Laptop, standing for watching porn online and a reminder that it's not real
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Is porn sex real?

Should everything you see in porn be replicated in the bedroom?

Have you ever tried sex skills you saw in a porn video? How did it go? Chances are, it didn’t go so well. You are not alone!

Some porn videos should really have a ‘Don’t try this at home!’ warning. The things we see, weh! 

From the massive penises, sex that goes on for too long, acrobatic styles, actors having multiple orgasms, and perfectly toned bodies, porn can leave you feeling insufficient.

You wonder why you have had several sex partners and yet to meet one with such high sex skills. Well, you need to sit down because neither do you possess such skills. 

Remember:

Not everything you see can be copied. Some things should be left to professionals. 

Porn isn’t exactly real

When you look at porn, you often see things most people don’t experience in real life. Sex involving several people, sex between strangers or blindfold sex – anything’s possible in porn.

But remember that sex in porn films is not like real-life sex. It’s like a fairy tale for you to fantasise about. Don’t expect real sex to be the way it is in porn films.

What’s more, the actors in porn films usually have bigger muscles and penises than most men. And the actresses are much thinner and have bigger breasts than most women – and they’ve often had breast enlargements or other cosmetic surgery. And does your girlfriend really moan as loudly as that – or come as easily?

Remember most porn is made for men, and only shows men’s fantasies. And in porn, no one wears a condom!

Be warned that STDs and STIs never take a break. Don’t let porn actors mislead you. Some of them have actually admitted to contacting sexually transmitted diseases on set. You can too!

Porn pros and cons

Is it wrong to look at pornography? Well, you’re certainly won’t be alone if you do! In principle, there’s nothing wrong with being turned on by sexy films or pictures. It’s OK as long as you remember it’s not real life. But remember you’ve no way of knowing if the actresses were happy about taking part.

  • Be aware that porn on the internet often shows violence towards women, or women being degraded. And the women are only there to give pleasure to the men. You can fantasise about whatever you like, but there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality.
  • Porn can be addictive. It can even start to spoil real-life sex, because you find you start enjoying porn more than the real thing. And then you can start trying to make the real thing like porn, which isn’t going to work. If you find yourself wanting to watch more and more extreme kinds of porn, it’s time to stop.

Do you watch porn? Have you tried replicating what you see? How did it go?

Did you learn something new?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (119)

      1. Hi Anonymous, sorry to say…

        Hi Anonymous, sorry to say that sending porn is not part of what we do. However, a simple Google Search should help you find websites that do have that kind of content.

          1. We are glad you agree with…

            We are glad you agree with us Anonymous!

      1. Hi Anonymous, sorry to say…

        Hi Anonymous, sorry to say that sending porn is not part of what we do. However, a simple Google Search should help you find websites that do have that kind of content.

          1. Hi Michael, thank you for…

            Hi Michael, thank you for your input.

        1. Hi Dickens, thank you so…

          Hi Dickens, thank you so much for your input?

      1. A simple Google Search…

        A simple Google Search should help you find websites that do have this kind of content.

    1. Is it normal to play sex for…
      Is it normal to play sex for 30 and above minutes

    2. It’s educative and real…
      It’s educative and real issues tackled

      1. Hi James, we are always glad…

        Hi James, we are always glad to help. Please feel free to go through the website to find other articles that may be of help.

      1. Always pleased to help Joram.

        Always pleased to help Joram.

    3. if u are addicted to porn…
      if u are addicted to porn what can u do i. order to stop? and if u watch too much porn can it affect ur sex life in terms of having sex with ur partner since when ur watching porn videos u found urself erecting while if ur with partner its so difficult ro erect what might be the problem??

      1. Hi Ahmed, 

        If you find out…

        Hi Ahmed, 

        If you find out that porn is affecting other areas of your life such as work, relationships, hobbies, and sex, it may be time to work towards stopping or reducing the number of times you watch porn. It may be that you find sex in porn videos more exciting than real life sex. If you find difficulties reducing the number of times you watch, speak to a counsellor or someone you trust. 

      1. Hi Huzaifa, 

        Interrsting!…

        Hi Huzaifa, 

        Interesting! Have you been able to do exactly what porn starts do? We’d really like to hear from you. 

    4. You didn’t answer if its…
      You didn’t answer if its real or not just went around kicking the bush waste of my time?

      1. Hi Papi, 

        The article…

        Hi Papi, 

        The article actually answers the question. It says porn isn’t exactly real. 

  1. Thanks I love sex but I…
    Thanks I love sex but I think I have control over it.

    1. Thank you for sharing Nma.
      Thank you for sharing Nma.

    2. I Committed to each sex vedio
      I Committed to each sex vedio

      1. Hey Ola, what can we do for…

        Hey Ola, what can we do for you?

          1. Hello Cynthia, thank you for…

            Hello Cynthia, thank you for getting in touch. Unfortunately sending sex videos is not part of what we do. Hope you have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

          2. You’re welcome, Charles!

            You’re welcome, Charles!

          3. Thank you for agreeing with…

            Thank you for agreeing with us Anonymous! Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

          4. I need a girl to fuck
            I need a girl to fuck

          5. Hi, Sorry to say Love…

            Hi, Sorry to say Love Matters Africa is not a dating site and so we cannot help you in this regard.

          6. cynthia if yo interested I…
            cynthia if yo interested I can send you a couple of sex videos

          7. Hi Baju, 

            Love Matters…

            Hi Baju, 

            Love Matters welcomes you to come and read content and engage with us. We are definitely not interested in receiving sex videos. Be careful about sharing sex videos to people you don’t know or trust since this can result to revenge porn. Learn more about recent porn here: The problem with revenge porn

          8. I am interested… Need MRE…
            I am interested… Need MRE videos because I want to see sexy video

          9. Hi Mash, 

            We cannot help…

            Hi Mash, 

            We cannot help with that. Love Matters does not have porn videos. For that visit porn sites. Happy watching!

        1. Thank you for your…

          Thank you for your contribution Cleopas. Have a wonderful weekend ahead and stay safe.

          1. Hi Anonymous, sorry to say…

            Hi Anonymous, sorry to say that sending porn is not part of what we do. However, a simple Google Search should help you find websites that do have that kind of content.

    3. I have control over sex and…
      I have control over sex and love it too

      1. Thank you for your input.

        Thank you for your input.

    4. Just like me but I feel…
      Just like me but I feel mostly uncomfortable with it.

      I wish my first day to be much awesome like I watch it on porn

      1. Hi Anilarge, thank you for…

        Hi Anilarge, thank you for your input. Porn looks great but it is important to remember that it is acted and that there is a whole production team that goes into making it look like that. It is very unlikely that your first time will be like that, and that is perfectly fine!

      1. Thank you for your feedback…

        Thank you for your feedback Cynthia. Have a wonderful week ahead and stay safe!

      1. Hi, well you could make…

        Hi, well you could make personal videos for your own consumption. However, according to the law in Kenya anybody who “downloads, distributes, transmits, disseminates, circulates, delivers, exhibits, lends for gain, exchanges, barters, sells or offers for sale, lets on hire or offers to let on hire, offers in another way, or make available in any way from a telecommunications apparatus pornography … is liable, on conviction, to a fine not exceeding twenty million shillings or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding ten years, or to both.”

  2. Hi, how can one leave…
    Hi, how can one leave masterbation, am three months addicted, masterbating and the same time watching pornography

    1. Men! just get itself a wife…
      Men! just get itself a wife and it will be gone b4 u know it.

  3. i do think about sex or when…
    i do think about sex or when i see a sexy girl i just hide and mursterbate..i have a girlfriend but i tend to enjoy sex with older women because they say that i have a big dick and i know how to use it.i also have a sugar mummie..what can i do to avoid and stop sex with older women and musterbating….please help am just 20 years old from kenya

    1. Hi there, you just need to…
      Hi there, you just need to need to make a decision not to have sex with older women if this is not what you want. Also, think about what could be leading you to having sex with older women and try and avoid those triggers. If you no longer want to be with the sugar mummy you need to be open with her a break up with her. Let her know you no longer want to be in the relationship. The same thing will apply to masturbation, if you feel you are overdoing it start by avoiding the triggers and try fill up your idle time with more meaningful activities. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is infact a great way to relieve sexual tension in a great and safe way. Check out this article;-
      https://lovematters.co.ke/making-love/ways-to-make-love/i-am-addicted-to-porn-and-masturbation

  4. why is it that after…
    why is it that after ejacuration a man feels no more sex?

    1. Hey Karl, it is completely…
      Hey Karl, it is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where the penis cannot get hard after ejaculation. At this point your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue.

  5. What will you do as a man…
    What will you do as a man not to ejaculate faster?

    1. Hello Brian, this is know as…

      Hello Brian, this is know as Premature Ejaculation, which is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article for some things one can do to have better control over their ejaculation;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

  6. I think this is the most…
    I think this is the most sensible answer I’ve come across on the internet with regards to PE.

    1. We appreciate the feedback…

      We appreciate the feedback AJ.

  7. watching porn. how can I get…
    watching porn. how can I get my partner to enjoy watching porn with me as we get ready for sex?

    1. Hi Sylvanus, it may help by…

      Hi Sylvanus, it may help by beginning by getting to know what your partners feelings are toward porn. Its important to realize that your partner may not enjoy this and it is important for you to respect their feeling. Find a good time and talk to your partner so you can find out whether they are willing to watch port with you. Check out this article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/porn/talking-about-porn

  8. I am addicted to porn and…
    I am addicted to porn and masturbation? What can I do to stop this?

    1. Hi Mochama, it is important…

      Hi Mochama, it is important to start by thinking about what triggers this and then try and avoid those things. You may also consider filling up your time with other more productive activities like spending time with friends. You could also pick up a new hobby, an activity you like to do to take up your free time. Lastly, take one day at a time, you may find that you sometimes slip back, don’t give up keep trying. If you need to, do seek counselling support for further support. Check out the following for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/i-am-addicted-to-porn-and-masturbation

  9. I am addicted to porn and…
    I am addicted to porn and masturbation which has made me to have premature ejaculation. What can I do stop and can I do to deal with the premature ejaculation?

    1. Hey Charles, first…

      Hey Charles, first masturbation doesn’t cause premature ejaculation. When masturbating ejaculation is the ultimate goal and the sooner one achieves the better. However when you are having sex with another person, sex is for enjoyment of both partner. In this case, premature ejaculation maybe caused by a number of reasons including fear, stress and performance anxiety where one is anxious about their performance that they end up not performing. In younger men, it maybe the result of sexual inexperience so that they are unable to control their ejaculation. There are a few things a person can do to try delay their ejaculation. It takes time but eventually one is able to better manage their ejaculation. Have a look at the following article;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/i-am-addicted-to-porn-and-masturbation

       

  10. After day of murstabation my…
    After day of murstabation my member reduced how do I go about this

  11. i dont usually use fuck but…
    i dont usually use fuck but wen i see a girl passing my dick will just stand i dont no why?

    1. Hey Pablo, sometimes you…

      Hey Pablo, sometimes you will get an erection even when you don’t want one or are not sexually aroused. It however appears that you get aroused when you see a girl and this leads to an erection. You can try and distract yourself by thinking about non sexual things to draw your mind away from the arousal. You will soon loos the erection or even stop yourself from having one. Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/our-bodies/male-body/erection-top-five-facts

  12. Am addicted to porno …and…
    Am addicted to porno …and i just start watching i Feel like fucking what can i do?

    1. Hey Gilberto, you could be…

      Hey Gilberto, you could be addicted to porn if watching it is taking much of your valuable that you are missing out on other important tasks like work or school. The first step is to try and avoid triggers that lead to wanting to or watching. Look around you see what could be triggering this and the start by removing or avoid the triggers. This may require drastic steps to achieve. Take one day at a time, going for just afew hours without watching is progress. You may fail at times but keep trying each day toward your goal. It is also important to try fill your time with other more productive activities, find a new hobby or hag out with friends. Have a look at the following article for tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/porn/porn-addiction-what-you-can-do-about-it

  13. Thank you for your…
    Thank you for your counselling. I thought the problem of premature ejaculation is a disease. I had almost thought of contacting a doctor because when having sex it doesn’t last even 2-3 minutes and my wife thinks otherwise. What can I to maintain it as previously to satisfy my wife? Am 43 years. Can the age be a factor to consider? Please help.

    1. Hi Stephen, Premature…

      Hi Stephen, Premature Ejaculation is caused by a number of reasons including fear, anxiety or even stress. Anxiety that one will not perform can make him ejaculate much earlier or stress from home or work. In other cases, particularly in young men it could be the result of sexual inexperience, and so as the young man gets older he also gains more experience in controlling ejaculation. Check out this article for more information on how your partner can try manage this;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/how-to-overcome-premature-ejaculation 

  14. Am seriously adict with pono…
    Am seriously adict with pono videos and it make’s me to live my lover’s time after time because they are down game thinking there is someone how will come after them how understand the stiles i need

    1. Hello Silvance, thank you…

      Hello Silvance, thank you for reaching out to us. What do you mean that you are addicted?

  15. i will thank you for…
    i will thank you for commenting nice comments.But i want one favour will i get one girl to do sex with.

  16. Hello Davii, we are sorry to…

    Hello Davii, we are sorry to say, we are not a dating service and cannot assist you in finding a partner. The best thing to do is take some time with yourself, find hobbies, practice things that you love and try to learn how to be happy with yourself.

    Happiness and confidence are attractive in a person and when you find yourself in a good place people will find you. As always, feel free to ask us any questions about love, sex, or relationships if they come up.

    Best of luck.

    <3 The Love Matters Team 

  17. Hello Davis, thank you for…

    Hello Davis, thank you for reaching out to us. If you are absolutely sure you want to stop, you should know that it will not be easy. This is because sex leads to the release of endorphins which is better known as the pleasure hormone. Secondly, pornography goes hand in hand with masturbation which means that it has now become part of your arousal template which is the total amount of thoughts, activities, stimuli, smells, etc. that arouses a person sexually.
    To stop watching porn and masturbating, you will need to identify the things that lead you to masturbate like seeing something, or just boredom. Also, when you get the urge to masturbate occupy yourself with another activity.
    Please note that it could take you 21 days to 6 months to work on this and it might not work. If you are really committed, try, and find a counselor or a therapist to help you through. Good luck!

  18. is nightfall good or wrong…
    is nightfall good or wrong for an adult?

    1. Hi Anonymous, what do you…

      Hi Anonymous, what do you mean by “nightfall?”

    1. Hello Brayo, sorry to say…

      Hello Brayo, sorry to say Love Matters Africa is not a dating site and we cannot help you in this regard.

  19. How long should a good sex…
    How long should a good sex stand

    1. Hi Anonymous, thank you for…

      Hi Anonymous, thank you for reaching out to us. There really is no normal amount of time. It really comes down to what you and your partner find enjoyable. Studies have shown that sex can last anything from a minute to an hour.  Please remember that if you go for long that you may need to use lubricant to reduce pain and tearing. This article has more information. https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/how-long-does-sex-normally-last

  20. Is it exremly pain to have a…
    Is it exremly pain to have a 7 or more gangbang?

    1. Hello Ramon, thank you for…

      Hello Ramon, thank you for this question. In such a situation it is key that the people involved use water-based lubrication and that they listen to their bodies. Sex like this can be stressful on the body and it is important that all involved listen to their bodies and respond accordingly. Like we have said, porn in a lot of circumstances is acted and the actors get time in between to rest and rejuvinate.

  21. But why do we men after sex…
    But why do we men after sex we reduce the feeling and the love we had to our partners,and girls just increase their love to us after sex

    1. Ho F, thank you for your…

      Ho F, thank you for your input. You have asked a really good question let us see if people chime in.

    1. Thank you for visiting Love…

      Thank you for visiting Love Matters Joshua!

  22. Can I increase the size of…
    Can I increase the size of my dick? It’s only 15cm and I want to double

    1. Hi Fake, 

      There are a lot…

      Hi Fake, 

      There are a lot of supposed options to increase penis size including pills, creams, and exercises. The truth is almost none of it works. The only way to make a man’s penis look bigger is through surgery, but the results are very minimal meaning you don’t expect a very significant change. Read this article to learn more about penis enlargement: Does penis enlargement work?. Always remember that you can still have pleasurable sex regardless of the size. Here is an article on penis size and sex: Is my penis big enough? You can still have pleasurable sex with the 15cm penis. 

    1. Hi Seer, 

      I am happy that…

      Hi Seer, 

      I am happy that you learnt something new! Keep it here for more educative content. Cheers!

  23. Am Kheziah, By watching porn…
    Am Kheziah, By watching porn videos can it help hold my feelings since am so far now for two year and half years.

    1. Hi Kheziah, 

      It may or may…

      Hi Kheziah, 

      It may or may not. First, if you are watching porn for sexual pleasure i.e. so that you can pleasure yourself, it may work. On the other hand, if you are watching porn so that it can help you forget about sex, this may not be possible. Watching porn may actually make you want to watch porn more. If you are far away from your partner, you can try phone sex. Read more about phone sex here: Top 10 tips for hot phone sex and Tips on sexting

  24. What are the dangers of…
    What are the dangers of masturbating

    1. Hi Fred, 

      Masturbation is a…

      Hi Fred, 

      Masturbation is a totally normal and pleasurable part of sexuality and it helps you explore your body. It is not known to have any physical effects. On the other hand, if you find yourself masturbating too much that you don’t focus on other aspects of your life, you may be addicted to it. If this is the case, it is important to distract yourself by doing things that keep you busy e.g. work, hanging out with friends, taking a walk, going for a trip, etc. 

  25. How can have a long period…
    How can have a long period time during sex without ejaculating faster?

    1. Hi Tm, 

      How long do you…

      Hi Tm, 

      How long do you want to last? How long do you last during sex? It could be that you are within the normal range. Also, if you think you don’t last long, read this article to learn whether you have erectile problems: 4 signs you have erectile problems 

  26. I lately learn lot from this…
    I lately learn lot from this side, it thought me lots about my sex life, most importantly not listen to daughters of eves encouragement ” harder” harder” babe. I learn normal sex mins. am lucky to be among the beneficiaries of this education. try as well translating articles in Kiswahili in English, not only your followers are Kenyan.

    1. Thank you Mogga for your…

      Thank you Mogga for your feedback. Keep it here for more informative content. 

  27. Is it normal to last for 2…
    Is it normal to last for 2 min?

    1. Hi Ian, 

      It depends. First,…

      Hi Ian, 

      It depends. First, the truth is that many men experience this. Does it always happen or does it happen sometimes? The thing is that if it doesn’t happen often there may be genuine reasons why you can’t last long like stress. If you have concerns, visit a doctor. 

  28. How can I stop masturbation…
    How can I stop masturbation and porn watching,am so addicted to it even though I have a wife.

    1. Hi David, 

      The first thing…

      Hi David, 

      The first thing you can do is to avoid triggers that make you want to masturbate. This may include watching porn, certain music, and things or people. The second thing you can do is to distract yourself by doing things that keep you busy e.g. work, hanging out with friends, taking a walk, going for a trip, etc. If you are still unable to stop, talk to a counselor, preferably an addiction expert, to help you take the right steps to stop addiction. It may not be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck with your journey. 

       

  29. It is true porn do mislead people ,and there for people should not concentrate on such things.

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