Image of a confused young man with question marks around his head

Are you really ready to have sex?

Do you need some help deciding if you are ready for sex? Read this to find out if you should go ahead or if you should rather wait a bit.

  1. Is this your own decision?

    You should have sex when you feel like and only if you have sexual feelings for a person. Don’t do it because you have reached a certain age, because of peer pressure, because pop culture says you should, or because it will make your partner happy.

    You need to be absolutely comfortable with your partner before you take the step. Talk it out with them beforehand, explain your concerns, fears, or any questions you may have. 

  2. You can always say ‘no’

    In today’s world, consent has become an important lesson.

    Here’s a simple thing to remember: ‘no’ means ‘no‘.

    Understand that if you or your partner is unconscious or their judgment is impaired by alcohol or drugs, legally this means they are unable to give consent. Talk about this beforehand.

    At any point, you have the right to say no. 

    Also discuss with your partner beforehand if you have any reservations about oral or anal sex. 

  3. Get to know your body first

    Before you start having sex, give yourself an orgasm through a masturbation. Explore your body, get comfortable with it and find out what gives you pleasure and what is uncomfortable or painful.
    It’s important to know what feels good for you so that you can communicate this to your partner.

  4. The first time can be painful

    It is alright if it is. The first time you have sex, it could hurt, or feel good, or both, or neither. There might be pain and bleeding the first time a vagina is penetrated but that doesn’t happen to everybody. Your penis may not get a properly aroused or you might ejaculate early.

    Getting your sexual organs used to sex will come with time. However, if you continue to experience pain after a while, talk to a doctor.

    Don’t have too many expectations for the first time. But don’t freak out! Take it easy and just enjoy your time with each other.

  5. Have safe sex

    Consent and communication; and the other important C-word in sex is contraception. It’s important to talk about safe sex and protect yourself from STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and unexpected pregnancy.

    Talk to your partner about their sexual past (all forms of sex) and what protection and birth control that is comfortable for you both.

  6. Don’t expect it to be like porn

    Let’s face it, actual sex is nothing like porn. If you have to learn about sex, sexual positions, and orgasms -– read or talk to a professional or explore it on your own. Don’t go by pornographic videos because it’s not real.
    Porn is staged and filmed – the actors usually take supplements to help them last longer. Sex doesn’t go on for hours. Also, everyone has pubic hair – it’s a natural thing though some may shave or wax down there. It is also natural for sex to get messy, not the sanitized versions they show in porn.

    Do you have questions about first-time sex? You can ask our forum moderators anything!

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Recent Comments (18)

    1. Am not ready but my…
      Am not ready but my boyfriend is ready what will I do

      1. Hi Oluebube Elizabeth, do…

        Hi Oluebube Elizabeth, do not do anything you are not ready to do. Explain to your partner that you are not ready, he should understand and give you all the time you need.

  1. Glad that you do Yvonne.
    Glad that you do Yvonne.

  2. I am ready but idon,t now…
    I am ready but idon,t now about my gf

    1. Hello there, you can only…

      Hello there, you can only know if your lady is ready for sex by asking. Talk to her and find out if she is ready to have sex. If she is not, then respect her decision till the time she will be ready. 

  3. How to ask a lady if to…
    How to ask a lady if to sleep with her

  4. Hello GG, I hope by sleep…

    Hello GG, I hope by sleep you mean having sex with her? Talking about sex can be embarrassing and intimidating. But it can also be fun, sexy, and can help make your sex life more comfy. If you feel that your relationship is heading towards sex, talk about it in advance. That way you also let your partner know what’s on your mind. And if they don’t respond well, you know that they aren’t comfortable with the idea of having sex with you – at least not yet. 

  5. I don’t really know if I am…
    I don’t really know if I am. But if actually I am, I’m scared of doing it with the wrong person.

    1. Hi Riri, take your time this…

      Hi Riri, take your time this is an important decision. Remember, it is important to be ready, it is important that you are with the right person, and it is also important that it is the right time. 

  6. When virginity is turned off…
    When virginity is turned off and there is no gush of blood ,what should be the cause?

    1. Hi Joyce, is is okay not to…

      Hi Joyce, is is okay not to bleed the first time one has sex and this doesn’t mean that they are not a virgin. It maybe that the hymen, which is what is stretched during first time intercourse may already have been stretched through other activities such as sports. Have a look at the following articles for more information;-

  7. Am ready but each time we…
    Am ready but each time we try if it’s unbearable

    1. Hello Sheilla. Pain during…

      Hello Sheilla. Pain during sex could be caused by a whole number of things. These include vaginismus which is basically muuscle spasms; vaginal iinfections; cervical problems; problems with the uterus; endometriosis – which is when the tissue lining the uterous grown outside the uterous; pelvic inflamatory disease; ectopic pregnancy; having intercourse too soon after surgery or childbirth; or injury to the vulva/vagina.
      Kindly see a doctor for a comprehensive diagnosis.

  8. Thanks a lot, our moderator
    Thanks a lot, our moderator

    1. You’re welcome, Eyitayo. I…

      You’re welcome, Eyitayo. I am glad you came. Keep it here for more educative content!

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