• Making Love

Casual sex: is the game fixed?

By Anthony Okoth on

Omondi likes to shoot straight for his sex, but he recently got a reaction that left him asking whether our attitudes doom us to having our hearts broken.

Unexpected

So something very interesting happened to me a few weeks back. There’s a lady I work with, Betty. She’s very attractive; every guy in the office is always trying to steal glances off her. Some of the ladies too. She’s very reserved though, and is quick to put down any advances from the regular office culprits.

I don’t exactly know how it happened, but we started talking. A lot. Then it moved on to eating lunch together, then light flirting. One Friday at the office party, the flirting got a little intense. I saw my chance and I propositioned her; I asked her if she’d like to have sex with me.

To say she wasn’t pleased would be an understatement. She was livid, and for the next hour I was basically trying to put out fires I didn’t know I had lit. ‘Is that the kind of woman you think I am? I can’t believe you’d think I’m so cheap. I’m not like your other women, you hear!?’

I was struggling to explain that I meant no offence; that I didn’t proposition her because I thought less of her, but there was no redemption to be had. She stormed off in a huff.

Processing

I really struggled with that encounter for a few days after, in between icy and awkward hellos in the office between Betty and myself. Weren’t adults supposed to be able to ask someone if they want to have sex? Did I go about it the wrong way, should I have been subtler? Was agreeing to have sex with someone who wasn’t your partner an admission that you were ‘cheap’ and ‘loose’?

I’m not a fan of complicating things. I’ve seen guys string women along under the premise of a budding relationship only to have sex with them and ditch them once they were ready to move on. I’ve seen how a lack of forthrightness can break people who have committed to what is essentially a lie.

I don’t want to be that person who breaks other people just so that he can have a few minutes of pleasure.

Stay the Path

I’ve also seen how telling the truth means you’ll miss out on what you want. So what is an adult to do: you tell the truth, you don’t have sex; you tell lies, you end up hurting others or in superficial relationships. So I sat down with Betty and tried to explain myself again. Mercifully, we came to an understanding. She wasn’t into casual sex, and I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship with her. So we left it at that, and mercifully the hellos are a lot less awkward now.

The temptation to lie was there though. It would’ve been easy; I already knew from her reaction what I’d need to say. I know many guys who’d have done it, too. Luckily, my need for a clear conscience outweighs my need for an orgasm. So I’ll stick to honesty. Hopefully soon I’ll get more hits than misses.


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