Sex hurts – help!
Whenever I have sex with my husband I feel pain and I bleed. We’ve been married for three years but all this time I have never been able to enjoy intercourse.
I am so sorry honey. Three years is a really long time to be in pain.
Pleasure and arousal
Like all relationships, our relationship with sex is circular. So if you have a great sexual encounter, you desire another one and your body is more likely to react positively so your pleasure is more intense.
But when you have a painful sexual encounter, then you dread the next one, your body is slower to get aroused – that is if it gets aroused at all – and soon enough you start to hate sex and avoid it all together.
Dryness and deep penetration
There is hope and it’s great that you are looking for help and not just suffering in silence. I wish you had given more detail as to the type of pain. A dull ache is usually due to too much friction as a result of dryness. Sharp pain may be due to your partner’s vigorous thrusting. He may be hitting your cervix which is right at the end of your vagina. If your man has a particularly long penis then any position that allows him deep penetration is likely to hurt.
Bleeding
It would have also been good to know if you bleed during or after sex. Most of the causes of bleeding are the same as the causes of pain: dryness and vigorous sex.
On the other hand, bleeding can be a sign that you have an STD, such as chlamydia.
Another cause can be benign (not harmful) growths on your cervix or uterus, known as polyps.
There are some other causes as well.
I suggest to address any possible dryness first and have a talk with your partner about being more gentle. If that doesn’t solve the bleeding, please see a healthcare professional.
More foreplay and arousal
I think you need to be more aroused and more lubricated before you begin actual intercourse. You have to tell your husband that you are in pain and ask that you extend foreplay, or better yet, that he get you to orgasm before you start intercourse.
Say this: ‘[Insert term of endearment like “honey” or “baby”], recently I have been in pain whenever we have had sex. Can we please try more foreplay?’
The point here is to engage him in the solution, not place blame. Most women need at least 20 minutes of foreplay to be fully aroused – for the vagina to elongate, widen, and lubricate. Kissing, nipple play, stroking your clitoris with his fingers or tongue will all work wonders.
You could also buy lubricants like KY Jelly or the flavoured Durex options and he could apply the lubricant as part of foreplay.
Finally, you could try positions that allow you more control of the speed and depth of intercourse – like you on top. Also, positions that don’t allow him to get too deep like spooning where you lie with your back to him and he enters from behind. This allows you more control of the speed and depth of intercourse. If none of the above solutions works, please see a doctor.
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Recent Comments (58)
it either your partner does
it either your partner does not stimulate you enough and your vagina is normally dry or he could be having a big member.(you did not specify where it pains) if the pain is not caused by any of the two consider seeing a doctor for advice
If he is the one who
If he is the one who diflowered u mybe its normal some women’s Hymen tend to stay for a long time before tataly breaking.
Hi anonymous,
Hi anonymous,
it’s true that the first time can be painful and that even the first few times can be painful, but this lady has been in pain for 3 years! Ouch!
if i have sex with my GF
if i have sex with my GF immediately i ejaculate erection again becomes a problem and feeling some pain (kamuwasho) at pe**s tip when ejaculating.
wat can be the problem?
#help pliiiz#
Hi Gams,
Hi Gams,
it seems there are two issues: first, you ejaculate too quickly. That’s quite normal when you are inexperienced with sex. Foreplay can be very exciting already, especially if it takes a long time; this can be very good for the ladies, but not so good if you are very excitable.
Are you able to go longer the second time?
In general, talk to your lady about it. You can tell her it’s even good for her, because while having intercourse, you can only focus on her- you’ve already had your fun once .
And you can practice together. If you fell like you are about to come, stop everything, take a quiet minute, and then start again.
The other thing is- do you masturbate? With masturbation, you can practice taking more time until you come.
The second issue seems to be the pain. It’s hard to tell from a distance whether this is the normal sensitive that a man experiences around his penis head after ejaculation or if it is something different. Do you have any other symptoms around your penis, like pain with peeing or unusual discharge? If it persists, I would advise you to see a doctor.
Hope this helps!
I’m serious on the lil wayne
I’m serious on the lil wayne
I have a pe**s that has a
I have a pe**s that has a mixture of black and white skin colour at the head. it has been that way since I was circumcised and am a black man. What could be the problem? Please help.
Hi Harvey,
Hi Harvey,
if the colour is the only problem, then you don’t have a problem!
The colour of the penis can vary and that’s nothing to worry about!
Hi,
Hi,
During intercourse, I ejaculate fast & thereafter my pe**s fails to erect; meaning after the first ejaculation, there’s no more sex at that moment. What’s my problem? please help?
Hi Ruy,
Hi Ruy,
that’s perfectly normal. After you ejaculate, your body needs time to recover. The younger you are, the faster this period is in general, but once you are in your 20’s, from then on it will take more and more time. That’s why you should make that first time count- quality is often much better than quantity :-)!
i don lyk sex n am a virgin
i don lyk sex n am a virgin
Hi Wairimu,
Hi Wairimu,
It’s okay if you are not ready yet, or if you want to wait until marriage, or for whatever other reason. If you are afraid, please don’t me- with a gentle partner and if you are relaxed, the first time won’t be painful. But take your time, don’t let anyone pressure you into having sex. You are the one to decide when to have sex.
Is it normal to remain
Is it normal to remain erected even after ejaculation? It normaly hapens to me for about 4-5 mins.
Hi Joe,
Hi Joe,
yep, that’s perfectly normal! Nothing to worry about.
wat causes bleeding after sex
wat causes bleeding after sex to woman
Hi there,
Hi there,
there can be many reasons for that, like being too rough, not enough lubrication, insufficient arousal, STDs… If it happens frequently, it might be a good idea to see a doctor about it. Good luck!
wat causes bleeding after sex
wat causes bleeding after sex to woman
Hi,am 22yrs and my 4th time
Hi,am 22yrs and my 4th time of doing sex but usually feel pain just right on the start…what could be the problem?
Hi Shaly,
Hi Shaly,
are you completely aroused and wet? Not being properly wet is the main reason for pain, especially right when you start. Try using some lubricant and see if this eases the pain. Also, because of the anticipation of pain, it’s possible that you are literally tense- and than can cause pain as well. So try deep breaths and relaxing your body. Let us know if this helps!
i gave birth at home ad my
i gave birth at home ad my pussy became extra big,can it be stitched?i used to enjoy sex but now i don,t.help me please
Hi Dot,
Hi Dot,
check out this article. It teaches you about Kegel exercises- they can help your vagina become tighter.
http://lovematters.co.ke/news/miracle-vagina
Yeah, sex for the first tym
Yeah, sex for the first tym could be so much painful but thereafter its so sweet, especially wen close to orgasm. Just fell great.
But also have a quiz, after orgasm, i dont want to have sex again so i try the much i can to reach orgasm wen my hubby is also satisfied. Gud work love matters
Hi Shikoh,
Hi Shikoh,
it’s totally okay to want sex only once at a time, and it seems you have it all worked out. All good 🙂
I had a quick ejaculation nd
I had a quick ejaculation nd my penis seem small ln size wat seems to be d problm.nd wat can l do for d two problm
Hi Bas,
Hi Bas,
It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.
It is a huge myth that size matters. First of all good sex is a mixture of chemistry, movement and bodies you cannot just be great at sex because one of these things is there- you really need to meet the other person on multiple levels. Also everyone’s bodies are different. Penises vary in size as do vagina. What might be small for one person is large for another- its all relative. So there is no one magical shaped or sized penis for every person out there.
l have been maried for 2yrs
l have been maried for 2yrs but everytime l have sex with my husband, l am always in pain. What could be the problem?
Hi Spear,
Hi Spear,
I am sorry to hear that you experiencing pain during sex. Sex is supposed to be a wonderful fun experience and be pleasing, not hurt. For women the pain can come down to two things, being relaxed and lubrication.
Your body needs to receive someone else and stretch to fit them. You need to be in the mood, turned on and relaxed. Sometimes just taking more time kissing and foreplay will do a lot for your body. You need to be excited. Take time caressing each other, touching each other bodies and genitals, maybe even do oral sex on each other. Then you will be more likely to have pain free sex!
We do not always have the time for to work ourselves up and have not self lubricated enough and then using lubrication can help a lot for sex.
Check out:
https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/wetter-better
i like ua teachings on sex
i like ua teachings on sex issues . av learnt alot from it
Thanks, Eve!
Thanks, Eve!
ma gf alwayz wail and pushes
ma gf alwayz wail and pushes me when I’m fucking her what might be her problem coz anapiga nduru hadi neighbours wanafikiri nauwa mtu
Have you asked her why?
Have you asked her why?
She is most likely in pain, and you just keep going on…
He for real bro?
He for real bro?
Chill u talk kiswahili?
Chill u talk kiswahili?
Chill u talk kiswahili?
Chill u talk kiswahili?
i have a problem of
i have a problem of ejaculatin in les than 5min. it realy make me sad coz it is obvious that i dnt satify my gal. what shuld i do?
Harun,
Harun,
have a look at this article:
https://lovematters.co.ke/news/how-overcome-premature-ejaculation
And also, please realize that most women don’t orgasm from intercourse alone- they need clitoral stimulation in order to get satisfied.
thanx for ua teachings.wat
thanx for ua teachings.wat causes a gal not to av his periods for about four months?
Paul,
Paul,
one reason could be pregnancy.
Others could be not eating well, sickness, stress, hormonal changes (including use of hormonal contraception), and others.
It would be best to discuss this in person with a doctor.
Aki thanks for ua teachings l
Aki thanks for ua teachings l. Aki Umenisav
You are welcome!
You are welcome!
Is this international?
Is this international?
i always feel pain after sex,
i always feel pain after sex,,,,,,,and i cannot be able for another round till the followng day
Gladys,
Gladys,
are you very wet when you start having sex? And are you relaxed? Are you using condoms?
how may ejaculation can a
how may ejaculation can a person have why having sex
A man- once per intercourse.
A man- once per intercourse. Some women can have multiple orgasms.
I read your article while I
I read your article while I was at work, so I had to come back to it when I got home. I reread it I learned more the second time.
Sometimes, you just need to
Sometimes, you just need to be in a quiet place, isn’t it 🙂
Why is it that my wife is
Why is it that my wife is refusing to fucked daily, since I’m really hot in bed ?
Ezekiel,
Ezekiel,
have you asked her? And have you asked her if she is actually satisfied? How much attention are you paying to her clitoris?
Having different libidos is something very common. Have a look here: https://lovematters.co.ke/news/syncing-sex-dos-and-donts
this article does not mention
this article does not mention the single truth that men don’t care how woman feels during sex. even if it is scary or painful they are going to force it anyways and then complain if they didn’t get their orgasm. refusing the sex is the best way to ensure that you are not abused or tortured with pain, which is by the way is completely legal for the man to make you endure. You are above 16 and said yes – then they can do whatever they want without consequences. men want sex and they going to keep it legal, even random rapists often go free.
Arisu,
Arisu,
you seem very angry and frustrated. Are you okay?
l always feel pain when
l always feel pain when having sex with mai bf bt he always told me that he is enjoy mai sex of which l don’t know whether it true bt for me l don’t enjoy plz help
l always feel pain when
l always feel pain when having sex with mai bf bt he always told me that he is enjoy mai sex of which l don’t know whether it true bt for me l don’t enjoy plz help
Shi,
Shi,
are you very wet and aroused when you start having sex? Not being wet enough is the main reason for pain.
thnx for u teachings.. av a
thnx for u teachings.. av a quiz, during sexual inter course after realising sperms, it become very bad for me which make me to hate my gf hence not aving sex till further notice.wat might be the problem?
do sperm also lubricate?
after sex feel worst pain
after sex feel worst pain beneath the abdomen wazzup
Does this happen all the time
Does this happen all the time? if so kindly visit the doctor for a check up.
Thnkz 4 ua teachng hve learnt
Thnkz 4 ua teachng hve learnt alot