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Alphonce Omondi

Scared of anal sex

Bae wants to have anal sex. But I am very scared because I’ve never done it. Besides lots of lubrication, what can we do to help make it less painful?

A very tiny penis can certainly make the process less painful! 😉

Do you really want to do it?

Seriously, something in your words suggests that you do not want to do this but you are going to endure it for your partner. I completely understand: I also have a personal fear and aversion to anal intercourse.

Don’t rush into making a decision.

After you figure out if you really want to do this, then yes, you need to be prepared.


If you are a woman, you and your partner must make sure that you use a condom and that he does not go from your anus into your vagina. The germs that live in your anus will certainly infect your vagina and we do not want that. Your vagina is a carefully balanced environment with fungus and bacteria living at the perfect pH (acidity) level. The introduction of bacteria and/or fungus from your anus will disturb that and give you an infection. So don’t do it!


During the act, it is paramount that you remain relaxed. A flexed anal sphincter will be hard for your partner to push through and this will cause you pain. Maintain open communication with your partner and share with them what feels good and what hurts. Remember you are in control of your own body and things should happen at your pace.

Try to breathe. It sounds simple but often in new situations we hold our breath and that will not help your body relax!

Use lots of lube to help make things slide and feel more natural. Ask to go very slowly and not start thrusting until you are used to the sensation of him being in there.

Take it slowly

Also, do not feel pressured to go all the way in one night. Maybe start with him putting a finger back there, then the next night he uses two. You can take all the build-up time if you need it. This also allows you two to get more comfortable with each other.

Again, I urge you to think about this some more. Performing sex acts that we are not entirely comfortable with can leave us feeling ashamed. You may even start to view your partner as this person who made you do things you were scared or unwilling to do. This could lead to resentment and it will seep into other areas of your relationship.

You have a lifetime of exploring sexual expression with your partner, so do not feel pressure to do it all now.

Do you have any additional advice? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on our Facebook pages, Love Matters Kenya and Naija.

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Recent Comments (28)

  1. if its painful or disgusting
    if its painful or disgusting , why does a couple have to do it

    1. Hi r00t,

      Hi r00t,
      we believe that as long as both partner consent and are okay with it, it is their decision what goes on in their bedroom.

        1. Hopefully this article has…
          Hopefully this article has helped you Jacob for when you choose to have anal sex.

  2. anal sex encourages sodomy
    anal sex encourages sodomy,dont try.

    1. Hi Chris,

      Hi Chris,
      we would love to hear some more about this- please do explain why you think so! Thanks so much!

  3. surely why should one use a
    surely why should one use a wrong orifice?and yet the vagina is created for sex and givingbirth?

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      if that’s the case, oral sex would also be wrong. What do you think of oral sex?

  4. Thats rubish use ur vagina
    Thats rubish use ur vagina

    1. Hi Beva,

      Hi Beva,
      tell us more- why do you think it’s rubbish?

  5. Why Anal And Vaginal Was Made
    Why Anal And Vaginal Was Made For Sex

    1. Hello Kijana Matata,

      Hello Kijana Matata,
      if that theory was to be followed through, you should never have oral sex either. Would you agree with no more blow-jobs?

  6. My boyfriend doesn’t want to
    My boyfriend doesn’t want to use condom…im afraid i l be pregnant …im feel like breaking up with him…pls help.

  7. Anal sex its evil don’t even
    Anal sex its evil don’t even start

    1. Hello there, Apostle,

      Hello there, Apostle,
      tell us more about why anal sex is evil in your opinion, we are very curious to hear!

  8. if u’ll do it to please ur
    if u’ll do it to please ur fiancee don do it coz u don know wat will happen of u..try talking to him to see whether he can change his mind

    1. Hi Lee,

      Hi Lee,
      we are curious to hear- what’s the worst thing you think could happen?

  9. hi what do you think some
    hi what do you think some ladies hate condoms for sex

  10. Why to use ur anal instead
    Why to use ur anal instead of ur vagina?That’s nonsens, bible does not accept that dia.

    1. Hi Lance,

      Hi Lance,
      thanks for your comment. By the way, the bible also says that you shouldn’t wear clothes made from two different materials. Isn’t it interesting how we pick what feels convenient to us?

  11. Anal sex is good, very good.
    Anal sex is good, very good. Have do it with men and with gf (pegging). Seven’t heaven.

    1. Thanks for sharing that with
      Thanks for sharing that with us Roger.

  12. I’d Rather Remain In The…
    I’d Rather Remain In The Toilet All Night Diahroeatting Than Perform Anal Sex. Am Sori 4 Any Spelling Error But I Mean A Bid NO!

    1. Hey Geoffrey, we respect…

      Hey Geoffrey, we respect your feelings and opinions.

  13. plz save us dear. Don’t even…
    plz save us dear. Don’t even try because it’s too ashaming. Are you guys porn actors??

    1. Hi Ken, what do you want to…

      Hi Ken, what do you want to be saved from? There is nothing to be ashamed of about choosing to have anal sex. Different people enjoy different things during sex and this doesn’t make anyone a porn actors. It is really about what people like and want to enjoy.

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