Talking about porn
There’s nothing wrong with masturbation and porn can be great, too. They can help us understand more about our own bodies, our likes and dislikes.
How to talk about pornography with your partner
When you become part of a couple, and move into the sexual stage of your relationship, it’s good to take the other’s person’s feelings on porn and masturbation into consideration. Some people are very shy in talking about masturbation. With porn, your partner may have had bad experiences or be totally against it.
We believe everyone should be free to explore and discuss different ways of pleasing themselves and their partners. So here are a few tips for negotiating the sometimes-tricky worlds of masturbation and porn once you’re in a relationship.
Porn top tips
Not everyone enjoys porn. For some, it’s just not a turn-on. But if it’s something you enjoy, then it’s important to discuss this with your partner.
You can start a conversation by simply asking your partner their feelings on the subject.
‘I was thinking we could watch a porn film, what do you think?’
Don’t just show them pornographic images or a film without first giving them a chance to express their opinions.
Don’t get angry if they’re not interested.
You can try explaining to your partner why you would like to watch porn and what you enjoy about it. And say it’s something you would like to enjoy together.
’I would really like to watch this with you, so we can get horny together.’
If your partner is up for it, then you can have fun finding porn you both like. But be careful when using the internet to look for porn. You can come across images that you might find upsetting or disturbing.
And remember that searching for porn is never totally private, even if you go ‘incognito’ in your browser, or wipe your browser history.
Porn can also become addictive and harmful to relationships. Over time, you may start needing harder and more extreme images and videos to get the same level of pleasure. If the amount of time you’re watching porn is building up and taking over from your real sex life, then it’s time to cut down before you damage your relationship.
If your partner doesn’t want to watch porn, or you haven’t had the conversation yet, try not to look at it secretly behind their back. If they ever find out, they may well feel sad, angry, jealous or rejected.
It’s okay to say NO if porn is not for you. Don’t feel pressured into watching or looking at porn with your friends or partner. And if you are into it, don’t feel you have to try everything you see.
Remember:
Real sex isn’t like porn. Porn is a fantasy. You should never aim to copy everything you see, watch or hear about. (Unless you want to.)
‘My boyfriend watches porn on the internet. I’m not happy about it. What should I do?’
Tell him you don’t like it and why not. Does it make you feel insecure and jealous? Do you think there’s something wrong with him? Or do you object to the way pornography treats women? Try to be as honest as possible. Listen to his reaction. What does porn mean to him? Perhaps it’s never occurred to him that it makes you unhappy. Decide on a solution you can both live with.
Tell us what you think
Recent Comments (36)
Wat are side effect of…
Wat are side effect of mustabution
Hi Thembo, Masturbation has…
Hi Thembo, Masturbation has not medical effects. There can be a challenge if one overdoes it to the point their parts become sore or they end up missing out on important tasks like school or work. Check out the following article for more information. https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-myths-busted
Is it really healthy to…
Is it really healthy to watch porn individually or as a couple? I think not! Juz my opinion…
Hi Jasmine, first, watching…
Hi Jasmine, first, watching porn can be addictive and one needs to watch out for that. It comes down to a person’s or couples preference, to watch or not to, for this reason couples ought to talk about this and agree together on whether or not to watch. Thank you for your contribution.
Avoid watching such
Avoid watching such
Hi Jeity, first and foremost…
Hi Jeity, first and foremost, thank you for getting in touch, and happy new year! We appreciate your opinion. Feel free to go through more of our content to help you make more informed decisions and do not hesitate to get in touch with us in case you have any questions. Have a wonderful week and stay safe!
I have masterbated for a…
I have masterbated for a longer time as a consequent ofporn how will this affect my reproduction@ can i still give birth?
Hi George, masturbation does…
Hi George, masturbation does not affect ones fertility. If ones reproductive organs are healthy they should be able to get their partner pregnant. Check out the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-myths-busted
Thanks
Thanks
Welcome.
Welcome.
I have alot of wet dreams…
I have alot of wet dreams how can I make it stop?
Hey Erick, having wet dreams…
Hey Erick, having wet dreams is a normal part of growing up and there is not much you can do make it stop. Sometimes you will have wet dreams because you are having a sexy dreams other times it will not be bout a sexy dream. As you get older, the number of times you have wet dreams will significantly reduce. Have a look at this article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/wet-dreams-top-five-facts
Me too
Me too
I need sex but l don’t have…
I need sex but l don’t have someone what do l do?
Hi Lillian, thank you so…
Hi Lillian, thank you so much for reaching out to us. This is indeed a conundrum as legally there are not many options. One immediate option available to you is of course masturbation. Another option would be looking to your past to find people there who may be willing to engage in sex with you. However, try and be open about what it is you want so that there is no confusion.
Lillian can we date pliz
Lillian can we date pliz
should I get to know you for…
should I get to know you for cool sex
Get to know us for honest…
Get to know us for honest information about Love, Sex and Relationships. Feel free to ask any question and we shall be more than glad to respond to you.
Am 25years but l still fear…
Am 25years but l still fear how to corn a girl, only watching romantic movies .help me
Hi Dickens, thank you for…
Hi Dickens, thank you for reaching out to us, I’m so sorry but I don’t understand what you mean by “corn a girl,” could you please explain?
Yes hello,why with porn you…
Yes hello,why with porn you get some one going beyond time normal before realising the sperms out.
Hi Wickliffe, thank you for…
Hi Wickliffe, thank you for reaching out to us. You have asked a great question. What you must remember is that porn is acting and what may seem like just one shot may have been shot over time so they take different angles but also to make it seem like it is longer than usual. Porn is usually not a great way to measure your own stamina.
Hi,have been mastarbating…
Hi,have been mastarbating for so long but not everyday,will I be able to conceive
Hi Stacy,
Yes, you can…
Hi Stacy,
Yes, you can still conceive and have a healthy baby. Masturbation does not affect your fertility in any way. Read this article to learn about other lies that people tell about masturbation: The truth about masturbation
Everytime I have sex I…
Everytime I have sex I looses my erection fast what might be the problem suggest anything that can help me get back on track
Hi Paulo,
It could be that…
Hi Paulo,
It could be that you have an erectile problem. The erectile problems can be cured, but it depends on the cause. Some causes of this problem are easier to treat than others. Visit a doctor to understand what is causing the problem you are experiencing and they should be able to recommend the best treatment. In some cases, th solution is as easy as changing your lifestyle e.g stop smoking, drinking, or taking certain medications, but in some cases, a doctor may need to treat any underlying health problem first. In the meantime, here are top signs you have erectile problems: 4 signs you have erectile problems
Hi. Am very far and really…
Hi. Am very far and really under a dry spell for over two years now due where I stays it’s only God that holds my nerve together. Do u think by watching porn videos I’ll be able to calm myself till I I finish this journey. I need your advise
.
Hi kheziah,
Great question…
Hi kheziah,
Great question right there. First, congratulations for making it two years, that is not easy especially if you have been sexually active before. I am assuming you want to watch porn for sexual pleasure or as a distraction, either way, that is really up to you. If porn can help you achieve your goal then why not? On the other hand, note that porn may actually make you want to have sex more than ever. This means it may not be the best option if you are hoping to abstain for a certain period. Whatever you decide to do, be keen on whether it will help you achieve your goal in the end.
How should i last longer…
How should i last longer when am having sex?
Hi Mabutu,
Mhhh… how…
Hi Mabutu,
Mhhh… how long do you last? Let’s start there. It could be that you are in the normal range thus no need to do anything. On the other hand, read this article to learn whether you have erectile problems: 4 signs you have erectile dysfunction. If you feel that you show at least one of the signs, visit a doctor for medical attention and treatment recommendation. Do not be afraid, sometimes, the best treatment is just a lifestyle change while in some cases, the doctor may need to treat an underlying condition that is causing erectile problems.
Let’s talk.
Is it normal for a straight…
Is it normal for a straight guy to have mmf threesome
Hi there,
Absolutely! Some…
Hi there,
Absolutely! Some men are more adventurous than others thus the fact that you had an mmf threesome does not mean that your sexuality should be questioned. Unless of course, you felt, or are usually, sexually attracted to the guy.
How will i make my vagina tight
Hi Janice,
Try kegel exercises. Here’s a guide on how to do kegel: How to do kegels and this one: Does vagina tightening work?
Which is the best penis enlargement oil?
Hi Oliver,
We don’t recommend using any oils. Penis enlargement methods are nearly all a waste of time and money, according to experts. No matter the approach, so-called penis enlargement techniques don’t work and can even do damage. Read this article to learn more: Does Penis Enlargement Work?