man lying on top of crying woman in bed

6 helpful tips to deal with painful sex

My girlfriend screams sometimes during sex and says she feels pain, even after breaking her virginity. I find this very disturbing and at times I don’t believe her. Is she lying?

She’s not lying! 

Not only does she say she’s in pain, but she also screams at you! Pay attention, there’s a very big difference between screaming from pain or pleasure. 

I cannot emphasise this enough – if you have any hope of becoming a great lover, the kind who satisfies his partner and leaves her wanting more, then you must… must… I repeat again, you must listen to her and believe what they tell you.

This amazing and naïve young woman has been suffering through your sexual encounters and she likes you so much she keeps hoping it will get better. Believe what she has been screaming at you and take the following steps:​​​​​

  1. What’s the size of your equipment?

    What’s the size of your penis? Anything longer than a 1000 bob note and you must be careful. This is not a porn movie so do not ram your penis into her. Your strokes cannot be forceful. 

  2. Is she into it?

    Lack of sexual arousal or lubrication may also mean that your girlfriend is not even into it. It could be that she just gives in because you’ve asked. It could be that she does not want to have sex sometimes this she is not into sex. Talk to her and ensure that she is okay having sex 

  3. Foreplay and more foreplay

    Invest in lots and lots of foreplay. Try and bring her well-lubricated before you start intercourse. Kiss her all over and use your tongue to play with her clitoris until she’s well-lubricated. You can also use your fingers if she’s comfortable with that. Remember to be gentle unless and until she asks you to do otherwise. She has been in pain so it might take her a while to relax with you.

  4. Arm yourself with a lubricant

    Lubrication (also known as lube) is always a godsend! Buy a water-based lubricant and have it handy. As I said she has been in pain and that is probably due to too little foreplay so she was not well lubricated during intercourse.

  5. Sex positions

    Try different positions and see what works for her. If you are used to being on top, ask her to get on top so she can control the depth and speed of penetration. 

  6. Talk to a doctor

    In some cases, however, a woman may experience pain during sex because of certain health conditions. Conditions such as vaginismus, infections such as yeast infections, fibroids, and endometriosis can cause pain during sex, During menopause women can also experience painful sex since the vagina loses its ability to become wet. It is important to visit the doctor for tests and treatment. 

All in all, be attentive

Related: 8 causes of pain before and after sex

Great lovers are attentive lovers. They pay attention to their partners and listen to what they say, and how their bodies respond. Screaming in pain is never a good sign – unless you are into that kind of thing.

Good luck young man and start listening.

Related: Why Is My Vagina Dry?

Have you experienced and dealt with pain during sex? If you need help, please head to our discussion board.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (43)

  1. Yeah that’s so true
    Yeah that’s so true

  2. f u fwak a gwal while she z
    f u fwak a gwal while she z up en u down will she get pregnant.

    1. Hosni,

      the position has no impact on pregnancy- you can get pregnant whatever position you are having sex in.

  3. Some Time When The Man Is
    Some Time When The Man Is Lezy During The Intercourse That Screaming Can Make Him Become More Powerful And The Speed Increase Instandly.

    1. So it’s like encouragement?

      So it’s like encouragement?
      But isn’t there a difference between pain and pleasure noise?

  4. wen i got married a mnth ago
    wen i got married a mnth ago pain waz unbearable’ma husband use 2 understnd n he tries his best 2 b gentle n tries fore play more”bt stil i feel pain bt nt as much as i waz feeling bt feels nthin”that i started blvin i wil neva enjoy sex’will i eva?
    now ma problem is i used birth control pil to prevnt pregnacy coz we were nt ready for it,bt stil i got pregnant’ma frnd said sm men can be strongr than the birth control pils is diz true?please help am s confused

    1. Nancy,

      regarding your pain- are you making sure you are fully aroused and very wet before you start having sex? Maybe you can try to use some extra lubrication, that might help.
      Regarding the pill, no, it doesn’t have anything to do with a man’s strength. Chances are something went wrong with taking them correctly.

      1. Hey, what do you mean?

        Hey, what do you mean?

  5. hi,why few lady’s don’t want
    hi,why few lady’s don’t want to be touch breast & even the private part? sometime complaining &screaming when having sex.

    1. Hillman,

      you should ask the lady in question- they will be able to give you a much better answer than we will. We can only guess why- but they know why.

  6. Oops! Am scared since am
    Oops! Am scared since am still a V. SO THAT THING IS PAINFUL AFTERALL..?

  7. Oops! Am scared since am
    Oops! Am scared since am still a V. SO THAT THING IS PAINFUL AFTERALL..?

    1. Venessa,

      it really depends. If you are relaxed and very wet, and your partner is very gentle, there shouldn’t be any reason for it to be painful!

  8. Its only one week since we
    Its only one week since we had sex with my girlfriend and now she is sick suspecting that it mayb fast can this occur??

    1. Erick,

      there could be many reasons for her feeling ill (and, incidentally, sickness can be a cause for delayed periods). So if her period is late, she might want to take a pregnancy test.

  9. My first experience was worst
    My first experience was worst am afraid

    1. Hi Grace,

      Hi Grace,
      so sorry to hear your first experience wasn’t good.
      Next time, make sure your partner is very gentle, you are relaxed, and most importantly, very aroused and wet, otherwise it might be painful again.

  10. guiro mahamadi ouaga arrondis 28 tel 0022676528904 says:

    Je vous demande des plus
    Je vous demande des plus ample renseignent si possible appeler

    1. je suis desolee, nous sommes
      je suis desolee, nous sommes seulement online

  11. It’s almst 2wiks n this pain
    It’s almst 2wiks n this pain its too much every tym he gets in… is there any tablet can be taken? Surely the pain its gettin worse… I really nid yua help

    1. Leah,

      are you aroused and wet enough before he enters you?

  12. My girlfriend always cries
    My girlfriend always cries when am inserting and her vagina is too tight, is that the cause?

    1. Solomon,

      She may not be wet enough, or, because she is afraid of pain, she unintentionally thightena her muscles.
      Make her relax, pleasure her with your mouth or finger before you start having sex.

  13. my gal always complain of my
    my gal always complain of my small penis,,but during sex she screms,!!,is she kiding?

  14. I don’t feel anything,when
    I don’t feel anything,when having sex,like I don’t enjoy it,and it don’t Cum,please what could be t
    he problem ma?

    1. HI VIvian,

      HI VIvian,

      Do you know what you prefer during sex? Do you masturbate? Are you able to satisfy yourself? If the answer is yes then you need to teach your partner how to satisfy you. Show him what you like and how you like it. Teach him how to touch and caress you. Teach him what you enjoy and hopefully you will be able to enjoy sex and reach orgasm.

      If you do not know what you like, it will be difficult for your partner to also know what you enjoy. You need to explore yourself and find out what you enjoy, a simple way of doing this is through masturbation.

  15. As a lady she deserves full…
    As a lady she deserves full preparation to make her wet for smooth penetration

    1. We agree, thank you for your…
      We agree, thank you for your contribution.

  16. Hae am twenty three old am…
    Hae am twenty three old am married in a relationshp wd ma huby wch we are blesd wd a son buh our sex every time we av i encounter pain ido not know why and sometimes it may result to him also feeling pain what am i supposed to do

    1. Hi Lilian, We are so sorry…
      Hi Lilian, We are so sorry that sex causes pain to you. In addition to the information provided in the article above, pain maybe caused by a condition where muscles in or around the vagina shut tightly, making sex painful for both partners or even impossible. As already mentioned a lack or lubrication can lead to pain. It is important to spend more time on foreplay to get the vagina to self lubricate and also to relax during penetration. Communication makes sex better, talk about sex with partner before, during and even after sex. Check out this article;-

  17. Can one get assurance of…
    Can one get assurance of safe sex by only using condom?

  18. Sex has always been painful…
    Sex has always been painful for me. I plan to get married in the next couple of months and I want to have this problem addressed before I do. Is there a specific good Gyna you can refer me to? I am in Nairobi. Thank you.

    1. Hi Jane, so sorry about this…

      Hi Jane, so sorry about this. Sex ought to be pleasurable and not painful. There are a number of reasons that can lead to painful sex including dry sex where penetration happens before the vagina is sufficiently lubricated, the position during sex and the presence of an infection in the vagina. The first and important step in addressing this is to determine what is causing the pain. Visit any Gynecologist and they will be able to help. Check out this article;-

    1. We hope this was useful…

      We hope this was useful Danoo.

  19. Is there anything like semen…
    Is there anything like semen allergy

    1. Hi Jannice, 

      Yes. Some…

      Hi Jannice, 

      Yes. Some people have been known to have allergic reactions to proteins in their partner’s semen. This is quite rare though. 

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships