Laptop, standing for watching porn online and a reminder that it's not real
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Porn: real or not real

Pornography is pictures or videos of sex, which are designed to turn you on.

'Soft porn' leaves something to the imagination. It might show a man and woman kissing, or a woman in sexy underwear.

'Hardcore porn' shows clear images of sex, for example a naked woman with her legs apart or a close-up of a man and woman having intercourse.

Porn isn’t real

When you look at porn, you often see things most people don’t experience in real life. Sex involving several people, sex between strangers or blindfold sex - anything’s possible in porn.

But remember that sex in porn films is not like real-life sex. It’s like a fairy tale for you to fantasise about. Don’t expect real sex to be the way it is in porn films.

What’s more, the actors in porn films usually have bigger muscles and penises than most men. And the actresses are much thinner and have bigger breasts than most women – and they’ve often had breast enlargements or other cosmetic surgery. And does your girlfriend really moan as loudly as that – or come as easily?

Remember most porn is made for men, and only shows men’s fantasies. And in porn, no one wears a condom!

Porn pros and cons

Is it wrong to look at pornography? Well, you’re certainly won’t be alone if you do! In principle, there’s nothing wrong with being turned on by sexy films or pictures. It’s OK as long as you remember it’s not real life. But remember you’ve no way of knowing if the actresses were happy about taking part.

  • Be aware that porn on the internet often shows violence towards women, or women being degraded. And the women are only there to give pleasure to the men. You can fantasise about whatever you like, but there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality.
  • Porn can be addictive. It can even start to spoil real-life sex, because you find you start enjoying porn more than the real thing. And then you can start trying to make the real thing like porn, which isn’t going to work. If you find yourself wanting to watch more and more extreme kinds of porn, it’s time to stop.
Comments
Hi Tttd, A good place to start is to find out what leads to the masturbation. In your case it is Porn. Start by avoiding porn and you will be able to avoid or reduce masturbation. Take each day at a time. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

Hey DiRoPe, we appreciate your contribution. However, even persons who are in relationships including marriages do masturbate and this includes wives. People mastubate fro various reasons including stress, releasing that sexual tension and sometimes their partner may just be away at the time.  Check this out;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-top-five-facts-part-1

i do think about sex or when i see a sexy girl i just hide and mursterbate..i have a girlfriend but i tend to enjoy sex with older women because they say that i have a big dick and i know how to use it.i also have a sugar mummie..what can i do to avoid and stop sex with older women and musterbating....please help am just 20 years old from kenya
Hi there, you just need to need to make a decision not to have sex with older women if this is not what you want. Also, think about what could be leading you to having sex with older women and try and avoid those triggers. If you no longer want to be with the sugar mummy you need to be open with her a break up with her. Let her know you no longer want to be in the relationship. The same thing will apply to masturbation, if you feel you are overdoing it start by avoiding the triggers and try fill up your idle time with more meaningful activities. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is infact a great way to relieve sexual tension in a great and safe way. Check out this article;- https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/i-am-addicted-to-porn-and-masturbation
Hey Karl, it is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where the penis cannot get hard after ejaculation. At this point your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue.

Hello Brian, this is know as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article for some things one can do to have better control over their ejaculation;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

Hi Sylvanus, it may help by beginning by getting to know what your partners feelings are toward porn. Its important to realize that your partner may not enjoy this and it is important for you to respect their feeling. Find a good time and talk to your partner so you can find out whether they are willing to watch port with you. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/porn/talking-about-porn

Hi Mochama, it is important to start by thinking about what triggers this and then try and avoid those things. You may also consider filling up your time with other more productive activities like spending time with friends. You could also pick up a new hobby, an activity you like to do to take up your free time. Lastly, take one day at a time, you may find that you sometimes slip back, don't give up keep trying. If you need to, do seek counselling support for further support. Check out the following for more information;- 

https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/i-am-addicted-to-porn-and-masturbation

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