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Alphonce Omondi

Painful sex: time to listen up!

By Valentine Njoroge April 6, 03:18 pm
My girlfriend screams sometimes during intercourse and says she feels pain, even after breaking her virginity. I find this very disturbing and at times I just want to slap her. Is she faking?

She's not faking!

No, she is not faking! She didn’t say she was in pain, she screamed it at you! I cannot emphasise this enough – if you have any hope of becoming a great lover, the kind who satisfies his partner and leaves her wanting more, then you must… must… I repeat again, you must believe what your lover tells you.

Steps to take

This amazing and naïve young woman has been suffering through your sexual encounters and she likes you so much she keeps hoping it will get better. Believe what she has been screaming at you and take the following steps:

  • Assess your equipment… Do you have a monster penis? Anything longer than a 1000 bob note and you must be careful. This is not a porn movie so do not ram your penis into her.
  • Foreplay… Try and bring her to orgasm before you start intercourse. Kiss her all over and use your tongue to play with her clitoris (the little button just below where the lips of her vulva meet) until she has an orgasm. You can also use your fingers. Remember to be gentle unless and until she asks you to do otherwise. She has been in pain so it might take her a while to relax with you.
  • Lubrication… Buy a water-based lubricant and have it handy. As I said she has been in pain and that is probably due to too little foreplay so she was dry during intercourse.
  • Positions… Ask her to get on top so she can control the depth and speed of penetration.

Related: Why Is My Vagina Dry?

Be attentive

Great lovers are attentive lovers. They pay attention to their partners and listen to what they say, and how their bodies respond. Screaming in pain is never a good sign – unless you are into that kind of thing.

Good luck young man and start listening.


Have you experienced and dealt with pain during sex? If you need help, please head to our discussion board.

Did you learn something new?

wen i got married a mnth ago pain waz unbearable'ma husband use 2 understnd n he tries his best 2 b gentle n tries fore play more"bt stil i feel pain bt nt as much as i waz feeling bt feels nthin"that i started blvin i wil neva enjoy sex'will i eva? now ma problem is i used birth control pil to prevnt pregnacy coz we were nt ready for it,bt stil i got pregnant'ma frnd said sm men can be strongr than the birth control pils is diz true?please help am s confused
Nancy, regarding your pain- are you making sure you are fully aroused and very wet before you start having sex? Maybe you can try to use some extra lubrication, that might help. Regarding the pill, no, it doesn't have anything to do with a man's strength. Chances are something went wrong with taking them correctly.
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