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(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino


Being heterosexual means you are sexually, emotionally, and romantically attracted to a person of the opposite sex. This is often referred to as ‘being straight.’

What is heterosexuality?

Heterosexuality, alongside homosexuality and bisexuality, is one of the three most common forms of sexual orientation. These terms refer to whom you are sexually attracted to, can be emotionally involved with and might have or want a romantic relationship with.

‘Hetero’ means ‘another’ in Greek. So, if you identify as a man, it means you are attracted to women. Or if you identify as a woman, it means you are attracted to men. It’s also called being ‘straight’ or ‘hetero’.

Around 90 per cent of people identifies as heterosexual. The other 10 per cent identify as gay, bisexual, lesbian, or something else.

Sexual orientation affects more than just who people are attracted to. It affects your identity, how you interact with others and how you express yourself. Sexual orientation can’t be changed. It’s like being left-handed: you can try to teach yourself to use your right hand for writing, but it will never feel right – because it’s not who you are. And even if you stay true to being left-handed, the world around you isn’t for you. Scissors, knives, door knobs: none of them are made for you.

And sexual orientation is similar. Think about it: could someone who is openly gay or lesbian be president of your country?

This can make it very difficult to be open about your sexual orientation when you aren’t what others consider ‘normal’.


Unfortunately, many people assume all people are straight and that affects the way they see the world. We assume all people will date the opposite sex and have children. Which of course is true for a lot of people but not for everyone.

This is referred to as heteronormativity or heterosexism.

For example, when someone asks a woman if she has a boyfriend this assumes that all women date men. If you are a woman who dates women, this question can feel very isolating.

Another example is when someone asks a gay or lesbian couple ‘Who wears the pants in the relationship?’ This assumes that there is always a more masculine person and a feminine person in a relationship. This is an assumption based around the idea that everyone is straight or straight acting.

These ideas and assumptions shut out people of other sexual orientations and stigmatises them.



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Recent Comments (32)

  1. am not straight,am meaning…
    am not straight,am meaning am not erecting properly.

  2. Wat about having a curved…
    Wat about having a curved penis?

  3. Hi, if as a man I feel like…
    Hi, if as a man I feel like exploring anal sex with my female partner does that make me homosexual?

    1. Hey Jumabwoy, this doesn’t…

      Hey Jumabwoy, this doesn’t mean that you are homosexual or that you are attracted to persons of the same sex as yours, it just means you want to explore anal sex. Many heterosexual couples choose to have anal sex, it is however important to check with your partner to see if this is something they are willing to explore and then accept and respect their choice whatever it may be. https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-sex-top-five-facts

  4. If your partner keeps asking…
    If your partner keeps asking for anal penetration does this mean they are gay? Confused!

    1. Hey Tess, I can imagine this…

      Hey Tess, I can imagine this is confusing for you. However, heterosexual partners can also choose to have and enjoy anal sex. This should be consensual for both partners. If you are not ready for anal sex, let your partner know, who should also respect this choice. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-not-for-me


  5. I take longer to have a…
    I take longer to have a second erection.what might be the problem?

    1. Hi Stephen, it’s completely…

      Hi Stephen, it’s completely normal for men to have what is called the refractory period, where the penis cannot get hard after ejaculation. Your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or reduce how long it takes, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue. 

  6. wat is the use of g spot or…
    wat is the use of g spot or that ka small thing that is between vagina

    1. Hi Bassel, The g-spot is a…

      Hi Bassel, The g-spot is a super-sensitive area inside your vagina. It’s made of erectile-like tissue, similar to the clitoris. It’s about the size of a small coin, but it can get bigger when it’s being stimulated. The Clitoris sits inside the outer lip and inner lips. You’ll find the clitoral hood at the very top of the inner lips. The clitoris is one of the most sensitive parts of the vagina and when stimulated during sex may result to an orgasm. Check out the following articles for additional information;- 



  7. i don belive being attracted…
    i don belive being attracted to the same sex is natural it is a mindset how come no other animal except humans practices it yet our minds are the most developed. when Africans Were Primitive same sex was not practised

    1. Hi Ngio, homosexuality has…

      Hi Ngio, homosexuality has been observed in at least 1500 species apart from human beings (a quick Google search will revel this). Second, there is evidence and documentation of homosexuality being practised in Africa before colonisation. Furthermore, African communities also recognised gender diversity and fluidity.

  8. If a man wants anal sex with…
    If a man wants anal sex with a lady is he secretly a gay man?

      1. Hi Samuel, 

        That is not…

        Hi Samuel, 

        That is not automatically true. There are heterosexual couples who have and enjoy anal sex too! Anal sex is not a domain of gay men, it is meant to be enjoyed by everyone. 

  9. A good amount of the…
    A good amount of the comments here just seem so dumb and ignorrant to be brutally honest. literally stupid

    1. Whats up with these folks,…

      Whats up with these folks, we are so sorry you feel this way. Could you explain to us why you feel this way? 

    1. Hi Splash, 

      I am with you…

      Hi Splash, 

      I am with you on this one, do what makes you happy. Thank you for your input. 

  10. I am bay but i can’t find…
    I am bay but i can’t find bay people and i feel isolated

    1. Hi Kilian, 

      Did you mean to…

      Hi Kilian, 

      Did you mean to say gay? Kindly clarify. 

        1. If you cannot meet people…

          If you cannot meet people physically, you can try dating sites or look out for events for gay people. 

  11. I got a question here,do…
    I got a question here,do women really enjoy anal sex,and does it destroy their sphincter?

    1. Yes, Harry, some women love…

      Yes, Harry, some women love anal sex. On whether it destroys their sphincter, it is recommended that people use a lot of lube to improve fiction. The anus will slowly adjust and stretch and this should not lead to any problem. The trick is to slowly slide into the anus. 

  12. Can one stop being gay and…
    Can one stop being gay and how

    1. Hi Jessy, 

      First, it is…

      Hi Jessy, 

      First, it is important that the ‘desire’ to stop being gay is not influenced by outside forces. Second, being gay is not a choice, it’s not like someone can just turn some things off like a switch. Perhaps you are curious about what it means to be straight or bisexual, that’s totally normal. You may find out that being straight or bisexual is for you as well, or not. Whatever you do, be honest about what you love and do not let the opinions of others influence you. You are who you are and that’s alright. There are millions of others like you. 

      Also, do not be tempted to try the conversation therapies, they do not work and they may affect your mental well-being. 

  13. When he doesn’t ejaculate…
    When he doesn’t ejaculate when together does this mean he is not attracted to you or is he with another or is there another reason

    1. Hi Ivy, 

      No. It does not…

      Hi Ivy, 

      No. It does not mean that he’s not attracted to you or is with someone else. In some cases, men reach sexual climax (orgasm), they might ejaculate very little or no semen. This happens because the semen produced goes to the bladder instead of going out through the penis. This mostly happens if a man has undergone some prostrate surgeries. 

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