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Talking about porn

There’s nothing wrong with masturbation and porn can be great, too. They can help us understand more about our own bodies, our likes and dislikes.

How to talk about pornography with your partner

When you become part of a couple, and move into the sexual stage of your relationship, it’s good to take the other’s person’s feelings on porn and masturbation into consideration. Some people are very shy in talking about masturbation. With porn, your partner may have had bad experiences or be totally against it.

We believe everyone should be free to explore and discuss different ways of pleasing themselves and their partners. So here are a few tips for negotiating the sometimes-tricky worlds of masturbation and porn once you’re in a relationship.

Porn top tips

Not everyone enjoys porn. For some, it’s just not a turn-on. But if it’s something you enjoy, then it’s important to discuss this with your partner.

You can start a conversation by simply asking your partner their feelings on the subject.

‘I was thinking we could watch a porn film, what do you think?’
Don’t just show them pornographic images or a film without first giving them a chance to express their opinions.

Don’t get angry if they’re not interested.

You can try explaining to your partner why you would like to watch porn and what you enjoy about it. And say it’s something you would like to enjoy together.

’I would really like to watch this with you, so we can get horny together.’
If your partner is up for it, then you can have fun finding porn you both like. But be careful when using the internet to look for porn. You can come across images that you might find upsetting or disturbing.

And remember that searching for porn is never totally private, even if you go ‘incognito’ in your browser, or wipe your browser history.

Porn can also become addictive and harmful to relationships. Over time, you may start needing harder and more extreme images and videos to get the same level of pleasure. If the amount of time you’re watching porn is building up and taking over from your real sex life, then it’s time to cut down before you damage your relationship.

If your partner doesn’t want to watch porn, or you haven’t had the conversation yet, try not to look at it secretly behind their back. If they ever find out, they may well feel sad, angry, jealous or rejected.

It’s okay to say NO if porn is not for you. Don’t feel pressured into watching or looking at porn with your friends or partner. And if you are into it, don’t feel you have to try everything you see.

Remember:
Real sex isn’t like porn. Porn is a fantasy. You should never aim to copy everything you see, watch or hear about. (Unless you want to.)

'My boyfriend watches porn on the internet. I’m not happy about it. What should I do?'
Tell him you don’t like it and why not. Does it make you feel insecure and jealous? Do you think there’s something wrong with him? Or do you object to the way pornography treats women? Try to be as honest as possible. Listen to his reaction. What does porn mean to him? Perhaps it’s never occurred to him that it makes you unhappy. Decide on a solution you can both live with.

Did you learn something new?

Comments
Hi Thembo, Masturbation has not medical effects. There can be a challenge if one overdoes it to the point their parts become sore or they end up missing out on important tasks like school or work. Check out the following article for more information. https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/masturbation-myths-busted

Hi Jasmine, first, watching porn can be addictive and one needs to watch out for that. It comes down to a person's or couples preference, to watch or not to, for this reason couples ought to talk about this and agree together on whether or not to watch. Thank you for your contribution.

Hi Jeity, first and foremost, thank you for getting in touch, and happy new year! We appreciate your opinion. Feel free to go through more of our content to help you make more informed decisions and do not hesitate to get in touch with us in case you have any questions. Have a wonderful week and stay safe!

Hey Erick, having wet dreams is a normal part of growing up and there is not much you can do make it stop. Sometimes you will have wet dreams because you are having a sexy dreams other times it will not be bout a sexy dream. As you get older, the number of times you have wet dreams will significantly reduce. Have a look at this article for additional information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/wet-dreams-top-five-facts 

Hi Lillian, thank you so much for reaching out to us. This is indeed a conundrum as legally there are not many options. One immediate option available to you is of course masturbation. Another option would be looking to your past to find people there who may be willing to engage in sex with you. However, try and be open about what it is you want so that there is no confusion.

Hi Wickliffe, thank you for reaching out to us. You have asked a great question. What you must remember is that porn is acting and what may seem like just one shot may have been shot over time so they take different angles but also to make it seem like it is longer than usual. Porn is usually not a great way to measure your own stamina.

Everytime I have sex I looses my erection fast what might be the problem suggest anything that can help me get back on track

Hi Paulo, 

It could be that you have an erectile problem. The erectile problems can be cured, but it depends on the cause. Some causes of this problem are easier to treat than others. Visit a doctor to understand what is causing the problem you are experiencing and they should be able to recommend the best treatment. In some cases, th solution is as easy as changing your lifestyle e.g stop smoking, drinking, or taking certain medications, but in some cases, a doctor may need to treat any underlying health problem first. In the meantime, here are top signs you have erectile problems: 4 signs you have erectile problems 

Kheziah
Tue, 08/03/2021 - 04:21 pm
Hi. Am very far and really under a dry spell for over two years now due where I stays it's only God that holds my nerve together. Do u think by watching porn videos I'll be able to calm myself till I I finish this journey. I need your advise .

Hi kheziah, 

Great question right there. First, congratulations for making it two years, that is not easy especially if you have been sexually active before. I am assuming you want to watch porn for sexual pleasure or as a distraction, either way, that is really up to you. If porn can help you achieve your goal then why not? On the other hand, note that porn may actually make you want to have sex more than ever. This means it may not be the best option if you are hoping to abstain for a certain period. Whatever you decide to do, be keen on whether it will help you achieve your goal in the end. 

Hi Mabutu, 

Mhhh... how long do you last? Let's start there. It could be that you are in the normal range thus no need to do anything. On the other hand, read this article to learn whether you have erectile problems: 4 signs you have erectile dysfunction. If you feel that you show at least one of the signs, visit a doctor for medical attention and treatment recommendation. Do not be afraid, sometimes, the best treatment is just a lifestyle change while in some cases, the doctor may need to treat an underlying condition that is causing erectile problems. 

Let's talk. 

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