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How to make first time sex a big success

I want to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. But I’m scared – I’m a virgin and I don’t want to disappoint her. What can I do to make it good for her?

Fears and pressure

Every couple will be a bit scared about having sex for the first time! And especially if it’s the first time ever for one or both of them. Guys, in particular, feel a pressure to ‘perform’. But actually, most girls are looking for something completely different.

Lower your expectations

It’s pretty much impossible for any couple to get everything right on their first attempt. So don’t even try! And don’t ‘plan’ to have sex for the first time on a particular occasion.

Instead, just enjoy exploring each other’s bodies any time you both feel in the mood; before even thinking about having sex.

Gradually, with no pressure to perform, you’ll find that your fears will start to disappear, and you’ll both become more and more knowledgeable about what turns both of you on. It’s also a good idea to take the emphasis off penetration. Important though that always seems, concentrate instead on cuddling, hugging, touching, and kissing literally every part of each other’s bodies!

Relax

You’ll discover that your girlfriend will be incredibly happy with you touching and kissing the whole of her body.
And, inevitably, you will find your focus shifting to each other’s genitals, you’ll find that you’re both completely relaxed. Curious rather than afraid. Able to laugh at the inevitable clumsy movement or something that seems gross. And able to say out loud what’s working, what’s uncomfortable, and what to try next. In fact, learning to talk about sex is the most important skill you need to learn to make lovemaking really enjoyable.

Discover what turns both of you on

Keep the emphasis off penetration as your focus shifts. Instead, figure out how you best fit together! Because sexual positions aren’t ‘one size fits all’. Many couples enjoy the traditional man on top position, of course, but depending on you and your girlfriend’s size and shape, you may find that another positions suits you better. You’ll have fun just playing with them anyway. Until, almost without realising it, you’ll both realise that now’s the perfect moment to have intercourse.

The first time, the chances are that will work best in a position that gives your girlfriend more control over penetration. For example a ‘woman on top’ position, or a ‘spoons’ position. Let her manage the final alignment of your bodies, and guide you in using her hand, so that almost before you know it, you’ll be making love for the first time. And with a big smile on both your faces!


Do you have questions about the first time? Don’t hesitate to ask our discussion board moderators.

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (24)

  1. I like your advice ???
    But…

    I like your advice ???
    But now how can I convince her into the thing…!!!!

    1. Hey Kyle, convince her into…

      Hey Kyle, convince her into what thing? If you are talking about sex, the way to get her to have sex with you is to ask her. It is okay to feel ready to take the relationship to the next level and even share this feeling with your partner. At times it may not be a mutual feeling and you will have to respect your partners feelings if this is the case. Talk about it, get to know what your partners feelings are and then agree on how to proceed together. If you do choose to have sex, be sure to use protection to prevent both unplanned pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Using condoms correctly and all the time you have sex, will help prevent both of these. Check out this article;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/meeting-someone/how-to-date

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-dos-and-donts

  2. Our first was a disaster I…
    Our first was a disaster I wish I had this information then 😉

    1. Hey Dan, it is always a…

      Hey Dan, it is always a learning curve.

    1. GG, what do you mean by Love…

      GG, what do you mean by Love curu?

    1. You are welcome Pvnn.

      You are welcome Pvnn.

  3. which style suits a fat…
    which style suits a fat virgin girl

  4. I am a virgin and I don’t…
    I am a virgin and I don’t want to have sex cause it’s painful what can I do

    1. Hi Elizabeth, while sex is…

      Hi Elizabeth, while sex is really great and is a fantastic way of expressing intimacy, or just feeling good. You should have sex when you are fully ready. Have sex that is consensual and that will assure pleasure for everyone involved.
      What you must know is that you will not be great at it the first time! You might not be too good the second time. The more you engage in it, the better you get and the better you understand your body and the bodies of the people you have sex with. Talk your partner through it and stop when you are in pain.
      All in all, you are not the first to do it, and you won’t be the last so don’t be scared.

  5. I wanna have sex with my guy…
    I wanna have sex with my guy but am afraid of becoming pregnant what can I do

  6. Am doing it for the first…
    Am doing it for the first time what should i do(goodness)

    1. Hi Anonymmous, while sex is…

      Hi Anonymmous, while sex is really great and is a fantastic way of expressing intimacy or just feeling good, you should have sex when you are fully ready. Have sex that is consensual and that will assure pleasure for everyone involved.
      What you must know is that you will not be great at it the first time! You might not be too good the second time. The more you engage in it, the better you get and the better you understand your body and the bodies of the people you have sex with.
      All in all, you are not the first to do it, and you won’t be the last so don’t be scared! This article has more information on the issue.
      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-dos-and-donts

  7. Am a virgin and i want to…
    Am a virgin and i want to have sex for the first time what should i do

    1. Hi Goodness, while sex is…

      Hi Goodness, while sex is really great and is a fantastic way of expressing intimacy or just feeling good, you should have sex when you are fully ready. Have sex that is consensual and that will assure pleasure for everyone involved.
      What you must know is that you will not be great at it the first time! You might not be too good the second time. The more you engage in it, the better you get and the better you understand your body and the bodies of the people you have sex with.
      All in all, you are not the first to do it, and you won’t be the last so don’t be scared! This article has more information on the issue.
      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/virginity/first-time-sex-dos-and-donts

  8. which style suits slim girl
    which style suits slim girl

  9. How do you make her feel…
    How do you make her feel pleasure for the first time even though she’s a virgin?

    1. Hello Daktari, 

      Invest in…

      Hello Daktari, 

      Invest in foreplay and do not be in a hurry to penetrate. Take your time to relax and be comfortable around each other. It is also important to ensure that you listen to her and encourage her to communicate with you during sex. If she says no before you start or mid-way, respect her wishes and give her sufficient time to get ready. Read this article to get more practical tips: First time sex tips and How to make first time sex a big success 

  10. what if she is scared to put…
    what if she is scared to put my d*ck inside her v***na

    1. Hi Blymo, 

      She may be…

      Hi Blymo, 

      She may be scared to have sex because she is either not ready or is scared that it may not be a good experience. Either way, be patient with her until she is ready. When she is ready, be sure to spend enough time on foreplay so that she is well-lubricated by the time you penetrate. 

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