Playful young couple in bed together

First time sex: top five facts

By Steph Haase June 14, 01:21 pm
First time sex or 'losing your virginity' is something you won't forget. It can be scary but also exciting and special. So it's important to make it a nice experience.
Pay attention to your partner

Are they enjoying it? Ask. Are they nervous? Try to reassure your partner by saying loving things. Does your partner feel insecure about you seeing them naked? Give compliments. Can you tell your partner doesn’t want to go any further? Respect their wishes.

Listen to your own feelings and your partner’s: If you feel like you’re not ready for sex yet, don't ignore the feeling! You are the only one who knows when you are ready. Don't let someone talk you into it, and only have sex with someone you trust. That's the key to having a good time!

Read ten tips on having sex for the first time.

Build up slowly

You don’t have to do everything straight away. Build up the excitement slowly, so you both get aroused. When a woman gets sexually aroused, her vagina becomes wet. This is important because otherwise, intercourse would hurt.

For three-quarters of all young people their sexual explorations go in this order: the first kiss, caressing under clothes, masturbating each other, and finally intercourse.

More on sex for the first time here

Talk to each other

The first time you probably won’t know quite what you should do. Pay attention to the way your partner responds. Does your partner moan? Does he or she guide your hand to a particular place? These are signs that you’re heading in the right direction! But often the signals aren’t so clear. So talk to each other about what you’d like to try or not. Many people find talking about it really arousing too.

And don't forget to laugh! Humour and sex are a perfectly good mix!

It's not like in the movies

Don't expect it to go smoothly from the very beginning. It’s possible that the woman will experience some pain when she tries to have a guy enter her for the first time.

You might also have trouble putting on a condom – it’s a good idea to try it out beforehand! Or the guy might come really quickly as soon as his penis slips inside – or even before. Or the opposite – he might find his erection drooping because of the nerves.

This is all completely normal. Take your time and talk about it. And try again. Don't take it too hard if it doesn't work out perfectly the first time. Just keep on trying!


For women, first-time sex can be painful. That's because the hymen, a stretchy piece of skin that partially covers the opening of the vagina, tears or stretches to let the penis in. Or because the girl is nervous, so her vagina tenses up and that makes penetration painful.

Sometimes the expectation of pain is what makes a girl tense up so sex hurts. If she’s really relaxed, aroused and wet, though, there needn’t be any pain at all – or at least it can be minimal. Take deep breaths and relax. Don't rush or force anything.

*While this article mainly talks about sex between a man and a woman, most of the tips still apply if you are having non-heterosexual sex.

If you've already had sex, how was your first time? And if you haven't yet, how do you feel about the prospect of losing your virginity? Leave a comment here or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Kenya on Facebook.

Did you learn something new?

Hi HUn, Have you had intercourse before? The pain and blood could be as a result of the stretching of the hymen. Check out the article above for more information.
Hey sheila am 20 years old and i recently broke my virginity it was the most painful experience and i didnt feel any sweetness,and ever since that day i have not been enjoying it i don't know how to tell him that.pliz help me how do i get to enjoy sex coz its like am just making him happy though i love him so very much.can you pliz help me?
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