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Asexuality: I am not interested in sex, at all!

If you’re asexual you’re not interested in having sex. It could also mean that you’re not attracted to anyone.

Asexuality is more about not having a desire to have sex, rather choosing not to have sex.

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or lack of interest in sexual activity.

People who are asexual are born that way, and there is no way to ‘fix’ or ‘cure’ them. Asexuality is not a choice. Others know from an early age while some will know after the first few sexual encounters.

There are different categories of asexuality. Some people consider themselves as ‘gray asexual,’ which means that they occasionally experience sexual attraction. There are also ‘demisexuals’, who only feel sexually attracted to people with whom they have a close emotional bond.

What causes it?

There is no known cause for asexuality. It’s neither a mental nor a physical illness. It’s also untrue that asexual people have been sexually or otherwise abused, or that they are closeted homosexual people.

Most people who are asexual are perfectly happy with the way they are. Being asexual doesn’t change anything about a person’s behavior, other than their sexual behavior. And there’s no way of telling whether or not someone is asexual by looking at them.

Do asexual people enter relationships?

Some asexual individuals feel attracted to others and want to be in relationships; just without it getting sexual. Others don’t feel attraction or don’t want any type of relationship.

Asexuality is only the lack of sexual desire. That doesn’t mean they don’t fall in love. Two asexual people can definitely fall in love – or crave emotional, rather than physical, intimacy.

In fact, there are many asexual couples that live completely regular lives in terms of relationships – just like heterosexual or homosexual couples. They just prefer not to have sex and may treat their relationship as ‘love without sex’.

Do they get aroused?

Asexual people, like others, have fully functional genitalia. They are capable of achieving orgasm and being intimate.

Some asexual people get aroused regularly, without the arousal being directly related to wanting sex with somebody else. Others masturbate occasionally, while some feel no arousal at all.

Nevertheless, some asexual people do have occasional sex. The reasons for this are varied, but it could be for example that they want to have a child.

Others are sex-repulsed – that sex can make them very, very uncomfortable, and even the thought of sex can make them feel sick.

Are asexuals celibate?

If someone decides not to have sex for personal reasons, or due to religious and cultural beliefs, they are celibate.

Being celibate is different from being asexual because it’s a choice. People who are celibate do feel sexual desire and sexual attraction towards others, but decide not to act on them.

Not all asexual people are actually celibate. Some people who are asexual do have sex. Many asexual people have partners and relationships, and some have sex with their partners – they might do it just to please their partner, or because they want to have a child.

Dating someone who’s asexual

There are many types of relationships, and asexual people can absolutely be in relationships. There are romantic non-sexual relationships, which include cuddling and kissing but not intercourse. On the other hand, there are aromantic non-sexual relationships. While these relationships are built on commitments, they don’t have any romantic or intimate component.

Whatever the case, the most important thing in all relationships is communication. You should talk to your partner about personal boundaries and make sure you are both very open and honest. Try to get to know each other and figure out what you both want and need out of a relationship – only in this way can you find out if you are compatible. 

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Recent Comments (18)

  1. Good job guys,I do have a…
    Good job guys,I do have a question

    1. Hi Rosebellah, Welcome to…

      Hi Rosebellah, Welcome to Love Matters Africa. Go ahead and ask your question and we shall be more than glad to respond to you. 

  2. Do how can aman be sure that…
    Do how can aman be sure that the sperms he has is fertile?

    1. Hello Gordon, 

      A laboratory…

      Hello Gordon, 

      A laboratory can measure your semen volume, total sperm count, and concentration. They can also assess your sperm’s vitality, shape and size, and their ability to swim efficiently. If those are all normal, then there’s a high probability that you’re fertile. Read this article for more information: https://lovemattersafrica.com/pregnancy/fertility-how-do-you-know

    1. Thank you for sharing Wisdom.

      Thank you for sharing Wisdom.

  3. I do feel lyk having sex nt…
    I do feel lyk having sex nt am afraid.hw csn u help me

    1. Hi there, what exactly are…

      Hi there, what exactly are you afraid of?

  4. Hi,
    I only get sexually…

    I only get sexually aroused with someone whom I have an emotional bond with, does that mean am asexual

    1. Hi Miriam, 

      This could mean…

      Hi Miriam, 

      This could mean that you are a demisexual. A person who is a demisexual only feels sexually attracted to someone when they have an emotional bond with the person. 

    1. Hi Mash, 

      Feel free to post…

      Hi Mash, 

      Feel free to post it here. We are happy to answer it. 

  5. My girlfriend tells me she…
    My girlfriend tells me she only had sex twice with her boyfriend and those are the only times she ever had sex,when we were making love she told me she feels pain when having sex,what could be the problem?

    1. Hi there, 

      It could be that…

      Hi there, 

      It could be that she is not well-lubricated meaning that you may not have taken enough time on foreplay or you have not discovered her erogenous zone (a sensitive area on the body that causes sexual arousal when it is touched). The other possible explanation for the pain is an infection, STI, menopause if she is above 45, injuries, etc. If investing more time on foreplay hasn’t worked, visit a doctor for tests and treatment. 

  6. Hi my wife doesn’t want to…
    Hi my wife doesn’t want to ave sex with me reason not known yet ave tried talking to her bt up to date no answer wat could be the reason am really getting to a point of no return

    1. Hi Charles, 

      Was she…

      Hi Charles, 

      Was she interested in sex before? Has she recently given birth? Have there been major life events like a loss of a loved one? There are many reasons that can make someone lose interest in sex. The best thing is to find out why she has lost interest and try to work it out together. Do not ask about it when in bed. You can start the conversation away from where you usually have sex. Be open and ready for answers that may not be comfortable or good to hear. You can also try counseling from a trusted adult if she is not open to having a conversation with you. 

  7. Have a problem plz najikuna…
    Have a problem plz najikuna my private part and i feel pain during sex what might be the problem

    1. Hi Janet, 

      Kujikuna kwa…

      Hi Janet, 

      Kujikuna kwa private parts can sometimes be due to dry skin, irritation by some chemicals, ama ni STI. In cases where itching persists, this symptom could be a sign of an infection, allergic reaction, or sexually transmitted infection. Pain during sex inaeza kuwa ni juu ya lack of lubrication. If this is the case, try to relax before and during sex, you can spend a bit more time in foreplay, or if the couple uses a sexual lubricant. In some cases, pain can be because of vagina infection or STIs. Jaribu kouna kwhat is the cause na kaa nihuko sure, go to the hospital juu inaweza kuwa ni STI. 

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