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Alphonce Omondi

Weak after sex; orgasm order

I have two questions… After making love with my partner, we usually feel completely weak – especially him. Is this a sickness?

Also, we are wondering about who reaches orgasm first when getting pregnant – me, him, or both of us at the same time?

Normal bodily reactions

Well! The French call orgasm ‘a small death’ because frankly it takes a lot out of us and most of us need a few minutes to come back to earth and reality. Our bodies sometimes feel weaker as hormones and other chemicals released into our blood streams by our brains tell us it’s time to sleep. Your reactions are completely normal. So no, you are not sick.

A biology question

Your second question worries me because it says there is something wrong with what you learned in school biology class. Conception occurs when a sperm successfully penetrates an egg in a woman’s body. To get the sperm into a woman’s body, a man must ejaculate and this is what we typically call orgasm in a man. A woman does not have to orgasm in order to conceive a child. I should also point out that even before a man ejaculates fully, some semen (the fluid that contains sperm) might leak out of his penis and into a woman during regular intercourse.

Preventing pregnancy

Contraception or birth control methods such as condoms work by hindering the sperm from getting to the egg – and are therefore sometimes called ‘barrier methods’. Other methods such as the oral contraceptive pill fool your body into thinking that you are already pregnant so that no new foetuses can be conceived.

Racing to the orgasm finish-line will neither protect you from pregnancy nor cause it.

If you want to prevent pregnancy, condoms are a great way to go because they protect you from both disease and pregnancy. If you trust your partner and you are both faithful then perhaps you can have a doctor fit you with an Inter Uterine Device (IUD) which is 99 per cent effective in preventing pregnancy. They cost around KSh 4000 and you can have it in you for up to 10 years.

If you would like to get pregnant, then make sure you have sex about 12 days before your next period as this is when you are most fertile and an egg is waiting to be fertilised.


Have you ever believed a sex myth as true and were surprised when you learned the truth? Please share your experiences. If you have questions, please head to our discussion board.

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Recent Comments (26)

  1. mine is a question: if.
    mine is a question: if. orgasm in men is typically reached thru ejaculation, what marks orgasm in ladies? pls lemme knw

    1. Hi Kimuyu,

      Hi Kimuyu,
      orgasms aren’t really reached through ejaculation, most of the time, they occur together. So a man orgasms, and ejaculates. Orgasms in ladies can also come with ejaculation (yep, even women can ejaculate. but not sperm, of course). Other than that, women will have the physical signs of orgasm- shivering, moaning, uncontrolled movements… Read more about the female orgasm here: http://lovematters.co.ke/resource/her-orgasms

  2. hi is there any thing out
    hi is there any thing out there to help get it hard and keep it hard .I have tried most and they do not work need your help ,this is very important for me being a man please let me know thank you ,my next step is I do not know

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,

      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things and see if anything works. Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
      Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
      If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
      You can also masturbate, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish.

  3. question;is it normal 2 hav
    question;is it normal 2 hav vaginal discharge during sex?is it a disease?

    1. Hi Getty,

      Hi Getty,
      I’m assuming by discharge, you mean the sticky, clear liquid that comes with arousal. That is totally normal! In fact, the more, the better. It keeps sex smooth and painless.

  4. What is G spot and how can i
    What is G spot and how can i reached it?

  5. what are the examples. of
    what are the examples. of food and drinks that enhances. sex drive

  6. hi..I have had sex a few
    hi..I have had sex a few times now but my bf has not yet penetrated inside hence I feel pain.advice

    1. Hi Ann,

      Hi Ann,
      I’m not sure I understand what you mean exactly. When you say you have had sex, does that mean with our without penetration? And, if the penis isn’t going into the vagina, when and where do you feel the pain, then?

  7. hi..yu have to forgive me for
    hi..yu have to forgive me for asking again.What I meant is that ah geuss the hymen has not been broken yet and hence feel pain when my he tries to enter the penis.I was wondering if yu could recommend the best sex position so as to break the hymen.

    1. Hi Ann,

      Hi Ann,
      actually, I think the reason for the pain could be a few things. First of all, make sure you are really aroused and wet before your partner tries to enter you. If you aren’t sufficiently wet, you can try to use some lubricant. Secondly, please don’t think a hymen needs to be broken with force. Gentle and slow is the best way to go. And lastly, make sure you are completely relaxed. The more tense you are, the tighter you get, which will cause pain. Try to breathe out deeply. Try this, and let us know if it gets better!

  8. I av been masturbating for
    I av been masturbating for over 3 years.. Can this be cause me nt maintain an erection

    1. Hi Patric,

      Hi Patric,
      in short: no.
      What exactly do you mean when you say you can’t maintain an erection? What happens?

  9. How are yu..I love
    How are yu..I love musturbating alot.Is it bad and I have a bf.

    1. Hi Shelly,

      Hi Shelly,
      no, it’s not bad at all! Don’t believe the myths! There are no negative effects, it’s a part of a healthy sex life. Even if you have a boyfriend.

  10. am 20years old and i am in
    am 20years old and i am in love with a woman of age 53years.she want to give me a car if i will agree to stay with her.i am out of my maind,help me on what 2 do.

    1. Hi Saac,

      Hi Saac,
      forget about the car and think about your feelings. Do you want to be with her? There is a big age difference, so there could be problems there. Just go with what your heart tells you. Good luck!

  11. Im 22ys ad am stil a virgin,
    Im 22ys ad am stil a virgin, am i normal.

    1. Hi Pato,

      Hi Pato,
      sure! Don’t let anybody, or your age, pressure you into having sex! It’s totally fine, don’t worry about it!

  12. after 3minutes of sex i do
    after 3minutes of sex i do erect and feel i have no need of sex.please how can i control this to have sex for long hours?

    1. Hi James,

      Hi James,
      we are not quite sure we understand- after three minutes you are bored? Is that it?

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