12 things to remember before having first-time sex

If you have never had sex, chances are that you have a lot of unanswered questions. You may not even know what counts as sex. This is totally normal.

Before having sex for the first time, you may feel a range of emotions, which is completely normal. You may be nervous, scared, thrilled, excited, or anxious, and that’s totally expected.

You may be unsure about what to expect. And yes, it may be uncomfortable to have a conversation about it with those around you.

Here are 12 things you need to remember:

1. Sex means different things to different people

To many people, sex includes vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, and other activities such as masturbation. Others consider acts such as sexual fantasy and cybersex. So, think about what sex means to you, and don’t be afraid to explore.

2. You can get pregnant and catch STIs

Virginity does not protect you from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) and unwanted pregnancy.

Ensure that you know about condoms and contraceptives and how to use them correctly.

3. It may hurt the first time…but doesn’t have to

Foreplay, kissing, touching, cuddling, etc. prepares your body for sex: Guys get an erection and girls’ vaginas lubricate to make penetration easier. However, if you rush foreplay, your body may not be prepared enough so you may feel a bit of pain. Take as much time as possible with foreplay.

Also, let your partner know that it is your first time so that they can be gentle.

4. The penis will definitely fit!

A vagina or anus can accommodate a lot more than we think. The secret is to ensure that they are well-lubricated and ready for action. So, don’t be afraid of the penis or sex toy is massive, just stay lubricated. Don’t be shy to use a lubricant as it makes penetration easier.

5. You MAY not bleed

When a girl breaks her virginity, chances are that a small amount of blood will come out of her vagina but this is not always the case. If a woman does not bleed, it does not mean that she was not a virgin, the hymen can be broken in many other ways other than sex. Examples of activities that can tear the hymen are riding a bike, doing gymnastics, or riding a horse.

6. It won’t be like in the movies…

Don’t take notes from sex in the movies. Real-life sex is not as glamorous as they show in the movies. It may be messy and you and your partner may not be in rhythm as they show in the movies. It’s okay if you struggle to establish a rhythm.

7. Don’t pretend to be enjoying it if you’re not

You don’t have to moan loudly to stroke your partner’s ego. If the sex is bad, just communicate. Youn can choose to stop halfway if you do not wish to continue. Whatever the case, think about your pleasure.

8. You may not orgasm

I’m sure you’ve seen men and women orgasm gloriously in movies. This may not be your reality as you may not orgasm the first time. So, don’t be disappointed if you don’t climax. This doesn’t mean that you’ll never have orgasms, explore your body further to learn what works for you.

9. Missionary isn’t the only position

The fact that it is first-time sex doesn’t mean it will be missionary style. Choose whatever position you find to be the most comfortable. It makes sense to go for a style when your body is relaxed fully. Don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner if you are uncomfortable, wish to stop, or change position.

10. It may get awkward

To be fair, sex is generally awkward. There may be some embarrassing moments even for those who are experienced. Don’t be hard on yourself if there is an awkward moment such as silence, farting, or sneezes. Sex should be fun so don’t be too serious and want things to be perfect.

11. No pressure, please

Always keep in mind that you shouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. You should never have intercourse for the sake of having intercourse.

Pay attention to your feelings. Your relationship can change or become a little weird after having sex. Of course, you may bond on an even deeper level and feel closer than before. But some bad things can happen like misunderstandings, different sex desires, and unwanted pregnancy. So keep in mind that uncertainty, unmet needs, and boredom can take a toll on your relationship.

So before having sex, remember that there’s a chance that your relationship may not be the same after either positively or negatively.

12. Do a little research

Sex is a big topic so you may want to do a little research before you engage in it. Learn as much as you can about sex. Although it’s not the Olympics, you still need to get prepared for it mentally and physically.

Related: First-time sex: Do’s and Don’ts

You can either get information from trusted resources or from an experienced and trusted adult. It is important to understand your body, safe sex, STIs, lubrication, pregnancy, and reproductive health so that you are better prepared.

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