for problem-free anal sex

  • Take your time. Start carefully and gently, and give each other time to relax.
  • Always use a water-based lubricant.
  • Always use a condom, because the inside of the anus can easily get infected. If you get little cuts or cracks in the skin, it puts you at risk of infection with HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. If your condom tears, you should go to a clinic or see a medical professional and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Worried about hygiene? Make sure you’ve emptied your bowels before you start. And you can always have a shower together first.
  • Use a new condom if you have vaginal sex after anal sex. And if you’ve done it without a condom, at least wash your penis. The same goes for dildos and vibrators.
  • If you put an object in the anus, make sure it’s the right shape. The tip should be rounded and the outside end should be wider than the rest, otherwise, it can get sucked inside the rectum and get stuck.
  • You can’t get pregnant through anal sex. But you can get pregnant if sperm runs forward into the vagina.

You don’t have to enjoy anal sex. If you don’t want to, or if doesn’t work out, just do something else you both enjoy.

Step by step

The first time you have anal sex it can be scary and even painful. This usually passes when you have more experience, use enough lubricant, and feel relaxed.​​​​​

1. First touch and caress the anus, to get used to the feeling. If it feels good to your partner, you can put your finger inside the anus a little way and move it slowly back and forth.

2. Would you like to go further? You can put a small dildo or butt plug (a special dildo designed for the anus) inside, to get used to something that’s a bit bigger than a finger, but still smaller than a penis.

3. Both still happy about it and want to go further still? You can gently put the end of the penis in – use a condom and plenty of lubricant! Do it slowly and carefully so you can both get used to it. If it’s painful, take the penis out slowly. If you do it quickly, it can hurt even more.

4. Does this still feel good for both of you? Then the man can slowly push his penis deeper into the anus and increase the speed.

Gay or straight?

Is anal sex only for homosexuals? Not at all! Straight or gay, man or woman, anal sex is something anyone can do. Some people like it, other people don’t. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (151)

  1. The First Time I Had Anal…
    The First Time I Had Anal Sex, It Was Painful But I Enjoyed Laiter Soo Kul

    1. (No subject)
      Thank you for sharing with us Becky.

    2. Iam 21 year old guy so now I…
      Iam 21 year old guy so now I need anal sexy lady

      1. Hey Ahmed, unfortunately we…

        Hey Ahmed, unfortunately we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone. 

      2. Ahmed am dispointed in u as…
        Ahmed am dispointed in u as Muslim it condems anal sex n guys think about the side effects of it don’t just coppy things in Western culture and bring it here

        1. Hello Sek, thank you for…

          Hello Sek, thank you for your input, we appreciate it. However, we are committed to providing a non-judgmental space for discussion and information that engages young adults about love, sex, and relationships. Allow for Ahmed to ask his questions and explore what he feels is best for him without being judgemental.

      1. Hi Japheth, thank you so…

        Hi Japheth, thank you so much for your feedback. We appreciate it.

      1. Hi John, welcome to Love…

        Hi John, welcome to Love Matters Africa.

  2. I like Anal sex bt I haven’t…
    I like Anal sex bt I haven’t got my type

      1. Where do I find you kanze?
        Where do I find you kanze?

      2. Howcan i connect with you…
        Howcan i connect with you kanze?

        1. What can we do for you Ben?

          What can we do for you Ben?

      3. I would like someone we can…
        I would like someone we can do anal

        1. Good for you Rey!  Sorry to…

          Good for you Rey!  Sorry to say though, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up.

          Best of luck.

          <3 The Love Matters Team 

      4. It’s makes me come within…
        It’s makes me come within seconds

        1. Hi Jack, 

          Good to know!…

          Hi Jack, 

          Good to know! Enjoy! Thank you for sharing! 

    1. We hope you meet your type…
      We hope you meet your type soon Kim. We wish you well.

  3. Iam 26 year old guy so now I…
    Iam 26 year old guy so now I need anal sexy lady noe

    1. (No subject)
      Mohamed, unfortunately we do not do hook ups. We wish you well.

  4. I love anal fuck bt have not…
    I love anal fuck bt have not yet get one to satisfy me

      1. Thank you for you…
        Thank you for your contribution Jeff.

      1. Hello Tasha, what can we do…

        Hello Tasha, what can we do for you?

      1. Hi Kelvin, unfortunately we…

        Hi Kelvin, unfortunately we are not able to since we are not a dating service. All the best.

  5. I av never tried anal sex…
    I av never tried anal sex cos i completely fear it

    1. What exactly do you fear…
      What exactly do you fear Erick?

      See the tips above for problem free anal sex.

  6. I lovecit so much but my…
    I lovecit so much but my pattner doesn’t looking for alady….

    1. Hi Chris, Unfortunately we…
      Hi Chris, Unfortunately we are not a dating services and for this reason we can not get you a partner. But since you already have one maybe you can work on getting her to like anal sex so that you don’t break up or even have to cheat. Wish you well.

  7. Ever since I started having…
    Ever since I started having anal sex, I love it so so much more than pussy

    1. Thank you for sharing Ann.
      Thank you for sharing Ann.

      1. Hey, your question is not…

        Hey, your question is not clear. Do reprase so we can respond to you.

      1. Hi Lewis, 

        What would you…

        Hi Lewis, 

        What would you like us to give you? Feel free to talk to us. 

      1. Hi Jim, 

        What’s up. Let’s…

        Hi Jim, 

        What’s up. Let’s talk here. No need to use up airtime

    1. We are here – Online, Kelvin…
      We are here – Online, Kelvin. What can we do for you.

  8. My first time it was painful…
    My first time it was painful but nowadays I really enjoy it

    1. Thank you for sharing Naims.
      Thank you for sharing Naims.

  9. hi am Chris’s my partner…
    hi am Chris’s my partner doesn’t like oral sex wat can I do

  10. Hi Chris, Talking about sex…
    Hi Chris, Talking about sex helps to improve the experience for both partners. Find a good time and talk about it, find out why they don’t like it and see if there is anything you can do help. If there is nothing you can do to change this for the moment, you will have to respect their feelings and enjoy what works for you both. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/oral-sex-myths-busted

  11. I really do fear doing it…
    I really do fear doing it the other day my partner told me to try but I was freaking scary he was like we should try it sometime and he was excited about it I have gone through this column and it has thought me something too bad I won’t do that

    1. Hello Nancy,  if you don’t…

      Hello Nancy,  if you don’t like it just let your partner know that. You dont have to do it! Share also your fears and concerns with him. You can share with him other ways you feel can make your love making more exciting. 

  12. My partner suggested it…
    My partner suggested it recently but I was unable to bring myself to do it. I begun to think he must be gay. How I have been raised and what I know this is a no go zone. Just have sex the normal way.

  13. Anal sex makes the anus…
    Anal sex makes the anus loose to the point someone wears diapers is it true?

    1. It’s true, very true this is…
      It’s true, very true this is eating shit

      1. Hello Derrick, thank you for…

        Hello Derrick, thank you for your input. Kindly support your argument.

  14. I would like to try it but I…
    I would like to try it but I don’t know with who

    1. Hello Jane, sorry at Love…

      Hello Jane, sorry at Love Matters we are not in position to connect you with someone. However when you do, ensure anal sex is safe and always use lubrication and a condom. 

      1. Hello Ezra, thank you for…

        Hello Ezra, thank you for reaching out to us, how can we help you now that you are here? We are here for you! 

  15. Can a woman get pregnant…
    Can a woman get pregnant from anal sex?

  16. Hey,i wud like to know in…
    Hey,i wud like to know in details how pregnancy and the menstrual cycle are connected,i mean when after sex can one get pregnant depending on his menstrual cycle or does one get pregnant obvious as long as they had sex and are fertile???

    1. Hi, there are times during…

      Hi, there are times during ones menstrual cycle that a person is fertile and if they do have unprotected sex they are likely to get pregnant. These are their fertile days. This then means there are times during the cycle that one is more likely to get pregnant than others. Have a look at the following article for more details;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/menstruation

  17. I love anal but I havent met…
    I love anal but I havent met someone to do it with.if you wish to try talk to me at am in nairobi

    1. Thank you for sharing Kylie,…

      Thank you for sharing Kylie, remember to use protection – condoms -for prevention of Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). The condoms should be used correctly and consistently.

      1. Hey Chris, We appreciate…

        Hey Chris, We appreciate your contribution Kylie, feel free to ask any questions and we shall be more than glad to respond to you.

      1. Hi Luka, we are so glad that…

        Hi Luka, we are so glad that we are able to provide informed decisions to help. Have a wonderful weekend ahead and stay safe!

  18. Does it make the anus loose…
    Does it make the anus loose and one cannot hold feaces in?

  19. my boyfriend is obsessed…
    my boyfriend is obsessed with anal he even send me here to read about it before we can try but this is not for me. what should i do?

    1. Hi Naomie, you do not have…

      Hi Naomie, you do not have try anal sex with your partner if you are not ready or you are not willing to. Get as much information as you can but only try it out when you feel comfortable. Also, let your partner know that you are not ready to try it out and if he does care about you he will respect your choice. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  20. Is this for man and woman or…
    Is this for man and woman or man and man? Am shocked!

  21. I am a guy and I am very…
    I am a guy and I am very curious about anal sex and having it done to me. But I like girls does this mean I am secretly gay?

  22. Can someone get pregnant if…
    Can someone get pregnant if they have unprotected anal sex?

    1. Hey Verah, one can’t get…

      Hey Verah, one can’t get pregnant through anal sex. But they can get pregnant if sperm runs forward into the vagina.

  23. Can a gay man fall in love…
    Can a gay man fall in love with a girl? Can it make them change to not being gay anymore?

  24. Can anal sex make a person…
    Can anal sex make a person have difficulty holding stool??

  25. Can it affect bowel movement…
    Can it affect bowel movement in ladies?

  26. I use to think it was…
    I use to think it was painful but now I like it more?

    1. I like to fuck woman in the…
      I like to fuck woman in the anal coz tyt

      1. Hello Roberto, thank you for…

        Hello Roberto, thank you for sharing. Have a wonderful weekend ahead and stay safe.

    1. We hope you found the…

      We hope you found the information useful. 

  27. Am guy in nairobi.Any lady…
    Am guy in nairobi.Any lady here who would like to try anal sex am here

    1. Hey Kylie, we are not a…

      Hey Kylie, we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone. 

  28. Is it true that some girls…
    Is it true that some girls have anal sex to remain virgins?

  29. Are there special condom for…
    Are there special condom for anal sex? What specific brand of water based lub will you recommend?

    1. Hey Bill, not really, there…

      Hey Bill, not really, there are no special condoms for anal sex. The regular male condoms can be used for anal sex. On the other hand, the female condom has also be sighted as an option and since it is made from a different material from that of male condoms (latex) one can use oil based lubricants. Remember, for male condom use only water based lubs. Do check with your local pharmacy or supermarket to see what’s available. Check the following articles;-

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom

  30. Hi can a girl get pregnant…
    Hi can a girl get pregnant if you only have anal sex?

    1. Hey Lawrence, one can’t get…

      Hey Lawrence, one can’t get pregnant through anal sex. But one can get pregnant if sperm runs forward into the vagina. It is therefore important to use protection like condoms, if one doesn’t want to get pregnant.

  31. This information is article…
    This information is article is confusing for me. Do you mean both men and women can do anal sex? Which woman in their right mind will want to do this?

  32. What’s the relationship…
    What’s the relationship between a al sex and pregnacy?

    1. Hi Willy, it appears your…

      Hi Willy, it appears your question is incomplete Do complete it so we can appropriately respond to you.

  33. I want to try anal sex but…
    I want to try anal sex but my girlfriend does not want it what can I do?

    1. Hi Kimya, if she doesn’t…

      Hi Kimya, if she doesn’t want to have anal sex you will have to respect this choice. Remember she must consent to it before you have it. Have you asked why she doesn’t wish to have it?

  34. i need a girl from mombasa
    i need a girl from mombasa

    1. Hi Eric, Sorry to say, we…

      Hi Eric, Sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. Best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself. Happiness and confidence is attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex or relationships if they come up. Best of luck.

  35. Anal sex is it un Godly pliz…
    Anal sex is it un Godly pliz tell me so that i can understand

  36. Hi Caro, we are sorry you…

    Hi Caro, we are sorry you feel this way and respect your opinion. 

      1. We are so glad you agree…

        We are so glad you agree with us Ali! We are here for you if you need any information regarding sex, love, and relationships so feel free to reach out to us! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  37. Hi, i want to know how do sex
    Hi, i want to know how do sex

    1. Hello Mercy, thank you for…

      Hello Mercy, thank you for getting in touch. What specifically about sex would you like to know about?

  38. Any lady from Kenya Mombasa…
    Any lady from Kenya Mombasa would like to try it??

    1. Hello Ben, sorry to say Love…

      Hello Ben, sorry to say Love Matters Africa is not a dating site and we cannot help you in this regard.

  39. Its the best thng to try out…
    Its the best thng to try out,at first my gf was freakin’ scared,bt naw she dances to the tune.am lucky.

    1. Yes you are! Good for you! 🙂

      Yes you are! Good for you! 🙂

  40. This is bulshit, better to…
    This is bulshit, better to do normal things but not eating ass

    1. Hello Derrick, thank you for…

      Hello Derrick, thank you for your input. We understand that anal sex is not for you. However, there are a lot of people that do engage in anal sex and for them that is ‘normal.’

  41. u guys are trying to promote…
    u guys are trying to promote LGBT how could you start telling people that it’s ok it’s not at all anus was made for others purposes not sex whoever wrote this article ur wrong don’t promote useless things into people be straight sex is done in Virgina not anus

    1. Hello Sek, thank you for…

      Hello Sek, thank you for your input and feedback. Here at Love Matters Africa we are committed to providing a non-judgmental space for discussion and information that engages young adults about love, sex, and relationships. It is not just queer or gay couples that engage in anal sex, we are sexual beings and sexual satisfaction comes in various forms.

  42. Hello Kiplagat, we…

    Hello Kiplagat, we appreciate your attention! Let us know how you feel about our content and we hope it helps! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

  43. I love to try anal sex but i…
    I love to try anal sex but i’m yet to meet a woman to make love to…am 28 and i would love to try some anal at one or two times….may be three

    1. Hi Jack, thank you for…

      Hi Jack, thank you for reaching out to us. Sorry to say this is not a dating site and we cannot help you in this regard.

  44. My Gf doesnt want us try…
    My Gf doesnt want us try anal. I really want to have anal sex. In as much as I respect her choice, I feel I need to explore this other area. Would it hurt if I find myself another lady who’s not conservative? I feel that perhaps I need someone who’s creative in bed and more open to exploration.

    1. Hi so Discreet, 

      Great to…

      Hi so Discreet, 

      Great to hear that you want to experiment! I am glad to hear that you respect your girlfriend’s wishes on anal sex. Perhaps you can talk to her about your idea of getting another woman and see how she responds. It could be that she won’t mind it or that she will. It is fair that you involve her in this since if you don’t you will be cheating on her. All the best!

    1. Hi Eugene, 

      Do you have a…

      Hi Eugene, 

      Do you have a question you’d like answered? If yes, feel free to post it here. This is a free space and we encourage people to ask and engage with us freely.

  45. I love anal sex so much.. It…
    I love anal sex so much.. It is very sweet and i cum so fast?

    1. Yay! Good to know Garry!…

      Yay! Good to know Garry! Keep exploring!

  46. Am newly married woman. I…
    Am newly married woman. I had anal sex several times in the past before getting married. I really love anal sex and I wish my husband enjoy my holes but he always talk bad about this so am afraid to tell him that I love anal,maybe he will hate me too. So i insert things there myself.

    1. Hi Dzidzi, 

      Well, try…

      Hi Dzidzi, 

      Well, try suggesting it and see what he says. You never know, he may actually be curious to try it and end up liking it. Your husband doesn’t need to know about your past, just tell him that it is something new you’d like to try. This will ensure that if he dislikes the idea, he will not be left thinking about your past. The secret is to tell him when he’s excited and both of you are in a good space. Good luck shooting your shot!

  47. I love doing anal sex with…
    I love doing anal sex with my partner, it sweet than pussy ?

    1. Hi Gabu, 

      Good to know, all…

      Hi Gabu, 

      Good to know, all the best!

    1. Hi there,
      Visit the nearest hospital for tests to establish what is causing it and the doctor will recommend the best treatment.

  48. I have always wanted to try anal with a lady but I haven’t been lucky.If you are a lady and this is in your bucket list let’s connect and I promise we can be buddies for life.

    Am in Samburu county

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships