Safe sex: do’s and don’ts
Safe sex sounds a bit boring. Sex should be exciting and satisfying – but safe? Well, if you imagine the kind of stress an STD or an unwanted pregnancy will cause you, being responsible about sex seems like a small price to pay…
Go Double Dutch
Going ‘double Dutch’ means using two forms of contraception when you’re having sex, for example, the pill and condoms. Condoms are the best way to protect yourself and your partner against STDs during intercourse, but with typical use, 14 per cent of women get pregnant when they use condoms as their only birth control method for a year. So combining condoms with another method is a surefire way of protecting yourself from STDs and unplanned pregnancy.
Talk to your partner about it
If you want to have safe sex, you need to talk to your partner. Talking about condoms and other forms of contraception may seem a bit embarrassing for you, but it’s much less awkward than a pregnancy scare or itchy, painful genitals!
Also, you should talk to your partner about their sexual history: how many people did they have unprotected sex with, do they get regular check-ups and STD test and what kind of birth control do they prefer? And just as with talking about condoms, there’s nothing embarrassing about being responsible and staying safe and healthy!Know the basics about STDs
You may have heard some tales about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Like, as long as someone looks healthy and their genitals look fine, they probably don’t have an STD. Wrong! Or if you wash your genitals before and after sex, it will stop you getting an STD. Wrong!
It helps to know some basics about STDs if you want to make the right decisions. What they are, how you can get them and how you can protect yourself from them. And know what the myths around STDs and safe sex are. That will also help you in case you have to convince your partner to use condoms.
Make condom blunders
Many things can go wrong when you use condoms, so it’s important to get it right. Use a condom on a banana or a cucumber first to practice if you’ve never used one before.
Also, remember the basics: never reuse a condom – use a new one every time you have oral, vaginal or anal sex. Never use a male and female condom at the same time, they can slip. Don’t use condoms that are out of date (check the date on the pack) or broken. Always hold the condom in place when you pull out the penis.Upset the vagina
Vaginal irritation removes the normal bacteria that protect the vagina from infection. And that can increase your chances of getting an STD.
Many things can cause vaginal irritation. For example, using lots of soap or douches aren’t good for the vagina.
And products that you’re supposed to put in your vagina to dry it out for ‘dry sex’ or ‘vaginal tightening’ will also irritate the vagina inside and make you more likely to get STDs. A dry vagina isn’t clean, it’s unhealthy.
Don’t switch between anal and vaginal intercourse without cleaning the penis or sex toy, or use a fresh condom. Some of the bacteria found in the rectum can cause irritation in the vagina.Give up sex because you’ve got an STD
If you or your partner gets diagnosed with an STD, you may feel you have to stop having sex. But you don’t need to. If you use a condom correctly, it will minimize the chances of passing on the STD.
Many STDs are easily treatable, but even if you get treatment, keep using condoms until you get a green light from the doctor. That’s because having sex with an STD that isn’t fully cured (or reappears occasionally, like herpes), will increase your chances of getting other STDs, such as HIV.These are just the basic facts. What essential facts do you think are missing? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.
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Recent Comments (64)
DOCTORS INFORMATION
DOCTORS INFORMATION
Is it ryt to have sex with a
Is it ryt to have sex with a gal during her menstral period and is she safe when u have unprotected sex… what are the effects?
Hi Nick,
Hi Nick,
whether or not to have sex while a woman has her period is up to personal choice. If you both don’t mind, nothing speaks against it. Some people actually like it, others don’t. Accept her choice.
Sex is never 100% safe if you don’t use protection- so use condoms or another form of birth control if you are not ready for children. I am assuming you have both been tested for HIV and STDs?
My galfrd has a problem
My galfrd has a problem anytime we have sex she feels alot of pain when am penetrating her but when am in shes good to go.wat could be the cause of the problem?
Hi Ken,
Hi Ken,
it could be a range of things. Maybe your girlfriend isn’t fully wet and aroused when you penetrate her, so try using some lube or longer foreplay.
Or she tenses up, which can also be resolved with longer foreplay and very gentle penetration.
Our sex expert Valentine answered a question on painful sex the other day as well. Check out her answer to see if you can pick up some of her tips!
http://lovematters.co.ke/news/sex-hurts-help
what happens to the sperms
what happens to the sperms when having sex while pregnant?can it cause infection
cz i realised some small whitish stuff on my vagina 2days after sex and it causes irritation ,
no smell.But it really looks scary.never seen it before,pls advice
Hi Dorothy,
Hi Dorothy,
sperm shouldn’t cause any problems during pregnancy. In fact, a new Danish study found that it can protect pregnant women from pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure during pregnancy).
Your symptoms sound a bit like a yeast infection (read more here: http://lovematters.co.ke/resource/candida-yeast-infectionthrush). If your symptoms should persist, come back or get worse, please see a doctor about it.
Using a condom when having
Using a condom when having sex it’s always painful,sometimes it’s so painful without a condom n other times it’s not painful,what can be the cause?
Hi Carrie,
Hi Carrie,
is it possible that you are not fully aroused and wet when sex is painful? Try to have more foreplay or use lube and see if this changes anything.
And please have a look at what our sex expert Valentine says about painful sex:
https://lovematters.co.ke/news/sex-hurts-help
Good luck!
hae av gott a little problem
hae av gott a little problem to my dick ever since i got circumcised some little rushes from the head f my dick theyr white in colour pliiz help
Hi Goddy,
Hi Goddy,
if they are itchy, painful or ooze fluid, please go see a healthcare professional.
But, if they don’t cause any problems, they could be pearly penile papules, a harmless condition. You can read more about them here:
https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/penis#section-3
When are a gals safe days
When are a gals safe days
Hi Mercy,
Hi Mercy,
generally, the first 7 days after and the last 7 days before a woman’s period are the days when she is least likely to get pregnant.
However, safe days are extremely unreliable and there is a high chance of getting pregnant.
So please consider another form of birth control, unless you don’t mind getting pregnant. You can find a method that suits you in our birth control section.
When are safe days
When are safe days
my garlfriend dnt wnt to av
my garlfriend dnt wnt to av sex,or even kissing only,wht is the problem.
Hi Bett,
Hi Bett,
have you talked to her about this? We can’t tell you why she doesn’t want to have sex, but if you ask her, she might tell you her reasons.
Relationships should be about trust and communication, and you need to reach out to her if you want to figure out what’s going on.
Good luck!
wen am having sex wid ma
wen am having sex wid ma girlfriend she feel xo pain is t dat ma pennis is big???
Hi Ibrahim,
Hi Ibrahim,
I doubt that your penis is too big.
Check out what our sex expert Valentine has to say about painful sex here:
http://lovematters.co.ke/news/sex-hurts-help
Me i always demand 2 hv sex
Me i always demand 2 hv sex bt after coming contact i gt bored,plz advice.
Hi Denis,
Hi Denis,
first things first. Demanding sex isn’t the way to go. If your partner isn’t up for it, it’s no wonder you get bored- she might have not wanted sex in the first place. So always make sure that your partner is ready to go and in the mood. Second, after you ejaculate, it’s normal to have a ‘low’ period, where you feel tired and need to recharge.
If the sex generally is boring, again, make sure your partner is up for it, and then try new things: change positions,have some oral, do it somewhere other than the bed… Plenty of opportunities!
Hellow when having sex idnt
Hellow when having sex idnt enjoy it, idnt evn cum but after sex ifeel somthing coming out what could be the problem?
My sexual ability iz so low.
My sexual ability iz so low. Wat can l du 2 boost it?
Hi Cylas, could you be a bit
Hi Cylas, could you be a bit more specific? Do you live little sexual desire, or don’t you last long? Or are you inexperienced?
I recently had a bad
I recently had a bad experience while using condom with a new partner. Kindly advice if there are pant-like condoms (i.e. wearable ) that will be difficult to come off during intercourse?
Hi Gud Boy, could you tell us
Hi Gud Boy, could you tell us what the problem was? Did the condom come off? Condoms come in different shapes and sizes, and sizes and fit can even vary between brands. So try different condom brands and see if there is one that fits you better. You can also try to use female condoms- there the condom doesn’t need to fit on the penis at all, it sticks to the walls of the vagina. But please let us know what the problem was, maybe we can help you to find a better solution.
I ve a problem I ve a low
I ve a problem I ve a low feeling for sex bt ma galfrd damans for it wat s the problem
Hi Eddy,
Hi Eddy,
It sounds as though you have low libido.
Libido is another word for sex drive, or someone’s desire to have sex.
Your libido can be affected by many different factors, for example stress or fear. It’s normal for your libido to go up and down at different times in your life, or just at different times in the day.
Check out this article to have more insight https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/making-love .
When hvn sex with my galfrd
When hvn sex with my galfrd she first enjoys it in first minutes buh after one or two shorts…she complains to b painful what could be the problem….assist plz!!!! YPACA
Hi Dar,
Hi Dar,
After a few rounds she might become dry and therefore sex becomes painful. You might want to think about using lubrication.
Check out this article to find out more https://lovematters.co.ke/news/pain-during-sex-suffering-silence .
Fantastic post however I was…
Fantastic post however I was wanting to know if you could
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Hi,am circumcised due to…
Hi,am circumcised due to cultural believes I feel a lot of pain during sexual intercourse that makes me disgusted about sex my partener complains a lot n blame me could the circumsion could be the reason why I don’t like and if so who do I get assisted to have a desirable sex
Hello Ashley, So sorry that…
Hello Ashley, So sorry that sex brings pain and not pleasure to you. It depends with how the circumcision of Female Genital Cutting was done. You may need to see a specialist who may recommend surgery to correct this. Consider visiting a Gynecologist so that you can get advice. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/our-bodies/female-body/fgm-and-orgasm
Most people, when it comes…
Most people, when it comes to sex, don’t know what they want until another person shows them. Nevertheless, the best way to discover what and how to pleasure one’s body is through experimentation.
Thank you for your…
Thank you for your contribution. This also includes talking with ones partner and exchanging this information toward improving the experience for both partners.
Are the condoms sold in…
Are the condoms sold in stores of better quality compared to the free ones?
Hi, not really. The material…
Hi, not really. The material used in making the male condom is the same whether free or the ones sold. The ones sold may have some additions including different flavors, some are ribbed among other additions. The material, latex, however does not change. The material used for the female condom is however different. Have a look at the following article for more information;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/condom
https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom
Are there condoms used for…
Are there condoms used for oral sex if your guy want a blowjob and your not sure of them?
Hi Tichi, the flavored…
Hi Tichi, the flavored condoms are preferred for oral sex since they have an appealing smell. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/oral-sex-taste-the-pleasure
Do eggs increase or reduce…
Do eggs increase or reduce sex drive in men?
Hey Alice, Eggs are believed…
Hey Alice, Eggs are believed to be aphrodisiacs or foods that help to increase once libido, as they are reproductive organs. This however, make not be the experience for everyone. Generally, there is not scientific proof that they work, you want to eat healthy and if you are healthy you are also likely to have a great sexual experience. The following article provides additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/aphrodisiacs-top-five-facts
Hello doc, is it safe to…
Hello doc, is it safe to have sex when your girl has periods?
Hello Mike, from a medical…
Hello Mike, from a medical stand point, it is okay to have sex during periods. However, having unprotected sex during periods can expose one to the risk of getting infected with a Sexually Transmitted Infections or getting an unplanned pregnancies. Using condoms each one one has sex can help reduce this risk and keep one safe. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/sex-during-your-period-top-five-facts
Can you get an STD like…
Can you get an STD like Syphilis if you have oral use like licking pussy?
Hi Jean, yes you can get an…
Hi Jean, yes you can get an STD including Syphilis from having oral sex. Using a dental dum can however help protect one from the exposure STIs. A dental dam is a square sheet of latex put on the vagina to act as a barrier when one is giving oral sex. Check out the following articles for more information;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/safe-sex/stds-stis/syphilis
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/oral-sex-dos-and-donts
My husband takes very long…
My husband takes very long to ejaculate when we use condoms. He doesn’t like them at all I want to start using another method for FP please advice me bcz I don’t want to use a method that will make me add alot of weight. Thank you.
Hi Gloria, condoms are…
Hi Gloria, condoms are reduce the sensitivity on the penis and this is the possible reason why it takes you husband longer to ejaculate. Most hormonal methods can have this side effect. Unfortunately you cannot tell if this will happen until you start to use a method. Have a look at the following articles with information on the different methods and how to choose a birth control method ideal for you;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/choosing-the-right-birth-control/how-to-choose
https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control
Can a rough rider ondom…
Can a rough rider condom make a girl feel pain when sexing?
Hi Ken, the condom it self…
Hi Ken, the condom it self may not. However, painful sex can be caused by a number of reasons including having dry sex where intercourse happens before the vagina is sufficient lubricated, an infection in the vagina, size of the penis or the position during sex. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/painful-sex-time-to-listen-up
my vagina has bad smell sana…
my vagina has bad smell sana sana after sex. What is best to use to clean after sex to avoid smells?
Hey Atieno, vaginal odor is…
Hey Atieno, vaginal odor is normal including after sex odor. Some women will notice a strong fishy odor immediately after sex and this may be a sign of bacterial infection. Others the smell will not be as strong. Interactions between semen and vaginal fluids can cause an unusual vaginal odor and for this reason one should try rinse the vagina and vulva with plain water immediately after sex to address this. Have a look at the following article for additional information;-
https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/vaginal-discharge-and-odour-top-facts
https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/female-body/8-tips-to-keep-your-vagina-happy-and-healthy
So I use a condom all the…
So I use a condom all the time. This time though the condom burst midway and when we noticed we changed immediately. What is the chance of getting an STI?
Hey Lindah, it is a good…
Hey Lindah, it is a good thing that you use condoms all the the time. They help prevent unplanned pregnancy and STIs. There was an exposure since the condom broke, however, you can only get to know if the exposure led to an infection by visiting a health centre for a check up. Have you observed any symptoms that suggest you could be having an infection? Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/safe-sex/stds-stis
my girlfriend says she fear…
my girlfriend says she fear the womens condom bcoz it pushed into her vagina when having sex. she says someone went to operation to remove it. please this is true?
Dear Sospeter, one would not…
Dear Sospeter, one would not require to undergo surgery to remove a condom if it is pushed into the vagina. A finger is sufficient to pull is out. It is however important to follow the steps of correct condom use to ensure this doesn’t happen. The female condom is safe and can help protect one from the risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections and unplanned pregnancy. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/female-condom
When is my safe days?
When is my safe days?
Hello Joan, safe days are…
Hello Joan, safe days are one of the most unreliable ways to prevent pregnancy, and we really don’t recommend it at all. When your safe days are really depends on the length of your cycle. Technically speaking, the first seven days before and after your period, as well as the time of your period, are relatively safe. But, if you have a shorter cycle (shorter than 28 days), or an irregular one, this will vary. Also keep in mind that sperm can survive for up to five days and longer inside the body- so even if you have sex on a ‘safe’ day, you can still get pregnant, because the sperm survived until your ovulation date. So you see, it’s a very inaccurate. And lastly, of course this won’t protect you from STDs. Only condoms will. So we really recommend a more reliable method. Additionally, have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/are-safe-days-safe
My boyfriend is on…
My boyfriend is on testosterone supplements. Can the drugs affect me if we are having unprotected sex as in sex without a condom?
Hey Flora, there are many…
Hey Flora, there are many things to consider and for this reason I suggest you consult you health care provider to what effect if any this would have on you.
How do you calculate the…
How do you calculate the safe days?
Hi Florence, safe days are…
Hi Florence, safe days are one of the most unreliable ways to prevent pregnancy, and we really don’t recommend it at all. When your safe days are really depends on the length of your cycle. Technically speaking, the first seven days before and after your period, as well as the time of your period, are relatively safe. But, if you have a shorter cycle (shorter than 28 days), or an irregular one, this will vary. Also keep in mind that sperm can survive for up to five days and longer inside the body- so even if you have sex on a ‘safe’ day, you can still get pregnant, because the sperm survived until your ovulation date. So you see, it’s a very inaccurate. And lastly, of course this won’t protect you from STDs. Only condoms will. So we really recommend a more reliable method. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/are-safe-days-safe
I have taken P2 48 hours…
I have taken P2 48 hours after having sex. What is chance it will fail?
Hey Dorcas, P2 or emergency…
Hey Dorcas, P2 or emergency contraception pill should be taken within the first 72 hours for it to work. It is however more effective when it is taken within the first twenty four hours. As time passes, its effectiveness also reduces. Other than the time one takes the pill after sex, it may also not work if you vomit soon after taking it. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/birth-control/types-of-birth-control/emergency-contraception
Dis is my first tym of sex …
Dis is my first tym of sex
Plz as a virgin will i feel any pain ?
And wat can i do for a long last and swrt sex?
Hello Ogechi, thank you for…
Hello Ogechi, thank you for reaching out to us. It is understandable that you would have some anxiety the first time you have sex. while sex is really great and is a fantastic way of expressing intimacy, or just feeling good. You should have sex when you are fully ready. Have sex that is consensual and that will assure pleasure for everyone involved.
What you must know is that you will not be great at it the first time! You might not be too good the second time. The more you engage in it, the better you get and the better you understand your body and the bodies of the people you have sex with.
Also, STD’s and unwanted pregnancies are a real and present danger when engaging in sex, So here is a link about safe sex. All in all, you are not the first to do it, and you won’t be the last so don’t be scared! These articles have some information that would be of help
https://lovemattersafrica.com/safe-sex/safe-sex-dos-and-donts
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-dos-and-donts