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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Anal sex: the new frontier

Many people enjoy anal sex. Others are ashamed of it or think it’s dirty.

Anal sex is a taboo in some societies, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s completely normal and healthy, as long as you use a condom. The anus and the area around it are very sensitive, so explore what feels good.

If you would like to include anal sex in your love making, wash your anus with mild soap and water first. Some people also prefer to take an enema or laxative before having anal sex to clean out the bowels, so their partner doesn’t get stool on their penis or finger.

What feels good?

Some people enjoy having their anus stroked, or feeling a finger inside it. If you put your finger in your partner’s anus during sex, first moisten your finger with spit or lubricant. When you first touch it, the anus will squeeze tight – it’s a muscle reflex. Rest your finger on it and wait for a little before you go any further.

What you can also try:

  • Touch your anus when you masturbate.
  • Stroke or caress your partner’s anus during lovemaking.
  • Put something in the anus – a finger, a penis, a vibrator.
  • Lick the anus – this is sometimes called ‘rimming’.
  • Press or caress the skin between the balls and the anus (the perineum).

Touching the prostate

In men, a little way inside the anus you can feel the prostate. This is one of the most sensitive parts of a man’s body. It’s about five centimetres inside the anus on the stomach side. Some men find it arousing to have their prostate touched. You can do this by putting your finger in the anus and moving it in and out.

The anus is close to the sexual organs. It also contains a lot of nerve endings, and it contracts when you have an orgasm. This is why anal sex feels good.

Pain

Anal sex shouldn’t hurt. But if you’ve no experience with it, it can be painful. Use lubricant and relax during lovemaking, and the pain will go. If it’s painful when the penis enters the anus, pull it out carefully, because it can hurt even more if you do it quickly.

Many people like to include the anus in lovemaking. If you don’t, say so. You don’t have to like everything!

Tips for problem-free anal sex

  • Take your time. Start carefully and gently, and give each other time to relax.
  • Always use a water-based lubricant.
  • Always use a condom, because the inside of the anus can easily get infected. If you get little cuts or cracks in the skin, it puts you at risk of infection with HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. If your condom tears, you should go to a clinic or see a medical professional and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Worried about hygiene? Make sure you’ve emptied your bowels before you start. And you can always have a shower together first.
  • Use a new condom if you have vaginal sex after anal sex. And if you’ve done it without a condom, at least wash your penis. The same goes for dildos and vibrators.
  • If you put an object in the anus, make sure it’s the right shape. The tip should be rounded and the outside end should be wider than the rest, otherwise, it can get sucked inside the rectum and get stuck.
  • You can’t get pregnant through anal sex. But you can get pregnant if sperm runs forward into the vagina.

You don’t have to enjoy anal sex. If you don’t want to, or if doesn’t work out, just do something else you both enjoy.

Step by step

The first time you have anal sex it can be scary and even painful. This usually passes when you have more experience, use enough lubricant, and feel relaxed.​​​​​

1. First touch and caress the anus, to get used to the feeling. If it feels good to your partner, you can put your finger inside the anus a little way and move it slowly back and forth.

2. Would you like to go further? You can put a small dildo or butt plug (a special dildo designed for the anus) inside, to get used to something that’s a bit bigger than a finger, but still smaller than a penis.

3. Both still happy about it and want to go further still? You can gently put the end of the penis in – use a condom and plenty of lubricant! Do it slowly and carefully so you can both get used to it. If it’s painful, take the penis out slowly. If you do it quickly, it can hurt even more.

4. Does this still feel good for both of you? Then the man can slowly push his penis deeper into the anus and increase the speed.

Gay or straight?

Is anal sex only for homosexuals? Not at all! Straight or gay, man or woman, anal sex is something anyone can do. Some people like it, other people don’t. It has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.

Comments

Hey Shanti, do talk tpo your partner and see if they are willing to try this out also. If they are bot ready just yet, do respect their choice. Check out this article to guide you;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/guide-to-first-time-anal-sex

Hi Chris, Talking about sex helps to improve the experience for both partners. Find a good time and talk about it, find out why they don't like it and see if there is anything you can do help. If there is nothing you can do to change this for the moment, you will have to respect their feelings and enjoy what works for you both. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/oral-sex-myths-busted
I really do fear doing it the other day my partner told me to try but I was freaking scary he was like we should try it sometime and he was excited about it I have gone through this column and it has thought me something too bad I won't do that
My partner suggested it recently but I was unable to bring myself to do it. I begun to think he must be gay. How I have been raised and what I know this is a no go zone. Just have sex the normal way.

Hi Neema, couples including heterosexual couples can choose to have anal sex, however both partner need to consent to this. This doesn't mean that one is gay. If this is something you are not willing to try out, let your partner know, who should also respect your choice. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-sex-top-five-facts

Hey Sophie, this is just a myth. Also, using lubrication, lots of lubrication makes penetration easier and pleasurable for both partners. Check out the following article for more information;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/guide-to-first-time-anal-sex

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-sex-myths-busted

Hi Micah, there is a risk of pregnancy if sperm is deposited near the vagina opening or it leaks into the vagina. If you wish to prevent pregnancy consider using condoms. Check out the following article for more information on anal sex;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-sex-top-five-facts

Anonymous
Sun, 10/07/2018 - 16:01
Hey,i wud like to know in details how pregnancy and the menstrual cycle are connected,i mean when after sex can one get pregnant depending on his menstrual cycle or does one get pregnant obvious as long as they had sex and are fertile???

Hi, there are times during ones menstrual cycle that a person is fertile and if they do have unprotected sex they are likely to get pregnant. These are their fertile days. This then means there are times during the cycle that one is more likely to get pregnant than others. Have a look at the following article for more details;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/menstruation

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