Illustration of relationship expert Chris Hart

How to make first time sex a big success

By Chris Hart July 13, 06:00 am
I want to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. But I'm scared – I'm a virgin and I don’t want to disappoint her. What can I do to make it good for her?

Fears and pressure

Every couple will be a bit scared about having sex for the first time! And especially if it’s the first time ever for one or both of them. Guys, in particular, feel a pressure to ‘perform'. But actually, most girls are looking for something completely different.

Lower your expectations

It’s pretty much impossible for any couple to get everything right on their first attempt. So don’t even try! And don’t ‘plan’ to have sex for the first time on a particular occasion.

Instead, just enjoy exploring each other’s bodies any time you both feel in the mood; before even thinking about having sex.

Gradually, with no pressure to perform, you’ll find that your fears will start to disappear, and you’ll both become more and more knowledgeable about what turns both of you on. It’s also a good idea to take the emphasis off penetration. Important though that always seems, concentrate instead on cuddling, hugging, touching, and kissing literally every part of each other’s bodies!


You’ll discover that your girlfriend will be incredibly happy with you touching and kissing the whole of her body.
And, inevitably, you will find your focus shifting to each other’s genitals, you’ll find that you’re both completely relaxed. Curious rather than afraid. Able to laugh at the inevitable clumsy movement or something that seems gross. And able to say out loud what’s working, what’s uncomfortable, and what to try next. In fact, learning to talk about sex is the most important skill you need to learn to make lovemaking really enjoyable.

Discover what turns both of you on

Keep the emphasis off penetration as your focus shifts. Instead, figure out how you best fit together! Because sexual positions aren’t 'one size fits all'. Many couples enjoy the traditional man on top position, of course, but depending on you and your girlfriend’s size and shape, you may find that another positions suits you better. You’ll have fun just playing with them anyway. Until, almost without realising it, you’ll both realise that now’s the perfect moment to have intercourse.

The first time, the chances are that will work best in a position that gives your girlfriend more control over penetration. For example a ‘woman on top’ position, or a ‘spoons’ position. Let her manage the final alignment of your bodies, and guide you in using her hand, so that almost before you know it, you’ll be making love for the first time. And with a big smile on both your faces!

Do you have questions about the first time? Don't hesitate to ask our discussion board moderators.

Did you learn something new?


Hey Kyle, convince her into what thing? If you are talking about sex, the way to get her to have sex with you is to ask her. It is okay to feel ready to take the relationship to the next level and even share this feeling with your partner. At times it may not be a mutual feeling and you will have to respect your partners feelings if this is the case. Talk about it, get to know what your partners feelings are and then agree on how to proceed together. If you do choose to have sex, be sure to use protection to prevent both unplanned pregnancies and Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Using condoms correctly and all the time you have sex, will help prevent both of these. Check out this article;-

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